Lest you think my life is one big Happy Things Friday montage, rest assured — there’s always stuff happening behind the scenes. Some of it’s bloggable, some of it’s…not. (When SHU and I had our first walk-and-talk, the very first thing she asked was: What’s unbloggable in your life right now? It was the perfect icebreaker.)
Here’s a peek at what’s feeling frustrating and/or heavy emotionally lately — the bloggable bits, at least.
PARENTING A TWEEN (AGAIN)
I guess we’ve officially started our second tween rodeo!
Just as Belle has settled into a calmer stage of teendom, we’re headed back to square one. Indy has always been “easy” — and he still is, in many ways — but lately there’s more questioning why, more rules being stretched, more emotional swings, and more testing of limits.
I think I was so focused on getting Belle through middle school that I didn’t stop to realize we’d be going through it all again with Kiddo #2. Admittedly, I think it’ll be easier for him (middle school can be so brutal for girls). Still, it’s exhausting at times.
LAB REPORT
I have familial hypercholesterolemia (bad genes for high cholesterol). It runs deep in my family — my mom, her two brothers, and most of my fit-as-a-fiddle siblings have it. I’ve been monitoring it since I was about 10.
Until now, it’s been a “watch and wait” situation because my other risk factors are low. But recently I’ve developed more xanthelasma — yellowish cholesterol deposits around the eyes. I’d had two for years, but recently more started showing up. So I went in to have my cholesterol checked (a few years earlier than my doctor had originally planned).
And…yeah. The results were not great.
The locum filling in for my family doctor told me it was the highest LDL (aka “bad” cholesterol) she’s ever seen. Not a record I was thrilled to be claiming.
So now I’m on a statin plus another synergistic medication. She also referred me to a cholesterol specialist, though the wait could be a year. If needed, there are newer injectable options (PCSK9 inhibitors) we might consider.
One of my sisters had even higher numbers than mine, but responded well to statins and had a calcium heart scan earlier this year that showed almost no plaque build-up. So there’s hope.
Still, I have a lot of feelings.
My maternal grandfather died of a heart attack at 45. My mom and one uncle have been on statins for decades without issues; another uncle avoided meds and eventually needed a stent.
I could clean up my diet more, but honestly, I already:
- Eat fairly little processed food
- Avoid most added sugars
- Consume flax and chia seeds every day (in addition to taking Omega-3 and Vitamin D supplements)
- Eat plenty of fiber
- Consume relatively little red meat
- Exercise a moderate amount
It’s clear that lifestyle alone isn’t enough for me. I know it’s primarily due to genetics but, still, it does feel like a bit of a moral failing in some way. I’ll redo bloodwork in 2.5 months and go from there.
SUMMER ENNUI
We’re having a great summer. But I’ve hit a bit of a wall.
Between parenting a tween, the relentless heat, and another month of summer break ahead, I’m feeling…over it. Having kids home all the time drives me a little bonkers. I hate how much alone time I seem to need. It’s not the work, it’s the type of mental energy parenting requires. It’s draining in an exponential way.
And then there’s the looming transition to fall:
- Getting back into routines
- Lunch-packing (THE WORST)
- Helping Belle navigate the start of high school
- Managing nerves and expectations
- John’s fall travel schedule/solo parenting
- September/October are always the absolute busiest two work months for me. I’ve been working in the same university position FOR OVER SIXTEEN YEARS. At this point it feels objectively “easy.” I also know I do good, necessary work. If I stepped down from this position, there is a very high chance my workload would just get handed to another existing employee and I know the program would suffer. But, also, I’m…feeling rather Blah about getting back into same routine. AGAIN. (Which brings me back to trying to decide if I have any desire to monetize writing in some way which I feel would make me feel more inclined to step away from this position.)
INVESTMENT PARALYSIS
(First, a big thanks to Kyria and Lisa who’ve already shared some of their professional wisdom with me.)
We’re at a crossroads with investments and trying to make informed decisions. We considered having a professional portfolio built, but management fees just do not sit well with us. So now we’re looking at Wealthsimple (Canadian readers, thoughts? Questrade seems to be another solid option).
It’s not the “lock money away and forget about it” part that’s hard. It’s…
- Figuring out the appropriate stock/bond mix (probably 80/20?)
- Choosing the right registered accounts (TFSA vs RRSP) which is like a Roth IRA vs 401(k)
- Coordinating this with how we draw income from our business (more autonomy = wonderful…but it also = more decisions = more stress)
We’re essentially maxed out on what we’re willing to do through our local bank. The next level would mean more fees and clunky systems.
Next up is a dedicated spreadsheet session…and maybe some advice from ChatGPT?
WEEDS (UGH)
This is petty, but it still drives me nuts.
Our lovely paver stone pad is overrun with weeds.
I used to hand-pull them every summer — annoying, but manageable. This year? It’s like every crack has sprouted something. I’ve torched them. I’ve used the vinegar + Dawn + salt combo. I even tried Roundup on a test patch. Nothing is working overly well.
