I’m coming into the weekend tired, but relieved. There were two intense days of work meetings which I dreaded (for no particular reason). Everything went swimmingly and represented a major milestone in my current working role as Thursday marked the final annual conference for this research project. I can feel a tangible sense of relief.
There were lots of fun activities (drama, golf, cross country, church), we enjoyed a leisurely long weekend (good food, visitors), and the beautiful fall weather continued to wow us…even if I did start reaching for a winter hat on the cooler mornings.
Sadly, it was a very hard and tragic week in many places of the world.
When I show up here to talk about Happy Things, it doesn’t mean I’m unaware of all the Sad/Bad/Hard Things. Earlier this week Sarah wrote about living in an era of “acute uncertainty” – wars, earthquakes, climate crises. And, for all of us, there are hurts even closer to home. I spent time this week with a friend who was suddenly and tragically widowed last month. Her grief – and that of her children – is otherworldly. We went for a walk together, and in between sessions of crying and reminiscing, we started to laugh about some shared memories. I encouraged her not to feel guilty about laughter. Most days, in this season of overwhelming grief, joy will feel impossible; happy moments will be few and far between. But when they come, it’s okay to lean into them. To let heavy and light coexist.
For my part, there is a sense of “survivor guilt” – my husband and children are alive and well. Meanwhile, I’ve watched several friends walk the tragic path of widowhood; I’ve been there as people I love have battled infertility and buried infants.
The last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about the following:
Be grateful for what you have. When I asked people who had survived tragedy how we can cultivate and show more compassion for people who are suffering, the answer was always the same: Don’t shrink away from the joy of your child because I’ve lost mine. Don’t take what you have for granted – celebrate it. Don’t apologize for what you have. Be grateful for it and share your gratitude with others. Are your parents healthy? Be thrilled. Let them know how much they mean to you. When you honor what you have, you’re honoring what I’ve lost.
Brené Brown
We don’t have to sweep our Hard Things under the rug. And Happy Things aren’t a magic panacea that cancels out pain or grief or fear. But when we appreciate our freedom – access to electricity, running water, food, shelter – we honour what so many others have lost and continue to lose daily in global conflicts. When we appreciate our spouses and children and pets, we honour the memory of those who have lost loved ones or live in the tension of estrangement.
Are your parents living and healthy? Appreciate them.
Can you walk, talk, smell, taste, see? Eat, drink, move and be merry. These senses and physical capabilities are, as I tell my kids, a joy and a blessing.
Flowers for the teacher
En route to school last Friday we saw a gorgeous patch of wildflowers and L picked a small handful for his teacher. Isn’t nature – even free flowers – breathtaking?
John came home
Always a relief. I feel like we really “leaned” into the weekend. We tackled some joint work projects together, but nothing felt rushed; having an extra long weekend was divine.
Thanksgiving
We don’t have set traditions for Thanksgiving and weren’t going to be with family this year. We opted to prepare a special meal on Saturday. I opened two cans of corn and steamed some peas. I made stuffing from a box (shhhh: don’t tell my mom, but I actually prefer Stovetop to homemade). We bought a rotisserie chicken instead of roasting a turkey. I sliced a tomato, made some gravy, dished out pickles into a fancy bowl. Bam! Thanksgiving dinner was ready in less than 30 minutes. And it was perfect! Nothing fancy, but no protracted cooking times and limited kitchen cleanup. I didn’t have punch ingredients, so I poured some root beer – a rare and special treat – into a pitcher and served that in wine glasses.
Thrifted finds of the week…
En route home from the airport, we stopped at one of our favourite thrift stores in Halifax. I walked away with ANOTHER blanket. I think I officially have a problem. I cannot have enough warm, cozy blankets. And this one – a vegan fur blanket – was so soft and cuddly and less than $10! When I looked it up online, some blankets by this brand retail for ~$200!! I’ve already washed and used it repeatedly…but at some point, I need to stop this cozy collection.
I also splurged and spent $3.49 (minus 20% because of a coupon) to get a leather fanny pack. I have been using the same shoulder purse (which you can actually see in this picture; also thrifted) for everyday use for over a year and I was ready for a change. Thank goodness fanny packs are all the rage because they are so convenient (I shoulder-sling mine).
