Another day, another round of AMAA questions. Ditto from yesterday – no theme, just answering questions en masse one person at a time.
FROM JENNY (RUNNERS FLY)
Q. What do you imagine yourself doing when both kids are grown?
See my answer to Lisa’s question on yesterday’s post!
Q. Did you ever consider having a third kid? Do you ever wish you had another one?
I always assumed I would have four children; that’s how many my mother had and I thought being a full-time parent would be my favourite thing ever. I had rough pregnancies and deliveries, and being a mother has been a lot more challenging physically and emotionally than I could have ever imagined. I’ve also done a lot of solo parenting since I have a spouse who travels regularly for work.
I have struggled with feelings of guilt/inferiority by “only” having two kids – rationalizing, somehow, that a mother who can capably raise a bigger family is morally superior. I’m slowly learning to shelve that guilt because it’s complete and utter nonsense. I love my kids fiercely and what a blessing to have two healthy, thriving children! Given life circumstances, I don’t think I could be stretched any thinner and still be a good, present mom, so two has definitely been the “right” number.
Q. If you could change one thing about your appearance (your choice) OR become smarter, which would you choose?
Oof. This is a loaded question. I wish my answer was Get smarter so I could find a cure for cancer. Alas, I have spent much of my life feeling very insecure about my body. I know I’m not alone in this.
Since we met over 16 years ago, my husband has not made a single negative comment about my body or general appearance (the exact opposite). I realize this is such an incredible gift. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say some aspects of my body/general appearance weren’t lifelong sorrows for me (in the words of Anne of Green Gables). I’m not going to name specific things I would change because I suspect that could be triggering for others but, sadly, it would be very easy for me to come up with a long list.
I’m trying to embrace the fact my body is not a before picture – God created me with my own unique set of features for a reason, and I’m wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I feel like my switch to intuitive eating has really helped me grow in this mindset. But it can still be a struggle to appreciate the reflection I see in the mirror.
FROM TOBIA (CRAFTILICIOUS ME)
Q. You mentioned you (and your husband) own businesses (one or two). If you don’t mind telling us what they are, I am interested!
Lots more information here and in yesterday’s AMAA post!
Q. How did you end up in the town you live in; if I understand correctly you have no family there?!
You are correct. We don’t have any family members who live nearby (though my parents sublet a home locally over the winter months).
When John and I met in our final year at university (in New Brunswick), I was planning to do a PhD in New Zealand. I had been accepted to a research program at the University of Auckland and the next three years of my life were set! And then I met the man of my dreams and everything changed. We wanted to get married relatively quickly and going overseas suddenly did NOT sound appealing. So, at the last minute, I transferred my scholarship to a graduate program in Nova Scotia. We got married a year later, I finished up my degree, and A was born just a few months after I handed in my thesis. By this point we had a lot of “roots” in the area, so we settled and have never left!
Q. What is your favorite place you have traveled to?
It’s a tie between Paris and Rome. Until we went to Rome, I didn’t think any trip could ever top Paris, but then Rome exceeded all my expectations. They were very different trips, but I love them equally for different reasons.
FROM SAN (THE IN BETWEEN IS MINE)
Q. If you could change one thing about your home, what would it be?
Easy – I’d have a double garage.
Q. Do you hold grudges?
What a great question. I don’t know if I hold grudges, but I NEVER FORGET. Is that the same thing? Maybe? Not always? Definitely sometimes…
Q. What personality trait do you like most about yourself?
I’m really good at remembering subtle/unremarkable details people tell me. I’m able to recall those in conversation and I think it makes people feel special and appreciated. For example, I am generally very good at remembering the names of grandchildren and favourite colours and things of that ilk.
FROM NGS (THE TIME FOR CHANGE)
Q. Would you rather have to spend a night in a house infested with snakes or a house infested with spiders?
Neither! What sort of question is this, Engie?!! And I thought we were friends. If I HAD to choose, I’d pick spiders. Easier to swat away. *Shudder*
Q. If you could close your eyes and be somewhere else in the universe THIS SECOND, where would it be? What would you be doing? Who would be with you?
On a beach in the sunshine with a cold drink beside me, book in hand, my favourite music playing in my ears, and John lying right next to me.
Q. My dirty little secret is that sometimes I eat frozen cookie dough out of the freezer. What’s one of your dirty little secrets?
Ohhh. So many. I’ll give you two.