We could have the whole thing mortared, but a quote came in at $2,000+ which is not exactly appealing. And there’s no guarantee some weeds wouldn’t sneak through.
Maybe I just need to surrender to the weeds? BUT I HATE HOW THEY LOOK.
UNBLOGGABLE THINGS
Of course, there are always a few things I can’t share here. Nothing catastrophic, and nothing directly impacting our little family unit — just some tricky relational dynamics in the broader circle.
So there is a rundown of little pebbles in my shoe/flies in my ointment. It felt good to write it all out!
Your turn:
- What are your current pebbles and flies?
- Anyone familiar with Wealthsimple or Questrade?
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Sorry to read about the cholesterol. I’d never heard of that before. I’m glad that there are good meds for you to have.
Maybe send your angsty teens out to weed? Our driveway has cracks that the weeds thrive in, and some are low and scrubby and so hard to pull. Someone recommended trying fire ( blowtorch?) to eliminate them- tempting! With the rain we’ve had lately, there’s no stopping them. August heat might help.
Remind yourself to step away from the lunches! Ask the kids what foods that they want on hand for THEM to pack for lunch, and provide it. They are in charge. Your kids eat really well, so a day or two where they just eat a string cheese and 2 cookies for lunch won’t hurt them! They are fully capable of making their lunch. Turn this over to them; you have better things to do with your energy.
My pebbles: kids go back to school Monday, so concerns over schedules. I will be part-time homeschooling one son – is this the right choice? My daughter with DS will go to the junior high- I went to the orientation, which was a waste, and her new teacher wasn’t there to ask questions. Will I have to teach a second class at a different school- given that I’ve wanted to quit for a few years, this is not the direction I prefer! I am feeling so fat- I had lost weight and felt really good about it and even bought new pants. Summer stress had me overeating , even though I know I shouldn’t, and I’ve gained it all back ( maybe more?) So new pants don’t fit. Teen hasn’t found job yet- why is this so hard?
Sigh.
No clue about investments- I just use the college professional retirement plan and IRA’s.
You need another mini- vacation. Make sure you take time for yourself; watch some old favorite movies or take a nap.
I have used the blowtorch and it helped…some, but not really. It was less effective than I expected. Also, our summers are so hot and we constantly have burn bans that I can’t really do it during the heat of the summer when the weeds are at their worst anyway.
Belle does do her own lunch (completely). Indy will do it, but it is so shoddy. I know I either need to let it go completely OR take more time to give oversight. The issue being, if he doesn’t pack enough for lunch he just mooches off other people which makes me feel bad. Really the onus is on me to lay down groundrules and oversee things. I just need to sit down and come up with a plan. But, again, Belle is completely independent (as of last year), so I really only have Indy to think about. I think what bugs me the most is they don’t have access to a microwave. It would be lovely to send in leftovers. But neither kid likes things in a Thermos. Despite filling it up with boiling water, it’s just never very good by the time they get to it at lunchtime.
By the way, he would LOVE the string cheese + 2 cookies 😉
I’m so sorry to hear about the pebbles. Having kids with special learning needs is so hard and navigating various systems must be endlessly frustrating. We all feel stress and we do have to cope. I know that emotional eating is frowned upon but, honestly, I DO think that it’s part of the human coping mechanism. But I realize the vicious cycle is not feeling great because of the consequences of stress eating. Being an adult (especially a woman) is so complicated, eh?
I love how you share the hard stuff with such clarity and grace – and just the right dose of dry humour.
Parenting a second tween must feel like finishing a marathon and being handed another bib at the finish line. Surprise, you’re up again! But if anyone can handle that kind of endurance event, it’s you.
When my husband started taking statins a few years ago, his doctor reminded us that there’s only so much flaxseed and kale can do when genetics are involved. It’s frustrating, but you’re doing your best!
Also, I know you won’t agree, but I LOVE the brave little weeds that push up through the cracks in the pavement. There’s something oddly hopeful about them. And it looks wild and romantic! 😍
One lunch bag, one breath at a time. You’ve got this!
No sure about clarity or grace, but I’ll take that compliment and put it in my back pocket with a big smile <3
YES! It is exactly like starting another marathon over again. This time, it's a different course so I'm not sure when the next big climb might catch me unaware.
When I was listing things off to the doctor (Omega 3s, flax, leafy greens) the other day she basically said those things are never going to be enough. It IS frustrating, but consoling to know that others have the same hereditary challenges. There is LITERALLY nothing I can do about my genes.
thanks for sharing some of life annoyances, we all have them and it’s good to share them out sometimes because really life is never as shinny as it appears. sorry about the cholesterol, I agree that it’s better to take meds at this point than rely on lifestyle changes. Peter Attia has confirmed that lipid drags is better than lifestyle changes. As long as you are okay with the “side effects” if any, or find other drug as there are many options now beyond static. in the podcast I linked with dr. Rhonda, they talk about it.
I’m sure dealing with teens mood swings for the second time wouldn’t be easy but at least you have the wisdom and experience now.
