That title is a real mouthful, but I couldn’t come up with anything shorter. Suggestions?
I assume we all have things we miss about earlier years of our life, and many things we’re glad exist firmly in the rearview mirror.
Without thinking too deeply about the topic, here’s what I came up with…
TOP FIVE THINGS I MISS
- Christmas. Christmases until I was about ten were magical. I miss the suspense and the wonder. I miss all that joy and fun with none of the work. Do I love Christmas as an adult? Absolutely! Is it the same? Never.
- Exams. Okay, call me an odd duck but as much as I stressed over preparing for final exams during my undergraduate degree, it was one of my special skillsets. I channeled the pressure into a very focussed state of mind. The feeling of finishing my final exam for a semester? Priceless! The smell of university libraries and study halls gets me in the feels every single time. (Somehow they all manage to smell the same and I love that smell.)
- A younger body. I feel like I’m too young to wake up stiff every morning, but here we are. While I’m probably stronger than I was at many stages in my life, I feel more…precarious?
- Picture books. This was such a sacred, beloved space in my experience of mothering and I still grieve the fact that stage is behind me. It consumed so much time – trips to the library, hours spent reading books at home each week – and I miss cuddling up on the couch with a stack of picture books, catching the sight of our overflowing “book box” out of the corner of my eye. (The book box is now a blanket box.) I could – and have – read chapter books out loud but some of the magic is gone. Moving on is part of life, but if I have any grandchildren I claim picture-book duty.
- No guilt. For the most part, my guilt as an adult is a horrible liar. It tells me I’m letting myself (or others) down when in reality that is poppycock. Before kids, I rarely felt guilty unless I deserved to feel guilty. I miss that default.
TOP FIVE THINGS I DON’T MISS
- Middle and high school. I feel like zero explanation is needed; I was so awkward and never really fit in. It sucked.
- A younger mind. I really appreciate all the knowledge and practical wisdom I’ve learned over the years – both by learning from people I respect and admire and also from experiencing life. (I wish I could have my 18-year-old body with a more mature mind.)
- Being friendless. I didn’t have very many friends growing up. I don’t miss that. I feel like my life has an abundance of rich friendships and I count that a true joy and blessing.
- Moving our bed each night. For several years – when we were living in a cramped two-bedroom apartment with two young kids – we would move our mattress off the frame, down the hallway, and into our entryway/living room overnight so our light-sleeping kids could each have their own room. In the morning, we’d drag the mattress back down the hall, flop it up on to the frame, and make the bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. I hated that daily ritual with a passion (occasionally we got lazy and left it in the main space all day and someone would come to the door and do a double take). Short version: I really, really, really enjoy having my bed stay in one place.
- Having infants/toddlers. As much as I miss reading picture books to my preschoolers, I do not miss having a baby or toddler. Does my heart pitter patter with nostalgia and a bit of melancholy when see how tiny they used to be? Yes. Given the option would I go back and start over? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
That’s my eclectic mix. Your turn. What are your Top/Bottom Five things from the past? Exams – were they your time to shine, or did they make you wilt? If you have grown children, what do you most miss about the little stages? If you have small children, what are you most looking forward to about older stages?
Header photo by Mariana Rascão on Unsplash
mbmom11
I do miss:
The baby/ toddler stages. So much. I know how to do that type of parenting really well, and the baby toes! Toddler waddles! Chubby hands! Sigh….
My energy levels from 20’s and 30’s.
My confidence in parenting.
Having friends who would drop by or whom I could just hang out with. Even when I was certainly not popular when I was younger, there was always some close friends. I do not really gave any friends now that I see on a regular basis outside of work.
I don’t miss:
Insecurities about some things. Being a woman of a certain maturity means I have no *$@#! to give about a lot of stuff that used to bother me.
A more narrow mindset. I think I’m less judgemental and more empathetic now.
Junior high- I was bullied sometimes, and very awkward socially other times.
Elisabeth
The dimpled knees and soft pudgy cheeks are something I miss…but not enough to go back. The toddler wobble is adorable, though…and I’m hoping for grandkids at some point (no pressure) so I can enjoy those stages again but with less hands-on responsibilities.
