It still brings me a little jolt of delight every time I see someone referencing FIGs after our month-long gratitude practice in February!! A special shout-out to Jenny for her recent Figgy Friday post. It’s an important reminder of how powerful gratitude can be – even in the smallest moments.
But, let’s be honest, keeping gratitude top-of-mind isn’t always easy. I need frequent reminders – hence my weekly Happy Things Friday posts!
That’s why I’m thrilled to welcome Kristen back to my blog. Not only is she a master of all things frugal, but she also knows firsthand how tough it can be to find joy when life gets challenging. Today, she’s sharing details about her own gratitude practices!!
Welcome, Kristen!
Q. Do you have any daily or weekly gratitude practices? If so, please describe! Is there a particular habit or ritual you find especially motivating and impactful?
So, mine is officially a weekly practice. Back in 2020, in the early days of the pandemic, I started a series on my blog called Thankful Thursdays, where my readers and I share lists of things we are grateful for.
The idea was that during that during the weird time of being quarantined in our homes, we all needed a little nudge to find the things in life that were still good; blessings amidst the troubles.
But my readers and I found this practice so helpful, we’ve continued it ever since, and we’re coming up on five years of the practice now!
Although I only publish the list once a week, I keep an eye out all the time for things to add to it. So, it does encourage me to do some daily gratitude-hunting.
Q. What does your gratitude practice look like during difficult seasons of life?
Honestly, it looks the same as any other time, except it feels even more important when things are hard. During difficult seasons of life, it is not at all hard to find the tough parts of a day or week, but it does feel tough to find the good things. At the same time, it’s during those difficult periods that I really really depend on the reality check; I need to realize that my life is not comprised entirely of difficult things!Q. If you had to define “living a grateful life” in one sentence, what would you say? Would you have defined it differently 20 years ago?
I think of it as noticing. As I’ve said many times before, our brains notice the unpleasant things of life without us even trying. But noticing the good things in life often requires some effort. Those things are always there, but a grateful person notices them.
It’s like a process of becoming more awake to what is true in your life. With no effort on your part, your brain will tell you a story that goes something like, “Your life is mostly terrible. Every day is filled with hard things.”
But that is not what is actually true and real! At least, it’s not the whole story.
Every day does have hard things, yes, but every day also has some good and wonderful things. So you have to make a practice of noticing those good things.
Then you will see your life as it really is: a varying combination of both pleasant and unpleasant things.
I believe the main difference from 20 years ago is that I think more about the practice of gratitude now, and that’s largely a result of me writing about it so much.
Q. How has practicing gratitude influenced your relationships, mindset, and mental health?
You know, I’m not sure how to answer the relationship one. A grateful person probably says thank you more often and is more optimistic, so I suppose in general, gratefulness makes relationships smoother. But I feel like the people in my life that I relate to could probably answer this question more accurately! I think gratefulness is a helpful item in my Mental Health Toolbox, in conjunction with a willingness to acknowledge, grieve, and mourn the things that are hard in life.
I always say that there is room for both things; to simultaneously be able to say “This thing that happened really hurt me!” and cry/be angry/scream but also say, “I enjoyed something wonderful today.” and revel in that.
It’s almost like holding one thing in each hand; the joy and sorrow are both there and are both real.
Q. If gratitude were a colour, what colour do you think it would be?
I have never considered this before! But without thinking too hard, I’d say it would be a warm color, such as a soft peachy-orange hue.
Q. If you could send a thank-you note to one person from your past, who would you write and what would you say?
This is very random, but it’s the first thing that came to mind because it was a random shower thought from this morning! Back in the fall of 2021, when I was still married, I went to FinCon and roomed with a friend from my mastermind group. On the last night of our stay, we somehow got onto the subject of some of my marital challenges, which I rarely talked about. But she felt like a safe person to confide in because she was so unconnected to most of my real life.
Q. What’s the most ridiculous or oddly specific thing you can think of being grateful for at the exact moment you’re answering these questions?
I’m writing this on a Sunday afternoon, and I’m dressed in warm and comfy clothes from head to toe; I’m wearing a toasty sweatshirt, thick sweatpants, soft slippers, and I feel SO GOOD.
