When I did a bit of navel-gazing about the past year of blogging, one thing that came up multiple times was how much people seem to enjoy reading about my Demerits and Gold Stars.
Let’s address the elephant in the room: I haven’t listed these in MONTHS. More specifically, the last time I took the time to record these was LAST MAY (here’s the list). I find this kind of introspection helpful, but there’s also a sense of time getting away from me and needing to keep up with the practice. Obviously, this is ridiculous—but the more time that went by, the more I felt “behind” on tracking this sort of thing.
Enough. Just get on with it, Elisabeth. There is no rule about how frequently this needs to be done, and I already think in terms of “demerits” (gentle scolding—I’m pretty easy on myself the older I get) and “gold stars” (I’m perhaps a bit too effusive when it comes to awarding myself virtual confetti).
DEMERITS
- Picking at my cuticles. For all that is merciful, I am so bad about picking at my cuticles and hangnails. Am I a pre-pubescent tween? Why can’t I get this under control? I’ve taken to putting on lotion regularly and using nail oil, but I feel like I constantly have little hard bits that I’m picking away at. Painting my nails does help, but sometimes it also makes me more aware of my cuticles—and then I want them to look tidier, and then I pick at them. A vicious cycle.
- Exercise. You know how I feel about exercise. (Gold star that I go to pickleball twice a week and that offers 1.5 hours of consistent cardio, squats, etc.)
- Keeping up with friends. I feel like I fell into a bit of a dark hole over Christmas—not in a depressive way, just a very insular/hibernation phase. Between company, Christmas break, and planning for Europe, I haven’t been a very involved or present friend, and that deserves a demerit. Thankfully, my friends are tremendously gracious and never complain, but I want to do better about this—especially in the lead-up to leaving for Europe.
- Veggies. Or lack thereof. I love salads, but fresh produce is not at its peak right now, and I’ve been eating a lot of carbs and not enough vegetables. This IS getting better…
- Not sending thank you notes. To be fair, there is only one person who always sends me thank you notes for everything. She loves cards (and keeps all the cards she receives) and genuinely appreciates getting them in return. The good news? This reflective exercise already worked its magic, and I went and wrote and posted a thank you note to her for various things she did and gave over Christmas. (We don’t see each other often, and this is clearly a form of connection she values.)
GOLD STARS
- Preparing the photobook. What a labour of love. Thousands of pictures and dozens of hours go into pulling this together. I know there are automated options—and I’ve tried a few—but we have so many pictures and categories and subcategories that nothing works the way I want it to without manual effort. The sense of relief and accomplishment from having this off my plate for 2025 is enormous.
- Gifts. I feel like I did a great job with gifts this year (here are my Christmas gift recaps for 2025, and I also detailed a few of the things I bought for my sister and niece when they were visiting). I’m not naturally an overly generous or talented gifter, but I think I’m honing that skill as I get older, and that feels good.
- Tidying. Our furnace room (which, if you hadn’t guessed, houses our furnace) is our main storage space. It became a dumping ground over the holidays. It’s also where we keep ski and sledding gear, luggage, and all our paper/recycling/trash. It was starting to feel overwhelming, but I tackled it one day—and in under 30 minutes it was basically sorted. A small win, but very satisfying.
- Time blocking. Because I work from home in a variety of capacities, there isn’t a clear delineation between paid work (which now includes blogging/Patreon and our business) and unpaid domestic work. There is a lot of the latter, and being home makes it nearly impossible to avoid. Lately, I’ve been trying to focus on one main area of work per day—one day just for blog prep, for example. I still do a few odd jobs here and there, but I try to “clock off” when Indy gets home and then shift into domestic work like cooking, cleaning, and laundry. It has… helped. I feel less scattered, more productive, and I think I need to consciously keep organizing my time this way.