I think I was hoping that lifestyle would be enough but, in watching my siblings (who, in many ways, lead an even healthier lifestyle than I do) struggle with the genetic side of things, I should have known this was coming. And I did. But I was surprised just how high my levels had gotten.
I don’t eat a lot of animal products, but will try to incorporate even more plants into my diet, but I think the key will be the statins.
Being a Mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. When things get rough for me, I take a step or two back and ask Jesus to take the wheel. I am an introvert so I people out a lot.
Yes! I “people” out. I remember when the kids were little actually using the phrase “touched out.” My body was so tired of someone constantly being in contact with my person.
I am an introvert and I can engage in a way that I think makes many people assume I’m an extrovert, but it comes at a “cost” where I need a lot of concentrated alone time to replenish my emotional bandwidth.
Parenting is so hard!!
Sometimes I cringe at the amount of money we have paid in fees to our Financial Planner, but then I remember we would not have built this wealth without her expertise. We do not have the knowledge to navigate the many decisions involved in growing a portfolio, so having her onboard to help us has been the best way to go for us.
I vacillate on this. I realize we would be paying for the expertise. But, also, I feel like with some of the current options we might have slightly lower returns (doing it ourself) BUT have much, much narrower fee margins. Gah. I find it all overwhelming and I know there is no one right way to do it. I dislike risk, but also dislike paying for something I can do myself.
See why this frazzles me? But I think the stewing will be worse than the doing and sitting down and actually delving into something like Wealthsimple will likely make the path forward much more clear (and maybe we WILL end up using a management firm after all?)
Oh, my friend. Hugs. First of all, I’m going to tell you about Rob’s cholesterol. High cholesterol runs in his family and although his blood work has been fine/ borderline for all his life, about nine months ago it went into a high zone. Food-wise, nothing has changed, if anything, he was eating healthier than ever. But the genetic component is a bitch. The first thing he did was blame himself somehow, he must have been eating in a way that made his cholesterol suddenly go up. It took him a while to realize that nothing foodwise was going to do anything. Tl;dr, he is on a statin and it has made a huge difference. I hope they work similarly for you. Have you started on them yet? Also, I can empathise with you re: doctor’s comment. When I had my varicose veins stripped back in 2011, the surgeon said he had never seen such a bad case on a woman under age 75. WE ARE SPECIAL ELISABETH!!
Parenting tweens is a tricky thing, but I dare say you’ve been through the worst of it – the middle school years do seem to be so much worse for girls. You will get through it!
Ugh, sorry the summer is dragging for you. It’s hard to be a person who needs alone time and doesn’t get it. You need to recharge those batteries! Is there any way the kids could just be at your parents’ place for a few days while you “do things in the house?”
Finally, the weeds. That’s the problem with paving stones – they look so good but the weed thing is frustrating. I would just surrender to them at this point. I weed every single day and still there are SO many weeds in the rock portion of our garden, the portion that is covered with landscaping fabric and then with a big layer of rock overtop. The portion that is supposed to be completely resistant to weeds. SPOILER ALERT IT IS NOT. I just do what I can and then shrug at the rest. But weeding between paving stones is a bitch of a job, if you can, I would just let that go.
Anytime you want to talk you just let me know. You have my number! xoxoxoxo
PS I have had a LOT of alone time in the last two weeks and I wish I could somehow bottle it and send you some.
Genes! Argh. I’m soooo glad Rob has had good results from the statins.
I started on them immediately. So, yup, I’m two days in.
Ha. I like to imagine I am very special with my SKY HIGH BAD CHOLESTEROL. Hey, at least I’m good at something. I still prefer the doctor’s comment about “My, you have absolutely gorgeous ear canals.” FOR REAL. Someone complimented my EAR CANALS. My veins might be a disaster, but at least I have eye-catching ear canals.
There has to be some incredibly deep metaphor about how, despite all odds, the weeds can penetrate all the things we send their way to prevent them growing. We also have landscape fabric and…the weeds are thriving.
Can you overnight that bottle of alone time? Thank goodness Canada Post isn’t on strike, so it can get here ASAP…
Cholesterol is SO MUCH MORE genetic than it is lifestyle driven. And FH is a very real thing — so you should take away ANY self blame there! I highly doubt lifestyle issues are driving your numbers. I hope the new treatments help bring the numbers down (and that’s AWESOME about your sisters calcium score – I’m thinking that’s what matters even more than the lab values).
We need another walk ‘n’ talk!!
And, agree I think your kids could handle the lunches at current ages 🙂 Maybe give it a trial period and see how it goes!!
I know that intellectually, but there is still this feeling of failure. BUT, it has helped to hear from so many people who have the same issue. And while I’ll continue to make healthy (and maybe even healthier – given my new knowledge about just how bad things have gotten) choices, it takes some of the pressure off. I know I cannot solve this problem without meds.
