Apologies for the unusual double post today. But…
Gah. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve thought about writing about my Demerits and Gold Stars over the past few months. I’ve even gone as far as jotting some of them down, but I’ve been dragging my feet on actually posting,
Which, technically, is fine. There’s no boss breathing down my neck for a performance review. But I know these check-ins are helpful for me, so no. more. stalling!
I’m not going to give myself another day to sit on this. Publish.
DEMERITS
- Broken Contact Form. I’ve been ignoring a set of auto-generated email reports for months that would’ve alerted me to the fact that my blog’s contact form was broken. It shows I’ve received dozens of messages (some, though definitely not all, were spam), but none of them actually came through. If you’ve emailed me since January and I didn’t respond, I’m so sorry! I’ve gone ahead and removed the form for now and replaced it with a direct contact email.
- Church Scrollers. There’s someone at church who spends the majority of the service scrolling on their phone. Ironically, they’re always looking at sales flyers and rewards programs. It’s distracting every single week. We could sit in a different spot, but they always seem to be within easy view. And when I spot broccoli on sale for $2.99, it’s hard to resist a glance. I know, I know — I was mildly obsessed with The Knitter a few years ago, and I even went so far as to befriend her. But knitting in church feels much different than making a grocery list. Thoughts?
- Potholes. Canadian winters are tough on our roads (plows, frost heaving, you name it). What drives me nuts is how quickly the patches they put in the potholes get destroyed. Not only do the holes remain, but now we have these big chunks of asphalt scattered across the road.
- Yoga/Gym/Lifting Weights. I walked every day in April and have been exercising fairly regularly, but I’ve completely fallen off with stretching and yoga and lifting. (I still have some passes for the yoga studio, but they’re expiring in a few months, and I… haven’t used them.) I just don’t feel like it. On one hand, that’s okay, but I was enjoying the feeling of getting stronger when I was consistently lifting weights and stretching. Help!
- Hole in the Drywall. You may remember that one of the kids accidentally put their foot through the wall in our main hallway a while back. That hole is still there. For months, we covered it with a picture one of the kids painted at school. Then, that fell off, and now we’re left with… an unpatched hole. This will require outsourcing.
- Screens. I feel like my default activity for the kids (when there isn’t something going on) has been screens lately. Indy is obsessed with Minecraft (he’s relatively new to the game, and of course has many friends that were already familiar with it), and Belle likes to e-mail her friends, read short stories she’s written, and play a series of truly mindless computer games (though they are good for hand-eye coordination). Both kids love watching tricks shots on YouTube. It’s harder to convince the kids to go adventure with me and I don’t really feel like summoning the energy to head out. To be fair, they have fairly busy schedules with soccer, church, choir, drama, friends. But neither of them likes to read (*sob*) and their screen time hours on days they’re home is definitely creeping up. I can’t decide if I care enough to work on this? Also, I appreciate their screen time because it gives me time to read or blog or do other things sans kids.
- Deep Sleep. I know sleep trackers have their pros and cons, but I’ve been really enjoying my Oura ring for tracking sleep/menstrual cycles and other metrics. Unfortunately, according to Oura I am consistently not getting enough deep sleep. It’s recommended to get 1-2 hours a night, and I often get less than 45 minutes. Eek! I’m working on tweaking a few things. On average, I’m sleeping about 7 hours and 40 minutes, but not enough of it is deep sleep. Maybe that’s one reason why I’ve been feeling tired all these years?
- Showers and sheets. I’m back to not washing my sheets enough, and… it’s been several months since I deep cleaned the shower stall. I mean, it looks okay, but there’s just so little motivation on my end to stay on top of this. I clean things and then IMMEDIATELY they look filthy again. I mop floors, and the kids run over them with wet feet. I wash the door handles and someone comes inside with muddy hands. Sigh. Things are neat (ish), but they aren’t necessarily “clean.” On the gold star side of things, I’ve turned cleaning the main bathroom (minus the shower — maybe I should include the shower?) over to Belle. She actually requested this job, so it’s hers!
GOLD STARS
- The Cool Bloggers Walking Club. It brings me so much joy to know that people all around the world were walking daily in April. It’s amazing to see that so many of you made movement a priority.
