October was busy. But, for the most part, in a good way. There is good busy – fun things to do and a satisfied exhaustion at the end of the day. There is bad busy – overstretched, overtired, overstimulated.
It can be difficult to reach a proper balance and some months better lend themselves to finding that happy medium between rest and activity.
October very nearly hit the bulls-eye.
Here is a post I wrote about announcing my Year of Shmita and my January, February , March, April, May, June, July, August, and September recaps.
MONTHLY NOTES
If I didn’t love Anne of Green Gables already, I think her line about Octobers would seal the deal.
Amen and amen.
- Favourite month. October is consistently my favourite month. I love the weather! I love our laid-back Thanksgiving celebrations! There are family birthdays! The kids love Halloween! This year I got to spend a week away from my regular responsibilities which was positively blissful! I really like October. I think I tend to go into the month with a fairly high degree of optimism, which may be a self-fulfilling prophecy?
- How vs. why. Quite often discussions about rest center on the how. How much sleep do we need to feel rested? What activities feel restful? How can we kindly refuse invitations that would overstretch our energy limits? But perhaps more important is the why behind my decisions. First, as a Christian, I rest because it is a commandment (not a suggestion!). More generally, when I rest it reminds me that my worth is not equal to my level of activity. So often we equate worth with productivity. What does that mean for someone who is chronically ill or developmentally atypical? If someone can’t move or “produce” at a certain threshold, does that result in a meaningless life? Of course not! We are worthy by virtue of being alive; rest is a gift given, not earned.
- Discomfort. I’ve been attending a yin yoga session most weeks – where you assume and then hold poses for extended periods of time – and it’s interesting how our instructor encourages us to breath through discomfort (pain, no – discomfort, yes). Sometimes we need to be reminded it’s okay to let go of the pressure to change a situation. We can sit with our emotions, as ugly as they are. A Sabbath gives us space to grieve. We can feel our feelings, process them, let them take up space. We can’t solve every problem and sometimes only in resting can we come to accept that truth.
- There is enough time. God made enough time. If I’m too busy, I can likely assume that things He didn’t want me to be doing have taken over my life. One day of rest is optimal. It is a tithing of our time (I’m pretty sure I’ve reflected on this before?). Like money, we are giving back what He has blessed us with; He provides a sanctuary of time and I just need to enter it.
- My role as a mother. What is my role in promoting healthy relationships with rest for my children? How do I mindfully encourage them to introduce rest – in various forms – into their lives. Giving them “my” time can sometimes be necessary as a sacrifice of love and to battle inherent selfishness. But it’s also important for me to frequently say No to their seemingly limitless requests. I deserve rest, even as a mother (a role traditionally espoused to require selfless giving of one’s time without reservation). I want my daughter (especially) to internalize the truth that if/when she elects to have children of her own, she is allowed to prioritize her own needs; I want my son to internalize the truth that women are created equal and deserve rest.
- Human tasks. A Sabbath gives us time to do “tasks associated with being a human.” Sleep. Rest. Putter. It offers unstructured time to “play” – whatever that looks like in our life. As adults, have we lost the skill of being fulfilled and/or content by moving through a day organically? Without furious planning for what comes next or a checklist to complete? I think this is mostly rhetorical…
- Reminder. Ezekiel 20:20 – …I gave them my Sabbaths as a sign between me and them, that they might know that I am the Lord who sanctifies them…And keep my Sabbaths holy that they may be a sign between me and you, that you may know that I am the Lord your God. Israel was freed from intense slavery, a condition where they had no control over their own time and no accommodation for rest. They were, quite simply, valued expressly based on their productive output. When God instituted a weekly rest day (the Sabbath), He demonstrated to an entire people group that His love had nothing at all to do with their work efforts. And He wanted them to remember this EVERY SINGLE WEEK!
Other thoughts from the two books mentioned below:
- We are not called to “burn out for Jesus.”
- “A Sabbath is like a snow day every week.” I LOVE this imagery. It’s so whimsical and that slight reimagination of the event really adds a special flavour to the experience.
- A Sabbath reminds me to honour my limits: body, soul, and mind.
- A Sabbath reminds AND allows me to be the Creature, not the Creator and Sustainer.
BOOKS I READ THAT RELATE TO SABBATH
Oops. I didn’t finish either book that I started about rest. They were both good, but not gripping enough that I wanted to see them through to the end. Maybe I’ve hit my annual limit on books about Sabbath?