And L got a like-new Messi jersey for ~$5! He LOVES soccer and he LOVES Lionel Messi; kudos to A for spotting this on the rack. I have a feeling this shirt will get a lot of use over the next few years.
Kona Ironman
My sister has been texting all week from Hawaii – she’s had an amazing time so far and her race is on Sunday! I’ve got the app ready and will be following along. This is her 9th Ironman which is incredible since she only got into the sport about a decade ago.
Outdoor play
For a while we weren’t able to do much outside on our property – major landscaping work and some tough neighbourhood dynamics. But this weekend I took my coffee, blanket, and laptop outside and watched the kids play Foursquare in the driveway, followed by a soccer game on our side lawn. It felt…good. (Yup, that’s another thrifted blanket; $3 – how could I say no – and the one I have designated as our “outdoor-cozy”).
Other People Posting Happy Things
Sarah (Harry Times) and CCR (Knit Read Cats Hockey) both had posts inspired by Happy Things Friday and it made me so happy.
My eyes didn’t hurt
This is huge. I had laser eye surgery back in May and my eyes have been sore at some point every single day since. Sometimes really, really sore. Things were particularly bad in the mornings but I think I’ve found the solution! I’ve started wearing a raised eye mask at night – designed for people with false lashes but very effective for laser eye surgery, I’ve discovered – plus I’m taking a non-drowsy allergy pill in the morning to help with seasonal allergy issues.
Food Favourites This Week
Morning coffee.
Finnish chocolate with toffee bits (so good)!
Green curry sauce with chicken and broccoli over rice.
Cinnamon raisin toast – PC Brand if you’re in Canada is thick-cut and AMAZING – with butter.
Having new friends over for cinnamon coffee cake and ice cream. (Just dessert and no meal = SO. MUCH. LESS. WORK.)
BBQ (slow cooker) pork tenderloin, seasoned rice with peas, and a garden salad.
Monopoly Deal
The kids are obsessed with this card game and have played hundreds (?) of rounds in the last month. It’s fun, it’s quick, and while it takes skill and strategy both kids are old enough (and shrewd enough) to win regularly.
Halloween Decor
I am NOT “into” Halloween. I would gladly – easily and forever – skip this holiday. But of course, the kids love it; I do the bare minimum in terms of decorating and assume they will survive. This year, it includes a fun spider on our fireplace (DollarStore), fuzzy pumpkin (thrifted last year), and a metal ghost. The kids seem to be quite content with this level of effort (I think they know Christmas is coming and I WILL be on board for decorating then). Oh, and there are plenty of natural cobwebs in the ceiling corners – so thanks to the resident spider population in our house for helping us get in the festive mood (*Sarcastic sigh*).
Also, the shops in our downtown look festive from now until the New Year. Between window displays and bright paint colours, I thought this storefront looked particularly cheery on my return walk from school dropoff last week.
Mail from friends
Look what arrived in my postbox from our favourite Kelownian (Hi Nicole)!
And that’s a wrap on this week’s edition of Happy Things.
Stop and take the picture. Send the note. Say the I love you. Write down the gratitude list. Eat (and savour) the ice cream. Happy weekending, friends.
Your turn. Any Happy Things to report? Do you like Halloween? Do you go all out with decorations? What was your favourite meal from this week? Have you played any good card games lately? Do you like cozy blankets?
Grateful Kae
So many good things! And your advice about appreciating what we have as a way to honor people going through tough times is so beautiful. And that quote! So good. It can be hard to always appreciate the little things in the hustle and bustle of life. But it really does help to put things in perspective.
My good things were my weekend away with E last weekend and just really embracing FALL. The crisp fresh air was just delicious to breathe in. Also-our new puppy! He has thrown a real wrench in all of my daily routines, but he is also such a joy!
Elisabeth
It is hard to appreciate the little things, but I think sometimes I feel guilty about appreciating them. Obviously there is a very delicate balance between celebrating in a way that makes others uncomfortable and a way that just reassures others I really do recognize how fortunate/blessed I am, and I recognize what you’ve lost. How can I help you in this hard season?
Your weekend away looked AMAZING and Charlie is the cutest puppy…on the entire planet, I’m thinking? Seriously. So CUTE.
