Guest Post: Welcome Back Laura Vanderkam!

When my blog got deleted, the biggest loss was my delightful treasure trove of guest posts.

*Sob*

So when Laura reached out after I launched the new site, I asked if she would consider guest posting again. I had all the text from her original post and offered to simply repost that same content recognizing she is pretty busy – what with writing books, managing multiple podcasts, speaking at live events, and actively pursuing various passions (including piano, choir, and running). Oh, and did I mention she has five kids, ranging in age from 16 down to 3?

She said she was happy to “keep things fresh”, welcomed new questions, and got me answers in less than 24 hours.

Today’s post is the result.

Laura likely needs no introduction, but I still have to pinch myself that I’m on a first name basis with someone who gave a TED talk. Most relevant for this forum, though, is the fact that the Three times a week is a habit mantra from her book Tranquility by Tuesday is the reason I started a blog!

Q. What one habitual behavior do you wish you could add to your life?

A. I’m pretty good at habits. I run regularly, I’ve tracked my time for eight years, I’ve followed through on several year-long reading projects but…I find it really hard to do any regular strength training. I just don’t enjoy it as much as other forms of exercise. Since I kept resolving to do it, and then not doing it, this year I hired a trainer to work with me once a week. We meet via Face Time and he guides me through various exercises. I know that ideally I should repeat these on my own a few times a week and…sometimes I do. But at least I now do strength training once a week!

Q. What’s one piece of advice you wish you had heard (or understood) at an earlier age?

A. Luck plays a huge role in professional success. This is especially true in fields like writing, where there’s no obvious career path. But it’s even true for people in more traditional fields. There are certain things you can’t control (will some random celebrity love my book? Will a reader’s video mentioning it go viral?), but once you acknowledge the reality of luck you can work within that reality by creating more times at bat. Some people get a soft pitch and hit it out of the park on their first time. Others don’t. But if you go up to bat dozens of times, you’re more likely to hit it out of the park at least once than if you only go up to bat twice (or once! or never!). And sometimes all it takes is one big hit to establish an entire career. 

Q. What’s your favorite purchase (under $200) in the last year?

A. I’m still driving my 2011 car (hey, it works!) but one of the challenges of an old car is that they weren’t built for continuous smart phone usage. I have no good way to charge my phone on a long car trip, which is a problem if I’m using a map app, or trying to listen to podcasts. So I purchased an inexpensive portable charger recently and enjoyed having a working phone for an entire nine hour trip. I’m kind of surprised I didn’t buy one before. I have a very very strong tendency to just make do, sometimes for no good reason. [We also have a car from 2011! Why does it take me so long to act on those little pain points? More often than not the solution is quick and inexpensive, but I live with an annoyance for years – complaining about it, but not actually doing anything to solve the problem!]

Q. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

A. I have a few, but one is email related. Someone will email me about something — let’s say a request to be on their podcast. I respond saying sure, and then I get an automatic email response about how the person isn’t checking email frequently and will get to my email at some point in the future when they have time. Some of the worst offenders include a little preachy bit about how we should all spend less time on email. I’m like, hello, you emailed me first! Maybe just skip the auto-response and get back to me in a few days without making a big deal of it? [On a related note, it drives me crazy when I send someone an e-mail with several different questions and they only address the first one in the list. Did they not read the whole e-mail? Do they simply not feel like addressing the latter questions? Will they follow-up at a later time? I don’t want to clutter up inboxes by giving each question a separate chain of communication, but sometimes – with certain “worst offenders” – I do have to resort to this technique.]

Q. Of all the books you’ve written, which did you most enjoy writing? Which do you want to get in the hands of every woman?

A. The book I most enjoyed writing was a novel called The Cortlandt Boys, which is about a high school boys basketball team that wins the state championship with an improbable, last-second three point shot. The ramifications from that lucky win then follow the boys ten and twenty years later as they build their lives in the aftermath of early success. I loved creating that world, and those characters, and even ten years later their lives feel real to me. I recently re-read the book as part of a book club I created for my readers, and with enough space between me and the writing I was happy to find that I still found the story compelling.

As for a book I want to share widely — this would have to be I Know How She Does It. When I was a new mom, I remember that so much of the literature I encountered on women, work, and life was profoundly negative. I wanted to show how women could have big careers, thriving families, and enough time for sleep and hobbies. I wanted to assure women that they don’t need to fear big jobs. Often, it’s the big jobs that pay you enough and give you enough autonomy that you can make life work. I have fantasy of I Know How She Does It becoming a frequent baby shower gift, maybe wrapped up with some cute onesies or a Baby K’tan. [I have another gift idea – give them the book and then take their baby out for a walk so they can read in peace!]

Q. What international destination would you like to visit (that you haven’t already)?

New Zealand has long been on my bucket list. I studied at the University of Melbourne in Australia for a semester in college, and I explored big chunks of that country. I guess I assumed I’d make my way back to that part of the world at some point, but I haven’t. I do hope to make a New Zealand visit happen in the next few years. I welcome suggestions of where to go!

Q. What piece of advice would you give to new parents?

Kids are their own little people. We can understand this looking at ourselves. Few of us think we are who we are entirely because of some random choice our parents made when we were four, but then we sometimes overestimate our own impact on our kids’ personalities. I see this because I have five children who are incredibly different from each other. This isn’t an argument against creating rules and systems for making your home livable (like bedtimes and balanced meals and such). It’s just that you can love visiting new places and trying new foods, and one of your kids can hate visiting new places and trying new foods and it’s not because you failed, it’s because your kid isn’t you. [I need to frame this quote: It’s not because you failed, it’s because your kid isn’t you. That is hard for me to wrap my mind around, but a wonderful truth. They’re unique and no matter how much I might try to change personality quirks I find irksome, it’s mostly a waste of time and we’d all be happier if I just realized: they’re not me! In fact, they have some things figured out a lot better than I do.]

Thanks so much, Laura. This was fun and I so appreciate your willingness to “come back” to say hello.

Your turn. Any questions for Laura? What is your biggest e-mail pet peeve? If you have children, do they have a similar personality to your own? What’s your go-to baby shower gift? What little purchase have you made recently to alleviate a frequent pain point in your life? Does anyone like strength training?!