- I drink International Delight Coffee Creamer. It sounds so unsophisticated, and the ingredient list isn’t overly pretty, but it’s so tasty. I can do creamer and maple syrup, but I prefer to colour my coffee with artificial flavourings instead. Hey, at least now I drink mostly decaf.
- I am a picker. I’m sorry. This is gross. I especially love to pull off sunburned-turned-peeling skin. This is likely sending some of you into convulsions (though I suspect a few people out there can relate – please tell me I’m not the only one). I cannot help myself. One child of mine has inherited this tendency, so maybe it’s genetic (and one person in my nuclear family growing up was/is a “picker”). I am a picker, and I literally feel like I cannot stop once I start peeling sunburned skin. I try to avoid sunburns so I don’t get the chance to fuel this addiction very often. I know it’s gross. But I still love it. I also pick at hangnails and while I don’t really get scraps and cuts much anymore, as a child when I skinned my knees I knew there were scabs in my future which secretly delighted me. Again. Sorry. This is gross.
Also eating frozen cookie dough out of the freezer isn’t a dirty secret. It’s brilliant. Cookie dough is the best!! A much more civilized “dirty secret” answer than being a “picker.”
Your turn. What’s a PG(!) dirty little secret you’re willing to share? Does anyone else like International Delight? If you could be anywhere in the universe this moment, where would you be? Spiders or snakes? Do you hold grudges? Favourite personality trait?
sarah
OH I am also a sucker for that coffee creamer. Minnie’s swim lesson place has free coffee and a BUFFET of ID creamer, and it definitely motivates me to get her there on busy mornings.
Elisabeth
It used to give my headaches and I swore off it and said it was the worst thing ever, but I’ve tried so many other “healthy” options and none taste as good to me. But only a handful of flavours. Some are SO gross. French Vanilla – classic – is my fav.
Kyria @ Travel Spot
I find International Delight to have a strange flavor, but I used to use the Coffeemate creamer, and was especially partial to the holiday flavors, but I always went with the sugar free ones when possible. However, I have never really been a huge fan of overly sweet things, and those were on the edge. At some point, I started drinking my coffee with just a splash of whatever unsweet “milk” was handy (I don’t really care — almond milk, lactose free, half and half — I will do any) and I never looked back. Sometimes after a long run I will put a Splenda and a dash of cinnamon for fun, but I don’t really want a sweet coffee anymore (When I was really young I was a fan of peppermint mocha, but those days are LONG gone).
My dirty secret is that I like to do things in bed. Haha! This is PG I swear. I prefer to read in bed, or when I WFH, I often stay in bed with my laptop. I am sure there are all kinds of psychological issues associated with this, but I feel good in my PJs in bed, what can I say?
Elisabeth
I don’t like my beverages overly sweet either.
I have such a hard time being motivated to do anything in bed. I read in bed, but don’t love it. Somehow I always feel “scuzzy” – but I know lots of people that loved to study in bed. I NEVER, NEVER studied in bed. I liked to be dressed and elsewhere so when I got into PJs and climbed into bed it felt like an oasis.
I’m kind of jealous you like to work there, though. It’s so comfortable. I just can’t concentrate properly.
Katie
Aww I LOVE your answer about the 3rd kid thing. I have read a lot of advice that is basically like, “go for it, you’ll never regret it!” and while I am sure that is true to some degree, I appreciate hearing a different perspective! I have just one brother and while we weren’t close growing up, we are a great support for each other now and I can’t imagine anything else!
Elisabeth
Yup. That “you’ll never regret it advice” is circulated widely. And I think it’s probably true. Like I don’t think I would have regretted having a third, but I still feel like two was the right number for me. I would have HAD to have another C-section and there were higher risks for complications because of issues I had in previous pregnancies. Also, we had very, very little money when the kids were little, lived in a tiny apartment until L was almost 3, and I’m introverted AND my husband travels a lot.
Phew. Apparently I still feel like I have to justify it. Maybe I do still feel like people with large families are morally superior?! Sigh. They’re not and I’m so, so fortunate and blessed.
Nicole MacPherson
I haven’t had International Delight in many years but from what I recall, it’s delicious!
I do not hold grudges (anymore, I think I used to) and I do think that holding grudges and being passive aggressive are two very very unattractive qualities, so I really work at NOT being that way.