Melissa
Such wise words Elisabeth. It really is important to keep celebrating the good things and leaning into joy. My kids loved playing monopoly deal when they were kids. We also like SkipBo.
We don’t do anything for Halloween, it has only very recently become a thing in Australia, but not many people decorate. This year we’ll be in the US so that will be interesting.
My good things are: The Alpha course. We’ve been helping lead one and we are having such great conversations. My co-leader for mainly music who is so keen and capable. A big soaking rain for my garden. Good friends in town this weekend, the first time I’ll see them since they moved to Tassie last year. Takeaway and TV with my girls who have just gone home. Good books. The orchid, still in flower over two months after it was given to me …
Elisabeth
SkipBo is a favourite of A’s. I don’t think L has really played it. I feel like we go in bursts. It was MONTHS of Five Crowns, and now over a month of Monopoly Deal. Once they get focused on a particular game, they are obsessed.
Lots of happy things from your end. Yay to all of them.
mbmom11
Cozy blankets abound in my house. I have 5 quilts from a gifted sister and two fleeces from another spread around my living room right now- the rest of the house is the same. It’s nice to have plenty of blankets around so 1) everyone can be warm (we keep our house on the cool side) , 2) they add to the beauty (my sister makes amazing and colorful quilts), and 3) the kids do not need to drag a blanket from room to room getting them extra dirty or misplaced. There are never too many cozy blankets!
I like Halloween, but do not really decorate. I have a black cat and pumpkin somewhere, but I’m in no rush to get it out.
A happy thing- I went to my daughter’s teacher conference last night, and it turn out she can actually do sone math! She has special needs, and at home, we don’t always see what she can do. It was such a nice surprise. (Please don’t think this is awful- I love my daughter and she’s awesome, but with special needs you have very different path with school and academics. So really, I nearly cried with joy when I saw she could calculate volume using a calculator and formula. )
Elisabeth
Yes to all your points about blankets. And I really do use every single one of them.
What a happy thing; it made me smile SO big. I have a loved one with severe special needs (non-verbal, major motor delays). When she was a child, her obsession was putting her hands over someone else’s hands and clapping. She didn’t care what you looked like, or the colour of your skin, or how much you made at work – she just cared if you were there and available and willing to clap. For hours, preferably! So often as able-bodied people we make choices based on things that don’t matter, and so I think regularly of that important lesson my niece taught me. If someone is willing to clap hands, they’re probably a really wonderful person.
Kids have so much to teach us and I think these extra special kids have even more to teach us!! I’m so happy your daughter is progressing with Math. This is simply fantastic news and cause for huge celebration <3 Thanks for sharing!
Kyria @ Travel Spot
So many happy things! I agree that there are always also going to be sad things, but sometimes it is so nice to list the happy ones to remember that there are many of them, even on down days or weeks or years. Also I love your note about hugging your parents and eating ice cream etc. I think over the past few years that has really been more obvious to me. I don’t know if it was my grandmother dying or my work husband having both his wife’s mother and his pass away within the span of about a year… but I really am feeling like time is running out and that I need to do the things and see the people and eat the ice cream. It is strange how sometimes we go about our day to day life and then a lightbulb sometimes turns on and we realize that life is short.
Now onto happier things — I love putting this to paper, as it helps me to remember my week (sometimes they get a little blurry!) and find the good in the midst of the mundane. Once again, my happy involved meeting up with my friend K to watch L’s soccer game. My friend has two girls and they are both in soccer and it is so fun to watch them, to spend more time with basically my 2nd family and to see the girls grow and develop. I also went for a nice hike, but unfortunately there was a fire and the smoke was intense so I cut it short. However, I still got to be out in the fall weather and the trees and the rocks, which I love and it makes me feel grounded. Another silver lining of that trip is that I listened to one and a half audiobooks! Lastly, I had a good conversation with my Dad about life, finances, and their ten year plan. Going back to the above paragraph, I feel like it is my turn to step up and start taking care of them now (although they are still in great health so hopefully I will not need to do so for a while!!) Have a great weekend!
Elisabeth
I think some of these realizations – the brevity of life, the importance of relationships – only make sense with age. I don’t think as a teen I could appreciate things the way I do now?
Happy things, indeed for you. I’m sure seeing you is a happy thing for your friend + her girls, so win-win.