- Belle and Indy. They have their moments, of course, but the kids are at a really great stage lately. Mostly happy, respectful, and just enjoying being kids. They were also phenomenal travelers when we went to Paris.
- Belle’s Phone Use. So far, Belle having a phone has been a 10/10 experience. There are lots of guidelines (she’s not allowed to use it in her room, there is no access to Safari, and she can’t download apps without us using bypassing parental controls, and the phone charges in our room), but her being able to communicate with me during the day or when she’s at extracurriculars is very handy. I’m thrilled with how smoothly things have gone thus far. No doubt I’m jinxing myself…
- Organization. Love!
- Painting My Nails. I really enjoy having painted nails, and I’ve finally gotten into a good routine of doing my own manicures at home once a week.
- Prepping for Fall. I’ve started working on making the transition back to my university job easier in the fall (my contract all but pauses — down to 2 hr/week — in the summer). It feels good to tackle things proactively!
- Summer Planning. I have a general idea of how we’ll spend the summer, with key elements booked, paid for, and scheduled. We still have a lot of flexible time, but I know there will be plenty to do — including, hopefully, several trips to visit my parents.
- Post-supper cleanup. A week or so ago, John and I asked the kids to clear the table, load the dishwasher, and deal with any dishes that need hand-washing. They BOTH retorted that they knew what to do because — and I am quoting them here — “We do it every night.” I just cannot even. They may have done a full cleanup of supper twice in the last 6 months. They continued to insist they did it every night (reality distortion complex, anyone?). Well, then. FEEL FREE. So now, the kids are responsible for clearing the table, loading the dishwasher, and clearing off the counters. It backfired for them, but it’s pretty awesome for me.
- Phone calls. I paid the car insurance. I made a PAP appointment. Adulting things that required a phone call and I summoned the courage to get it done.
- Two-year anniversary from PRK. Today marks 2 years since I had laser eye surgery. The road was initially VERY bumpy, but today I am thrilled with my decision to go for it.
Your turn:
- Recent Demerits or Gold Stars?
- What’s one thing you’ve been putting off that you know would make your life easier if you just did it?
- Any tips for getting more deep sleep?
- Are there any “little things” in your life that have the potential to drive you crazy, like the potholes or phone scrollers I mentioned?
- Do you have any fun summer plans?
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Elinoora
Gold star: the organization of our trip to Japan! I hadn’t figured out everything in advance, but I had all the stays + how to get places + train tickets and bus tickets for longer trips all booked. So all in all, those transitions went quite smoothly. So much so that we tended to end up with extra time on our hands in train stations, haha.
If/when we go again I will probably do things a bit differently, but I’m still very pleased with past me for figuring everything out and recording it in a Google Doc so I had easy access to all my information.
Demerit: no running/yoga/strength training happened while we were in Japan – I mean, we did walk every day, even on travel days! Time to pick up the routine now that we are back home.
Things that drive me crazy: having to make extra decisions when I haven’t got the brain space, such as ‘can I game?’. That sentence drives me bonkers because it requires a conversation every time about homework and screen time. My current solution is to plan 5 hours of game time for the oldest. That way he knows when he’s allowed to game and doesn’t have to ask. He also gets 30 minutes of Brawlstars every day so I feel that’s plenty of gaming. Now if only we could sort out the YouTube issue *sighs* anybody who has tips, feel free to reply!
Elisabeth
Organizing such a big trip deserves a whole SHEET of gold stars!! It really is a lot to manage, but it pays off in terms of things going smoothly.
Glad to know it’s not just me who has dropped off with yoga and strength training. I think my biggest demerit is the fact I’m VERY aware of the issue and feel zero desire to do anything about it, even though I know I enjoy lifting AND yoga?
YouTube is a new thing on our radar. For years it was just silly little videos like Paw Patrol and the like on Netflix (I will admit I miss these shows a bit – they were so sweet!).
Michelle G.
Aarg! Potholes are so annoying! And why don’t the repairs last longer? Winter is so hard on roads. Did you write about your experiences with PRK? I’ve heard you mention it a couple of times, but I don’t remember reading about the procedure. Maybe I hand’t found your blog yet.