- Europe planning. If you know me in real life, you know travel and spontaneity do not come naturally to me. If you had told me a decade ago that I’d be planning nearly four months abroad, I would have either fainted on the spot or laughed in your face. And yet—here we are. I have moments of overwhelming pessimism (everyone will be at each other’s throats; the kids will get bored; we’ll burn out), but most of the time I’m framing this for what it is: a giant gift. I do not want to treat it like a burden. Yes, there’s a lot of planning. Yes, there are countless unknown variables. But it is still such a gift. So in addition to my attitude, I’m also awarding a gold star for the logistics. I’m doing so much with spreadsheets, Google Maps, layers, and tabs—and it’s making the whole experience feel far less daunting.
Okay. That’s enough from me. Now I want to hear from you:
- How do you feel about the (perhaps lost?) art of sending thank you cards?
- What are some recent Demerits and Gold Stars from your world?
- Do you time block? Tell me all your secrets.
- Any fellow cuticle pickers reading here today?
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I love sending thank you cards! I line my kids up after holidays and have them write or sign cards. My mom taught me to do them, and I like letting people know I did get the gift/appreciate it.
I time block roughly. I work part-time, so there’s a natural break in my day between work and house/kid stuff. I’ll check my email at home- I think it’s important to reply to students quickly- but mostly work stays at work. I also have a loose weekly schedule for chores- Thurs vacuum upstairs, Saturday bathrooms, rice that helps me get a lot of the routine stuff done. ( except Laundry, which is most days…)
Sorry about your cuticles- that’s what my husband does, and he’s obsessive about it. No matter what he tries, he’s always back at them.
Demerits for me: no exercise, few veggies, too muck diet Coke.
Thankfully, I’m not obsessive with my cuticles, but I just hate how they look after I pick!!
I don’t have a set cleaning routine and I feel like I should. Growing up my mom ALWAYS cleaned on Thursday evening after work. She liked going into the weekend with a clean house.
Great job on the photobook, Elisabeth!! I’m right in the middle of making one for my parents and like you, it’s taking me HOURS. I can imagine how satisfying it must feel once it’s finally done.
Will you have a system for organising your Europe photos? By timeline, by location, or something else?
And yes to time blocking! My Outlook calendar is very colourful and every slot is accounted for, I even schedule time for relaxing, ha! Because I also schedule some of my to-dos, it doubles as my pending list, which works well for me.
As for demerits, my marathon training is worrying me. I’m following the plan and my stats should be firmly in the productive zone, but my Garmin strongly disagrees. I’m really hoping for a change in the next few days!
I’ll organize photos by location, I expect. And I plan to make two photobooks next year. One just from Europe and another of the rest of the year. It would be too overwhelming to try to include all the pictures I’m sure we’ll take from Europe.
You scheduling time for relaxing tells me everything I need to know about your personality. I love it <3
I'm sure it's hard to ignore the Garmin, but you did great on your last race and I feel like your body knows how to prepare for this sort of thing. You'll do great!!!
If you want advice on Denmark, feel free to email me!
I haven’t sent thank-you cards in a long time, as I only receive gifts from friends and immediate family. I remember as a child getting stationery in my stocking from Father Christmas for that purpose though 😉
I don’t have what others what probably call an organised approach to time blocking but I have my own structure; I generally know how busy certain days will be and plan tasks around that. I’m not very good at getting housecleaning done though, mostly because it’s boring haha. For some reason I’m really good at planning trips; probably because they’re a lot more fun.
I’ve stuck to my goal of strength training at the gym twice a week so far but I really need to get back into running more regularly. I’ve only been for one run this month. I want to run a 10K at some point this year. The problem is that I like running outside and it’s not very motivating when it’s freezing, or safe when it’s icy!
Awww. Thanks. I mostly plan to let me brother and his wife do all the planning (I want to go to Mons Klint, maybe the Forest Tower, and Roskilde). We did most of the main touristy things when we were there a decade ago, and so I’m looking forward to just strolling and relaxing.
Do you live close to Copenhagen? Maybe we can connect when I’m there??
Gold stars indeed for the strength training!
Mons Klint is very cool! Yes I live near there, if I’m free maybe we can meet up!
That would be fun!