The two I started – both as audiobooks, so maybe that’s why I didn’t find them quite as compelling since I am predominantly a physical-book reader – for future reference:
In Good Time: 8 Habits for Reimagining Productivity, Resisting Hurry, and Practicing Peace by Jen Michel.
Embracing Rhythms of Work and Rest: From Sabbath to Sabbatical and Back Again by Ruth Haley Barton and Ronald Rolheiser
The latter was especially insightful, and some of the points from my monthly notes were inspired by these two books. I don’t have direct quotes since I’ve been listening to them as audiobooks.
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J
I’ve been wondering what 2025 is going to look like for you. Can you continue this practice into the new year? Can it be ‘my lifetime of Shmita’? Or does that go against the principals? It’s not like you’re not doing all the things…you’re working, your taking care of the kids, you’re cooking and cleaning and going on vacation and living life…just more intentionally and backing off of some things, right? Like the job that you didn’t renew. Will you need to replace that after the year is over, or can this be a permanent change? Or at least something to do until/unless you decide differently?
Elisabeth
Well this feels like the million dollar question (s)!
Can you continue this practice into the new year? I think so, yes. Thinking about being done with My Year of Shmita legitimately makes me sad. Also, it’s not like I’ve gone off and spent the year in a silent retreat. As you point out, I’ve very much lived life but it has felt VERY different.
Like the job that you didn’t renew. Will you need to replace that after the year is over, or can this be a permanent change? Another great question. I am so fortunate that I do not need to renew my project management role. I have not regretted stepping back for a second (not one single time over the last year). It was 100% the right decision and it also was a major mental step toward acknowledging that I could make money decisions (i.e. making less by going down to fewer roles) based on mental health/life enjoyment OVER earning. I know growing up with limited means significantly impacted my thoughts around money. As a result, I have struggled with a deeply-rooted fear about financial insecurity. So to make a decision to let some “money on the table” slide away feels HUGE. Also, it is so in keeping with the concept of Shmita!
Nicole MacPherson
Yes to all of this! I hate that resting has such a negative connotation – it’s not a moral failing to give your body rest to take on what you need to take on! The productivity hamster wheel is so damaging in so many ways, particularly – as you say – the message it sends to our kids. And yes THERE IS ENOUGH TIME. I am not exactly a busy person these days, my schedule and deadlines are all self-created, but I like to think about that – things that are worth my time, I have time for!
Elisabeth
“it’s not a moral failing to give your body rest to take on what you need to take on!”
I am not the sort to get a tattoo, but if I was going to, this might be a front-running quote. Just kidding, but SUCH WISE WORDS, Nicole.
I think one of the problems is that people major in the minors. We’re so tired and overstretched that the things that really matter to us…don’t fit in our schedules. And I get it because I struggle with the same things! Also, do we even know what we like and want to do anymore? That’s rhetorical and I suspect the blogging group at-large is generally quite self-aware, so I’m applying a somewhat blanket statement to modern society here.
Grateful Kae
I feel like you’ve definitely written about this before, but not recalling specifics right now. What exactly have you been doing on your Sabbath, or your weekly “snow day”? Obviously you go to church. 🙂 I know you try to stay mostly unplugged. But are there other specific activities that you avoid on Sundays? Like… no household tasks? No grocery shopping? Only family activities/ nurturing activities? Just curious what that looks like exactly! (Sorry if you’ve posted this already and I am forgetting!)
Elisabeth
So…if I was going to give myself a Demerit for the year, it would be lack of a predictable Sabbath routine. I have tried a few things “on for size” and no set schedules works. I try to stay mostly offline. I try to do very little (or no) cooking. I try not to shop. I try to fit in a nap. I almost always spend my entire morning at church. But there is no set meal. No complete removal of devices (especially when John is away, I have to be online in some capacity. We don’t have a landline, so if I turn off my phone we are literally unreachable, and he is usually trying to touch base along the way + I need to manage any church/extracurricular events we might have).
That’s not a very neat and tidy answer is it? Church, a nap, rest, and not much else. If he’s home, John and I often try to have an at-home date night and watch a documentary. Sometimes I do some basic tidying and light chores because I do find it relaxing. But then sometimes I DO have to do things – like Indy had a choir event one Sunday afternoon and basketball tryouts after church. John was gone, so I had to do all those things. And yes, I could have said no to them because it was Sunday but doing those things occasionally is okay with me. I don’t want it to become this rigid legalistic thing.