The last time I had reliably high energy levels was my undergraduate degree. I never felt like I needed a nap, sometimes felt stressed but balanced it nicely with time to relax on weekends. I literally cannot imagine feeling that rested again, but I’m hoping it comes in time? That said, by the time the pressures and tiredness that comes with having quasi-young kids is past…my body will be that much older!
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience in Junior High. That can be such a brutal time – especially as a female – and my heart goes out to you <3
Coree
I don’t miss much – I’m just not a nostalgic person at all. And despite a very easy childhood, decently calm adolesence, I HATE talking about childhood. I feel so embarrassed when my mom talks about it, and I get really sullen and claim I don’t remember anything about it.
From parenthood, I had a non-sleeper and generally like bigger kids more than babies. However, I loved nursing and loved, loved, loved toting T around in a sling. Like that full-body press, being able to sniff their little head, I can feel it even now? I wish it wouldn’t be weird to carry someone else’s baby. Luckily T remains very cuddly and prefers to be read stories (we’re halfway through Percy Jackson) while lying right next to me, so I get my cuddles that way.
Elisabeth
Ohhhh, I am sooo nostalgic. I think I get that from my father? He loves to reminisce and talk about the good ol’ days.
Carrying my kids – especially L who was and is a big cuddler – in a baby wrap was incredible. I get sad sometimes when he comes and cuddles now because I just know in a few short years he’s going to be taller than me and I love, love the soft, sweet cuddles.
coco
Interesting ideas. I don’t have many things I miss, maybe the slow summer, when I get bored and no plan for months long. Now I feel I have so many things I want to do but don’t have enough time, no matter what season.
Things I don’t miss:
– traveling with two small kids, with carseat, stroller, diapers, soooooo many bags
– disrupted sleeps
– insecurities in my 20s
– uncertain about my career and job in my 30s
– financial insecurity when we first immigrated to argentina
Life is much better now with stable jobs, healthy and happy kids, and adventures by choice.
Elisabeth
All the gear! There is so much gear in early childhood and I’m like you – don’t miss that ONE BIT!
I think you highlight an important point: we often go through financial/job insecurity the same time we’re juggling big personal changes like marriage and kids. You seem very content in your current position and flexibilities and that’s wonderful!
Jan Coates
Love your mattress story – glad you’re past that. The #1 thing I do not miss about the past is caring too much about what other people think/thought – for me, this is the biggest benefit of not being younger – aka growing older. I sometimes miss things from when S & L were kids, but now I get to revel in seeing A & N growing up (without changing too many diapers, etc.).
Elisabeth
I’m glad we’re past that too!
Love this and even though I’m still relatively young, I think I am already starting to see glimmers of this perk of aging. I care a little less year after year what people think (or even how I compare to a larger societal mold).
You know I’m keen to have a few grandbabies for just these reasons. It is pure joy to hold a baby and watch a toddler develop and enjoy that childlike-wonder. But it’s also nice to do it without middle-of-the-night feedings and fewer diaper changes 😉
Jenny
Yes! I would love to have my 58 year old mind in my 18 year old body. Although, I’m pretty sure everyone my age would say the same thing! I’m torn between missing the toddler stage and being SO relieved it’s over. Maybe the stage I miss most is the age around kindergarten- when they’re old enough to be semi-independent, but young enough so that everything is still fun and exciting.
I agree with you- I love Christmas, but it just doesn’t compare to Christmas as a child. And- not to get too somber- I miss my parents. Sigh.
Elisabeth
I’m with you – there are elements of toddlerhood I DO miss, but that stage is past and so I tend to focus on how relieved I feel that it’s over.
I’m so sorry your parents have passed, Jenny. Of course having your parents around is something you miss (and something I know I will miss as that loss eventually comes to all of us which is so tragic) and I wish they were still around to see all your accomplishments and to cheer on their grandchildren who are such lovely, talented kids.
