I get asked two questions about my reading habits with surprising regularity:
- Does all the tough subject matter I read—particularly nonfiction—ever start to feel too heavy?
- How do I read so many books?
Let’s discuss.
DOES ALL THE HEAVY SUBJECT MATTER EVER GET TO ME?
First up…
After I posted my August nonfiction reads (which were admittedly a string of very heavy topics including: Jeffery Epstein, mass murder, TWO stories about women in relationships with serial killers, and a global Ponzi scheme that led to a string of suicides; even How to Winter talks about SAD and difficult days, The Irish Goodbye: Micro-Memoirs revolves around the loss of a sibling and parent, and Cleanup on Aisle Five documents the challenges of being an underpaid worker in the retail industry), a lot of people jumped into the comments to highlight the overwhelmingly heavy subject material.
Stephany’s comment sums it up:
Great question!
No. Reading these books does not upend my entire world. Not even a little. (Which sometimes makes me feel guilty to admit.)
I am generally much more emotionally impacted by a sad fictional story than I am by an account of something terrible that actually happened. (That said, I always cry when I re-read When Breath Becomes Air, and I sobbed when I read The Sound of Gravel and The Story of a Heart and A Heart That Works. But I also sobbed while reading Worst Case Scenario by TJ Newman.)
This feels backwards.
One is made up and the other was someone’s ACTUAL LIFE.
And yet…
I’ve read memoirs and nonfiction books about war, abuse, trafficking, addiction, cults, genocide, poverty, illness, family dysfunction, death, and all sorts of other deeply painful subjects.
The content of those books has absolutely stuck with me.
But I don’t usually finish them feeling emotionally flattened or like I need to take a break from reading anything difficult.
In fact, I often feel the opposite!
To me—and maybe I’m an isolated edge case here—there is something incredibly powerful about someone taking a painful experience and putting words around it.
I think there is tremendous value in sharing those stories with the world. I think they can inform and help others, and I feel privileged to read them.
They broaden my understanding of people and places and experiences I will likely (hopefully) never encounter personally.
I do understand that it may be making me a little more cynical and jaded about humanity, but for the most part (maybe oddly?), I think these books often leave me more awed by people than discouraged by them.
Humans are astonishingly resilient!
People survive things that seem unsurvivable. They rebuild lives or find humour in awful situations. They forgive and make sacrifices. Lots of people start over.
I find it endlessly fascinating.
There are often deeper spiritual undertones for me, too. The Bible says there’s nothing new under the sun, and the more nonfiction I read, the more I think about that phrase.
Greed. Pride. Jealousy. Abuse of power. Selfishness. People wandering away from God. NONE of this is new.
And in so many of these books, you can see the consequences of those things playing out.
But you also see a lot of redemption and hope.
So no, for the most part, I don’t find difficult nonfiction depressing.
I tend to find it fascinating and thought-provoking.
That said, I DO find it hard to consume certain fiction:
- Domestic abuse—physical, verbal, psychological (I had to DNF Nesting because the gaslighting was incredibly distressing to me.)
- Abuse of children.
- Death of children. Hamnet was a DNF for me; it was too relentlessly sad and—spoiler alert—HAMNET DIES.
That said, sometimes the uncomfortable books pull me in. I couldn’t put Madwoman down. Or Good People. Or The Push. Or Yesteryear. (All 5-star reads for me that touch on at least one of the no-go topics mentioned above.)
I finished My Friends and Small Things Like These, but found both overwhelmingly sad.
I guess, put another way, I view nonfiction as serving a greater purpose; almost like I’m supporting people’s right to tell their stories by consuming what they’ve written. In fiction, if it bothers me, I view it as supporting myself to stop.
HOW DO YOU READ SO MUCH?
This is the other question I get asked quite frequently.
Alas, there is no secret system.
I don’t wake up at 5 am to read and I don’t (typically) have vast stretches of uninterrupted leisure time during the day.
But there are a few things that make a big difference.
1. I skim.
Some books I read every single word.