One other thing I’ll note: it’s really, really hard since no one else is doing it. If grocery stores weren’t open and sports teams didn’t play and no one else was texting…it would make it a lot easier to unplug and really take the whole day completely off. But I do my best with the constraints I have without making it feel like “work.”
Lisa’s Yarns
I like the idea of treating the sabbath like a snow day! That is a good way to frame it!
I am working on accepting that my body needs rest and not feeling a sense of shame about it. Nicole is helpful with this because she often reminds me that I am a busy lady that needs rest. I feel like sometimes people pride themselves on how little sleep or rest they need? Surely I am reading into things at times and my read of their comments about sleep are more about discomfort over my rest/sleep needs… but still, it feels kind of counter cultural that I need to lay down on weekend afternoons. But it’s what my body really needs and I am trying to listen to those cues.
Elisabeth
I liked the snow day concept, too. How whimsical.
I took two naps last weekend; one nap I started at like 9 am. Naps are great. Our bodies need rest and yes, some people need more than others, but I also think that the majority of people are just not getting enough sleep. And that has a lot of trickle down impacts.
So huge gold stars for listening to your body, respecting your limits, and SLEEPING.
Jenny
I like how your October was the right amount of business! I feel like it’s hard to achieve that balance. Even when things are the good kind of busy, I’m often thinking “couldn’t this be spread out a little more?” But I’m glad your favorite month had the right amount.
All your points are good. The mothering one is tricky. It’s good for our kids to see us prioritizing our own needs sometimes, but it can be hard to do.
I’m also interested in Kae’s question. What exactly does your Sabbath look like?
Elisabeth
Motherhood is just a constant whack-a-mole of trying to get the right balance, isn’t it!
See above! I answered Kae, somewhat haphazardly. The short answer: hopefully a nap, church, limited to no work/extracurriculars, a relaxed walk, a good meal – but nothing set, and hopefully reduced screen time but I’ve come to the conclusion I can’t go entirely offline on Sunday’s.
Colleen Martin
I went on an Advent retreat last year, and the speaker said “Busy isn’t a virtue” and wow I felt that one in my soul, because I always equate not doing something to equal lazy and forget about the importance of rest. Sabbath = snow day is such a great image and reminder!!
Elisabeth
This is so good, Colleen. SO GOOD. We do treat it as such though, don’t we? We assume if someone is busy they are more productive, more useful, more holy, more virtuous. And yet, at least Biblically, so much emphasis is put on rest – even in terms of creation and the Creator Himself.
It’s sounds easy to hear a line like this, but it’s actually very, very hard to process that information and actually believe it in our core. Thanks for sharing. I’m going to write this down <3
Michelle G.
I love your thoughts about rest, Elisabeth. It’s so true that productivity does not equal worth. I think I’m finally realizing that after this year. It can be hard, though, when everyone is telling you how much they’re accomplishing! I hope you can carry these principles throughout the rest of your life and teach them to your kids. What a gift!
Elisabeth
Thanks for such kind words. And yes, it is hard not to compare our productivity with others. The grass is greener, the woman across the room always looks like she has her life together, etc. That’s one thing I appreciate about authentic blogging: we celebrate each other’s highs and lows and for the most part we feel comfortable bringing the hard things to the table. And I have felt so supported this year as I’ve worked to step back.
Allison McCaskill
It is SO difficult to free ourselves of the ‘hustle culture’ mindset, and so many people do seem to think that busy-ness is a virtue. The intentionality of this is so beautiful. I dropped one job this year too, and I did think more than twice about the money, but the money was so not enough to counter the stress and I have zero regrets. I do need to get better about writing down what I do value doing so it doesn’t just slip out of my ADHD brain.
Elisabeth
Yup – it’s a mindset, alright.
Hooray for dropping work with no regrets – yay to both of us. It was hard for me to walk away because some part of me equated that role with “using my education” and “making a difference.” In short, I thought I’d be less valuable and worthy if I was just a part-time worker and, in many senses, a stay at home mom. But I have not regretted it a single time and consider it to be one of the best decisions of my life!