Do I look fashionable? Absolutely not. But I am off-the-charts comfortable.
Q. What’s a simple, everyday moment that always reminds you to be grateful, no matter how busy or hectic life gets?
Oh, there are so many. I think of things like:- the feeling of snuggling under warm covers at night in my comfy bed
- the joy of a hot shower after a cold walk
- a hot cup of coffee
(In the summer my list would contain more cold items! Like, cold showers, iced coffee, and the breeze from a fan.)
Q. How would you differentiate between feeling gratitude and expressing gratitude?
Hmm, I think that as with many feelings, the expression of the feeling and particularly the sharing of it heightens the joy. Of course, there is value in feeling grateful for things on my own. But the communal sharing of those joys multiplies the delight. My readers and I say to each other, “Look at this beautiful thing/experience I am grateful for!”, and then we rejoice with each other over the delights we’ve experienced.
I also think that observing another person’s gratitude can open your eyes to delights in your own life. Perhaps another person is grateful for something you’ve always taken for granted, but once you see their gratefulness, you start to notice that thing with fresh delight.
Q. Who is the most grateful person you know OR who (or what – a book, podcast, etc.) has most influenced your gratitude practice?
This is going way back to childhood days, but I remember feeling inspired by Polly, in Louisa May Alcott’s An Old-Fashioned Girl.
Q. If you could thank one object in your house for making your life easier, what would it be and why?
This question is both easy and hard, simultaneously. I can think of so many things, but I am not sure which one is the best. Hmm. I’m going to go with: my washer and dryer! When I first moved out of my parents’ house, I lived in a basement apartment with no washer and dryer; I had to use the one upstairs in the main house one day per week.
Even though that was 28 years ago, I still do not take for granted the luxury of having laundry facilities right inside my own house.
Elisabeth, this was such a fun set of questions! Thank you for having me!
Kristen, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about gratitude with us! Be sure to check out her blog and don’t miss her weekly Thankful Thursday series – it’s a great way to nurture gratitude in your own life.
A few things really stood out to me:
- First, the reminder that there are always at least some good things in every day – and “a grateful person notices them.” I thought of a Bible verse – Philippians 4:8 – where we’re encouraged to direct our attention toward the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. It’s easy to cling to the negative and overlook the positive, but when we take the time to notice and appreciate what is “good, beautiful, and praiseworthy”, that’s the spark of a gratitude practice.
- Second, yes, yes, yes to your important follow-up about how life involves balancing two truths. Life can be beautiful; it can also be painful and hard. There are seasons when our stories are marked by experiences we would never have chosen. Sometimes joy and hope seem impossible. Gratitude doesn’t erase the truth that we struggle, suffer, or grieve – and it’s important we don’t deny the weight of our own (or other’s) pain. Gratitude coexists with those hard realities. It’s in finding the rays of hope, the glimmers of joy, and the moments of beauty amidst the hardship that gratitude becomes a lifeline.
*If you enjoyed Kristen’s “Gratitude in Practice” post, be sure to check out Nicole and Kae’s guest posts on the same topic :)*
P.S. It’s not too late to join the April walking club!
Your turn.
- Any questions for Kristen?
- What’s something you’re grateful for in this EXACT moment?
- Who is the most grateful person you know and how has their attitude impacted your life?
- If you could write a thank-you note to one person, who would it be and why?
- What colour would you assign to gratitude?
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mbmom11
I think gratitude is a rich green color – like full grown leaves, that can be bright against a blue sky or cooling and embracing like being deep in the woods.
My current gratitude is for the scarves and quilts wrapped around me. I had a hard time staying warm tonight, so getting up and snuggling in under layers is delightful.
I would write a thank you to a friend/former co-worker who listens to me complain and understands without trying to offer suggestions. There’s not much I can do about my issues right now, but she has always listened when I need to vent. (I’ve known her for 25+ years, and she has always been there to hear me out. She’s not a complainer, so her patience with me is astounding! )
Thank you , Kristen, for inspiring me to look for the good.