Kyria @ Travel Spot
Being a kiddo is hard sometimes, but the joys/highs were so high sometimes, weren’t they? I remember waiting for Santa to come; it was so magical and we had trouble getting to sleep and the pomp and circumstance on Christmas day was amazing. Then we get older and more jaded and we see this time as slightly stressful, so I can see wanting the magic back! I also felt that summer days were endless and full of beach time and sun and campfires, but that was the busy season for my parent’s business so I am sure they look at it much differently! However, even as an adult, summers have a special place in my heart as they still involve beach time and camping! Yay.
Things I do not miss: working, teenage worries about boys and acne and whose pants looked best on them and if/when I would get a boyfriend etc. shoveling snow in the winter, dial up internet and having to wear “three pieces” (jacket, shirt, slacks/skirt) to work WITH panty hose. If I never wear panty hose again, I will die happy.
Elisabeth
Yes, I loved summer as a kid – LOVED IT. For the same reasons as Christmas. So much fun, but looking back I see it took a lot of effort from my parents to make it all seem so effortless and easy.
Being a teen is basically the worst. I feel so sorry A has to live through this stage of life. Dial up internet – now THAT was an era. Sadly, I still have to shovel snow in the winter though global warming has the horrible silver lining of milder winters and less snow…
Michelle G.
This is a fun list, Elisabeth!
I miss my young body! A body with no wrinkles and no aches and pains! I agree with you and the others that to have a young body with your brain from now would be fabulous!
But I sure don’t miss the pressure to look a certain way or the self-criticism I badgered myself with. I’ve let that go, and it’s much more pleasant that way.
Elisabeth
What a consistent theme that we all appreciate the wisdom and confidence that comes with aging (which seems a bit ironic as things start to creak and sag). But maybe we learn how quickly life passes us by and to seize the day (and also realize that what might feel old/hard right now, one day we’ll look back on with nostalgia as a good ol’ days)!
Suzanne
Ooooh this is fun (and difficult!). I miss some of the bedtime things from my daughter’s babyhood, like singing to her and reading her picture books. I LOVE PICTURE BOOKS TOO. But I do not miss reading the exact same Curious George story eight times in a row and I do not miss lying on her cold, hard floor next to her crib while I waited in vain for her to fall asleep.
I miss being able to pull all nighters and still have energy for life the next day. Now, if I go to bed after eleven I am a groggy mess for the entire day.
I miss my pre-baby boobs and being able to eat anything without consequences. Like you, I do not miss middle school or high school either. What a nightmare.
Elisabeth
Suzanne – I HAVE MEMORIES about the lying on the floor and patting a baby’s back DESPERATELY willing them to stay asleep and barely breathing so desperately did I want them to fall asleep. Fun times.
I’ll admit I could never pull all nighters; I think I’ve had high sleep needs for life…sigh.
Gigi
As the parent of an adult, I do kind of miss the baby/toddler phase; mainly because when I was in it I was so stressed (am I doing this right? Have I ruined this child) that I feel like I didn’t savor it properly. But I imagine there are grandbabies in my near future, so I’m looking forward to that.
You couldn’t pay me enough money in the world to go back to middle or high school!
Elisabeth
Ditto. No money would entice me to go back to middle/high school years.
Joy
What a good idea, Elisabeth!
Things I Miss:
Being carefree – while my childhood was not exactly idyllic, there is unique mercy in the blissful ignorance of being little.
Competative team sports in high school. There is nothing in my adult life that can replace the adrenaline and thrill of practicing and playing to win with a group.
Having more hours to myself. As a full-time caretaker of a preschooler and 3 school-aged children, it is rare to be able to plan on uninterrupted focus time for anything. My little boy can entertain himself quite well but there’s never a guarantee that I’ll get peace and quiet for a decent length of time.
Living in San Diego. I love Nova Scotia and I know there are a lot of downsides to living in SD (housing prices and traffic being top of mind!) but that city still has my heart.
Things I don’t miss:
Being a brand new mom. I have nostalgia about my sweet babies but I have never been so terrified, lonely and overwhelmed as during that time.
Dieting. I haven’t followed a prescriptive plan in years and although I still have some food hang ups, the body image and food obsessed voices in my head are SO much quieter now.
Being a fundamentalist. While my life still follows a largely conservative path, my mindset about how I practice my faith and approach God and the world around me is so much freer now. I am so thankful to have been able to discard some very toxic beliefs.