Has Indy hit the “sarcasm phase?” I just remember the switch from kid to tween being accompanied by my kids mastering the art of sarcasm. i know it’s hard, but this phase is something they have to go through to gain their independence. Courage! You will get through it and have your loving son back, maybe sooner than you think.
About the cholesterol- we. all have something! When I started taking thyroid meds I felt like it was some kind of a moral failure, like I had failed to keep myself healthy. But if you need it, you need it. You said your mom and uncle have been on statins for decades with no issues- that could be you as well. Luckily we have these tests and medications to help us stay well.
School starts for us on MONDAY. I tried to have a talk with Angie about lunches (a huge bone of contention and angst last year) and she was vague once again, answering only that she needs a new thermos. WHAT IS GOING TO GO IN IT? She’s the only person I know who doesn’t like sandwiches. SIGH.
Lastly… I’m right there with you on needing alone time. I’m ready for it! Packing a lunch every morning is worth it to get some peace and quiet around here : )
No so much sarcasm as pretending he doesn’t hear requests, breaking down emotionally if he doesn’t “get his way,” and a lot of complaining. He was always very go with the flow and still is, but there are these sudden peaks of angst or being contradictory that have started coming out of the blue and it’s jarring and exhausting. SUCH IS PARENTING LIFE.
I wonder if men feel like moral failures when they have to take meds to deal with lifestyle-resistant health issues? Probably not. But yes, my first gut reaction was to feel like a failure. And I love the reframe. Yes! The fact I have easy access to statins, they have decades of studies confirming their effectiveness. How fortunate I am to live in such a generation as this. I would likely have died quite young from heart disease where I to have been born in previous generations without this life-saving medicine.
Lunches are so frustrating. I know you feel my pain; who doesn’t like sandwiches??? They are delicious and the perfect lunch companion.
I hope the transition to school goes smoothly!
Hugs and prayers for peace and insight on the cholesterol situation. It’s one I’m familiar with from my father (he’s been on statins for 30+ years), and it’s so tough when the genetics have to get involved.
Thanks <3 And I'm glad I've started them now, not later and hopefully there will be no permanent damage. Also, better the devil you know than the devil you don't. As the initial shock of just how bad the levels were has worn off a bit, I'm starting to realize what a blessing it is to know NOW.
First time commenter!
I’m familiar with both Questrade and Wealthsimple and have accounts at both. Happy with both. Wealthsimple has a really nice, simple to use app. It’s super easy for me to set up a regular deposit to them or transfer over extra funds when I have them and they get automatically invested. What sold my husband and I on Wealthsimple as our primary investment provider is the advice we got from them. We got assigned an amazing financial advisor with them. Hands down the best advice/process we’ve ever experienced (and we have a lot of experience with this). We feel super confident that we’re making the right choices for ourselves right now.
And on cholesterol – my husband has recently been on a statin. It helped with the cholesterol (back to normal range after a couple of months). However, he has had a major issue with weird side effects. He basically couldn’t exercise for months. Every time he tried to ride or run he would feel absolutely awful. Many tests later we’ve finally figured out that the statin was probably the root cause and he’s stopped taking it (and feels great again!).
Thanks so much for commenting! We have been leaning toward Wealthsimple as it seems like an easier interface AND seems to have a bit better overall reviews! It’s so nice to hear positive feedback from a “real” user so thanks again! This is so helpful and encouraging.
I know statins can have a range of weird side effects, but the most common are muscle issues. Thankfully there are some new things we can pursue if I don’t respond well to statins or have side-effects (injections are the new rage). It makes sense to start with a statin, but the doctor reassured me that if I’m having issues I can go off them immediately and we can pursue other alternatives. Might be something for your husband to consider as well? (PCSK9)
My friend. I feel you on all these topics, as I’ve been through a few of them in the past.
Your cholesterol issue seems scary, but it sounds like your doctor has you on the correct path. We cannot fight our genetics, but it’s good to have that knowledge of your parents/siblings have gone through. (Mine is always high, no matter my diet-it’s frustrating)
Tweens. *Sigh* I can only imagine your son will not be as challenging as your daughter because middle school is brutal for girls! I feel like you will get through it easier. Well, I’m praying you will.
We had to have professional help with our finances. As much as I loathe paying for it, for us it was necessary because of so many real estate investments, personal investments, and our growing business. We’ve found that they’ve been able to assist us with ‘making a return’ on stocks, that actually covers the cost of their services, so at this point we’re ahead.
I always dreaded when the girls went back to school because that day to day routine was exhausting. UGH, but that is me!!
Best of luck with all your unbloggable stuff; you are doing a great job.
I am so, so thankful for a good medical team and for access to these medicines that will almost certainly be life-saving for me.
Tweens are…quite a unique beast of parenting. But he is a lovely boy; just occasionally feel like I’ve birthed a Jekyll and Hyde 😉
Yay for a post about the Unbloggables in bloggable format!
I’m ready for summer to be over. It’s my favorite season, but having the kids in the house all day gets old after the first week.
