I am beyond delighted (and grateful) to have my best friend, Joy, guest posting on the blog today. She first appeared here a few years ago, but then my blog had the audacity to get deleted, and it’s taken all this time to get another guest post up and running. But, as they say, good things come to those who wait, and let me tell you — it was worth the wait.
I’m thankful for many things in my life, and at the very tippy-top of that list is the lady we’re hanging out with today. I often joke that if I had a magic wand, I’d clone Joy so every single one of you could have a version of her in your life. (Seriously, why hasn’t cloning technology caught up to our needs yet?)
She embodies everything a friend should be: steady, genuine, and always there when it matters most. She’s been a rock and confidante for years, and it’s an honour to “share” her with you today.
Without further ado, let’s dive into the conversation. Welcome, Joy!
Q. If you were doing it for fun – and money was no object/didn’t factor into your decision – what would your dream job be?
I would love to interview everyone I’ve ever known and hear all about their lives. I have so many questions and love to hear people’s stories. [I’m sold. We need to start a podcast. I’ll get the ball rolling with some names. Tell Me Everything; The Guest Room; Just a Few Questions; Frienderviews; The Mic’s Yours. Okay, okay. I’LL STOP!]
Q. What’s something (food, skill, adventure, etc.) you’ve always wanted to try, but haven’t yet?
Dancing. I went swing dancing a few times many years ago and it was so fun but I didn’t do it enough to really get the hang of it. I’m contemplating trying some dance workouts on YouTube or something, even though I know I will be very bad at it. The flow of dancing just feels so good. [I’m so uncoordinated that learning to dance sounds like a version of torture. I wish I had natural rhythm but I simply don’t. I will live through you vicariously! I think singing at the top of my lungs in the car is my dancing equivalent. That flow, that release — just with a lot less coordination.]
Q. What’s your favourite article of clothing in your wardrobe?
Wide-leg jeans I bought recently – they are so comfortable and cute. I don’t know how I’m going to go back to tighter jeans ever again! [One of my “fun ideas” for 2025 is to not wear anything that’s too tight or otherwise uncomfortable. Life’s too short for that sort of nonsense!]
Q. If you could give new parents one piece of advice, what would you say?
The best gift you can give your children is to learn to regulate your own emotions. [Dr. Becky called and wants to steal this quote!]
Q. Of all the places – near and far – that you’ve been able to visit, what is your favourite spot on earth?
Greece – the food, the frappe, the beautiful blue Mediterranean sea – sigh. It’s been 20 years since I was there but it was truly gorgeous and I’ve always wanted to go back and see more of the islands.
Q. What is your favourite time of day?
Early morning or late at night when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet. I love my family, honestly, but puttering around in the quiet is my absolute favourite! [Being alone at home is one of my absolute favourite things in this world. One of my first memories of being friends with you is talking on a walk about how we both wanted a day alone at home so we could putter in peace. Not much has changed! And, for the record, basically every single guest on the blog, in describing their perfect day, has stipulated their kids would be otherwise occupied!]
Q. What words would your friends use to describe you/your personality?
Talkative, social, generally warm? [Also: creative, wise, genuine, bubbly, funny, intelligent, kind, encouraging, gracious…the list could go on.]
Q. Share a weird/random/true fact – any odd skills or unusual experiences?
I know A LOT of obscure hymns and Bible verses in King James English. I was raised in some niche religious environments and am still a practicing Christian, albeit a slightly less niche.
Q. Favourite book (movie or song) so far in 2025?
- Fiction: The Berry Pickers by Amanda Peters about an indigenous family from Nova Scotia whose daughter mysteriously goes missing. [I enjoyed this book even more because of the Nova Scotia connection!]
- Non-fiction: The Quiet Damage by Jessalyn Cook based on true accounts of families divided by QAnon – terribly sad and scary, but very informative.
- Extra credit: The Children of Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgren of Pippi Longstocking fame. This book was so lovely and whimsical; read it on a Saturday afternoon in the sunshine – perfection!
- Songs: Come to the Water by John Foley and Matt Maher, It’s Quiet Uptown from Hamilton (because sometimes you need a song to make you cry) — [sing it, sister!] — Heaven on my Mind by TobyMac
Q. What’s working for you lately?
Groceries/errands on Tuesdays, one load of laundry every day, planning on Fridays (shoutout Laura Vanderkam for this life-changing advice), dedicated evening time with teens during the week. [Laundry is one of the sad realities of adulthood. It never ends.]