The phone scroller in church made me laugh!
Knitting too! How funny!
Elisabeth
I did write about PRK…a few months before my old blog was deleted. Which reminds me – I should repost about my experience. Stay tuned, Michelle.
The phone scroller would make me laugh, too…if it didn’t distract me so badly!
Suzanne
Woo! Good work, Elisabeth!
I think I may have summer camp figured out???? That’s a gold star for sure. But I do have several phone calls on my to-do list that I keep postponing. Demerit much???
Elisabeth
Yay! Summer camp is a HUGE hurdle. Go you.
Phone calls are the worst. No judgement from me.
mbmom11
So this post motivated me to do two things on my “to-do” list that I’ve put off:made physical appointment for child for next school year and register kids for public school. I still need to write to a guidance counselor to ask about summer school, but I think I’ll do that later today.
Demerits? Eating too much in the evening – it’s comfort eating ,not hunger eating. I know better. I’ll keep trying. Drinking too much soda (just a few more days until the semester ends, then I’ll work on that).
I only have my husband’s family reunion on the schedule for summer. I will buy our swim passes for the city pool soon. However, there are some things that make me want to stay close to home and not travel this summer, so we might not do much else. My daughter is signed up for her 6 week summer camp, and high school son has band camp starting near the end of July. Also trying to have other high school boy apply for a part-time job, or summer school, or both.
mbmom11
Email written! Thanks for the motivation to clear my to-do list!
Elisabeth
My pleasure 🙂
Elisabeth
This made me disproportionately happy! I’m so glad this post inspired you to get a few lingering tasks crossed off your list.
Evening snacking is SO hard to avoid. Comfort eating comes with some seasons of life. Sometimes I need to give in (and accept the comfort) and then other times I need to fight back because it starts having all sorts of negative impacts. Why does food often have to feel so complicated??
Birchie
I love having a clean house, but I also am a big fan of letting the small stuff go when you’re pressed for time. I love clean sheets, so that’s high on my list, but the shower isn’t going anywhere. I also don’t think it’s terrible that Indy is playing a lot of Minecraft (that happened in my house) and BELLE IS WRITING!!! That’s a great use of screens!
My sleep was terrible a few months ago for no reason, and then it got better – again for no reason! But for the past few weeks I’ve been experiencing the dreaded “four o’clock hole” where I wake up at 4 AM and never really get back to sleep. It just dawned on me last night that I know what to do for that – listen to a sleep mediation. It’s like I have to keep learning and relearning it over again. So hopefully the “hole” will get patched over in the next few nights and I’ll be sleeping well again.
Elisabeth
She’s writing a fraction of the time but…meh. I remember lots of screen time playing mindless games when I was a kid, too. OFF FLOPPY DISK. I mean, can you even? My kids wouldn’t know what a floppy disk was…moving on.
ernie
The phone scroller would make me nuts. I’d definitely sit somewhere else, and If I was feeling forward and grouchy enough I might stop the scroller and say, Hi, Not sure if you realize it, but your phone use during church is distracting, and I’m trying to urge my children to remember to stay focused. I appreciate your consideration.
Ugh, my mind is all over the place with the many many things I could list here that I’d like to have a better handle on. I have 3 college kids doing re-entry here and so many things that can disrupt the regular day to day stuff here. I’m trying to squeeze a lot in before the adoption is finalized, like lawyer phone calls and the neuropsych testing that we’re trying to get completed. Where Reg is going next year and whether or not to pay a recruiter who wants to represent Curly is very pressing.
In all of this, I’m hoping (but maybe just dreaming) to carve out time to write during the summer when I have less daycare stuff to deal with. (Curly is watching one of my babies here 2 or 3x a week). I’m going to insist that everyone pick up the slack and clean up after dinner and prepare dinner are a few areas I’m thinking about. Oh, and grocery shop. It’ll feel like a win to simply get our garage cleared out of all the furniture and apartment stuff that is trickling in from the two different (Tank and Reg) apartments.