Repeat after me: your high cholesterol is genetic. Again: your high cholesterol is genetic. Now louder for the back of the room: your high cholesterol is genetic. So yay for medication to take care of it.
I don’t know if I’m the best at investing, but I like “set it and forget it” things. My retirement money goes into a target date fund so that someone else can handle the allocation. The rest of my money is in various index and mutual funds that sounded good at the time that I started them. I have more cash than any advisor would recommend, but I like having a big ol’ security blanket.
I know what to do about the weeds, and Frugal Girl just wrote about it. Pour boiling water over them! Just be careful because I think I remember that you use a pan to boil water instead of a kettle, and from life experience I can tell you that the kettle is easier/safer for a job like this. It’s going to take several rounds since it’s a large area, but it is very effective and satisfying. Maybe try a small area and if you like the results then pick up an electric kettle at a thrift shop and just boil up a few rounds every day until the weeds are gone.
There are so many things I love about summer. The more relaxed mornings. The change of pace. NO LUNCHBOXES. But it also comes with so much time to fill and floors that are always filthy and CONSTANT NOISE.
Thanks, friend. You ALWAYS make me feel better. Yes, it’s genetic. Yes, I’m doing the right lifestyle things. And Praise the good Lord there are medications to help treat this very condition.
I have done the boiling water thing and it is trickier because I don’t have a kettle…but smart idea to get one at a thrift store!
First off, please do not beat yourself up over your cholesterol. It is truly out of your hands. It would be like me beating myself up for having RA (and my other autoimmune conditions). I have no control over having those conditions, but I do have control over treating them. Thank goodness for the advancements in science that have occurred over the years! We have high cholesterol on my dad’s side of the family so 1/2 of my siblings are on meds. I lucked out and got my mom’s rockstar genes so I have low bp (so low that providers almost always say – um, is this normal for you?) and low cholesterol. But I lost the genetic lottery on so many other things. It’s such a crapshoot, really. So do not dither over whether you have made this worse. You eat healthily, you move your body – you are doing all the right things but sometimes it just really does not matter for some conditions!
For the financial advice aspect, I think a financial advisor of some sort is usually worth the money, especially when your situation is complex, like yours is with being self-employed. When you are what we refer to as a W2 employee in the US, it’s much cleaner/simpler because you know your salary, etc. So it might be worth it to seek out a financial advisor with a reasonable fee. They should earn that fee and provide a peace of mind that is PRICELESS. Luckily Phil and I do not need a financial advisor but we both are CFA charterholders so have gone through a significant amount of training/studying to feel comfortable with making our own decisions. BUT – we definitely needed to speak to a financial advisor to figure out when one/both of us could retire as that determined the length of term life insurance we purchased for Phil. They have such sophisticated tools to model the likelihood of outliving your assets, etc. Luckily I got access to that through my company which has an advisory arm. But we would have paid for that analysis if need be.
And I hear you on parenting. Summers are very long and when I hear other parents vent about it, it makes me so relieved that summers are basically identical to the school year for us. I would not do well being home with my kids all day every day TBH…
It really has helped to hear all this chorus of “It’s not your fault.” Guilt is my default emotion for just about everything (can you relate, Lisa???!!!) and so my first thought was guilt and shame. Even though, for the most part, literally nothing I do will be enough to turn the tide on this.
And I LOVE the reframe of “I can’t control this, but I can’t control TREATING it.” What a blessing we live in a day and age where we have access to drugs that can do such miraculous things.
Genetics really is such a crapshoot. My dad eats whatever he wants and has never struggled with weight or lipids. AT ALL. But he has horrible allergies (my mom has none) and I’ve inherited the allergies to dust, pollen, pets etc. But we also have had very little cancer in our family (my other grandfather died of cancer but he was a HEAVY smoker and drinker, so that doesn’t really count). And I know so many people have a strong family history of cancer, so I always am so thankful that is not something that my family seems destined toward genetically at least.
We have spoken to several financial advisors and I think we’ve mostly gotten all the help we can from that avenue short of actually paying an investment firm to take over. The place we were looking would take 1-2% and…well, that adds up fast.
Summers are tiring for me and always have been. I’m glad my kids enjoy summer (for the most part) and we have a family dynamic that means summer is dramatically different from the school year. BUT, it’s exhausting to often default into the position of cruise director. And YES, I know some of that is by choice, but it’s also the way the cookie crumbles.
I’m sorry life feels so heavy for you right now, Elizabeth. The teen years are so challenging on both the teens and the parents. I agree that middle school is the absolute worst. I did find high school was a turning point for the better. Hang in there!
I can so relate to the weed issue. We have been working on our front and back lawns since March with some success. Some seed has taken, but there are still bare patches which of course gives plenty of space for weeds. It feels like a never-ending battle with the crabgrass!
It sounds like you make your health a priority and take good care of yourself. It’s frustrating when genetics play a major role that results in a different outcome. Best of luck with the medication.
I understand the ennui. Sometimes life goes along in a similar pattern and we just want a change.