GRATITUDE-CENTRIC QUESTIONS
Q. Would you consider yourself an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?
Is it possible to be a situationally-cynical optimist? I think my tendency is to see the world in a positive light overall but I am also *highly* suspicious in certain situations and very sensitive to schmoozing and thinly-veiled marketing language. Humanity and nature are full of God-given beauty and goodness, but I’m keenly aware that there is an underbelly. Is this answer convoluted and vague enough for you? [I love convolution and vagueness. Your answer is sheer perfection.]
Q. Do you have any daily or weekly gratitude practices? If so, please describe!
The past few months my daughters and I have been using an app called Finch, which is for mental health and habits and is based on caring for an adorable cartoon finch. One of the goals I set up was to write one line of gratitude reflection daily, which has been a very helpful practice. The entrance threshold is so low that there’s very little inner resistance and I always end up thinking of so many things – often the same things, but genuinely grateful every day for them. [How delightful. Caring for a finch!!! It’s giving me Tamagotchi vibes!]
Q. What has been the most surprising source of gratitude in your life this year?
My teenage daughter made an Instagram account for her small business – our first foray into social media with our children, so I logged into Instagram for the first time in 3 years and was surprised by how much joy it brought me. There were so many friends and acquaintances who I genuinely like but can’t be at the top of my priority list for maintaining contact, and it was lovely to get little updates on their lives in this way after a long break. I’ve tried to be a mindful consumer of social media, keeping it at arm’s length, so this is the first time in literally a decade that I have posted photos regularly on social media and the process has been so fun! I’m sure I’ll take another hiatus after a while because that’s how I tend to roll, but it’s been a surprising source of enjoyment and gratitude recently. [Joy’s kids are incredibly talented artists, and her oldest even sells homemade jewelry — check out the photo of her earrings above!]
Q. You have four kids – do you think gratitude is something that can be learned, or is it more of an inherent trait?
While I know there are natural tendencies that may make us see the world in a particular way, I’m quite confident that gratitude can be learned and cultivated. One of my children has always been quick to notice beautiful things and her appreciation for a particularly colourful sunset or a lovely tree in bloom has helped to sensitize that trigger inside me. I’ll think to myself that I have to remember this or take a photo of that to show her when I see her. [Agreed about the cultivation and also agreed that is comes much more easily to some people than others. It’s a real gift to be one of those people who see the world with an eye for gratitude…and it’s also a gift to have them in your orbit.]
Q. What’s the most ridiculous or oddly specific thing you can think of being grateful for at this exact moment?
Garbage removal. Modern amenities are really such privileges!
Another thing I thought of that is not at all ridiculous or odd, but is specific to me: Canadian healthcare. As an American (now a dual citizen) who grew up lower-middle class with no health insurance, and therefore, almost never saw a doctor, I am so grateful that money has never had to be a factor in the medical choices I’ve made personally in adulthood or for my children. Not making a political statement here, I’m just truly thankful for what’s available to me and my family. [Amen! I think about this often.]
Q. If gratitude were a colour, what colour do you think it would be?
I can never choose just one colour, so I’m choosing pink and yellow because those are happiest! [This is cheating but after much internal debate I have decided to allow it…]
Q. How do you practice gratitude when things aren’t going as planned?
Focus on the basics: I can breathe and move, I have clean water to drink and food to eat, I have shelter and clothing. I am living in safety. How lucky am I?! The trouble may still persist, but the truth about the good things is still true. [Mic drop for the last sentence. Emphasis mine.]
Q. If you could send a thank-you note to one person from your past (mentor, friend, family member, etc.), who would it be, what would you thank them for, and why?
I’ve been reflecting lately on my Aunt Melissa, who passed away recently. She was so warm, nurturing, fun, and classy and I’ve always wanted to be like her. While I did let her know during her life how much she meant to me, I wish she could know more fully how integral her love and support has been to the formation of my character and what an impact her consistent kindness and connection had on my life.
Q. When you think about your daily routine, what is one task or habit that fills you with gratitude?
I say a prayer of gratitude nearly every time I start the dishwasher. I just can’t get over how much I love that machine. Sounds excessive, but really, such a joy! [It’s not excessive, friend. The dishwasher brings me a disproportionate amount of joy!]