I’ve talked before about how I skim, and I have a very specific style of doing it. (I’m not randomly flipping forward 30 pages and hoping for the best; in my books, that’s a DNF.)
But if an author is repeating a point I already understand, or spending two pages describing scenery, I speed up and feel zero guilt about this. I understand this is controversial.
But I’m reading for pleasure and no one is giving me a test afterward!
2. I read quickly.
This is partly genetics, I think. There are other fast readers in my family.
It’s also probably partly personality and preference, too. My brain naturally likes to move through text pretty quickly.
I also think a lot of it comes down to practice.
I have read A LOT over the course of my life. Reading quickly is a skill I’ve honed over decades simply because I’ve spent so many hours doing it.
3. I read predominantly at night.
This is probably the biggest factor.
Unfortunately, it often means I stay up too late. This is a recurring demerit. SIGH.
This is not necessarily a recommendation. But nighttime is when I enjoy reading most.
The house is quiet. Everyone mostly stops needing things from me. I crawl into bed and read. Sometimes for hours.
I. LOVE. IT.
For me, the tradeoff is usually worth it.
I also tend to read more when I’m stressed or overwhelmed. Which is not especially helpful because those are exactly the times when I probably definitely need MORE SLEEP.
So it’s a double-edged sword.
But reading is an enormous source of comfort for me.
If I suddenly have 45 minutes to myself, I am virtually never going to think: You know what sounds good? Watching random videos on my phone.
I want a book!
4. I read in the margins of my day.
Most of my reading happens at night, but I also tuck reading into smaller pockets of time.
If I have to wait for a kid at an extracurricular activity, I bring a book. If I arrive somewhere early, I’ll read.
If I’m waiting at an appointment, I read. (Last week! At the doctor’s office!)
If I take a nap on the weekend, I will almost always read for at least 15-20 minutes. (This is one of my favourite combinations in life. Book + nap = YES PLEASE.)
I’d guess that on an average day, I probably read about 30 minutes before I even get to bedtime. But, overall, nighttime reading does the heavy lifting.
And then each week usually has at least one longer stint of reading possibility during the day: I’m waiting at the mechanics for an hour, so I read. Or the kids are watching a movie on Saturday afternoon, so I go to a cozy corner and read for a few hours.
I think the biggest answer is the most obvious one: I just really, really love to read.
Reading isn’t something I’m trying to force into my life because I think I should be doing it. It’s one of the first things I naturally reach for when I have free time. It’s also one of the activities I default to when I feel stressed or overwhelmed or just need to mentally step away from everything else for a while.
Also, I’m a writer… and I think that the best way to become a better writer is to read what other writer’s have written!!!!
Your turn.
- Do heavy books impact you emotionally?
- When do you do the majority of your reading?
- Any other skimmers/speed readers out there?
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Reading a book and then dropping off to sleep is the BEST! 😂
I’d love to be able to skim. It sounds like a superpower! I just don’t seem to have that skill in me. I must. read. every. single. word. Always.
And now that I’m reading mostly in French, I sometimes have to read a sentence twice, which obviously means I’m moving at an absolute snail’s pace. You’d freak out, Elisabeth! 😂
I also really agree with what you say about humans being resilient. I was recently reading about a woman who survived the concentration camps in Germany, and I found myself thinking about how astonishing it is that someone could go through something so horrific, somehow survive it, and then go on to build a life and even write a book about the experience. There’s something incredibly powerful about that.
Books put John right to sleep! Not me. They keep me awake, even if I’m exhausted!
My mom reads every word. I definitely inherited my father’s reading style, not my mother’s!
I’m a skimmer/ speed reader! Also I try to fit in reading where I can. However, the phone has taken its place at times. I did delete my time wasting app as to provide more reading and blog commenting time in those margins.
Agreed that it can be easy to default to scrolling on a device vs. reading. That is one thing I appreciate about the Kobo since it’s so easy to bring along whenever I’m out and about and might have time spent waiting.
