In response to my Happy Things Friday post last week, Rachel asked the following:
Out of curiosity, do you buy new or used for Christmas gifts for your kids? Do you think about it at all? We usually thrift and get second hand stuff but I’m aware that at some point the kids might care about whether things are “new” and not just “new to them”.
What a perfect question to form the basis of a post!
THRIFTED GIFTS
Short answer: we buy a combination of new and used.
Long answer:
- I keep an eye out for items that I think would be a hit all year round at thrift stores. Because we average at least one thrift store visit most weeks – usually while we’re waiting for our kids to finish a mid-week youth activity in a neighbouring town – that’s…a lot of browsing.
- There are some items we’re highly unlikely to find at a thrift store (at least in good shape). LEGO, for example, is something we almost always buy new.
Here’s a general feel for the sort of things we’ve gifted to our kids from thrift stores over the years:
- Clothing. Lots and lots of clothing. Coats, sweaters, gloves, hats, shoes, accessories.
- Books. Some years I buy the kids a new book, but most years if they get a book it’s from a thrift store or free from a Free Little Lending Library (we put the books back in after we’re done with them or donate them to a thrift shop).
- Notebooks. It’s astonishing how many brand-new blank notebooks end up at thrift stores. Belle loves notebooks.
- Toys. Mini sticks, mini hockey nets, action figures, dolls, Shopkins. Some games (after we verified all the pieces were there: specifically, Twister, Scattergories, Clue).
- Christmas pajamas. I have never once purchased a brand-new set of Christmas PJs for either kid. Thrift stores are overflowing with them this time of year!
- Seasonal decor. Both kids enjoy receiving something to add to their seasonal decoration stash. If I get them anything, it will always be second hand.
In my round-up of last year’s gifts, I indicate what things have been thrifted/homemade versus purchased new.
In general I don’t give people outside our family (John, kids, my parents, siblings) thrifted gifts. Though I wouldn’t be opposed if the item still had original tags and/or was something that could be washed and/or was in pristine shape.
Rachel also asked about our kids wanting to receive new things. In our family, I think it has less to do with the newness and more to do with the ability to specify. For example, Belle has asked for a very specific model of shoes for Christmas in a very specific colour. Finding that model of shoe in those colours in like-new condition at a thrift store would be virtually impossible. (I don’t use eBay.) When the kids were younger, we had more flexibility because their requests were more general. Overall, they are highly conditioned to receiving thrifted items so as long as it’s the item they’re looking for, they won’t bat an eye if it has been purchased at a thrift store.
THRIFTED FINDS THIS YEAR
While I don’t want to give away all my secrets, here’s a sample of what they’ll find under the tree:
- Belle’s not-really-Ugg’s-but-close-enough slippers: $12. Will these knock-offs (Sketchers) hold up as well as authentic Uggs? Maybe not. But for $145 less than the originals, I’m willing to take the chance
- Indy’s Minion knitted mittens: $1 (pictured in the background are a pair of dressy gloves for my mom and some fuzzy gloves for Belle – $1/each. All three of these sets will show up under the tree. My kids manage to lose mittens and gloves like it’s a superpower, so these are actually desperately needed…
- Indy collects snow globes. He has three total (all small, all from travel destinations) and is very proud of his collection. We wanted to give him a practical (small, ideally NOT glass) Christmas globe to add to that collection. Last week, John found one for $2. It has so much snow! It’s adorable! It’s plastic! THERE IS EVEN TINY GOLD STAR CONFETTI. Perfection.
- Both kids love to get Christmas decorations and this year they’re each going to receive a gnome. Virtually overnight we’ve gone from zero gnomes to four! The red one lights up; bonus points because the battery still works and the original tags were still attached. After our discount, they were about $2 each.
- Christmas PJs. In addition to opening an ornament each Christmas Eve, the kids always receive new-to-them PJs. They are always thrifted. This year it was even easier because both kids prefer to wear random T-shirts with cozy PJ bottoms, so I only had to look for bottoms which are a cinch to find at thrift stores. I washed and dried them and they look like new. Pictured is the set I got for Indy. $2.50. Isn’t the pattern adorable?
- This is a stock picture, but I bought Indy a Levi’s sweatshirt in like-new shape for $3.75.
- Belle loves pink and oversized sweaters and wears her same few options repeat. This isn’t an exact match for what I found, but it’s close. I think she’s going to LOVE it. $3.75.