Deep breaths. I don’t even know if I answered any of your questions, but this post had me pondering the next few months and all that is happening around here. Yikes.
I’d say strenuous exercise for more deep sleep?
Elisabeth
I have debated saying something but maybe she’s really paying attention to the sermon while doing it and it helps her focus? I dunno. It drives me crazy, but I guess that’s a me problem?
You have so much on the go, Ernie. So many irons in so many fires.
I am going to try to dip my toes back into running again after a hiatus. I’ll see how that might impact deep sleep.
central calif. artist jana
Two thoughts:
1. Church scroller versus The Knitter: I used to knit in church every Sunday. Doing something with my hands keeps me listening better. I stopped because our pastor is struggling and I want him to see that I fully paying attention. I used to draw, but now that our church is small, it is too distracting to other people. Someone messing around with a phone is not able to listen; it is rude to the pastor and distracting to people around.
2. Tracking sleep would make me very anxious about getting enough sleep. It is possible that you aren’t getting enough deep sleep. It is possible that you have some sort of undiscovered allergy that is making you tired. It is possible that your days are so crammed that you don’t have enough down time to be ready to sleep. How in the world is a person supposed to sleep better?? When my body wants to be awake, there isn’t a thing I can do about it. So, I am choosing ignorance about my sleep over tracking it.
Elisabeth
Now that you mention it, The Knitter doesn’t knit any more in our church either. To be clear – I LOVED watching the knitter. And I know it helped her pay more attention to the sermon. I just can’t comprehend how making a grocery list would improve one’s attention span, but it really impacts mine. Sigh.
I do think that tracking sleep has downsides, but I appreciate the inputs and I am intrigued to see if any changes I make might move the needle a bit. We shall see! (And you can be sure I’ll report back.)
Steph
Over the winter, there were some people at my church watching football games on their phones during our services. It drove me bonkers!!!!!! I did move my seat, because I decided that I could only control myself and their phone usage was utterly distracting for me.
Demerit: Ironically, my own screen usage. And some emotional eating.
Gold stars: Intentionally talking to more neighbors; exercising consistently; emotional regulation on some things that historically made me spiral.
Elisabeth
FOOTBALL GAMES??? Oh my. That’s next level. But you’re right. I can only control myself…but…I’m Baptist and we like sitting in the same seats week after week. I need to come up with a game plan. (The hard thing is if they sit down *after* I’ve taken a seat. I think the solution is to sit closer to the front because they tend toward the back.
Those are awesome gold stars. As someone who struggles not to spiral with a few select things, this is HUGE!
J
I’ll admit to being confused as to how potholes is a demerit for you? I would say for the government. I do not know whether this is true or not, but my husband told me that he read that in France the company that maintains the roads guarantees their work…which means they do a better job and use better materials. It costs more up front, but less over time because they’re not always patching it. True? I don’t know. The roads were pretty good though, when I was there.
Gold stars for me – sticking with my yoga and weights. The fear of backsliding and losing the progress I’ve made keeps me motivated, to the point where I will be bringing these habits on my cruise with me in June.
I also had a mammogram (all clear) and got some skin things looked at (need a follow up to look at a mole), so that’s good.
Demerits – too many potato chips. Man, it’s hard for me to not eat potato chips.
I also need to clean my tub. One of my least favorite chores, but honestly it doesn’t take that long.
I hope you get the sleep thing figured out, being tired all of the time is the pits!
Elisabeth
Oh, the potholes isn’t a demerit to me. It is a demerit to the system at work that makes decisions to pay for shoddy patching instead of more permanent (up front, admittedly more expensive, repairs).
You are a true inspiration in terms of your commitment to your exercise habits.
Potato chips are so good, J! The only way for me to resist is not to buy them in the first place.
Jenny
I’m very glad you’re ultimately happy with the PRK surgery! I remember how rocky it wa sin the beginning. And… I’m laughing about the hole in the wall- if it were me, I would probably tape another picture over it and forget about it entirely.
I have so many thing I’ve been putting off. My passport is expired… I’m way overdue or the gynecologist and dermatologist… we don’t have a will. (My husband says we do have a will, it just isn’t notarized. I’m… not sure he’s right about that, but if it’s the case we need to get it notarized!) The list could go on and on, sigh!