Elisabeth
After scrolling through the comments, I just love how we get to pick our own gratitude colour. That seems symbolic of the fact we each approach gratefulness with different perspectives and life circumstances.
I have a Magic Bag on my feet, a cozy blanket on my lap, and a fresh cup of (decaf) coffee beside me. You know I love all things warm and warm-adjacent 🙂
Finding someone who listens without correction or suggestion is a gift and we all need someone like that in our life.
WilliamN
Interesting questions. Let’s see:
1) This instant I’m grateful for having just the right pillow. It’s early, I’m still in bed, and I hope to go back to sleep soon. The just right pillow really helps. I wish I could fit it into my carry-on and take it with me when I travel.
2) This one is easy: my father. He’s always been a cock-eyed optimist about hopes and prospects while maintaining a realistic assessment of the current situation. For example, even when we kids were young and he’d just started a company, he blithely spent money, knowing we didn’t have much now and confident the company would be a success and we’d have it later. PS: he was right. Even so, now in his old age I swear that nothing gets him down. He’s so happy with his life and doesn’t dwell on anything negative.
3) I would write a thank you note to my grandfather. My patient, intelligent, erudite, loving, blind grandfather who taught me how to read when I was 3 and showed me what a life-long learner looked like (just one example: blind or not, he learned Spanish at 70).
4) I have no idea what color gratitude is, my brain doesn’t work that way. I can tell you how it feels: it feels like cuddling under a down blanket with flannel sheets on a cold night, so that your nose gets nipped by the chill.
Grateful Kae
I love this! I want to know your dad. Better yet, I’d love to be just like your dad! ❤️
Elisabeth
2) It’s funny since in my post on Kristen’s blog last week I reflected on the fact that my dad is the biggest pessimist I know!
3) It is such an inspiration to have people in our lives who never see themselves as growing old and are always up for adventures. I’m in my 30s and I don’t speak a second language, so I’m very impressed by his late-in-life Spanish!
4) Seeing gratitude as a sensation or moment is a great twist on my question. I’d say sitting by a lake at sunrise with a warm cup of coffee would be my equivalent.
WilliamB
Apparently I can’t spell my own name. That was me. Sincerely, WilliamB.
Birchie
Kristen!!! It’s so fun to see you over at Elisabeth’s house!!!
I never thought about gratitude having a color before, but you’re right – it’s peach! Now that I see it I cannot unsee it.
What am I grateful for right now? The first thing that comes to mind is hiking. I like to travel and I like pleasant weather, so winter can be a bit tough since both of those things are scarce. Last year I heard about a 100 mile hiking challenge that started on Jan 1, and I thought “sure why not, there’s nothing else going on anyway”. But once I got out on the trails in winter I was HOOKED. I finished the challenge, and now my eyes were open to all of the trails and parks that are all around us. There’s something very peaceful about being out there in winter, and now the green is starting to come in so a whole new world is on the way.
Elisabeth
Outdoorsy people really do get to see an incredible metamorphosis (at least those of us that live in a location with 4 seasons). I sometimes complain about winter, but it is beautiful in its own way and makes me very appreciative for sunshine and crocuses.
I’m so impressed with your hiking challenge. I have plans for when you come to visit me 🙂
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
Yay for hiking! And as you walk the same trails over a year’s time, you will notice so many interesting changes. There is always something new to notice as the year goes by.
Nicole MacPherson
I agree – noticing is such an important component in gratitude. This was great to read! Thanks!
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
Yes, yes. Sometimes I say that this is why I don’t want to drink or use any mind/mood-altering substances; I want to be sober and awake for everything in life. The ups, the downs, the in-betweens….I don’t want to be numb! I want to see and feel and notice it all because that is part of what makes for a rich life experience.
Michelle G.
What a lovely interview! I’m digging deep to find some gratitude today, and this post really helped. ❤️
April
It’s weird and fun to see Kristen’s words in a different font(?) and website layout. lol I am a longtime reader of The Frugal Girl and blogs in general, and I love to see this blog swap happening. The family that recently flew across the country to visit is one I met through an online message board. We’ve been friends for 15 years now! Our kids are besties.
