Top Five/Bottom Five: Halloween Treat Edition

I posted a version of this Top Five/Bottom Five THREE whole years ago, which feels like forever in blogger time.

And, since ’tis the season, I figured it was high time we revisited a very important topic: Halloween candy.

Specifically, the best of the best… and the treats that have absolutely no business taking up valuable space in a trick-or-treat bag/pillowcase.

On a recent Walk and Talk with Kristen, we devoted a significant amount of time to weighing the relative merits of different Halloween treats. On some things, we were in 100% agreement (Tootsie Rolls get two thumbs down from both of us); on others (Twizzlers and Nerds Gummy Clusters) not so much.

I told her I had a blog post all drafted about this topic, and we decided it would be fun for readers to be able to compare and contrast our thoughts. So make sure you click on over to Kristen’s blog to read her take on this particular topic.

Without further ado… today, I’m ranking the best and worst Halloween candy, and I have some VERY strong opinions.

TOP FIVE HALLOWEEN TREATS

1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I know peanut butter treats are tricky because there are so many allergies, and I don’t ever buy these to hand out… but I always manage to sneak a few out of the kids’ loot bags when they’re not looking. I mean… it’s PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE IN FESTIVE SHAPES. Can I get an Amen? I also feel like the festive shapes have a better ratio of peanut butter (more) to chocolate (less) than standard Reese’s Cups.

2. Strawberry Twizzlers. Not Nibs. Nibs are disgusting. Not cream-filled Twizzlers… also disgusting. NOT the pull-apart rope Twizzlers; those are horrific. Plain strawberry Twizzlers. And because no one else in my family really likes them, they’re all mine! (Pictured: I eat Twizzlers 1-2 times a year—Christmas and sometimes my birthday. I receive a giant package each Christmas, binge an obscene quantity of artificial flavour and colouring within 24 hours, and then do not crave/want/buy Twizzlers for another year.)

3. Butterfinger. More peanut butter for the win + all-around flaky deliciousness. Yum. I love me a Butterfinger. And, at least where we trick-or-treat, they are rare, which makes them feel extra special and delicious.

4. Peanut M&Ms. Not regular M&Ms. Not caramel-filled M&Ms. Peanut M&Ms. I feel the need to be very specific here because all M&Ms are most definitely not created equal. Also, quite clearly, I have a thing for peanuts.

5. Ketchup chips. I rarely buy ketchup chips and basically only eat them at Halloween. They’re delicious, but mostly I think I love them because

• they’re relatively uncommon at Halloween, because everyone seems to opt for *sob* regular chips
• they remind me of my childhood, when people were more sensible and handed out far fewer regular chips.

Bonus: If I stretch things a bit further to candy more generally, I do really enjoy Albanese Gummy Bears (10x better than Haribo; sorry, not sorry) and, occasionally, a handful of Fuzzy Peaches.

BOTTOM FIVE HALLOWEEN TREATS

1. Kerr’s Molasses Kisses. Who buys these!!?? More importantly, who actually eats these!!?? The only positive thing I can say about this candy is that it tempts absolutely no one in my family—because we have functioning taste buds!—so all that sugar goes straight in the trash. But what a waste. I think these might be a Canadian-only product, and I’m ashamed on behalf of my entire country for their existence. [I just looked up an old news article; clearly this candy is divisive!]
2. Tootsie Rolls. Ditto the above. Gag me. What ARE they? Chocolate? Taffy? No one knows, and yet they continue to get handed out in giant quantities every October 31. (I usually try not to yuck someone else’s yum. For the Tootsie Roll lovers out there, you do you.)
3. Candy apples (or really, any apples on Halloween). Candy apples make no sense to me. The coating is hard and cracks into sharp little pieces that cut the top of your mouth… and then the apple underneath is inevitably soft and mealy. I cannot wrap my head around the appeal. More generally, I fully appreciate the health benefits of apples, but after several hours bouncing around in a pillowcase alongside REAL CANDY, they’re going to emerge as mushy pulp. I can pretty much guarantee there is not a single child getting dressed up for Halloween hoping to receive an apple (even a Honeycrisp). If you want to be health-conscious, hand out toothbrushes! Someone in my neighbourhood does this—she’s a hygienist—and I LOVE it. She also hands out candy, but I appreciate the attempt to offset the “sugar bugs,” and it means I have to buy one less toothbrush.
4. Plain/regular chips. Self-explanatory. I save them all and give them to my dad in a giant gift bag at Christmas. He is literally the only human I know who gets excited about plain chips. Doritos? Ketchup? Excellent choices. Plain chips? Do you hate fun????
5. Skittles. Waxy, fake-tasting, and without a single redeeming quality. (I feel almost equally strongly about Starbursts. Gag me.)

Remember to check out Kristen’s feelings about candy (she opted to focus on non-chocolate items). Here are a few of our text exchanges over the last few days while she was out doing reconnaissance for her post…

“I feel like this is a way to ruin chocolate.” Hahaha!

Only in the last few years did I learn that American Smarties (the equivalent of our Rockets) are not at ALL the same as Canadian Smarties (most similar to M&Ms, but with a crunchier coating; I am not a fan, but they are BELOVED in Canada)!

And then one final picture from Belle’s haul a few years ago. Things of note:

I spy:

• Coffee Crisp (unique to Canada)
• Rockets (American equivalent is Smarties)
• SO MANY BAGS of regular chips (because the people handing them out clearly hate children and treats and fun)
• Doritos (those people like children, treats, and fun)
• Smarties (the Canadian version)
• Haribo Gummies (not nearly as good as Albanese)
• A full-sized Butterfinger bar
• Some of those dreadful Kerr’s Molasses Kisses (which might have tasted good back in Laura Ingalls’ time on the prairie but have no place in the modern treat bag).
• Rope twist Twizzlers (blergh)
• Starbursts (ick)
• Skittles (whyyyyyy???)
• Mini Reese’s shapes (yes, please!)

Okay! It’s your turn!

• What are your top five/bottom five Halloween treats?
• What’s the strangest thing you or one of your kids has ever received on Halloween? My kids love getting full-sized bars; when I was a kid, sometimes I got cans of pop (such a treat!), which never seems to happen now! They’ve gotten pencils, notebooks, stickers, and toothbrushes.
• Is there a Halloween treat you absolutely LOVE that everyone else seems to hate? Or something wildly popular that you cannot understand the appeal of?