- I received a free bottle of an electrolyte drink as part of a store promotion. Guess what’s going to show up in someone’s stocking…
NUMBER OF GIFTS
I think people are generally surprised with how many gifts we give each other/our kids at Christmas. Let’s discuss.
- Family of origin. I grew up in a household with limited funds. My mom was determined to make Christmases magical and one of her tricks was to wrap anything and everything to give us a sense of abundance. For example, every single member of my family would get the exact same toothbrush, bar of soap, and tube of toothpaste. After all the presents were unwrapped, one of us would gather all the toothbrushes, bars of soap, and tubes of toothpaste and put them right back under the bathroom sink (where she had gotten them from to wrap them since our family shared a central stash). Her ploy worked. Christmas felt so special when I was a kid and even though my parents didn’t have much financial flexibility, our stockings were always bulging. We do the same with my kids. Belle has asked for mechanical pencils. I could have bought them for her a few months ago when she asked, but instead they’ll show up under the tree. (Last year at her birthday – to announce she was now in charge of her own laundry – I “gifted” her a bag of Tide Pods.) Indy is almost out of his favourite hot sauce (an inexpensive Piri Piri brand Joy introduced us to). I could just buy a new bottle when we’re out at the grocery store…or I could wrap it up and put it in his stocking and make him wait. Guess which option I selected!
- We don’t gift much the rest of the year. We don’t go all out for birthdays. We might buy a box of chocolates after Valentine’s Day (on-sale chocolate is extra sweet), but there are certainly no gifts. We never, ever do Easter baskets. We spend somewhere between $20-30 on Halloween each year. Total. That includes costumes for two kids, the candy, and any seasonal decor I might pick up at a thrift store.
- It’s fun. I am not a gift-giver the rest of the year, but at Christmas it is so fun to sink into the spirit!
- We buy frugally. In addition to thrifting, when we buy things new, we shop around to get the best deal and/or buy things on sales.
- We don’t give gifts to friends/family unless they’re visiting. For the first few years of married life, all my siblings exchanged gifts and we did niece/nephew gifts. I can’t remember exactly when we stopped but no one in our family is sentimental about gifts. If we’re together, we exchange gifts (so I will have gifts for my brother and SIL this Christmas, but it has been 7 years since I last bought them Christmas presents). For years I exchanged gifts with my closest friends from college, but then we stopped and I don’t miss that extra pressure AT ALL.
- I follow some general “gift rules”. Something they want, something they need, something they’ll consume (almost always a food treat). Generally, I try to only buy things that fit into one of those three categories with space for a few silly “just because” stocking stuffers for added whimsy.
- We can. We had a lot of very lean years early in our marriage. Right now, we’re tremendously fortunate to have enough funds to be flexible about what we purchase at Christmas. I don’t think either of us would be tempted to spend out on gifts if we needed to stick to an extremely rigid budget.
Right after we had moved into our house, my sister-in-law (who is Danish) came upstairs on Christmas morning and looked around with alarm. She couldn’t believe how many gifts there were under the tree and spilling out of stockings.
An hour or so later, she sat back and said: Oh…I get it now!
Things my mom put in our stockings included: a bottle of her homemade jam, coffee filters (from Walmart, not some luxury coffee supply), small rocks from the shoreline at their house she had painted with little Christmas trees, toothpaste (always!), a cleaned-out-peanut-butter jar full of her homemade Nuts and Bolts (which she gives to us throughout the year, but we will ALWAYS get a clean recycled bottle full of it on Christmas morning), her homemade knitted dishclothes (every year she gives me some in my stocking and every year I throw out the old ones with holes and start fresh).
Part of me feels guilty. In a world where so many have so little, it can feel wrong to celebrate and indulge. But this year in particular, I’m trying to focus on gratitude, not guilt. Gratitude that we’re able to have Christmas gifts. Gratitude we’re together as a family. Gratitude that our parents instilled fiscal responsibility. Gratitude for the opportunity to bring joy to people I love.
- Do you/would you give people thrifted gifts?
- How do you feel about regifting?
- Do you like minimalism or abundance in Christmas gifting? Or do you aim for a happy medium?
Header photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash
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mbmom11
I have given thrifted stuff ( and have some second hand stuff waiting to be wrapped right now). If it’s something I know that’s wanted or needed, second hand works. (I don’t get a lot at thrift stores, as the ones in my town aren’t that great.)
Regifting is sensible – no guilt anymore about that.
I would love to do a minimal Christmas with a big experience gift and not stuff. I’m married to someone who loves lots of presents under the tree. We land somewhere in the middle.