Your August reads were VERY DIFFERENT from my August reads! Hoo boy, that is a lot of heavy sad reading. I am like Stephany in that I need some palate cleansers after heavy reads like that, and some things I just won’t read at all. But then, I read a lot more fiction than nonfiction. I rarely if ever cry while reading a book but I will often just stare off into space for a while, and sometimes heavy sad reads affect me deeply AND FOR YEARS. The book that made me cry and still makes me cry when I think of it is a fiction one, and it’s Of Mice and Men. Tearing up in 3, 2, 1…
These days I do the majority of my reading in the late afternoon and evening. Once I have all my stuff done for the day, I carve out an hour or two in the afternoon, and when Rob is watching sports at night I will read then as well. But when I had young kids I used to read while waiting for them.
I am a fast reader but I don’t typically skim. I think skimming works better for nonfiction. Some fiction is just so beautiful that I couldn’t skim. Then again, when it’s a spicy romance, I skim the spicy parts (how much detailed description do I need? not much).
Of Mice and Men is a TEARJERKER!!!
Yes, skimming definitely works much better for non-fiction!
Very often when I read in bed I remember how you DON’T read in bed. My book consumption would plummet if I took out bedtime reading, but I also know I SHOULD read outside the bedroom and only get into bed when I’m ready to sleep. But it’s so warm and comfy. But I think that’s part of why I stay up too late.
I definitely have a lower tolerance for tough subject matter, and it does affect me. But also what you said…there are some stories that need to be told, and some lights that need to be shined, and I am here for that. I am a better person for having read A Hymn to Life, for example.
The secret is out about making time to read: if you love it, you will magically find time for it. For the most part, I read a few chapters before bed and work audio books into my mundane cleaning/dog walking/road tripping hours. I absolutely skim! I’m not on a mission to be fast, but either it’s so good that I’m gobbling it down or it’s less good but still worth finishing so I’m speeding through it.
I think of Laura V’s position that if you don’t make the time for something it’s not that you don’t have time, it’s not a priority. Reading was much lower on my list of priorities when I was a young mom, but it has always been something that fills me with joy and so I always find ways to fit it in!
I am not as impacted by heavy books as others are, but I can’t read a string of heavy books – I need a little palette cleanser in between. There aren’t many topics that are off limits for me with the exception of infidelity. I’ve never been cheated on and yet, I am so sensitive to an infidelity plotline. Phil and I watched this show called “The Americans” and there’s an episode where one of the characters makes a friend’s husband think they slept together and then the friend finds out. I was so distraught over this storyline. Phil was like – so you got through the episode where they killed someone and put that person’s body in a suitcase, but this infidelity plotline is pushing you over the edge?? It does not make sense but we contain multitudes.
I don’t read as many books as you do, but I do read more than the average person (around 100 books/year). I am not a skimmer, though! I read every word but I think I happen to be a fast reader. Plus I devote a lot of time to reading and most of that reading happens at bedtime. I tend to read for about an hour. If I’m not in bed by the time Phil comes to bed (he stays up and watches the news, etc), then when he comes into the bedtime it’s my signal to turn off my kindle and go to sleep. So he’s basically my bedtime alarm!
Yes! It is fascinating how certain topics really upset someone, but on the opposite end of a the horrible spectrum something else, doesn’t. I really dislike a lot of strong, pervasive language in movies/shows, but the blood/gore side of things doesn’t bother me nearly as much. Multitudes, as you say.
John falls asleep before I do almost every night, and I just… keep reading. I need to channel your self-discipline to stop!
@Lisa’s Yarns, “we contain multitudes”. . . what an excellent expression. Thank you!
I am not negatively impacted by reading heavy books, and although I don’t cry at those books, I am most definitely moved by them, and I want to be. That’s why I read – to learn and to feel. Whether it’s fiction or nonfiction, I’m mostly interested in human, character-driven stories. Most of my reading is done in the afternoon and evening at bedtime, and I will have my book with me if I know I have to wait for an appointment. I am mostly a “read every word” but I will skim if the book is starting to drag but not enough for me to DNF.