Q. If you could thank one object in your house for making your life easier, what would it be and why? Besides the dishwasher? Probably my vacuum. It’s a Dyson and was a big financial investment when we bought it 17 years ago but, wow, that thing does a great job and is very low maintenance! I love that it is bagless and has a washable filter so I don’t need to buy any disposables.
Q. Is there anything you’ve learned to appreciate more as you’ve gotten older that you used to overlook or didn’t care about?
Um, I guess appliances, medical care, and basic municipal services, based on my previous answers!
Q. What’s something about your children that you feel incredibly grateful for, but might often overlook in the daily hustle?
They make really good choices a lot of the time. They’re still children; there are things we have to navigate together and I want to provide guidance when needed, of course, but, usually at the end of the day, they choose really well for themselves in academic/extracurricular activities, building friendships, contacting teachers when needing clarification or advocating for themselves, etc. This is specific to the girls, I guess. Manny is only four, so he makes very few of his own choices at this point. In his case, I’m grateful for the sheer amount of joy that boy gets from new library books! [There’s nothing like seeing the fruits of your hard work and love come through in your kids. Also, is there anything better than a new stack of library books? Manny is very wise for a young soul!]
Q. What’s your biggest obstacle when it comes to feeling gratitude?
Getting bogged down in the truth of past sorrows. I’ve had to be brutally honest with myself about certain elements of my past that I would have preferred to sugarcoat (adverse childhood circumstances, religious trauma). Being fully truthful about the impact of our experiences is essential to properly tending the wounds, finding healing, and learning, but it can be hard to hold grief and gratitude simultaneously at times, and the grief can make my mind foggy so I become less intentional about many practices that are important to me, including gratitude. [I so appreciate your honesty. You continue to inspire me and I’ve loved being on this journey of life together. ]
Q. You take gorgeous photos – how does photography (or other creative arts) help you feel more grateful? Are there particular themes or subjects that reflect your gratitude (i.e. do you gravitate toward nature, family, or daily life?)
Thank you, Friend. I’m working on it! I really gravitate toward nature, especially certain times of year where the beauty changes so quickly – those cherry blossoms are only going to last a couple of days! Having lived my entire childhood in Southern California and most of my adulthood in Eastern Canada, I really appreciate the different natural environments I’ve been exposed to. Although winter can still be a struggle, I really do LOVE to observe the changing landscapes that the four seasons in Nova Scotia provide: spring flowers and bright green baby leaves, the novelty of warm sun on a rocky beach, explosive orange and red fall foliage, and the soft light of a fresh blanket of snow with those cotton candy winter skies behind the bare tree branches. Additionally, when I go back to my first home in California, I can appreciate the beauty there much more fully in contrast. People just casually growing pomegranates, oranges and avocados in their yards? Wow! Endless summer, rocky canyons and that big blue sky? Double wow!
Joy, thank you so much for sharing your humour and wisdom here today. While I may never manage to clone you (sorry everyone else), I feel incredibly fortunate to have you as a friend — and what an honour to share a little bit about you with the world.
Now’s your chance to ask Joy some questions. Also:
- Who enjoys dancing?
- What’s something specific you’re grateful for in this exact moment?
- If someone asked you to name the Happiest Colour, what colour would you choose? Do you think it’s the same colour you’d assign to Gratitude?
- Who has a good name for our hypothetical interview podcast?
- Who owned a Tamagotchi???
Other Gratitude Guests:
- Nicole (Girl in a Boy House)
- Grateful Kae
- Kristen (The Frugal Girl)
- Joel (How To Money)
- Laura Vanderkam
Discover more from The Optimistic Musings of a Pessimist
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mbmom11
Question for Joy:
Why did you let your daughter have an Instagram account if you were not using it yourself? How much do you monitor it?
I can’t dance, not happy right now because it’s past midnight and my daughter is not sleeping, happy color fuschia ( not the same as my Gratitude color- which I think I said forest green), something friendly and warm for your podcast name- but I can’t think of anything clever right now ( brain tired as it’s the middle of the night!), and I’m too old to have owned a Tamagotchi. I think my kids were to young at the time. I have a hard enough time keeping track of my kids; I don’t need an electronic pet to worry about!
PS- a Peace rose is yellow and pink at the same time – just call her gratitude color Peace rose and you won’t need to compromise your conscience!
Elisabeth
I’ve never heard of a Peace Rose. I just looked up a picture and it’s LOVELY!
I’m so sorry your daughter was up in the night; it’s so hard to have a sleepless night 🙁 Hope you get some extra rest today!