Kristen, I think gratitude is the color of the ocean: blue-green, but I loved reading your answer too.
We’re reading Jack and Jill on audible right now…another Louisa May Alcott book. It’s still wintery here, so it fits. But we better hurry! Spring will be here in about 3 weeks. I checked my phone photos from last year to see how much longer we have until the flowers arrive…
Elisabeth
I am so, so grateful for the blogging community where I’ve found such a warm, inviting home! That’s incredible that your kids have formed such a great bond as well.
Nothing makes my (optimistic) mother happier than sitting by the ocean watching waves roll in. She would very much approve of/agree with your colour answer!
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
I think Jack and Jill has a part in it where one of the girls remakes her room using things she found in the attic, right? I always loved that story when I was a kid, which goes to show that I have been on this reuse/recycle/repair track for a long time. Ha.
AnnieH
Kristen, would you consider yourself a pessimist or an optimist, and how does that influence your gratitude practice?
1. At this exact moment I am grateful for the breakfast my husband packed for me for work. He is truly a blessing in my life.
2. The most grateful person I know is a colleague who has been through some really tough things these past few years, yet they are still so happy and they said it’s because they really appreciate being alive. Their smile and laugh is contagious!
3. If I could write a thank you note it would have to be to two people and they would be my parents. They are both passed on, but I would not be who and where I am today without them believing in me and supporting me. For that I will be eternally grateful.
4. To me gratitude is the color of the sky at dawn. A soft, warm pinkish tone that fills my heart with joy.
Elisabeth
I love how joy and gratitude can be contagious. A little smile or kind word can really change the course of someone’s day. I’m so glad you have a colleague that brings that into your life!
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
I think I am, at my core, an optimist. While I have certainly had my times of serious discouragement, and have also had a not-insignificant amount of grief to work through around my marriage and what happened in it, I would say that my general baseline attitude is, “Things will probably work out, and even if they go poorly, I will manage to figure out a way through.”
So, it’s not just thinking forces outside of me will go my way; it’s something of a belief in my own power to navigate through hard things and come out the other side.
I don’t know if that is optimism, exactly? Maybe it’s a combo of optimism and self-confidence!
Elisabeth
Ohhh. Such an interesting distinction and something I haven’t really thought about too much in terms of optimism/gratitude. Self-confidence plays a huge role, I think. If we view ourselves as competent, resourceful, and flexible I suspect we automatically have a leg up on a pessimist who assumes the worst and underestimates what they’re capable of. I’m going to have to ponder this one for a while!
Grateful Kae
I absolutely love how you articulated the part about our brains being so good at noticing the bad stuff without even trying, and also the part about both good AND bad things making up our actual realities. Yes, it may “seem” like everything is bad all the time, but factually, that is simply not true. Noticing and acknowledging this reality is, in my opinion, hitting the gratitude nail on the head. Thank you for putting this into just the right words!!
I talk about and think about gratitude a lot, and I get skittish about it sometimes because sometimes people take it to mean that I’m ignoring or trying to wave away the (bad) realities and can be judgmental. That’s so not the case, though! It’s just that what we focus on expands, and as you so eloquently pointed out, BOTH the good and the bad are true realities, co-existing simultaneously. I can’t control everything that happens in life, but I can at least try and control which “wolf” I’m going to feed in my thoughts. It doesn’t make the bad stuff go away, and it doesn’t mean the bad stuff also doesn’t need my attention sometimes, but noticing and focusing on the co-existing good can at least help me tip the scales to a more balanced mental state. Because again, even if people aren’t acknowledging the good stuff, the fact is, it’s still there… (especially for anyone who would be reading this blog, who likely has internet access, a laptop or smartphone, an indoor washer and dryer, indoor plumbing, electricity, heat, air conditioning, clothes on their body, likely ate several meals today,probably has at least some sort of reliable income and is literate. 🙂 )
Central Calif. Artist Jana
Your list of the daily luxuries that we view as necessities is exactly right and something I consider with gratitude regularly.