This, Jacquie! Verbatim! “I am not negatively impacted by reading heavy books, and although I don’t cry at those books, I am most definitely moved by them, and I want to be. That’s why I read – to learn and to feel. Whether it’s fiction or nonfiction, I’m mostly interested in human, character-driven stories.”
It can be a fine line between when is it skimming and when is it a sign to DNF. Too much skimming often means I’m destined for a DNF.
I’m definitely a night reader too. Elisabeth. Thou now that I am semi-retired, I have more time to read during the day, there’s just something about reading in bed under cozy blankets while the world around me sleeps!
Just you describing the scene of nighttime reading makes me happy, Jean! It is a certain type of comfort and magic known only to readers 🙂
I read almost all fiction, and if it’s a heavy subject matter in the plot, it can really bring me down. You make a really good point about autobiographies and memoirs- the fact that the person survived whatever situation they were in and then WROTE A BOOK is very powerful, and therefore hopeful. I never thought of it that way.
I don’t skim, unless it’s a book that’s just going on too long and I just want it to be over. The fact that a book is skim-able tells me it’s not very good.
Whenever I have a big reading month, it means I stayed up way too late! I love reading in bed, and unfortunately will sacrifice sleep (sometimes- i’ve been better about sleep lately, which means my reading has suffered… sigh).
The better I like a book, the less I skim, that’s for sure!
You and I are soul sisters with the late bedtime. If my book stats are high, I skimped on sleep. I’m so torn on this because I really do love reading and it makes me happy ESPECIALLY when I’m feeling overwhelmed in some other area of my life. But I’m trying very hard to be more disciplined now that we’re into school and routines and get to bed on time each night. I’ve been mostly successful.
I tend to read more non-fiction than fiction and have found that I am often more impacted by dark fiction than non-fiction as well. For instance, I basically never read murder mysteries anymore. Used to LOVE Agatha Christie and then after having our first kiddo I just couldn’t take the (very limited and often not even described much) violence. My non-fiction tends to not be about incredibly dark topics, though. For instance, a lot of the memoirs you share I know that I probably won’t enjoy reading. My favourite non-fiction books tend to be scientific-adjacent ones (read a great one about diamonds a couple years ago, a fabulous one about ten Great Lakes and water issues, etc). But I also like there to be a narrative element, if that makes sense. Spent enough time in my education and career as a chemist reading boring and stiffly written journal articles. And – shoutout to the comments section of this blog for a fellow reader (Diane?) mentioning The Long Haul. It’s the books I most recently finished and I enjoyed it!
YES to being far more sensitive after having kids. I feel this way about movies now.
Now I’m intrigued by The Long Haul!
Except for your ability to read upsetting non-fiction, our reading style is EXACTLY the same. Oh, and except for the Kobo. Sounds like a good tool, but I don’t want to own any more devices. Reading is an automatic go-to and always has been; skimming is necessary because sometimes we don’t care what the characters were wearing or what was in bloom or how the sky looked. I also don’t think sex ought to be a spectator sport.
My preference has always been fiction, but I realized it was like a diet of junk food. So I did a “fiction fast”, and forced myself to check out many non-fiction books. I learned three things:
1. Some (usually memoir) are as intriguing as fiction
2. Many (self-help, exploring theories about behavior, etc.) make their point early and then fill the rest with sawdust so that the publisher thinks it is big enough to print and sell (probably most of those books!)
3. The percentage of boring books is probably about the same in nonfiction as in fiction. It was surprising to realize that somehow I thought all nonfiction was boring and that it was my fault for having a weak, lazy, and self-indulgent mind, only wanting to escape through books.
I am falling more and more in love with my Kobo. I turn to it more than paper books these days. But it took years for me to get to that point. For a long time, even after having the option, I was devoted to paper.
“skimming is necessary because sometimes we don’t care what the characters were wearing or what was in bloom or how the sky looked.” This is mostly how I feel!
1. Memoirs really are so gripping! As the adage goes, truth is often stranger than fiction.
2. Agreed. Most books, in my opinion, would do well to cut 20% off the total length.
3. Also agreed!
I have never been a skimmer—I wish I could though!