Joy
So sorry to hear you were up in the middle of the night – no fun! Here’s to a better night tonight!!
Our decision about social media for our oldest teen (age 15) was largely lead by our confidence in her willingness to listen to our feedback and her own attention to her mental health. It was pursued mainly for her small business and within limits that we have decided on together, and which vary depending on need. Wifi to all her devices (phone – which she has had for less than 1 year, and a Chromebook from school) shuts off every day at a certain time, we block and unblock the app to her phone (by her request) depending on the level of focus she needs for school, etc. She also asked me to use Instagram so I could be her first follower. I had an Instagram account before this, but I had logged out a few years ago for a season and now had a concrete reason to log back in so my daughter and I can be on the same page. I am not anti-social media – it’s a tool with benefits and drawbacks but it requires wisdom to manage so I have stepped back from that world in various ways over the years to conserve mental energy, and likely will again and will encourage her to use discernment about when and how to use it.
I looked up peace roses and they are SO pretty! I had circus roses in my wedding bouquet and they are similar, but the colors are darker so there’s more of an orange effect.
Elisabeth
I feel like I have been living under a rock. I had no idea there were peace OR circus roses, and they’re both gorgeous!
Bee
What a lovely post!
I’m curious how you and Elisabeth met each other?
You mention your kids like art (and one daughter has a small business already??!!)…how do you foster that creativity?
Joy
Hi Bee!
Elisabeth and I met over a decade ago when our oldest children were toddlers. I remember walking with my little girls and meeting her, John and Belle in the stroller and we a bit more through a women’s Bible study I hosted years ago, and then, since we live in a small town, Elisabeth (who is such a champ at making and keeping up connections!) saw me running once and asked if I’d like to go together sometime! I no longer run almost at all, but we have kept up with regular walks about weekly give or take, for years and the friendship grew from there with added traditions, so many life events, and too many meaningful conversations to count! My second and third daughters are the same ages as Belle and Indy as well, so we have had kids in the same school for many years at this point, meaning we’ve had a lot of overlapping events!
As far as the creativity goes, I think some of it is just in them and some was opportunity and repetition. When they were little we were pinching pennies and drawing was one of our go-to activities so, they just drew A LOT! We also did a lot of quiet time activities listening to book/story and song CD’s and they would draw or later, sculpt with modeling clay while listening. It seemed to emerge organically with the two oldest and I drew a lot as a kid, so it came naturally to me to continue offering them that option and the basic tools needed. We have often given art supplies as gifts as well, so we’ve been encouraging it, but only as it seems the interest remains!
Elisabeth
Somehow I thought the first time we met was at your house for Bible study, but I’m sure we did cross paths before that on walks. Oh my, stroller walks were SUCH a big part of my life for a while.
I will admit I have zero recollection of asking you if you wanted to go running together. Oops. You clearly have a much sharper memory than I do. Better together!
Nicole MacPherson
Oh, how wonderful! Hi Joy! I am thrilled to read about Elisabeth’s best friend. We hear about Joy often, but now we know her. Love this!
Co-sign on the health care AND garbage removal. My MIL was telling me how back in the 60s/ 70s they did not have garbage removal here (they did in Kelowna, but we are on a weirdly rural part of the city, hard to explain unless you’ve been here). Anyway, garbage removal, yes.
It’s HARD not to get bogged down in past sadnesses. That happens to me sometimes too.
YES DO IT START A PODCAST I WILL LISTEN!
I love dancing! I don’t know how to swing dance, but I would love to try it. I remember a lady I taught at senior’s yoga, she was a single woman in her 70s and she was talking about joining a dance class. Sadly, the class she went to was all partnered up. Anyway, we were talking about it and the guy who was working the desk said to her “Susan’s looking for a hunk!” Susan shook her head and said “He doesn’t have to be a hunk. He just has to be ambulatory.” I laughed so hard I cried. I still think about that now. “He just has to be ambulatory.” Lol I am laughing to myself in my silent house at 4:50 am. I guess that is the specific thing I am grateful for, my memories of my amazing yoga students, especially the senior ones.
Elisabeth
It feels a bit disingenuous since I’m am positively horrid about listening to podcasts. But I bet we would have no lack of conversation 🙂
Someone ambulatory – haha. Maybe it’s not just kids that say the darndest (most honest) things! It’s seniors, too.
Joy
Hi Nicole! Nice to meet you too!