With regards to children: I always knew two was the number for me. Once J was born I was like, great! Let’s close up shop! And my grandma (and many other people, what is with people commenting on your fecundity) kept saying “are you going to try for a girl?” I find that offensive on many levels (but I forgive my grandma everything) but also, I felt like two was the perfect family for me. It’s interesting how we are all different, I have friends with huge families and with only children and friends who longed for something different, family size. But for me, two and done.
Elisabeth
I think I’m a lot better about not being passive aggressive, but I have struggled with it in the past. I hate conflict and so I think it was my (bad) attempt at trying to avoid conflict but get the things done I wanted done?
I don’t feel like I hold grudges, but I really do never forget.
I knew someone that had three boys and they “tried” for a girl and GOT TWIN BOYS. They had 5 boys all under the age of FIVE. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? I cannot. That said, I was pretty happy when we had a child of each gender and so I didn’t get those questions! Though I remember when A was a few months old someone – who I barely knew, I might add – asked me when we were going to have another one.
What now? I just HAD A CHILD. A) it’s none of your business and B) can I have a few months to recover here?
Ally Bean
Your answers are as wonderful as you are! Nicely done.
Does anyone else like International Delight? No, it tastes icky to me.
If you could be anywhere in the universe this moment, where would you be? Spain, southern part, seeing the sights, drinking red wine, getting my mellow Mediterranean vibe on.
Do you hold grudges? No, but I won’t be fooled a second time by someone, so I approach them with caution.
Elisabeth
Spain sounds wonderful right now. We had a snowstorm overnight and the roads were like a sheet of ice this morning. Have I mentioned that I hate winter?
Suzanne
I have a terrible memory, so I am not a grudge holder.
I pick at my cuticles, which is a terrible habit and is also quite painful. And yet…
Your answer about why you have two kids was fascinating to me. As the parent, by choice, of an only child, I definitely understand that feeling of inferiority to parents who have more kids. I am not a very good parent, I don’t think (I am too selfish and anxious and stressed out), and I do not see how I could reasonably have another child and maintain any semblance of sanity, let alone be a decent parent to two or more kids. So one works for me (us). Sometimes I do feel guilty about not giving my kid a sibling, or wistful about what another child might have been like. But mostly I feel really good about the size of our family.
Elisabeth
Suzanne, obviously I have not met you or your child in person, but I feel like I am qualified to say that you are a WONDERFUL PARENT. It’s okay to be a parent and also take care of ourselves (which you do), but you clearly would move Heaven and Earth for Carla and that is wonderful. She has such a charming life, is a lovely child who takes delight in nature and joy to those around her. I fully support your decision to have only one child, of course, but please don’t say you’re a bad parent. You are a wonderful parent and Carla is so, so fortunate to call you Mom.
Jenny
Well, now I know not to let Engie ask any questions on my blog, ha ha! Sorry to ask that “loaded” question. I know how I would answer it (similar to your answer) and I’m always curious to hear what other people would say.
It’s funny, now I’m wondering why I even asked that question about kids. When you said always assumed you’d have four, I was shocked! Your family seems so perfect as is, I can’t imagine it any different. Growing up, it was me and my sister, and I always wished there were a third sibling (don’t ask me why!) So now I kind of wish I had three kids… but when I really think about how hard it is- physically, emotionally, and financially, I have to say two is the perfect number for us.
Elisabeth
Sometimes I say to people: Two is…a lot. And really, it is. We have kids with BIG personalities, I had hard pregnancies. For me, parenting has taken a lot out of me. I think some people have very passive kids, easy deliveries, great experiences breastfeeding etc. But for me, two is…a lot! Like becoming a parent has transformed every thing about my life (in good ways, of course, but also it’s exhausting and stressful and I feel like there is ZERO PREPARATION FOR BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL WELLBEING OF TINY HUMANS FOREVER)!
NGS
I am 100% a grudge holder. It’s not my most attractive quality, but it is what it is. There are businesses I will never go to again after the way they handled the pandemic, for example. My father was the king of grudges and he didn’t speak to his own sister for almost twenty years and I don’t think he ever spoke to his own father after his father divorced his mother. So, I have learned from his lesson and do my best to NOT hold grudges against other people, although, as Ally said above, I will approach someone with caution if they have been less than awesome in the past.
Spiders 100%. Most spiders are good guys. (Maybe I would change my mind if it were infested with brown recluses.) I guess most snakes are good guys, too, but the slithering gets to me.