Demerits and gold stars are fun! Especially if giving yourself a demerit prods you on to action. I have a huge demerit for myself, which is that there’s still random Christmas stuff scattered around my house. It’s like I got 90% done with putting everything away and then just stopped. I’ve given myself a firm deadline of February 1st (and even that is ridiculous) which is coming RIGHT UP. Sigh.
Your gold stars for January definitely outweigh your demerits. Celebrate the wins!
I still have a few Christmas things up and I plan to just make sure they’re down by the time we leave, so you’re beating me Jenny!
In the least surprising answer ever, I love sending and receiving thank you cards. Anything I can send a card in the mail for, I WILL.
Okay, let’s do this.
Demerit: I need to make a phone call about a contact lens rebate. The paperwork is stalled and I think I did something wrong, but I don’t know what. The thing is that the place is in a different time zone and I work and it’s only available a few times a week and blah, blah, blah. I just need to write it down and do it. It’s a pretty sizeable rebate and I don’t want to leave money on the table.
Gold star: I wrote notes to all the graduating seniors on my caseload! It was fun telling them how proud I was of them.
Demerit: It has been cold here (subzero). That’s not my fault, but the fact that poor Hannah saw me come home yesterday afternoon and she immediately tucked her tail because she had to go outside makes me feel like the worst dog friend in the world. Her boots have been rubbing her paws raw, but it’s too cold for her to go out without boots on. It’s pain no matter what.
Gold star: I ordered her fancypants suspender boots that shouldn’t rub. Did they cost more than my own winter boots did? Yes, yes, they did. (OH! I ordered from Canada Pooch, so I’m supporting a Canadian business!)
Whew! That’s a lot.
I LOVE your stance on snail mail, Engie.
I hate making phone calls. The end.
Love the gold stars! I am chuckling over Hannah’s bougie boots. This winter is no joke and good gear makes all the difference.
Lifelong cuticle picker here! It is not my most endearing habit, but here we are. To my credit, I stop when things hurt/start bleeding. I would love to stop, but picky things are just so…begging to be picked.
I do time block a bit – first thing is for working out, the rest of the morning is for sitting at my desk and learning stuff and/or reading & writing blogs like right now. I never have a problem taking a break for lunch and a dog walk because…I get hungry and the dog really wants her walk. Afternoons are for doing physical stuff. This might be cleaning, it might be running errands, or it might be adventures. I really like this schedule because I’m using my brain in the morning when it’s the sharpest, but I’m not desk bound all day, which was a big problem when I was working. Also cleaning is not that fun, so it’s not a good way to start the day. Much better to do it in what used to be the afternoon slump.
I occassionly draw blood (HOW GROSS), but usually it just looks awful when I really get into picking. What is it? And why are some people more likely to pick than others??
Your schedule sounds great and I love how you’re prioritizing things at times of day that make the most sense given your energy levels/interests.
I still need to send a thank you note for an extra special Christmas gift I received, really should do that ASAP!
Mother nature gets all the demerits this week! The temperature is way below average and the amount of snow is way above average! I’m over it! Even though I know in about 8 weeks I will be grumbling about mowing the lawn! lol
The college student who cleared the snow from my driveway deserves a gold star! He used a snowblower and then went over it with a shovel. I could see bare spots until in snowed again yesterday. I’d never hired someone to do snow removal before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was very pleased!
Isn’t that the irony in the weather. Right now the cold and the snow are such hassles but, you’re right… in a few months it will be time to fret about lawn care!
We almost always do our own snow removal but hired it out yesterday and it was worth every single penny!
Oh man, a photobook is one of my dream projects.
Question – how do you and John share pictures for the photobook? Or is the photobook mostly just your pictures? I want to include my Husband’s photos if I make a photobook, but I’m not sure how to do that without having to wade through his whole feed.
Sometimes time blocking works for me, but sometimes i get very distracted. I think I need to find a way to focus more in order for time blocking to really work for me.
I do like sending thank you cards, though I think the hardest part is that I don’t often have people’s address, so there is an additional stop of writing and asking for it.