I always put toothbrushes in the stockings – maybe it’s a mom thing? And when I was in high school and college, we’d fill my parents’ stocking with their preferred brands of moisturizer, shaving cream, etc as they didn’t want much and they appreciated practical. Also, once my dad’s favorite hair gel wasn’t available in the US anymore, my Canadian sister would send boxes of it for the holiday gift. ( Also a specific brand of digestive biscuits not found in the US- despite the fact were neighbors, Canada and US can have very different items in the stores!)
If the present will be happily received, I think “boring” stuff makes great gifts.
Elisabeth
It makes a big difference if you have a good thrift stores. Some are really full of junky stuff and old, rarely-cycled-through clothes. We’re fortunate to have a good turnover at the places we frequent so stuff stays relatively “fresh.”
We’re giving our kids some special snacks they love but are only found overseas – and my brother who just arrived from Denmark was talking this morning about the things that he will be taking back from Canada. A handful of things where he really prefers the Canadian brand and/or they’re only available here!
A box of hair gel sounds like a very practical but much-appreciated gift.
Jan Coates
Our little girls are fully thrifting kids, clothes, toys, books. I do buy them art stuff new, and I made doll clothes and ornaments this year. In our little 6 person adult fam, we draw names and each buy one $50 gift, so no shopping pressure for us
Elisabeth
The gift draw is a great idea and, since you’re spending on one person instead of many you tend to have a bigger budget and will be more likely to get them something they really want!
I agree that it’s hard to find art supplies in like-new condition. Most sets have been opened and at least some things are missing.
Birchie
As soon as I started reading this, a quote from The Tightwad Gazette popped into my head. Someone asked Amy if it bothered her kids that they got “used” stuff instead of new. Amy asked one of her kids, and the answer was “I don’t know. How can you tell?” When someone gives me something, I’m not asking which store they got it from or if it’s used or new.
So that’s how I feel about thrifted presents!
I think for Christmas “quantity has a quality” – we’re not buying stuff just to buy stuff, but a big spread under the tree is fun.
Last but not least, when I was growing up there was a guilt vibe around Christmas – “the kids are starving in China!” and unfortunately a lot of it was from church. Looking back on it as an adult, I call BS. Yes it never hurt anyone to be mindful that there are bad things happening in the world, yada yada, but I believe that holidays were meant to be enjoyed. So I approve of “all out” Christmas.
Elisabeth
ABSOLUTELY! I can’t tell you how many compliments we have gotten on different things – art work, clothes, you name it…and I can reply that it was thrifted!
Birchie, you always come up with the most memorable lines and I just adore “quantity has a quality.” That expresses exactly how I feel! I very much don’t feel like I’m buying stuff to get to a certain threshold, but it’s nice to say – Oh, there is something else that would be nice to get and I CAN get it, I don’t have to stop because I already have a set number of gifts.
Actually, just hugs for every single sentence in this comment <3
Maria
I don’t know if this will reply to Birchie as I intended or not, but if not it’s a reply to her comment…
Another Tightwad Gazette reader!!!! I’m so excited to virtually meet one in the wild. I used to read those as a teenager and still pull out the tomes when I’m feeling spendthrift. Some of the specific info is dated (like all the info on calling long distance, or an article on CDs vs records) but the philosophy generally still rings true.
Nicole MacPherson
Your thrift store is a place of magic. Who knows, maybe mine is too, I HAVE YET TO GO THERE.
We are pretty middle of the road for gifts. The guys are getting clothes, a book, probably other things that I can’t remember because my coffee hasn’t kicked in. Lots of practical/ consumable gifts around here, I guess, but when they were younger there would always be a toy or Lego set.
I think regifting is underrated. Sometimes a gift isn’t quite right for you – like when people give me candles, I always regift them because I’m so scared of fire. But candles are a nice gift for people who love them!
Elisabeth
Wait. You don’t use candles? EVER! How did I not know this. I am virtually certain I sent you a candle one year for Secret SANta. Oops. I’m glad to know you would have regifted it, not thrown it out.
I love regifting. And I keep gifts that I receive that aren’t “quite” right in a little stash and then I wait until I have a good recipient in mind. For example, someone gave me a very nice scented hand lotion TWO YEARS ago, but scented hand lotion isn’t my jam. It’s only this Christmas I have an idea of someone to give it to.