I hope you can find a way to have some alone time. When you know the kids will be busy with friends, plan something just for yourself that you enjoy. As an introvert, I know how necessary that is.
A good reminder it’s hard to be the TWEEN as well as the parent loving a tween.
I’ve had some lovely moments this summer, and will plan/hope to get away for a week to my parents this fall again. That is a really wonderful time and I really look forward to it!
I let the kids entertain themselves this morning and I went to the deck with hot coffee, cool morning air, and a wonderful book. It felt VERY indulgent and wonderful.
I’m laughing at the tea kettle suggestion, because I know how you feel about clutter in your kitchen. Do you have a garden shed? You could keep it there. OR, you could get a pretty one that matches your decor, and leave it on your stove as decoration, and actually use it for coffee/tea.
Those tween years are rough. Middle school was so hard on my daughter. UGH. I’m glad we don’t have to go through that again.
My husband was on statins for a while, and is on Metformin for his A1C, and while he knows it’s genetic, he does sometimes feel like it’s a moral failing. He really thought he could handle it with diet and exercise, and worked REALLY HARD, and nope. Frustrating, but he takes his meds, so that’s good.
Yup, my mind immediately went to the clutter it would cause. I HAVE tried the boiling water before, and it didn’t really work. Maybe some of it has to do with the particular weeds I’m trying to kill? They seem very hardy, almost stalk-like. I really should use an plant ID app and figure out what I’m up against because that might help me be more specific in my targeted treatment?
I am glad middle school is behind Belle and I DO think it will be much easier socially for Indy. But I also wonder/suspect he will try to push more boundaries. Time will tell and I guess I can only take one day at a time. It’s uncharted territory. And, honestly, even if he was a girl, everyone goes through middle school and these hormonal shifts differently, so it was never going to be the same as what Belle went through.
I’m committed to taking my meds and cautiously hopeful I’ll see a good response to the statins in November. Will be sure to report back once I re-do my labs.
Sometimes when I’m writing a blog post, I realize I’m writing about all the things lighting up life right now, and I feel like I should share more of what is feeling heavy or burdensome, but 1) sometimes it’s not bloggable – ie. not my problem or not something I’m ready to share with the world, or 2) it seems like the things that are getting me down are so *minor*. Especially I think these days when life is in so many liminal phases – I just have a lot of interstitial angst. Nothing specific in the big picture, just a bit of restlessness. Like waiting for an answer to an email feels huge right now when at other times it isn’t a big deal.
I was thinking about something similar to your feelings about Sept/October busy part of your job. I’ve been doing my job a long long time now too and, maybe some of it has gotten easier as I’ve become more comfortable with the job and my work place, but it’s never going to be *easy*. For me, mentally it’s gotten easier – I don’t have to figure new practices or protocols, but maintaining the level of energy to rehearse a show is never going to be easy – I love my job, but some rehearsals will always feel like “I don’t wanna.”
Anyhow, thanks for sharing your pebbles.
Restlessness, yes. This is exactly how I feel. I’m in a hurry to go…nowhere. Life is busy, but doesn’t necessarily feel like it’s structured right now.
But, I also realize I’m so fortunate to be dealing with little pebbles and not the boulders in so many people’s lives. I think voicing them really helps me get them out of my head and gives me a lot of perspective. Brain dumps almost always do a WORLD of good.
Summer breaks are SO long in North America- no wonder you go crazy the last month (kids are off for 6 weeks in Australia and that includes Christmas and New Year too). Could you escape to the lake solo for a few days to recharge while John’s still around?
Sorry to hear about the cholesterol. I felt like that about my skin, like, why couldn’t I keep it clear just with regular washing and healthy diet? But going on meds has been life changing. Obviously not as serious as high cholesterol but these things often do have a high biological component. Fingers crossed the meds do their job. And with the weeds, we have this exact problem too! Perhaps poison is the only way to go. Though I know you’d need to be careful not to kill your grass!
Anyway thanks for keeping things real. 🙂
It seems like we all inherit something that’s challenging to deal with genetically. I’m so glad the meds have helped with your skin. One of my siblings had to go on medication for skin challenges and I wouldn’t be 100% surprised if one of my kids does, too. Always something! But, what a blessing that we have access to medications that can help with these issues.
Summer break is sooooooo long.
Wow, your kids are only off for 6 weeks total the whole year? If so, that seems crazy! We have 9 weeks off in the summer, 2+ weeks at Christmas, a week in March, and then oodles of holidays and in-service days. I think we total 195 school days, but at least 15 of those are likely cancelled due to snow or ice.
I won’t get to recharge solo in the forseeable future, BUT I am hoping to go visit my parents in late October again. Those are such lovely, restorative visits.
I’m so sorry to hear you have high LDL. It’s probably better to accept your genetics and keep it under control, rather than battling against them. I am the opposite and have very high HDL, which my mum also has, so my overall cholesterol is in the high range, but thankfully, most of it is good cholesterol. I guess some of it is good diet, but most is probably genetics. Weeds in the paving are a pain, luckily with our new place, we don’t have that issue, just a lot of weeds in the garden at the moment which have been out of control since our trip to Spain last year. I’m hoping having an extended time at home will give me time to fix this.