Elisabeth
It was SUCH a rocky transition and I’m still frustrated because it could have definitely been more seamless. But, I’m glad it’s behind me!
I have debated getting a new picture to tape over the hole and may very well do just that. It saves money and punts the problem further down the line.
There is always a to-list a mile long at any given point as an adult. *sigh*
Catrina
That drawer! Absolutely love it! 😍
As for your deep sleep dilemma, have you tried magnesium before bed? Another thing that really helps is keeping your room super cool – almost cold. I swear by it! I also wear my Garmin all the time, and it’s made me a little obsessive about tracking my sleep. 😅
I don’t have kids, so I can’t speak from experience, but I think you’re doing an amazing job. Finding the balance between screen time, their packed schedules, and outdoor time must be a challenge. And all those phone rules sound like a lot of work, but it definitely seems to be paying off. Keep it up, Elisabeth!
Elisabeth
Such great suggestions!
I take magnesium most nights before bed. And I have started sleeping with the window open. I fall asleep easily and tend to sleep through the night, but I almost always wake up tired. I don’t have breathing irregularities in the night (i.e. very unlikely I have any apnea), I just can’t figure out why my deep sleep is so low BUT it does help explain the fatigue I’ve been battling for years.
I’m glad we’ve “started as we mean to go” with the phone. So far, so good!
Katie
I will join you on the exercise demerit! I went to physical therapy this winter and was given some pretty simple exercises and stretches that make a huge impact on how I feel.. they take 10 minutes 1x/day and I just have not been doing them. I was consistent for about 3 months and over the last month or two I have just totally stopped.
Gold stars for me would be cutting out caffeine as of last week (makes a huge difference in my anxiety)!
LOL on the church scroller- we actually have one or two at our church and I’m guessing it hasn’t caught on that this is very obvious to people sitting behind them?
Elisabeth
Why are the simple things so effective…and also so hard to stick to?
Great work on the caffeine. That’s not easy to do, so go you.
NGS
Elisabeth, can you come to my house and make my drawers look like that? And, hey, while you’re at it, could you maaaybe come to my work office and tame the cord situation? Egads. Demerits for me all around re: household organization.
Gold star for me: Prioritizing the need for self-care instead of getting all the things done. I’m tired and stressed and finally realized that my husband could take a dog walk once a day and I didn’t have to post to my blog every day and it’s okay if the linen closet looks like it does. And it has helped.
Thing I’ve been putting off: I need to call someone about starting a bathroom remodel. But, to be honest, I don’t even know who to call. Do I call an architect? A general contractor? Ugh.
Elisabeth
Engie, I would like nothing more. Seriously. I would love to overhaul your drawers. And, while we’re at it, do you still have that tote under your bed that’s waiting for me???
I’m not great with cords. That would be my husband. We could make a couple’s trip out of it. He can organize your tech and I’ll do the drawers.
Yay for self-care. It is so hard to put ourselves first and like you I love routine so it can feel like a rigid “must” not a flexible “could”. All the gold stars for this.
I have zero ideas. We have a bathroom in the basement where the ceiling tiles are falling to pieces so once you figure this out, send the right people our way, okay?
Lisa’s Yarns
I often get less than an hour of deep sleep, too. At most I get 1:20. I can’t crack the code on what results in better nights for deep sleep. Not being woken by the kids is key and that happens less these days. But I don’t know what else to do. I am envious of people who get lots of deep sleep!
Demerit would be screen time. We need to rein it in a bit on the weekend (which is the only time they get screen time). But that eats into my ‘break time’ so it’s not super appealing!
Gold star: I booked the plane tickets and hotel for my trip to Chicago with Will in late June. I kept looking at dates and flights and finally pulled the trigger!
Elisabeth
This makes me feel better. Well, it’s terrible we’re both struggling to get enough deep sleep but I’m glad I’m not alone.
I do wonder if caffeine is impacting it for me. I have two cups of coffee or tea, but I should give it a few days off and see what happens. I’ll be curious if there’s any difference.
YES! Screen time = me time, so it’s hard to give that up.