Jenny
I”ll be interested to see what other people have to say about this. I definitely prefer abundance in Christmas gifts! I love to see lots of presents under the tree and bulging stockings. I wouldn’t be opposed to thrifted Christmas gifts if they looked like new. And, I do the same as you- if there’s something they “need” that I would have bought them anyway, I save it for Christmas. Like, my daughter has been complaining that her clothes are linty, so she’s getting a lint roller in her stocking (the funny thing is- she’ll probably be excited about that.) I think we’re going to lean into used/thrifted clothing from now on, after our incredible success at the yard sale last weekend.
I’m looking forward to your Christmas recap post, where you list all the gifts. I always love that!
Elisabeth
YES! My kids get excited over the silliest of “needed” things. Hey – a lint roller really comes in handy. I’d be excited by one too.
I’m so glad you had such good luck at the yard sale. When you make it to Nova Scotia I’ll be sure to take you to my favourite thrift stores as well.
I already feel a bit self-conscious because with giving gifts to 7 other people (+ gifts I’ll receive), I think the recap is going to be quite big, but I’m moving forward with confidence after your + Birchie’s response. I love her thought that quantity can have a quality to it. For me, someone who tends to like to live simply, maybe it’s a bit of a rebel side to my personality to “let loose” at Christmas?
Alexandra
My mum was a queen of thrifting when we were small kids. She had to. Especially as we lived mostly on military bases. Which, as it turned out, had the best thrift stores every (I know from experience). Because everyone moves every 2-3 years, there are always great items to score in military based thrift stores. And, as kids, we didn’t know any different. So yes, most of my childhood till I was about 12-13 was hand me downs and thrift cloths and toys.
And yes, like your mother, mine also wrapped every little last thing she could even for our stockings to make it look more, or at least, special. And everyone got exactly the same thing in their stockings too.
And I’m not averse, as an adult, to regift stuff knowing it’s new and not something either of us care for to begin with. I prefer things go to a home where they might be appreciated.
Elisabeth
I never thought about military areas having a thriving thrift market, but that makes complete sense given the frequent turnover.
Alexandra
Military bases by their very nature are almost self contained little villages. YOu’d be surprised what’s hidden away on them.
Lisa's Yarns
I typically have not given thrifted gifts for presents, mostly because thrifting is a lot of work (at least for me, I do not have the gold mine store that you have!). But this year, Taco is getting a marble run that my good friend gave to me because her boys don’t play with it anymore. He will have no idea and won’t care, although this reminds me that I need to buy some more marbles because they had lost some of the marbles over the years.
I haven’t had the need to re-gift anything because most people understand that we are a “gift neutral” family so we don’t receive much. We happily give away the toys that the boys no longer play with but we don’t gift them since we don’t really have anyone to gift things to. We are hoping the family on our block that we are getting to be good friends with will be interested in some of the bigger trucks that Taco no longer plays with, though.
You know how I am going to answer the minimalism/abundance question. I prefer minimalism. I don’t love all the excess around the holidays. We can control what we buy for the kids but we can’t control what other buy for them so I have had to accept it. But one year, my MIL got Paul something like 15+ gifts!! It was INSANE. And there were years when the boys opened 2-3 gifts/day for like 5 days. I am kind of a grinch about this and Phil is too so at least we are well-matched! I grew up in a house with a lot of gifts under the tree, though, and the abundance of gifts was very fun, but that was a family of 7 so it didn’t take much to have an abundant vibe. I am trying to toe the line between having a sense of abundance without feeling super triggered by the amount of stuff under the tree!
Elisabeth
Agreed that thrifting takes time and good stores. If you don’t have both, it’s just not going to work!
I had a marble run as a child and absolutely LOVED that thing. I think it drove my parents bonkers with the noise…but I inherited eventually for my kids. They never really played with it so I ended up giving it away.
It’s a fine line, for sure.
Maria
We have a regift bin in the basement for things that we don’t want to keep in our home but which would be lovely for someone else. In other words we love regifting here.
We’re a mix of thrifted and new Christmas presents based on needs/wants/used availability. For example my husband is getting a secondhand chainsaw for Christmas. It’s something he needs (and wants) and was easily findable in good condition secondhand.
I grew up with stockings and my husband didn’t. We do stockings in our house and they tend to be a mix of useful/needed items that might be a bit more fun than usual (i.e. the character toothbrush instead of the cheapest option) and fun things that are still cheap (stickers from dollarama for the kids, for example), and a few food treats. My 4 year old mentioned last week that she loved that she and her brother each got a set of silverware in their stockings last year “and we use them every day!!!” Those were a “I am so tired of always being short on kid silverware and Christmas is in two weeks.” stocking idea.