And ironically, I don’t miss my childhood Christmases because it’s more fun now (even though I concur that it is a LOT of work).
Elisabeth
I love all of this. You have so much self-awareness and I applaud all the big steps you’ve taken in the last few years. It can be hard to shake the past and you have been so intentional about celebrating the good and working to untangle all the false voices (within and without).
This = mic drop. “There is unique mercy in the blissful ignorance of being little.”
I also love that Christmas is MORE fun for you as an adult. What a delight and you’ve been able to establish such lovely traditions for yourself and your family.
Nicole MacPherson
I was just writing a post with my writing partner – we are both doing our junior high school years. I did not want to revisit them, honestly, but she convinced me…and actually, I’m glad we did. Don’t get me wrong, it was a miserable time. I think it was the absolute low of my life, along with fifth grade. But there were some bright lights when I got to writing about it. I mean, things I can laugh about now that I certainly could NOT then.
Things I miss…is it weird to say I miss having a waist? Perimenopause! I don’t know if I thought I would be immune to this particular middle-age phenomenon, but here I am.
Elisabeth
I know perimenopause has my number and could call anytime in the next few years. Frankly, I’m terrified. I think most women who tell me aging is wonderful are THROUGH MENOPAUSE.
You are one voice that shines with optimism amidst the clouds that are mood swings, irregular periods, and our bodies doing crazy things.
NGS
I want to hug young Elisabeth for not having close friends. High school was sort of bad, but it was so much better because of my close friends, a few of whom I still see regularly when I go back to Michigan. I’m so sorry you didn’t have that same support network.
I miss lazy summers with no obligations. Summer is fun now, but it’s not as carefree. Maybe it’s comparable to how you feel about Christmas.
I don’t miss the uncertainty of my 20s. I just didn’t know what was going to happen – where I’d live, who I’d live with, what my career would be – it all seemed to be in flux and it was so stressful. I feel like I’m much chiller about all that now.
Elisabeth
Awww. Thanks, Engie. I was awkward (weren’t we all) and confused and lonely. BUT I also was an introvert trying, I think, to force a fit into extroversion. Lesson learned.
There are a lot of very big decisions looming in our 20s. It’s nice to be beyond that stage.
Diane
There’s kind of two sides to so many things, right?
I miss the electricity of meeting someone new and having chemistry with them.
I DON’T miss the insecurity that being in the dating scene brought.
I guess the same with my work – I miss the excitement of working in lots of different cities, but I don’t miss having to constantly hustle for the next gig.
I hear you about the exams – I mean I didn’t love taking exams, but the way one was able to hole up and focus solely on ONE thing in college – maybe you’re right and there’s a strong nostalgia factor, but I miss that feeling and sense of focus.
I do miss the baby phase – I’m definitely a baby mom – I could have babies all the time if it were physically and financially possible. I was lucky to have easy babies and I really miss those days of just feed, doze, cuddle, repeat. There’s not much that I don’t miss from the baby days. Maybe pumping. And having to pee with a peri bottle.
OMG that’s mattress story! I’m so impressed you lugged it back and forth. I would have just lived with a mattress in my living room.
Elisabeth
Yes to the sense of focus; that’s exactly it. It was the ultimate season of flow in my life and I miss that. It was also so concrete. Write this paper, study for this exam. My whole job was to study and plan and I excelled at that. There are no A+’s in parenting and no syllabus to follow!
I am NOT a baby mom. I had to have C-sections, couldn’t nurse, and had two very colicky babies. The baby stage was so horrible for me and it makes me sad because I wonder if I’d had a slightly different set of circumstances if I would have experienced it in the deeply magical way it can be?
Not only did we have our mattress in the living room, we were running to small businesses from the apartment and had all the gear for two young kids, so leaving the mattress in the middle of the only entry/living room was basically impossible for daily function of our life. But I hated it. Truly hated it. So, so glad that season of life is behind me!
Melissa
I miss the long days of summer holidays down at the beach, roaming around with my friends all day. High school and uni were fun for me, and I kind of miss the lack of real responsibilities and the silly things we got up to.