Hopefully the transition back to school will be not as bad as you expect. Let the kids do their own lunches. E did his from about year four, although once he got to high school he used to grab two pieces of bread and call it good. When I pulled him up on it he said he didn’t have time to eat because he wanted to play soccer. I ended up buying him cheese and bacon rolls which we froze and he could just grab from the freezer. Not great, but it’s not like you can make them eat when they are at school.
That is one of our issues with lunches; there is so little time to eat and Indy wants to spend as much time possible playing soccer. So…if he’s not enthused by the food he simply will not eat and will play instead. Belle will have a MUCH longer eating period at school from now on, so even now as I reflect back on my dread of school lunchboxes I need to remember it really is only Indy that needs much guidance. Though even the having lunchbox foods on hand and cleaning them out is such a drag. Blergh. I just don’t love packed lunchboxes!
Dang, I am really sorry about the high cholesterol! You do seem to eat well and stay active, so I would chalk this up to genetics more than anything else. I hope the meds do the trick for you!
Ugh, is there anything sadder than a sweet kid turning into a tween?! I hope you still have some sweet moments in the midst of all of the tweenage angst and boundary pushing!
My current not-happy things: birth control sending me into a very dark depressive episode, really annoying issues at work, and realizing I need to clean my oven before I use it again (ughhhh, but it was literally smoking the last time I turned it on).
He is 90% Jekyll and 10% Hyde, but I was NOT READY FOR ANOTHER TWEEN< STEPHANY. It totally flew under my radar that boys get angsty in tween years, too. I hope you get the BC-related issues sorted soon. I struggled with that for years and years and finally had an ablation (obviously not the right choice for you now; it wasn't for me for a long time, but wow those were some miserable years physically). I still have never - in my life - cleaned an oven.
Unbloggable things. That’s a great way to phrase that category. Sorry about your cholesterol. I’m on a statin and that didn’t thrill me. I tried managing it thru diet, but like you – I’m already doing most of the right things, so it seems my body just trends this way. (I’ve also read that SIBO increases/messes with cholesterol). I’m glad you are on it. I think being aware is huge.
As you know, I’ve recently blogged about ‘pebbles in my shoe’ or issues in my life. (maybe some would think of that as unbloggable?) I took a different approach yesterday with Kay and the day felt lighter and easier. Tonight she struggled with sneaky behavior. She took one of my stash of cookies that I use when we have friends over or kids get invited to a lake house, etc. from the freezer when I wasn’t home and ate it before dinner and there was, let’s say evidence. It was well timed, because one of Coach’s patients gave him a plate of homemade Rice Krispie treats and guess who wasn’t offered one after dinner. Pretty sure that hit home.
We have our investments at a ‘place’ and the woman that manages them does a much better job than we would. My grandpa started his account there and my parents, and all my siblings have always used the same office. It’s been worth it, because that’s not my specialty and life it busy enough. She meets with us on occasion and makes suggestions, etc. It sounds like that won’t be an option for you. I hope you find a good system that works for you.
It is so hard to come up with natural consequences for behaviour. And I’m sure it’s so layered when you’re loving a child with complex PTSD. Sending hugs to you AND Kay.
Yup. The weird thing about having a public blog is sometimes the biggest/hardest things going on are not bloggable. I’ve made the choice to not have a fully anonymous blog, but that means I choose to hold back on sharing certain things and it can feel disingenuous at times. So it’s LOVELY to have blog friends turned close friends who can ask about unbloggable stuff <3
Uff, Elisabeth. This post hit so hard for me. I feel like I have so much unbloggable stuff lately… that therefore, I haven’t blogged much. It stinks. But I am grateful you’re sharing some of your challenges with us. It does make one… more human? I mean, *everybody* must have stuff they’re dealing with, right?
I am sorry about the cholesterol, esp. since it’s genetic and you probably have to be on medication to manage it. Not fun! The good thing is, many people struggle with cholesterol, so there’s a lot of options out there. (Jon’s on a statin, too.) You do what you can – it’s not like you’re taking the “easy way out” by popping a pill, but sometimes there is only so much we can do.
I hear you on the investment paralysis and the general “angst” of handling finances these days. Everything seems to be so “up in the air” and have I mentioned expensive (?) that it’s hard to plan for the future. I am hoping you’ll find what works for you.
We do all have hard things in our lives, but you’ve had an especially brutal year. Sending hugs, my friend.
And yes, how fortunate to be living in a time when I can take a tiny pill that will, in all likelihood, significantly prolong my life.
[…] One full week of August is in the rearview mirror. It was another busy one with, as I alluded to yesterday, the typical ups and downs of life. A huge thanks to everyone for such thoughtful and wise […]
Oh sorry, I was a bit ambiguous. No, the summer holidays are 6 weeks including Christmas and New Year. The kids also get 2 weeks at three separate other times (April, July, and September – the school year is divided into 4 equal Terms). So altogether they get 12 weeks of holidays across the year. But not quite as much in summer!