Elisabeth
The slithering freaks me out. To be fair, I’m not a fan of spiders either and that’s living in a part of Canada where we have zero poisonous snakes or spiders. (And, as a reminder, my Master’s degree was in ENT0MOLOGY. The irony is overwhelming).
Colleen Martin
Yes to the Never Forgetting 🙂 though I wish I could! And I am also such a picker, my nickname as a child was Pickens! I love to pop zits and pull teeth too. Love your thoughtful answers!!
Elisabeth
Pickens – haha!
On one thing we differ – I CANNOT, WILL NOT, and HAVE NEVER pulled a child’s tooth out. And I never had the guts to pull any of my own out as a kid (not a single one – my Dad did it every single time).
Allison McCaskill
I don’t drink coffee, but if I did I will fill it with all the artificial colours and flavours. I like to say I hold grudges on the thinnest of pretexts, but I’m mostly joking – but like you, I never forget. It’s not awesome, but here we are.
I feel much like you about having two kids, right down to the often-traveling husband – I got so lucky with the first two, and I found it so fascinating seeing what would come out next (lol). I was also pushed to my limits physically and mentally and knew something would have to give if we tried to do one more. I’ll always have a tiny bit of regret, though, especially when I see families with two older kids and a younger one that everyone adores.
I am not as compulsive with scabs, but oh LORD I hear you on the hangnail picking. My poor cuticles.
Elisabeth
I was the “baby” and so I have a soft spot for a long distance between siblings BUT I cannot imagine jumping back into the nap and diaper scene right now!
Beckett @ Birchwood Pie
Girl, I’ll get gross right there with you. I got a scratch on my leg when I was climbing through the brush on Pelee Island this summer and it didn’t heal until the fall because I could not keep my hands off it. Today I’m very sophisticated and I put half and half in my coffee, but I remember having a fling with International Delight. Eating cookie dough out of the freezer will always be in style.
Elisabeth
I like you “fashion” sense. Cookie dough is, almost without question, better than cooked cookies.
J
I’m fascinated that anyone would try to make you feel bad about ‘only’ having 2 kids. Our planet is overpopulated already, and also no one should be criticizing anyone’s choices. My hairdresser has 5 kids, and I have 1. My brother has 0. My sisters each have 2. All equally valid choices. I would have liked to have had one more, but our employment situation at that time was not conducive to it. Would I have regretted it if we had had another? I’m sure we would not, but that’s a different question I think. (We originally planned on 3 kids, but as I said, life got in the way.)
My MIL married into a loveless marriage, and had four kids. She does not regret any of those kids, but if she could go back in time, I’m pretty sure she would NOT marry my husband’s father. Thankfully they divorced and she remarried for love, so she did get that side of life as well. What does that have to do with how many kids to have? I’m not sure, I just feel like the comment about regret assumes that you DO regret the choice you are making, in a weird way.
Elisabeth
So many good points here. And better to have a smaller family and be happy and able to take care of them properly! When I envisioned 4, I definitely had no idea how much time and energy kids required (especially from an introvert!).
San
Again, I loved all your answers to questions that would not necessarily come up generically… blog interviews (AMAs) are just the best thing (although I’d like to ask why Engie would ask about snakes vs spiders. NEITHER!! I know, most spiders are good guys but I just can’t with the eight legs and fast movements).
I usually don’t hold grudges (esp. towards people, but only if there’s an apology and better behavior)… I know a couple of people that I have a hard time “letting in” again because they have disappointed me repeatedly. Is that holding grudges? I feel like it’s warranted in certain cases out of self-protection.
I do not drink any creamers in my coffee and have never been a fan of the flavored ones. I used to put a little sugar in my coffee, but have learned that if the coffee is any good, I am just happy with a (big) splash of half and half or (soy) milk.
I love your personality trait. I think it does indeed make people feel special/appreciated when you remember little details about their lives.
Elisabeth
I know. What’s up Engie??!!
100% with you on the “not letting in” – not necessarily the same thing as a grudge but being cautious based on previous experiences seems…wise?!!
Ernie
I would 100% answer the grudge question the same as you. I’m not sure I hold a grudge, but I don’t forget easily. Is that wrong?
If I could be anywhere, it would be far away from home on a beach, in the sun, with a book, and a fruity cocktail. I guess Coach would be with me, but who would be home holding down the fort? Life is so complicated.
I do not drink coffee, so no International Delight. I assume it would be weird to drink that not in coffee, right?