I’m so glad you have your trip booked. What a fun adventure.
coco
I like the quote on that mug! isn’t it genius?
My kids do the dishes now too as we don’t have help. It’s really a good chore for the girls as they take turns to do, and learn to be part of household. It’s not always clean and organized, but they are improving.
I don’t get enough sleep when I travel for work and during busy work week as I can’t shut down my mind. It makes me appreciate more sleeping at home with peace.
overall clutter and mess annoy me more than they should. but sometimes I’m not annoyed enough to “yell someone” or clean it.
Elisabeth
Yes! Of course it’s going to take the kids time to learn how to do things properly (and their standards will be different from ours and that’s okay!), but I look at it as important life skills.
Sarah
So glad the eye surgery turned out to be a big win!
When our kids get their phones, we have the same rules you describe, and by the time the kids are in high school, we are able to sloooooowly relax a bit. They still can’t get apps without approval and have limits on what they can see and when they use it, but for us, starting with firm rules has been a huge win.
Elisabeth
I know lots of the restrictions will have to ease over time. For now, it’s working SO well and I LOVE being able to communicate with her when I need to. It feels like a true game-changer.
Kate
I howled out loud with laughter at the dinner cleanup discussion! Score one for the parents, haha. I reworked our chore schedule in April once evening sports practices and games wrapped up, so now the girls are on dinner cleanup duty 2 nights a week (and have other household related tasks on the other days except for Sunday). There’s always wailing and gnashing of teeth before hand, and then once they start blasting their music from the Alexa they actually seem to be having fun with it sometimes (not that I would ever point this out to them!).
The phone use during church is tough. A few times at mass I have given the side-eye to adults using their phones, and then on closer look, it turns out they are on the church website following along with the mass readings for the day! So obviously that’s very different. Very rarely there will be a group of adults who is whispering to each other during mass (like, having a full blown conversation, not just communicating about something urgent). It’s so hard to teach our kids respectful behavior in church when they see adults modeling the opposite!
Elisabeth
Yes with the wailing and gnashing of teeth.
The other day I told Belle she could stay home while I took Indy to soccer, but I left her a list of chores. Once she finished she had flex time…so I think she did them very quickly. But hey – I can home to the dishwasher empty and the bathrooms cleaned!
Stephany
Honestly, with the phone scroller, I would say, “Not your circus, not your monkeys.” As in, there could be many reasons she is scrolling and, I say this with love, it’s none of your business. I understand that it’s distracting, but it might be time to find a new place to sit. My mom is someone who struggles to just sit and listen so she would be doing many other things during a church service, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t paying attention. For some people, it does help to keep their hands busy and while you may THINK they cannot possibly be paying attention, we just don’t actually know. Just my $.02! I think it’s better to just move to a different seat. Honestly, if someone at church had come up to me and told me I was being distracting… it would be very hurtful and I don’t know if I’d want to return.
I do really love how you turned the chores thing around on the kids! GENIUS! And now less work for you!
My deep sleep is around 45 minutes – 1 hour on the nights I use my CPAP machine. Before I was using it, sometimes it would be around 10-15 minutes! No wonder I felt like a zombie every day.
Elisabeth
You are so right! I really need to be less judgemental and this is an ish-me, not an issue. I have the capability to move and you’re also so right that she could be able to pay better attention by scrolling. I take notes during every church service (it helps me focus), but that could be distracting to someone else.
I needed this reframe, so I appreciate your two cents 🙂
Less work for me is always the goal 🙂
I’m glad you can notice such an improvement with the CPAP. I had 57 minutes of deep sleep the other night and was so excited! Some nights it’s 30 🙁
Tobia | craftaliciousme
What a genius to have the kids now do the after dinner clean up. You deserve that.
Just a few weeks ago when I was in the sleep clinic she said exactly that: you are not getting much deep sleep that is why you are so third. I am on a quest to fin out how to get INTO the deep sleep phase. If you figure it out let me know.
The church scroller would make me so aggressive to be honest. Just don’t come if you can’t commit to an hour of time.
Elisabeth
I haven’t cracked the deep sleep code yet. Sigh!