Elisabeth
Kae, I love everything about this comment! Thanks for leaving such a thoughtful response. You know I love hearing about your perspectives on gratitude!
I remember reading something like: our minds are Teflon for the good and Velcro for the bad. That is a reality I have to battle against as it’s my natural inclination. Where our mind goes, our attention flows…and sometimes it DOES take conscious effort to redirect our mind. I think it can look like someone who is grateful is either unrealistic or it comes to the naturally, but I think a lot of grateful people make a decided effort to look on the bright side of life.
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
It is very interesting to me how humans are very quick to judge gratefulness activities as being fake or topically positive, while it seems that a complaining, negative attitude is less judged.
People also often assume that being grateful means that you pretend the hard things aren’t there, and as I said in my post, that is not at all what I’m saying. I’m aiming for a true take on life which means acknowledging the hard but ALSO noticing the good that coexists.
To acknowledge and notice both is to acknowledge and notice reality. 🙂
Central Calif. Artist Jana
Did you mean “toxically positive” rather than “topically positive”? I’ve heard/read the term “toxic positivity” recently and wondered what that is referring to. Makes me irritable to see that no matter how good and positive the topic, someone will find a way to sully it. Negativity strikes me as much more “toxic” (such an overused word).
WilliamB
Toxic positivity means not giving people – yourself or others – room to be anything other than positive. So no room to grieve, or be sad, or be irritated, or anything other than happy and positive.
If you’re naturally positive all the time and also give people room to express/feel another emotion – such as is good listening – then you’re being a good friend who happens to be a positive person. If you always tell them to look on the bright side, or say it’s for the best, or otherwise deny and denigrate their hard time, then you’re being toxically positive.
Elisabeth
And that will teach me for responding to comments in order and not scroll through to see if other’s have responded.
Thank you – you’ve articulated the problem with toxic positivity perfectly. What a nuanced and helpful response!
I especially appreciate how you differentiate between a positive person and someone who is toxically positive.
Elisabeth
I think in certain circles and circumstances “toxic positivity” is a very real issue.
Here’s a definition: “Toxic positivity refers to the excessive and insincere focus on maintaining a positive mindset, often at the expense of acknowledging or addressing real negative emotions or challenges. It involves dismissing or invalidating feelings like sadness, frustration, or anger, and can lead to pressure to constantly appear happy or optimistic, even when it’s not appropriate or healthy.”
As someone who has gone to therapy for several years to deal with some trauma in my past, I recognize how very important it is to acknowledge the hard and deal with the very real impacts of some situations on our life. We can still find things to be grateful for in every situation, but we do NOT need to spin every specific incident in our lives positively. Does that help define it a bit more?
Jenny
Purple!!!
I loved this, and I’ll definitely be checking out Kristen’s Thankful Thursdays. And I love how she points out that gratitude is all about NOTICING. The good things are always there, we just have to notice them.
Right now… it’s my day off work and I’m sitting in Starbucks with a hot, delicious Earl Grey tea.
Elisabeth
You know I LOVE purple, Jenny. Great choice.
I’m sipping a (decaf) coffee and it is definitely making me grateful right now 🙂
Lisa's Yarns
In this moment, I’m grateful for the Starbucks latte I just finished! It’s my weekly treat during weeks that I don’t travel (I have them daily when traveling since the company is footing the bill.)
One of my college friends comes to mind. She is just a generally upbeat person who has such a calming presence. She’s not a pollyanna – but she doesn’t focus on the bad things in life.
No one comes to mind as someone I should send a thank you note to right now… I feel like the people I value/am grateful for know it, as odd as that seems? I was very open with my late grandmother about how much I appreciated our relationship. She passed away last April and her passing was so much easier because I really felt like I did not leave anything left unsaid.
For gratitude, I would assign a vibrant red!
Elisabeth
Yay for treats. Those little “luxuries” are part of what make life rich and vibrant and fun.
Central Calif. Artist Jana
Great questions, Elisabeth!
Wonderfully thoughtful and inspirational answers, Kristen! (no surprise there)
Only one question: have Elisabeth and Kristen ever met in person?