My dirty little secret, I’m not big on dusting, especially places rooms that don’t get used often. Looking at you, formal living room and dining room.
*I put my blog on private until things settle down with the team and the media attention. All is well. I’m fine. Other bloggers advised me of this and I am open to these types of DO.THIS.NOW. instructions. If I figure it out, I’ll send you an invite to read what I’m posting. Maybe it’ll work, maybe not. Otherwise whatever I post for these last few NaBloPoMo will be available to read eventually.
Elisabeth
Ha – love the realism in your answer. If the spouse is there…who’s responsible for keeping things running at home?!
I hate dusting. Sigh. It’s one of the many household jobs that never ends. I rarely dust!
Hoping things work out quickly and as smoothly as possible with the basketball situation <3
Lisa's Yarns
I used to drink international delights fat-free french vanilla creamer. But then they seemingly stopped making it or stopped delivering it to stores in our region. My mom can’t even find it. But my sister in AZ can? It’s SO ODD. So I made the switch to Aldi’s sugar-free french vanilla creamer. I could buy international delights sugar-free french vanilla creamer but I don’t care for it – it takes overly sweet to me (like many sugar-free products do). Wow, that was way more than you needed to know about my creamer huh?
This post confirms that we are even more of soul sisters than I thought. I also have an uncanny ability to remember insignificant details. Sometimes I think it’s off-putting to people. Like I’ll remember meeting someone and that their niece lives in San Francisco and when I see them again I’ll be like – how is your niece liking SF (this is a completely made up scenario) and they will be like – now who are you again?? In college I was known for knowing the schedule of a lot of girls that I lived with. People would be like – where’s Katie? And I could say – oh she has an english class now. It can make people feel special but it can also make me seem like Rain Man.
Also, I am a picker, too. I am terrible at picking at cuticles or dry skin on my feet, etc. I learned that there is a word for this – dermatillomania. I think Stephany mentioned this word before. There must be a spectrum for it. Obviously I do not need medical help. It’s just a tendency of mine that I would love to do away with.
Elisabeth
The hypothetical SF story is EXACTLY something I would do. My mother is so, so good at this, too. I think I come by it naturally.
I have so much issue with hangnails, especially this time of year. I had not idea there was a diagnosed condition but of course that makes sense!
Tobia | craftaliciousme
Thank you for answering my questions.
I loved reading that interview about your business. It is very different from what I do on a daily basis.
I agree Rome is really great. I personally like it much more than Paris actually.
Elisabeth
They’re so, so different. Both were incredible experiences and I feel so fortunate to have been able to travel to both destinations. I like them for very different reasons.
I also love NYC…but, again, it’s SO different from the vibe of Paris and Rome. And Sydney is the other major urban destination I’ve been to, and I loved it but it’s not even close to my feelings for Paris, Rome, and even NYC.
Stephany
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that women could feel guilty about the amount of children they have – but ugh. I am glad you are at peace with your decision to have two kids! I think whatever number feels right is the right number. My perfect number is zero, heh. (But when it comes to cats, the number is 2. I don’t think I could have more than that!)
I looooove artificial coffee creamer. I use Coffee-Mate and love French Vanilla, Peppermint Mocha (duh), and they have this delicious caramel flavor that I am crazy about, too.
Elisabeth
As women I think we can feel guilty about absolutely anything. It’s like a horrible magic power we all seem to possess.
Anne
I am now team artificial creamer at least until after peppermint mocha season finishes. I usually use an unsweetened, nondairy, flavored one (I know, could I make it more complicated??) but this is a lovely interlude in my trying-to-be-healthy coffee drinking.
I was a picker (hangnails, etc.) but stopped when I became a nurse. Because, also, ew. I was sick frequently anyway – did I want to make it worse? And also, ew.
I remain aghast that anyone (ANYONE) comments on anything to do with someone’s family, family structure, family appearance (e.g., “Your kid doesn’t look like you. Are they adopted?”) If it’s not your family, it’s not your business. Sheesh. (Sorry, that was an unanticipated rant… all of that to say, you have the absolute right family for you, and no one should question that.)
Elisabeth
Mmmmm. Peppermit mocha is so good, no?
Yes, picking is such a bad habit, especially being a nurse! I’m so glad you were able to stop; maybe I just need to become a medical professional to make that happen for me too?
Oh people comment ALL. THE. TIME. Not necessarily to me a lot, but just generally to families.