An ambulatory partner is key – ha! My husband is not into dancing so that and due to my severe lack of skills currently, I will likely only dance solo and in my own home, but I think it will be fun. I’ll report back at some point!
I’m sure podcasting is a lot more work than I can currently conceptualize, but I love listening to podcasts and I love talking about stuff, so maybe it will materialize at some point!
Central Calif. artist Jana
I’d love to hear which podcasts you enjoy the most. I love podcasts!
Joy
Hi Jana,
I cycle through lots of podcasts depending on what I’m looking to hear about but some staples of my life have been Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Stuff You Should Know (I listen to this topically, if there’s a subject I’d like to learn about in a general way), The Place We Find Ourselves and Therapy & Theology are both Christian/psychology podcasts that have been lovely and helpful for me, but niche audience. I also usually search podcasts if I’ve recently read a memoir or historical fiction and I want to learn more about it, but it really depends on what the topic is. The Lazy Genius and The Girl Next Door are also great, positive lifestyle podcasts that I’ve enjoyed. One-off podcast series I’ve enjoyed in recent years are, the first season of Serial, Catlick, The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, and The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea (those last two are through Christianity Today, so again, a bit niche, but interesting to me).
Jenny
Hi Joy! We hear so much about you on the blog, it was nice to hear more details! I especially like the focus on small, mundane things that we might tend to take for granted- garbage removal, the dishwasher, etc. We’re living in incredible luxury compared to our grandparents. I’m also intrigued by the fact that you grew up in California but ended up in Nova Scotia- that’s quite a switch!
Let’s see… happy color, teal. Gratitude color, purple. Right this moment… I’m grateful for my nice, hot “cup of caffeine” (I just switched to green tea, which I don’t love, but I’m very grateful for the caffeine!!!)
And- a big fat yes to a load of laundry every day. Now that I only have one kid at home, I can skip it some days- but when my son is home, it’s a load a day for sure.
Joy
Hi Jenny! Oh I love teal too – I am drawn to it like a magnet, especially in clothing!
I never imagined moving to Nova Scotia from Southern California but I met this sweet Dutch-Canadian guy and, as they say, the rest is history! I’ve been here nearly 17 years now and I really do love it, although San Diego will always have a special piece of my heart.
The mundane things keep me grounded, I think, because they are so consistent and concrete. Not every day is a good day, but every day I can use these machines and services it’s such a win!
Good luck with the green tea – my favorite way to drink green tea is with vanilla flavoring, steeped with slightly cooled boiling water and then iced but only when it’s warm enough to enjoy a cold drink!
Jan Coates
So interesting, and I can sure see why you’re best friends! Love that highlighted quote about the good always being there even in hard times. And I definitely think the two of you should plan a trip to Greece!
Elisabeth
Travelling somewhere fun with Joy is definitely on my bucket list!
Joy
Hi Jan!
It’s an honour to “meet” you – a local celebrity! Hoping I’ll get back to Greece again someday, although I’m sure my impressions in my 40’s would be different than at 20 when I first went!
Elisabeth
Wait – have you two never met? I smell a great coffee hour in our future this fall!
Joy
Thank you, Elisabeth, for this opportunity and your kind words! You truly inspire me and your friendship has been such a joyous, healing element in my life! You are at the top of my gratitude list!
Elisabeth
<3 Thanks for doing life together with me!!!
Joy
It’s a pleasure! Looking forward to replying to other comments a little later too! 💕
M. Jean Pike
What a fun interview. Much enjoyed!
Lisa's Yarns
What a joy to have Joy in your life. I don’t really feel like I have a best friend right now… I have plenty of friends but not someone that I feel deeply connected to right now. But that will likely shift when I am out of the young kid years/travel less. But I miss the days of having a very close in-person friendship with someone.
I am not someone who dances… I am just too self conscious! I will dance at weddings but I don’t really love it? In this moment, I’m grateful for the coffee I am drinking! It’s such a great morning ritual for me. If happiness was a color, I think it’s be the bright pink color of the sky during a beautiful sunrise. I think of gratitude as being blue, though. And I am too old to have a tamagotchi! Those must have come out after I had outgrown that stage of life!
Elisabeth
I really consider it such a blessing to have a close friend I feel I can talk to about anything. It’s definitely NOT a given, and agree that it’s especially hard in the busy “little” years. But I know you have a lot of very rich friendships and do a lot to foster those.
