Happy Things Friday: 24 November

I am a broken record but a) the weeks seem to be melting away and b) this week had some tough moments.

There has been a lot of discussion (like here and here) during NaBloPoMo about what blogging means to us – why do we do it, how many people in our “real” lives read our blogs (turns out, not many)? The takeaway is that blogging can lead to deeply meaningful connections. Not all blogs set out with this goal in mind – some are headed by “influencers” and meant solely to inspire (which often translates: reach for your wallet). What struck me most was that nearly everyone said they struggled to explain blogging’s impact to “non-bloggers”.

An excerpt from Suzanne’s masterful summary:

“I blog for the community. To keep in touch with people, and learn about their dogs and their kiddos and their aspirations and their frets and their passions and their own everyday putterings...I love that some of those friendships have bloomed beyond the confines of our separate blogs.

But even though I have had this experience, I found myself really struggling to explain to my husband and child how I’d developed a friendship with people I’d never met. How could I KNOW such a person? How had we made the leap from blog reader / blog commenter to friends? 

I don’t know. Maybe it seems strange, to a non-blogger, that you can develop a real relationship with someone purely through written communication. That you can form a relationship that’s as genuine as any friendship formed offline. 

Maybe some of us simply communicate better via the written word.“

I definitely find it easier to communicate via the written word. And I think, at the core, we all crave community; we want – and need – to know we’re not alone. On the good days (celebrate with me!) and the bad days (let me cry on your shoulder!). C.S. Lewis wrote that friendship begins the moment you realize: “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

We all want to feel seen and loved. We need in-person connections. Blogging can’t take the place of those important people and roles. But there are so many layers to daily life; masks we have to wear to keep up with the responsibilities of relationships (marriage, parenting, pet care) and work and health.

It’s nice to peel some of those masks back and say – here is what happened to me this week. The good, the bad, the ugly; the exciting, the ordinary. And know that sometime – somewhere – someone will read it and say:

“What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

And that’s how friendship is born. Whether you see that person face to face, or read about their lives on the internet.

I love pretty pictures just as much as the next person, but I try to balance the happy things with the fact that life can be downright hard. We recently learned that a teen with ties to our family has terminal brain cancer. Dear friends and neighbours are still grieving the sudden loss of a beloved husband/father. There are wars and rumours of wars. And then there are personal things that are hard. We’re all bearing burdens. Some things we can’t – or don’t want to – share publically. But we have these online spaces where we can show up and say: I don’t know what you’re going through this week. I don’t know how you’re struggling or in what way people you love are struggling. But I’m here. You’re not the only one. I’m struggling, too. Can we lean on each other?

If you’ve had a hard week, I’m sorry. It sucks to have a crappy day/week/month/year/decade. I wish I could take the Hard Things away for you and for all the people hurting right now.

I can’t.

Thankfully, life is full of Happy Things (that just happen to come with a heaping side order of Hard Stuff). You’re not alone.

Wanna be friends?

SIMPLE BIRTHDAYS

We have a freshly minted birthday boy in the house. The celebration was small but sweet. We cycle between “big” years and “little” years. This was a “little” year, so he invited two of his closest friends over for an extra special playdate and supper. I put up the birthday banner and blew up three balloons. Decorations – check.

They exchanged Pokemon cards, played soccer in the hallway, rousing games of basketball and laser tag in the basement, and video games. Then I served one of his favourite meals for supper: peas, corn, rice, and meatballs.

For dessert, he didn’t want cake. The original plan had been to go out for ice cream, but when we learned the farmer’s market we planned to visit had stopped serving ice cream early for the year, he asked for banana splits at home. Could there be an easier “birthday” cake? Though, ironically, when he was giving his banana split order the first thing he said was: No bananas, please. Um, what now?

At one point, I sat on the couch with a book. IN THE MIDDLE OF MY OWN CHILD’S BIRTHDAY PARTY. WHICH I WAS HOSTING INSIDE MY HOME. To anyone out there who does not love hosting kid parties, it gets so. much. easier.

I had arranged for A to have a playdate at the same time, so she watched a Hallmark movie with a friend and snacked and stayed out of her brother’s way which was the best birthday present she could give him.

On his actual birthday, we had planned to go out to Swiss Chalet – one of our favourite family restaurants. But I was just not feeling the whole: Get out of sweatpants and deal with a menu idea. In the end, L declared he wanted to go out to supper with “Papa” – so the two of them went off to sample different foods at several restaurants. I grocery shopped and collected A from an afternoon activity and we split a 12″ sub from Subway and it was pretty much perfect (yes, I stayed in sweatpants). Both kids were happy (and separated) and no one had to make supper.