Elisabeth
We have not! I’d love to make that happen someday <3
I've only been reading The Frugal Girl for...a year? Aside from her optimism and my pessimism, I see quite a bit of overlap in our way of thinking and I think we'd have a lot of fun hanging out.
@Kristen: Nova Scotia is realllly beautiful in the fall. Just sayin’…
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
Ok, duly noted. I’d love to meet you IRL (preferably at a time when we could both wear our striped rain jackets. lol)
Elisabeth
Deal!
Allison
You have beautiful eyes! and a beautiful cat!
I had the worst sleep of recent memory last night, and I have a splitting headache and am working in a school library with a very loud dance workshop going on in the gym next door. I am finding this amusing more than anything, because more and more with everything going on in the world, I am aware of how lucky I am (including in having friends that I can complain to, with perspective). Gratitude would be indigo blue for me, like most good things are.
Elisabeth
Isn’t perspective – if we allow it at least – such a balm for pessimism. Bad nights of sleep are awful…but the fact you can hear the dance music, have a job you love to go to, etc in perspective to the absolute chaos of so many people’s lives right now is amazing.
All that said, I very much hope you get an amazing night of sleep tonight.
Gratitude would be indigo blue for me, like most good things are. Haha. I’d say you’re partial to indigo blue!
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
Aww, thank you!
Alexandra
First of all, a big thank you to both you and Kristen for today’s post reminding us to be grateful for all the little things in our lives. And to paying more attention to them.
As to your questions? I think I’m going to make them my post for today. 😉
Elisabeth
Looking forward to reading it!
NGS
Yes to being able to do laundry in my own home! I don’t have to schlep my clothes to a laundromat and it’s all automated so I don’t have to beat my clothes against a rock by a river. So much gratitude for modern conveniences.
There was a big election in my US state yesterday and the outcome was as good as I could have hoped. I am so grateful that the people of my state showed up and did right (unlike in November…). It feels victorious today.
Elisabeth
Engie, I’ll admit I laughed at the image of you beating clothes against a rock by a river. I’m glad it hasn’t come to that!
Change happens in baby steps.
A. Marie
I’ve been struggling with what to say for a while now, since this is one of those days where I’m seriously missing my late DH. But as Lisa’s Yarns said above, it’s important not to let anything important go unsaid with our loved ones–and DH and I said it all, every day, till he couldn’t say it any more because of Alzheimer’s. And I kept on saying it, up to and including the day he died, whether he could hear me or not. So I’m profoundly grateful for that.
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
Yes, yes, I so agree with this. We can’t avoid losses in life, but they hurt a little less when we know we savored the good things while we could.
It’s not the same, of course, but when my kids were babies, I made such a point of soaking in their sweet little selves and really appreciating those months and years. So now when I think of their tiny days, there is comfort in knowing I could not possibly have appreciated and enjoyed them more than I did.
I think it’s sort of the same with you and your DH; nothing will take away the hurt of losing him, of course, but I know you are comforted in knowing you enjoyed him and expressed your love to him as much as a human could.
Elisabeth
Grief has no expiration date and you will always miss your DH – he sounds like a wonderful partner and friend. I’m so glad you have those wonderful memories of togetherness and love. Thank you for sharing.
Katy @ Practical Walk
-Thank you note, would probably be my mom. I didn’t realize how much work mothering is until I was one.
– Color, a happy bright color, like yellow or orange.
– I think of a friend who was not only grateful, but honest about difficulties. It seemed like even if we discussed challenges, she’d include the truths we can stand firm on as well.
Elisabeth
Being a mother provides so much perspective on one’s own childhood and our view of motherhood/our own mother.
Yellow seems like a VERY logical colour for gratitude. Lemons – the look, texture, and scent always make me happy. I’ll try to remember to be grateful each time I see a lemon now, whether I’m buying one or not.
Daria
Small things I am grateful for this morning:
1. warm weather and a open window that can be opened at work
2. my desk lamp at work
3. Ezra Klein’s latest episode
4. Upcoming roadtrip
I would write a thank you note to my mom who I have not spoken to since February of 2020.