And I promise when you come to Nova Scotia, the three of us will go out for a long, luxurious chinwag over coffee 🙂
Joy
Hi Lisa,
It’s truly a gift to have Elisabeth for a friend – she is so good at cultivating connections and is a truly lovely person, as I’m sure you know by reading what she writes!
That pink color of the sunrise/sunset sky is just the best – I think that’s where the pink/yellow thought came from for me, honestly. That perfect gradient – *chef’s kiss*!
Elisabeth
I’m blushing.
(And no, I didn’t pay her to say that!)
Catrina
This post was such a JOY to read! 😃 The questions are excellent, too – thoughtful and inviting.
How did you two meet? Was it over books, Bible verses, or a shared appreciation for the rare magic of a quiet house? 😂
Joy, I’d also love to know what kind of work you’ve done – and are you currently working? Or at home with the kids? With four, that definitely counts as full-time.
And on the topic of garbage disposal: just today, while cleaning our bathroom, I found myself genuinely grateful for flushing toilets. Pull a lever – swirl, whoosh, gone. It’s easy to forget what a blessing that is.
So lovely to meet you, Joy. And Elisabeth – thanks for sharing your friend with us!
Elisabeth
Your guess of how we met is hilarious because it’s a combination of all those things!
I first met Joy’s SIL at a Babies and Books event at our local library. She mentioned that her SIL (Joy) hosted a Bible Study at her house and that’s how I met Joy for the first time. We quickly learned we had a lot of common and the rest is history. We’ve known each other…12 years now???
Joy
Hi Catrina!
You bring up an excellent point – I too am thankful for indoor flush toilets! That has been on my Finch gratitude list more than once as I’m the chief toilet cleaner in this house (I farm it out where I can, but really, I care more than anyone else so, it’s me!). Also, my husband is a civil engineer, so peripheral knowledge of wastewater systems has become imbedded in the back of my mind. It takes work and funds and pipes and water/sewer treatment systems to make my life this convenient and I’m thankful!
Speaking professionally, I have largely been out of the workforce for 15 years, with the exception of the occasional side-hustle such as small-scale paid childcare, cooking, and working at my children’s school on a very part-time basis. Prior to having babies I worked mostly in admin, with a short preschool teaching job my first year in Canada. For the bulk of my adult life I’ve been managing a household and caring for children and I really do enjoy it for the most part- yet another thing to be thankful for!
Katie
Yessss on the podcast!! I love this answer! Every time we drive through little rural towns in the Midwest (a lot) I want so badly to stop at the little businesses and ask them a bajillion questions about their life story.
I love the question about something specifically you are grateful for with your kids! On a similar note of friendships, I am really grateful for 1-1 time with friends. It is difficult to make happen, but so restorative.
Elisabeth
For me as an introvert, 1-1 time makes my heart sing!
Joy
Hi Katie,
What a fun twist that would be: a standardized list of questions and ask them of at least one person in every place you visit! I was thinking of digging up old friendships/acquaintances from various times of my life and getting a condensed (or not) version of the parts of their lives I missed, or things that are hard to bring up in casual conversation. It would be fun to do a mix though. People have such interesting lives!
Elisabeth
I’ve been intrigued by the thought of sending my parents Storyworth. (Well, it would be my mom.) I know there are so many stories and nuances about her/their life I don’t know.
I’ve never actually gotten around to doing this, but maybe I should just take the leap.
Suzanne
Hooray! Hi Joy! So fun to know more about you — you are such a regular feature of Elisabeth’s life and posts! I’m always curious about family planning. Did you always want to be a mom? Did you always want to have four kids? What’s the best part about having four?
Joy
Hi Suzanne, lovely to meet you! I come from a family of 8 and my husband from a family of 5, so we both always wanted a large-ish family. I ended up with half as many as my mother had, but we are happy and also feel like we’re at capacity! The best part of having four is the fun they have together – mind you, there is plenty of conflict too, and complaints about room-sharing, which is understandable – but they have a lot of fun too and I hope they will be friends and support each other in adulthood!
Ally Bean
As a wearer of eyeglasses I’d like to say that you two rock the best frames for your faces. That makes me smile.
“I say a prayer of gratitude nearly every time I start the dishwasher.” Me too, sister! The convenience, the cleanliness, cannot overstate how fortunate I feel to have one that works.
Elisabeth
I went off and ruined it by having laser eye surgery, but Joy has such wonderful taste in glasses frames.