Nicole MacPherson
Awwww! I’m so glad the card arrived. Snail mail is so fun.
Good luck to your sister! Again, I kind of think she’s a machine.
I love these posts so much. I also shoulder-sling my fanny pack, it’s the perfect bag for dog walking.
We gave our old neighbour all our outdoor Halloween decorations, (I think all of them) and I don’t think we’ll have kids here anyway. Maybe I’ll make up some bags for the kids down the road. I did, however, put out some soft plush pumpkins and filled a bowl with decorative gourds.
Elisabeth
Snail mail is fun and it’s ALMOST CHRISTMAS CARD SEASON (I’m not sure why I’m putting that in caps because I’m not feeling ready at all…)
I know you were very into decor in Calgary, but I can see not wanting to move everything to Kelowna and it feels like a bit of a new season in life. I’m sure those pumpkins and gourds are lovely and your gnomes are festive for every season.
Jenny
I love this post, as always! Your opening thoughts are spot on. We might hesitate to share our happy things when so many people are suffering, but what else can we do besides lift ourselves up and hope to lift others as well?
Anyway… your Thanksgiving dinner took 30 minutes to prepare? You wouldn’t believe how long ours takes… literally all day. It’s completely insane as there are only the four of us! I’ve tried to cut it back, but my family seems determined to make it more elaborate each year (last year we had THREE pies. For the four of us.) The only thing I will say is, I don’t do all the cooking. Everyone has assigned duties, so it’s kind of a fun family project. I’m adding it to my list of dreams though- “Someday prepare Thanksgiving dinner in 30 minutes.”
I’m SO excited for your sister! So cool that you can follow along, and I can’t wait to hear how she does.
You can never have too many cozy blankets! Or cozy socks. Even in Florida I love both of those.
Elisabeth
I’ve cut back more and more on dinner prep for these big events. I WILL roast a turkey for Christmas day, but have my mom bring squash, make the dessert days in advance, and definitely use boxed stuffing. I don’t love being in the kitchen for hours on these days, so it works for me to throw things together fast, but I think for many families that long day of prep is part of the celebration?
Thank you for reinforcing how I feel about the matter – cozy blankets are just the best (especially while holding and sipping a hot beverage and reading a book).
Darlene Cardillo
With all that’s going on with Israel, I like to read a happy post.
My happy things:
– I baked an apple pie and it was good.
-I made dinner 3 times this week – also good
-I bought an coffee ice cream sandwich (homemade) to eat after my 20 miler tomorrow.
-They took rain out of tomorrow’s forecast.
-An old friend who I haven’t seen in 9 years is in town and I will see her tomorrow night.
– A hair appt tomorrow too – get rid of my roots.
Elisabeth
Love your list. Fresh homebaked goods are hard to beat.
My favourite: They took rain out of tomorrow’s forecast. Haha!
Lindsay
I love that your eyes didn’t hurt and finding balance with Halloween and all those things – and, my heart breaks for so many people and reasons. I’m really leaning into 2 feelings can exist at the same time lately and so much of this resonated for me… PS: I’m a Stovetop person, too!!
Elisabeth
Stovetop for life. I think it’s delicious and it’s a FRACTION of the work of homemade stuffing…
Ally Bean
As my weekly blog post explained, I’m trying to keep on doing this week but it has been a sad one. As for happy things, I’d say our weather has been lovely, not too hot, not too cold. And this weekend we’re going to a NFL game so there’s a good distraction from reality.
Elisabeth
Wow – enjoy the game! That’s exciting.
And nice weather this time of year never fails to put me in a good mood. It’s just so beautiful and refreshing. I get a lot more negative about forecasts in November/December when the first snow starts to fly. Sigh.
Michelle
This was such an uplifting post, and I’m feeling positive and grateful after reading it. So, thank you for that, Elisabeth! Your Thanksgiving dinner looks wonderful! Just the kind of food I like – simple and delicious.
Your big spider on the fireplace made me laugh – what a fun decoration!
There are some good things in my world today: The fall leaves are putting on a gorgeous show on this cool, crisp day. I have some free time to spend in my sewing room. And I got my flu shot today, and they gave me a piece of chocolate as a reward!