Right! I keep forgetting your summer holidays at at Christmas time! I can’t quite wrap my head around that.
I’m sorry about the lab reports. It’s so discouraging when you are already living a healthy lifestyle. I had a time when my TSH (thyroid hormone) was over 100 and the doctor told me she’d never seen one so high and she didn’t know how I was even getting out of bed in the morning. I actually had zero symptoms! It was weird. I’ve been on meds ever since and my number is now between 1-2.
I’m so glad you didn’t have symptoms but I’m sure that made it extra surprising!
Hi Elisabeth, just now seeing this post (internet out ALL DAY yesterday. . . welcome to rural Central Calif.)
1. Your top photo is fabulous. It looks like something we have called corn lily, often mis-called “skunk cabbage”.
2. When my blood glucose stays high (just “pre-diabetes”, but still. . .), it DOES feel like a moral failing.
3. Everybody has a “cure” —my current experiment is intermittent fasting (eating only during an 8 hour window), which proponents claim can fix anything, from high blood glucose to premenopausal symptoms to overweight to high cholesterol.
4. Meds feel like a moral failing to me because it seems as if people resort to them for the slightest discomfort. That is NOT the case with you.
5. The body makes cholesterol on its own without regard to what one consumes—high lDL is NOT your fault. (Pick better parents next time!)
6. We use a financial service that is called “fiduciary”, because they get a percentage of your total, which is an incentive to actively manage your money so that it grows. The company is TERRIFIC, with a wonderful advisor, and they have kept things growing. Probably don’t operate in Canada. 8-( But that 1-2% is very very worth it.
7. When life is full of difficulties, weeds feel like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I compare it to spider webs in my house. . . ARE YOU KIDDING ME??! I JUST VACUUMED THAT SECTION!
My life is also full of unbloggable situations, so I completely feel your pain. Your blog might have enough followers to monetize it, but ick. Do what you have to do; I’m here for the duration!
Yes, if anything, I’ve waited TOO long to start meds.
And I laughed SO hard at your comment to “pick better parents” – that is hilarious!!!
My floors never stay clean. And the moment I mop them, someone comes along and makes a mess. Such is life, I suppose, but it can be oh-so-frustrating.
First time commenter. I have twin sons (almost 16) and teach in middle school. The teenage boy angst is 100% accurate and….tends to last longer than girls. Sorry!
For lunches, perhaps a choice board for what Indy MUST pack and what he CAN pack. For example, a MUST list of proteins (2 turkey slices or 2 string cheese or 1 tuna pouch or 3 hardboiled eggs, etc) and fruit/veggies (5 baby carrots or a “cup” of grapes or 1 orange or 6 pepper strips, etc) plus a CAN list of sweets (2 cookies or 1 granola bar or 1 piece of candy, etc) or savory (1 bag of chips or a “handful” of pretzels, etc). This gives him the autonomy to make & pack his lunch with things he will eat in the time allotted. I like a granular list (like examples), but that might not work for him, so tweak if necessary. Hope this idea helps!
First, thanks so much for commenting, Tara! And welcome to the comment section of my blog. It’s a fun space.
I LOVE this idea. I’ve done something similar, but I think maybe he was too young (and I was too picky). I think I want them to WANT to take raw veggies and understand a lot of things just don’t taste that appetizing when eaten hours later out of an ice-chilled lunchbox. So having A MUST list and a CAN list and then making sure in the must category we have things he really enjoys will be the place to start.
Arghhhh the health issues are tough. I am sorry but glad you know your body well enough you went in for a check up AND that you are able to get the health support.
Unbloggable stuff right now… tough business stuff in my husbands company that obviously spill into private life. And I can’t really do anything. Migraines. It is summer everyone is happy but I suffer. Family tensions that make me sad. That investment stuff is also something I should and need to put more effort into.
I love SHUs question. I need to ask that next time I am meeting a blogger in real life.
It’s hard when tough things in life spill over and of course things affecting our partners end up having a disproportionate impact on us, too.
Migraines. Ugh. I’m so sorry, friend. I know those have plagued you for a long time.
So many wonderful pointers in your post.
1. Lunches- how about a thermos and just heat up left overs and give it to them? We do it all the time and the thermos comes back clean (empty, I mean).
2. Investments: we use Acorns and Fidelity. I don’t mind risk, and still have time to recover any losses, so our investment portfolios are set to the aggressive allocation.
If you have some time to learn the investing, it is actually quite interesting. I used the motley fool and morning star websites to read about various stocks and funds. Made sure they were all 5 star funds, with good returns overtime. So yes I recommend Fidelity if you have it. Or Acorns for space change, and roundups.
My kids complain about the thermos meals, mostly because things (even though I fill them with boiling water) end up lukewarm.
My husband was just talking about the motley fool! I need to look into it! Thanks for the rec.