Joy
Hi Ally,
Why thank you! As inconvenient as it can be sometimes, I really do love my glasses and, for a simplicity lover like myself, it’s nice that something I HAVE to wear can also be a cute accessory! It’s one of very few things in my life where I prioritize style preference over cost! I do envy Elisabeth her variety of cute sunglasses though – I have my singular prescription pair and I can’t take them off without losing my distance vision!!
Bijoux
Wow, the picture of the two of you together makes you look like sisters, but maybe it’s just the glasses! Joy sounds just like her name. So positive and full of life. Thank you for sharing your friend with us.
I’m not much of a dancer, but some of the workouts I do incorporate dance moves. Many times before I go to sleep, I say a prayer of thanks for my pillow (that fits my head just right) and my comfortable, warm sheets and bed. I hate being cold and I’m just so grateful to live in a time period where beds are warm and comfy.
Elisabeth
Our daughters have been confused for siblings before, too!
Oh how I love my bed!
Joy
Hi Bijoux! Ah, a good pillow is indeed a thing to be thankful for! It really does have to be just right!
I think glasses do have an impact, but we have somewhat similar styles too I think, so that may also factor in! They say you start to look like the people you’re around, so who knows. We are both what our daughters like to call, “Kale Moms” or “Whole Wheat Moms” although I must admit to eating very little actual kale…so maybe that’s showing through too?
Katherine B
Joy mentioned a book by Astrid Lindgren I had never heard of, but checking I see it is just a renamed version of my beloved Stories of the Bullerby Children. There are three books and every story is a delight. I always preferred them to Pippi Longstocking. And have you seen her Christmas books about the Tomten? Absolutely gorgeous. Thanks so much for the reminder that these books exist, and for the whole post.
Joy
Oh, I will have to look those up! I really had enjoyed the Astrid Lindgren books I’ve read, including the first Pippi Longstocking, which made me laugh out loud when I was reading it to my youngest daughter a few years back!
Elisabeth
I’ve put a hold on the book at the library and I’m excited!!
ernie
Hi, Joy. Nice to meet you. After reading this post, I understand why you two are such good friends. Lovely.
My questions for Joy, (maybe this has been asked, or maybe mentioned in a previous post) Do you work outside the home? If so, what type of work do you do? Is your husband from Canada? Did you meet in the U.S. and then move to Canada?
I enjoy dancing if no one is watching. I dance from my tots while they eat lunch sometimes, if I have lively music on. They love it when I do that. I took Irish step dancing for eight years as a kid and I hated it. Wasn’t good at it and my parents made me.
In this exact moment, I’m grateful to have most of my kids home, under one roof. It’s temporary. It’s loud. It’s messy. But it’s so fun. I’m also really grateful that Tank (my recent college grad, who’ll be moving to the city in the next few months) enjoys landscaping and planting. He’s agreed to help our sad landscaping situation, and spent most of the day outside working on it. Plus, he invited/requested the two youngest girls to help him, which was great. I love that he manages to connect with them.
Hmm, happiest color? I think blue. Blue makes me think of peace, and there are so many shades and they are all awesome, IMO. I guess I would assign blue as my gratitude color.
Podcast name? How about ‘Do Tell’
Who owned a Tamagotchi??? I am not even sure I know what a tamagotchi is. Was it some sort of mechanical pet? Nope, didn’t own one. My kids had a few of those toy hamsters that made noises and ran around in tunnels and stuff.
Fun post, Elisabeth.
Joy
Hi Ernie,
I have never owned a Tamagotchi either, although they were a thing my peers had and I kind of wanted one, but it never became an option and I was over it fairly quickly!
I have been a SAHM for many years aside from the occasional supplementary part-time gig that I could do with little ones around. My husband is Dutch-Canadian (his parents are Dutch, he was born in Canada) and he met me the first time he was ever in the U.S. for to work at a Christian camp that I had been attending since childhood! I am from Southern California, so it’s a bit harder starting off financially there, which was part of the reasoning in moving to Canada, but I was also ready for a change and an adventure and I got it! My work prior to having babies was mainly in admin and I’ve done a variety of things since then. I don’t really have a specific vocation to go back to, just an assortment of skills that I’m still not sure what to do with once I’m ready to go back into paid work, but I’m mulling it over and putting out feelers as that will likely be coming in the next few years as my baby grows up and goes to school.
Elisabeth
“It’s loud. It’s messy. But it’s so fun.” I love this!!