In terms of gift distribution we only do Christmas and birthday gifts and maybe a small name day gift, but it feels bunched up because our birthdays are in December (x2), January, February, and early March. I definitely have no gift giving planning or desire left over for valentines or Easter after that!
Elisabeth
I have a bin in my basement too. It just holds all gifts. Whether they are going to be regifted or something I purchased with someone specifically in mind. It’s so handy to have a little stash.
Silverware in stockings is a new one for me and I think it’s brilliant. Sounds like the kids were very pleased with it as well. It filled out their stockings, game them ownership of some cutlery, and crossed something off your list that needed to happen anyway.
I don’t know what name day is…?
Michelle G.
You have so many wonderful presents here, Elisabeth! The slippers are so cute! The Minion mittens! The gnomes! You’re quickly becoming a household of gnomes, which makes me very happy!
We used to love an abundant Christmas, but now we’re in the stage of scaling back, and it’s nice. I’m a big fan of thrifted gifts and regifting. Christmas is the most fun when kids are around, so I say go for it with gusto and enjoy every moment!
Elisabeth
Michelle, I was feeling very left out of the gnome sensation. I’m afraid I’ll never reach your calibre, but they sure are whimsical and fun.
coco
I was very hesitant to give girls small gifts, we do advent calendar, because I feel they are mostly wasteful. But every year I ended up doing it because it brings them so much joy, the treasure hunt aspect the surprise, and the gifts themselves. I usually have 1-2 big ones and the rest are really small silly things. I’ve decided that as long as the girls enjoy it, I’ll keep doing it. Just like you, we don’t do much gifts rest of the year.
I would definitely buy thrift if I have access, your thrifted items look so new! And regift, definitely yes.
Elisabeth
I think it’s wonderful to have silly presents or things that will bring a smile. It’s make Christmas feel lighter and more fun.
Lindsay
We are regifters and thrifters where it makes sense! If we receive something someone else would love or appreciate more, it feels good to pass it along. We try to balance not having an abundance of presents with having a good amount of small things along with one or two big. Edible gifts (everyone’s favorite cookie!) always play a role, our stockings are always jokey small things and necessities, and we do a family challenge where we get $15 to spend on each person and try to find the thing that is the most “them” (even if it’s ridiculous) at a local small business. It’s easy to get caught up in it all, but we do our best to remember a gift is just to be together, too. (I also got LM Ugg-like shoes that I’m hoping will meet her specific ask as well as last for a bit!)
Elisabeth
I love your $15 item idea. How creative and it really gives people a chance to be creative AND thoughtful.
Tobia | craftaliciousme
Oh this is so interesting and fun to read. Thanks for sharing.
WE used to get things we needed and something to play. A new book was always under the tree and it stopped at some point. I have requested more books because they will really bring me joy. I wouldn’t care of something was thrifted as long as it is in pristine shape. Books could not smell though.
Reading through this post I think I need to unwrap one of the presents for my husband and rewrap separately to make him feel the abundance. He loves getting a lot as his parents were very frugal and never spoiled and now he wants to have it all – while I am trying to be frugal. My one client sells perfume samples from very expensive perfumes. And he sent me a set of four for free because they have been taken out of the catalogue and I knew the husband would love them. Of course it is going to be a present but I wrapped them all in one. Making it for gifts would be more fun. Yes, I am going to do that!
Elisabeth
Oh yay! The extra gifts will make it even more fun. I love spreading it out in creative (often free!) ways.
Stephany
I’m not much of a thrifter, although I should definitely make a point to visit some local thrift stores and see what the selection is like. All of our gifts are new. But I don’t have a huge list of people to buy for – just my mom, stepdad, brother, SIL, nephews, and all of the pets of course. I do a Favorite Things gift exchange with book club. We stopped doing gifts with the extended family many years ago, and I am very happy about that. It makes things so much easier!
We were always a family with abundance when it came to Christmas. I honestly don’t know how much mom did it as a single parent, but she ALWAYS gave us a great Christmas.
Elisabeth
It really is crazy how our parents did the things they did…but I’m so appreciative they did because I have such wonderful memories of Christmas and I think that is a very powerful positive force in kid’s lives.
Daria
Not a thrifter, at all. We do have thrift stores around here- Unique, mainly, and Look Twice, but I’ve never been. We are pretty minimal for Christmas. The kids already have so much. I’d rather save money for the trips.
Elisabeth
Agreed that the memories of trip adventures will last forever while most Christmas gifts are forgotten in a matter of days. I fully support this!!!!