Gold star for me – using up some leftover pepper jelly for thumbpint cookies.
Demerit – going to bed at a time that ensures I get 7-8 hours of sleep. Sleep has not been ideal lately.
Great question. Yes, he downloads all his photos to a OneDrive folder and then I separate his photos into shared albums with mine (by topic/date). So all of John’s photos are incorporated into our photobook. ALTHOUGH, it didn’t cross my mind to get them from Belle, so none of her photos are in the book which feels like an oversight. Oops.
Going to bed on time can be HARD. I really like the quiet in the evening so it’s hard to give that pocket of time up for sleep… but then I pay for that poor decision later.
I need to do better with keeping in touch with friends and family, and with sending thank you cards. It’s so easy to send a text but there’s no substitute for getting a real card. I always appreciate them so much 🙂 It’s sad to me that many times people don’t even thank others anymore, let alone send a card 🙁
I will admit I’m not great about thanking people. The shame!!! 🙁
I should timeblock, but I don’t. I’ve never picked at my cuticles, but I have started biting my nails in the last few years, so I don’t know what’s going on there. Maybe I need a fidget toy? I must admit I do not send thank-you cards either. Demerits all round for me!
I like fidget toys but also would never remember to carry them around. I have a child who bites their nails when they watch TV (just as a mindless thing) and I think I should give them a fidget toy instead! I’m going to try this!
Your nails and cuticles look so healthy! Cheers to that!
I’m pretty good at remembering to send thank yous. Mostly via text, but for some people, I do write them, because like you, I know who really appreciates that extra step. (which didn’t used to be extra, right?)
Your photo book is going to be epic; SO many photos!
Time block? I have zero time management skills, but I don’t need them as much as I did back in the day.
My photobook came yesterday and it WAS EPIC!
Gah I had typed a long comment and then the website refreshed! So my TLDR on thank yous is that we mostly have the kids send them but not always. It kind of depends on the gift giver and their expectations. I am glad Paul can write thank yous now. It’s a good way for him to practice his penmanship.
I pick my cuticles and also calluses on my feet which I know is gross. But I can’t help myself. I have awful calluses since I have very high arches so my feet slide around more in shoes. I wish I could quit this habit but it’s hard!
My gold star is going to OTF consistently. Now that I have an unlimited membership, im motivated to go to make it worth the $$$. My demerit is eating too many sweets!
I am so glad you’re loving OTF!!! It sounds like a great investment, especially in these horrible winter months when exercising outside is unpleasant at best and downright dangerous a lot of the time.
Demerits and Gold Stars – I feel it’s always a push and pull. If you improve/get gold stars in one area, something will inevitably become a demerit. For me, it’s usually a time issue (too much to do, too little time).
I haven’t sent Thank you cars in a long time. I don’t think it was really something people did in Germany, because we usually would thank the person in person. I like the idea of Thank you cards, but I also believe that a thank you – in whatever form – is appreciated!
I am curious about your time blocking. Do you always stick to your blocks? When I tried it, one tasks often bleeds into the next time block (because I didn’t allocate enough time) and then the plan falls apart and I abandon blocks all together.
P.S. Oh hey, did you change something? I think I was able to log in with my WordPress Account today (didn’t see that option before). Let’s see if I receive comment replies via email now 🙂
Ha, no I don’t always stick to the blocks and to call what I do time blocking would probably give Cal Newport a heart attack (it’s loose time blocking), but being a bit more intentional about how I slot things into the day has been helpful.
Didn’t change anything. The technology gremlins must be working overtime (let me know if it works!)
I am SO BAD at picking at my cuticles, too. I do pick them to the point of bleeding sometimes, which is so dumb. Why do I cause myself pain?!?! Sometimes I’ll put a bandaid around the finger I’ve been picking out JUST to stop me from obsessing over it. Gah.
No demerits here! Just gold stars for getting a PA diagnosis and finally feeling good. I’m LIVING for this!
Yay for gold stars (and I feel better that I’m not the only cuticle picker lurking around the interwebs)!