JOY

Whenever I think of Happy Things, I think of my best friend Joy. She texted me on Wednesday asking if she could “drop something off” around 5. This is vague…

When I opened the door, she took off her shoes and walked right to my fridge, PUT A 9×13 OF LASAGNE inside, handed me a card AND A REESE’S PB CHRISTMAS TREE and gave me a hug.

While I treasure blogging and this online community (and I think it’s nice, in a way, that you can support someone from afar and not have to bring them lasagne), it is priceless to have a friend who comes over with food. I felt so loved. And the lasagne was delicious.

THRIFTED FINDS

Yes, I went back to thrift stores this week (once as an outing with new friends in the area and then while waiting for both kids to finish an evening activity). Yes, I bought another dress ($5.45). A said I looked like Ma Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie, but I think it’s cute and, for my body type, it’s a lot more comfortable than wearing pants. I opted not to buy a matching bonnet, but when Little House the Musical comes to town, I can offer to be an extra.

Speaking of little joys and mugs – look what I bought for $1.49 (I had a mug I was ready to pass on from my collection, so this will be a one-in, one-out sort of thing). Busy Introverting. Genius, right?

And a painting for $4.49. More thrifted art. I love it! (John’s find.) And I have wanted something for the end of our hallway and this fits the bill.

NO CHRISTMAS “BUDGET”

We tend to lead a fairly frugal lifestyle. I have made a point to not purchase anything I would resent the recipient for using, and I’m getting things people actively want or outright need. We also only buy gifts for a narrow circle of people (my parents, John’s parents, our kids, and school teachers – that’s it; no siblings, no nieces/nephews). But for the gifts that need purchasing, I’m not assigning any dollar figure cap or tracking what has been spent. Some things – like socks and underwear and a beach towel – really are needs for the kids that have requested said items. I will try to get them on sale, but it costs what it costs. We bought advent calendars – say it with me now: On Sale – but we let the kids get the exact variety they wanted (Hershey’s Cookies and Cream for A; Kit Kat for L). There were many, many years where we had to be so careful with expenditures at Christmas and I don’t think we’ll necessarily spend more than usual this year, but I’m releasing myself from the expectation that I have to reign things in. I make good choices, I have lists of what people want and need, and it’s okay to just move ahead without nickel and diming and tracking things. Coming to this realization just felt like a Happy relief.

BONUS ROUND

• My parents are arriving for their winter sublet next week. I’m very excited to have them close by.
• Volleyball season is done after today – one final tournament and then it’s over!

• Peanut Brittle Bars. I haven’t made this recipe in years because I never have caramel sauce in the house. So when I had essentially a full leftover jar in my fridge (see birthday banana split above), I knew exactly what to do with it. These bars are easy to make and if you like peanuts, chocolate, caramel, and shortbread (in short LIFE)…might I suggest you run to your kitchen to make these? I followed the recipe except I didn’t have whole wheat flour this time and simply used all AP, and I lined the pan with parchment which made it a dream to cut/remove from the cookie sheet.
• My Bible Recap. What a treasured new habit this has become.
• Hearing from family and friends that they’ve started to receive our Christmas cards!
• Report cards came home and were great.
• I hobbled through work responsibilities. I literally feel like I’m dragging myself to January 1st, but each day that passes I’m getting closer to the finish line and that does feel like a Happy Thing.
• Lighting a vanilla candle.
• The sound of the dishwasher. All the cleaning, none of the work.
• Freshly scrubbed counters.
• A dark, dull afternoon – I turned on all the lamps and Christmas lights at 2:15 pm. Why not? It really did make me instantly feel better.

• Hot beverages.

• My new-to-me thrifted coat. Yes, it deserves a mention TWO WEEKS IN A ROW. Maternity style or not, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever purchased.
• Learning something I thought was happening on Saturday wasn’t happening until Sunday. I gained a WHOLE DAY and it was amazing.
• Crossing items off the kids Christmas wish list.
• Putting Christmas cards in the mailbox.

• A’s magnetic board. She has been colouring up a storm and it’s just…so festive. I especially love the hearth picture. (She didn’t do the watercolour/handlettered Peace, but a friend of mine did; also beautiful!)
• Whoever decided jogging pants are fashionable again. May sainthood be granted them.

Happy weekending, friends.

Your turn. Any special Happy Things of note from your week? Do you like hosting birthday parties? What’s your favourite birthday dessert? Do you like bananas?

Do you have a blog and, if so, what does it mean to you? In other words…would you be bereft if you couldn’t read/write on blogs for a year? If you DON’T have a blog, what do you look for in a blog? Favourite types of blogs to read?