I thought My Friends was also super sad and it wasn’t my favorite book.
I can’t read things that are Real and Too Heavy, as I know they would stay with me forever.
A few books that are Real and Heavy have definitely stayed with me, but for some reason not in a heavy way emotionally. I remember the stories and I think of them, but they don’t weigh me down.
OR MAYBE THEY DO and all along I’ve been carrying a subconscious weight from the things I’ve been reading?? Uh oh. Maybe I need to do some deep reflection.
I am deeply affected by the things I read, so I have to be careful. It’s the same for TV and movies. I’m way too over-sensitive. I tend to read slowly, and now that I mostly listen, I like normal speed. I can’t imagine speeding up a book! Or slowing it down. I also never feel like reading is something I “SHOULD” do. I love how you enjoy reading in your own way, and I’m envious that you can read things without being traumatized by them.
I don’t think it’s too over-sensitive! I am so glad we have people in the world that are that deeply impacted by genuinely terrible things! It’s a key quality to your personality and it guides what you seek out in terms of content. This all makes so much sense.
I like to listen to things at 1.2 or 1.3x speed. Occasionally, depending on the narrator, I’ll go a bit faster. But that’s my starting point.
I love to read and I think that’s why I read so much. I have a pile of books on the go and I always read before bed or sometimes first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee!
I am mostly okay with reading emotionally heavy books, but certain themes are harder for me than others, and I generally don’t read a lot of crime fiction. Similarly, I love listening to paranormal podcasts but I don’t do true crime. If I find something distressing in a book I usually put the book down for a bit or skip ahead a page, if I’m finding it too intense. I rarely DNF books but I did read the first few pages of a novel about Ted Bundy and I knew I would find it too disturbing right now. I didn’t read or watch The Handmaid’s Tale for years but I eventually did and, ironically, the series and its sequel are now two of my favourites!
This is one of the reasons I am so against censorship; if you find something distressing, it’s healthier to find ways to cope with it rather than saying it’s ‘wrong’ (to be clear, I don’t mean not wanting to read a certain book personally, I mean saying no one should be allowed to read x book). Human nature is complex and I don’t think we are simply good or bad. Reading helps develop empathy and understanding of ourselves and others.
I haven’t read The Handmaid’s Tale yet, but I am intrigued and feel like it’s inevitable it will cross my path!
I completely agree that reading helps with empathy and can provide tremendous insights into human psychology and what makes us tick. I think we can see ourselves within characters and stories and books have the capability to change lives!
Reading before bed is such a pleasure!
Your thoughts on heavy non-fiction are very much the same as my own. It feels worth it to hear someone’s real story. I once heard trauma being defined as an adverse experience without a compassionate witness. Although the authors/subjects of these stories won’t know me or you specifically, I like to think of myself as one of many compassionate witnesses to their experience and hope that the act of writing something to share will be meaningful to them and their healing.
Your wording of this is PERFECTION. Yes. This is exactly how I feel!
“I once heard trauma being defined as an adverse experience without a compassionate witness. Although the authors/subjects of these stories won’t know me or you specifically, I like to think of myself as one of many compassionate witnesses to their experience and hope that the act of writing something to share will be meaningful to them and their healing.”
Ooh, I’m a celebrity! Thanks for answering my question in such a thoughtful way. 🙂 I really wish I could read heavier books without being impacted so deeply because I do think those stories are important to read and hold space for! And it’s a good thing for ME to read since I have a lot of anxiety surrounding bad things happening. Seeing people survive the unsurvivable (or what we think is unsurvivable) is heartening.
I think we all come to books with different “skills” and it takes all kinds. It’s a good thing some people are more impacted than others. I would, for example, be a horrible trauma nurse. But I know people who thrive in that environment and we NEED those people. But if everyone was someone who thrived in a trauma situation, it likely would be horrible for society.
I’m not articulating this very well, but I’d just say that I’m content with my reading preferences, but having them vary between people is a good thing!