Send tank to my house. We have lots of landscaping to be done.
‘Do Tell’!!! I love it, Ernie. How perfect.
Maria
Hi Joy! So fun to meet you! My middle name is Joy so I’m a big fan of your name! 🙂
I don’t think I saw this in your post or in the comments but apologies if it’s a repeat… we know the reasons Elisabeth says you’re a great friend – why is she a great friend?
Also I loved your comment about giving our children the gift of regulating our emotions. Oof. It really hit home for me.
Joy
Hi Maria! I really like it too – Maria Joy, what a pretty combination!
Yes, regulating my emotions can be a full-time job, but I try to remind myself that half the work of parenting is in controlling my own responses and modeling good behavior. Simple to say, but not always easy!
Elisabeth is a good person, which makes her a great friend! She is warm, caring and intuitive. I can tend to get lost in my own head sometimes, but she always remembers me and reaches out to see how I’m doing. She has been there for me in a variety of difficult seasons, she’s a good conversationalist and a great listener too. We have a lot of shared values, interests, and experiences. She offers good advice, helps me problem-solve and is a great person to bounce things off of (figuratively, of course – ha!). I’m incredibly thankful for her presence in my life and am a better person for it!
Central Calif. artist Jana
Hi Joy, hope I’m not too late to the party, and if this question is too personal for the world wide web, just blow it off. HOW did you get from Southern California to Eastern Canada??? Are there any stand-out differences in people’s attitudes or approaches to life?
As a life-long Californian, I see differences in various parts of our state: San Diego is about having fun, Orange County is about doing the right thing (however one may define it, but often based on $$$), LA is about looking good, Silicon Valley is about money (and tech, of course), the Bay Area is about looking as if you are an environmentalist (the Subarus with bumper stickers from all the Nat’l Parks). Yes, sweeping generalizations. And while I’m at it, the Central Valley is about surviving—keeping gas in the car, buying a better car, getting a bargain, and ugh, keeping acrylic on one’s nails and color in one’s hair (but not this little gray duck).
We live in such a cookie-cutter world these days that every town seems to be interchangeable—same chains, same franchises, same same same. I’ve always enjoyed learning regional differences (Dr. Pepper in Texas, every soda called “Coke” in the South, sweet tea in the South, all coffee all the time in the Pacific Northwest. . .) and keep looking for them in spite of the homogenization.
Joy
Hi Jana,
Those are such interesting, and in my experience, accurate observations! On thing I noticed right away here is that there was less pressure to look a certain way. I grew up in a very low-maintenance family in terms of makeup, etc. but when there is a nail/hair/waxing place on every corner it becomes a lot more standard to get those things done and it seems to be much less of an expectation here, which I appreciate. Graying naturally, wearing little to no makeup and functional clothing are very acceptable here. Other cultural differences are often subtle, and they are layered. I moved from west coast to east coast, from U.S. to Canada, from a city to a rural community, from a vacation destination to an out-of-the-way, more obscure place, so there’s a lot to unpack and I’m still working on it 17 years later!
I will admit that I moved here 100% for my husband. I did not know where Nova Scotia was until I met him, but things converged over the course of our relationship, making this the obvious choice for where to settle down, so I moved and adapted! I’m now a dual citizen and I really do love it here and have always been captivated by the rugged natural beauty! The winters still get me down sometimes and I do dream about San Diego when I’m cleaning freezing rain off my windshield but, this is also home and I’m thankful for it. Highly recommend a visit if you can swing it sometime!
K @ TS
Hi Joy! Long time no see, girl! I am so glad that you are over there keeping Elisabeth happy and healthy and full of Joy! After visiting you all, I can see why you fell in love with that part of NS and feel like it is home now. I feel like the people are very warm, even if the weather is not always the same, and as a person who grew up in a small town, I love the feel of yours; it just feels so homey and close knit. That the kids can walk to school and you are close enough to Elisabeth to easily go on weekly walks is priceless! Most of my friends when I was in the Bay Area were at least a half an hour away by car, despite the fact that this could be only a few miles in some cases! Anyway, I enjoyed my visit and I can see why you like it there (although I would be happy if I never have to shovel snow from my driveway/walkway ever again in my life!) Plus, Dutch Canadian? Is he tall? I was in the Netherlands a few months ago and those dudes are big! There were also a few of them that I would not toss from my bed for eating crackers! 🙂 It was fun getting to know more about you!