Meike
In Germany all stores are closed and it is a day to spend with family and friends for most. I miss that sometimes. I am usually so busy during the week that I end up pushing things to Sunday that I can’t get to during the week. A Sunday that is spend realxing and just being is a good one – happens way to little. I know deep down that is also me making the time for that day off. I am working on it. It’s interesting reading about your process.
Elisabeth
I wish it was still that way in North America. No one had to think about shopping on Sunday, so everyone naturally carved out more time to relax. Back when there was no Sunday shopping where I live there also wasn’t social media so I think down time was a lot more relaxing in general as well…
Kyria @ Travel Spot
I am loving everybody’s comments! I think J asked the right questions; will you keep this up? I do think that the pressures can overwhelm and having a way to take a step back and relax, take time for yourself, breath into the discomfort, whatever, is so important. Also Nicole’s point is spot on, things that are worth her time, she makes time for. I love that. I agree with it, and saying no to the things that are not worth our time is hard but so satisfying AFTER we have gotten up the courage to do it. However, I know that living in a small town and having kids in school and a community around you does make this harder sometimes. I can escape from this by being away, but you are in the thick of it. Which is why, going back to J’s questions, I think it would be good if you could continue this into 2025!
Elisabeth
See above!!!
YES! It is really, really hard with kids, a spouse that travels regularly. And I have it so much easier than most (my husband makes a salary that can support us without me having to work full-time, he is supportive of me getting away a few times a year to visit my parents now)…but life is still super, duper busy! I think at the end of the day it comes down to intentionality. That quote about “don’t keep anything that isn’t useful or beautiful”? I think that could apply to our lives, not just our possessions…?
Sarah
I feel like you probably HAVE, but did you read How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell?
Elisabeth
I think I haven’t? It sounds familiar, and I know the cover of it…but can’t actually remember reading it. I will pop over to Goodreads and confirm and order it from the library if not!
Katie
Confession… I recommended the In Good Time book to you and never finished it myself. I thought what I read was really inspiring but probably could have stuck to reading an article for my own limits on attention and (ironically?) time.
HOW to rest is such an interesting question and so particular for people.
Elisabeth
Thanks for the rec. I didn’t finish it either. I think mostly because audiobook is just…not for me. Sigh. I have such a hard time paying attention because I read non-fiction in a very specific way, take notes/flag sections etc. But some of the topics really made me think, so even though I didn’t make it all the way through, if I get a hard copy I will try again <3
Melissa
Yes to escaping the productivity trap. I would be interested in hearing more about how your Sabbath looks now too.
Elisabeth
See above where I discuss this in answer to Kae’s comment.
Short answer: I’m still working on it, it varies week to week. The main highlights are church, a nap, and hopefully relatively little work of any kind.
Ernie
This is very insightful. Your point about being busy and that God didn’t make us busy was eye opening. Hmm. I am definitely not resting enough.
I did laugh at how much you love October, considering you dislike the colour orange so much. 😉 Ha.
Elisabeth
That’s ironic, I suppose. I love orange and yellow when it’s leaves on a tree…on my clothes or walls…not so much.
It’s hard to rest, especially for someone like you who literally has a bajillion things on her plate. I think rest is a moving target and what it looks like varies dramatically by season. It’s not a one-size-fits all or “there is only one way” sort of thing. That said, I hope you manage to get some extra rest <3
Sophie
Hooray for a great October! I love all these reflections on the why. My word of the year has been Care, and it’s had a similar why to your Shmita. It’s not just to prevent burnout, but also to remind myself I’m allowed to make decisions that are caring to me, over and above those that are based on maximum productivity. Our intrinsic value as a human is not based on what we produce. And bonus, because rest prevents burnout, consistent (slow) productivity happens anyway, just in a more sustainable way. I’ll look forward to hearing what you will carry over into next year.
Elisabeth
I love this. Care. What a wonderful Word of the Year.
It’s a bit like the hare and the tortoise, right. When we do things in a manageable way, we end up reaching the finish line first (kinda like people who train effectively for a marathon are less likely to get injured even if they maybe run slower or give themselves extra rest days), but it is a very hard social construct to shake that being busy = being worthwhile; being productive = being a better human than someone who is less productive.
Tobia | craftaliciousme
You are so reflective of your year of smietha.
I like how you talk about your love for October. The happiness is seeping through.
And your thoughts on rest… It does look different for all of us and yet there are some reoccurring themes.
Elisabeth
October is such a happy month for me. Can I admit I’m a little sad I have to wait almost an entire year for another October?