Elisabeth
Aren’t fall leaves the best? I think it was Anne of Green Gables who said she was so glad to live in a world with October’s. I feel that HARD. (Of course, I kinda hate November to April, but somehow October makes me think that anything is possible and the weather will always be this magical).
Chocolate is a great reward 🙂
coco
this is a much needed post this week. so saddened by the news and feeling helpless about the world our kids will grow into. But we need to focus, to still appreciate what we DO have and CAN do.
your sister rocks!!! please ask her to do a guest post.
I’m very happy to be back home after being away for 10 days alone for the race. there’s no place better than where the family is.
Elisabeth
I’m sure you’re so glad you are home!!!
Gigi
Without a doubt Stovetop is my favorite. The Husband used to make it for me at the holidays back in the day (when we were newlyweds). Now he just makes his stuffing. I may have to make a special request for our Thanksgiving this year!
Elisabeth
Stovetop is delicious. I see they have a cornbread option now…might have to try that next.
Lisa’s Yarns
I still use a cozy blanket that I got from my grandparents when I was 4! So almost 40 years ago! My mom tried to get me some nicer blankets to replace it with but nothing compares to this cozy panda blanket! I do love having lots of blankets and we have entered ‘blankets in the car’ stage as the mornings are very chilly!
I do not love Halloween. I like it much more now that I have kids. We got invited to 3 Halloween parties actually! It’s like Halloween is the new Christmas in terms of parties! We will go to 2. I might have to dress up for one. Bleh. I will take the easy way out and go as a witch I think.
Your friend might enjoy the book, ‘it’s ok to laugh (but crying’s cool, too).’ It was written by a woman that was widowed at a very young age – I think early 30s – as her husband also died of brain cancer. She used to live in Minneapolis but moved to AZ several years ago.
Elisabeth
I’ve read that (and several other) Nora McInery books. They are SO well written.
Aww. Love that the blanket is still in use. I need to get some blankets in the car because, yes, the mornings are getting chilly.
My easy way out was dressing up in PJs and a bathrobe, carrying a stuffy and wearing an eye mask on my head. It was amazing. You could do that and bring along your panda blanket – haha!
J
I remember when we were going through a hard patch. It was the 2008-2010 recession. My husband had lost his job, and a week before he was re-hired, I lost my job. We had tried to sell our condo to move to a bigger place, just when the recession made that impossible (or at least unwise). My mom had died. His Aunt had died. His brother was hit by a car while riding his bike. My daughter had some scary medical issues going on. Our dog lost her eyesight. We got through it all, but it was HARD. We had a friend over, who had just gotten a promotion and a raise, and all was going very well for him and his family. He said he felt like a jerk talking about good times when we were suffering. We said, PLEASE, TELL US ALL OF THE GOOD THINGS! We needed to feel like it wasn’t horrible for everyone. That this too would pass. I think your words evoke that same feeling. Good advice.
I finally got a pumpkin and some flowers to put out front. That’s as far as I go on Halloween decorations.
Elisabeth
Wow J, all these years later that still feels like such a traumatic season for your whole family that I’m sure lingers large in your memory. I’m sorry for all those losses and struggles. But yes, it is good and necessary to know that there is good in the world and light and joy and at the end of every tunnel, usually, there is light again.
Kate
So glad to hear about your eyes! I’ve been hoping that they are feeling better. It’s amazing to me how truly disruptive it is when your eyes are bothering you; it can just befoul your entire mood.
It’s a bit hard for me to put a genuinely happy spin on the fact that TWO different of my husband’s cars have been hit by other drivers in the past month (the first car was totaled while it was parked [!!], the second is still awaiting insurance adjustments), but I can’t help but thank God profusely that he wasn’t injured. The first time he wasn’t even in the car. While it’s been a headache to deal with the ramifications (financial, timewise, and emotional — he loves fixing up old cars and had just spent all morning working on the second one the day it was hit), I keep reminding myself that he is safe and we have other vehicles and good insurance. I am profoundly grateful for that.
Elisabeth
Oh wow, Kate. That is just…so many accidents. Ugh. Praise the Lord he wasn’t hurt but what a headache and I’m sure it will take months to get everything ironed out. Sorry this happened and hope you have a no-accident future ahead!