I do not miss the baby/toddler years; although I love looking back on the photos and remembering all the funny things they did, it was also very hard. I much prefer my adult children! I agree that I’d love to have my 18-year-old body back.
Elisabeth
I definitely think I’m better suited to parenting older kids! It also felt like my body just did not work for babies – C-sections, couldn’t nurse. Motherhood felt very forced and clinical with all the surgical rooms and trying to pump and bottle feeding. I do think that has coloured my desire to repeat that stage of life. Also, my babies cried and spit up a lot. I was tired and always messy and frazzled. Not the poster child for a relaxed mother of infants.
Lisa’s Yar s
This is a fun post! I loved exams – give me an exam over a paper any day of the week. Plus as a math major, studying was different. You had to understand concepts that you would then apply to problems so it wasn’t really memorization if that makes sense. I am quite a bit like Coree and don’t feel the nostalgia that others are prone to! But there are stages of life I miss.
Things I don’t miss:
– junior high and high school. It was a terrible time. Would not ever want to relive it.
– this goes hand in hand with the first but I was also quite friendless and lonely as a teen. I had dinner with colleagues last night and one of them ran into a HS friend at the restaurant which promoted the question of who is the friend you’ve been in touch with for the longest time. I had to ask if I could use a family member/friend as my answer because I am in touch with zero people from elementary/HS besides my cousin who was like a sister. So many people have great friends from their youth and I just didn’t make friends until college and felt like something was wrong with me if I am being honest. But I was not athletic and was so into academics and that was not valued in my small town.
– my 20s. I just didn’t really know who I was or what I wanted.
Things I miss:
– I love being married but I miss making decisions without considering their impact on others. Like I could travel wherever I wanted whenever I wanted.
– Again I love my children but I miss our kid-free days where we could go on hiking trips and sleep as long as we wanted and laze about the house.
That’s kind of all I can think of in terms of what I miss, though! I am just not very nostalgic and I think because the years I spent in my parents’ house were very challenging because I was kind of a misfit I have no desire to relive them in any way!!
Elisabeth
I loved most of the range of things from university. I loved papers, I did well at exams. I wasn’t a fan of labs – it felt like such a rip-off. I often had 5 courses + 4 labs and those labs required the same amount of hours each week (3 hours per course in terms of instructional time PLUS 3 hours for each lab, plus lab assignments and sometimes lab exams). I was jealous of my friends taking Arts degrees who slept until noon and had no lab exams. BUT, I also thrived in that environment and wouldn’t change much of anything from the experience.
I have contact with one friend from HS. And even that is not regular. To be fair, I have limited contact with uni friends. I’m so introverted that I think I prefer to focus my attention on a narrow few (people I’m currently seeing a lot) over keeping older friendships active. I just don’t have the bandwidth for that.
My experience is very different with marriage and motherhood because aside from university (I got engaged about a month after I graduated) I was either under the umbrella of my parents home, then at university, then married. I think I’ve had to learn to do a lot of things independently since I solo parent so frequently BUT, I always, always have to consider how it might impact other people (husband/my kids).
San
You MOVED YOUR MATTRESS EVERY NIGHT? I can imagine you don’t miss that at all LOL (what a hassle!)
I miss Christmas too. I loved Christmas at home with my parents and my grandparents. Sigh. I haven’t been home for Christmas in many years and even though I know it’s not the same as when I was a child, I’d love to be home for Christmas again. Maybe soon.
I am probably in the minority when I say that I miss school. I loved being in school. Yes, sure, it was awkward and weird at times (as being a teenager always is), but I remember distinctly how I sad I was when I graduated.
Elisabeth
We moved it EVERY NIGHT! And it was such a heavy mattress, too. I do not miss it one iota.
I hope you get home for Christmas soon, San! It is such a treasure to be with family over Christmas and Germany knows how to celebrate Christmas!!
I’m so glad school was such a great experience for you!!!
Tobia | craftaliciousme
I love this format. One thing I miss is the fearlessness. I was not overthinking most things and just did it and it was never bad. Now I don’t try because of fear. I hate it….