I don’t generally post twice in one day, but sometimes things pile up on my proverbial chest and need to be unloaded promptly.
Today is one of those days.
When I write angsty posts, I sometimes let the angst marinate. Not today. This is a fresh-from-the-oven rant. None of this is true hardship, but it’s very much a death by a thousand paper cuts situation (or, in this case, a soul-withering dozenth snowstorm).
In no particular order. (Actually—there is a first thing to mention in this order.)
SNOW DAYS
Guys. It is another snow day.
That makes something like five in the last two weeks, plus a scheduled day off (parent–teacher) and a delayed start for good measure.
I am a lucky parent who doesn’t need to scramble for childcare—but I also already see my kids… a lot. And I really value time alone.
I unravel surprisingly quickly when I don’t have enough mental space. I feel high-maintenance saying that, but it’s true: I’m a better, happier, more functional human when I get time to myself. I’m a better wife, mother, and friend. I’m more productive. I’m more patient, more loving, more engaged.
When I’m around people constantly, I start to feel like I’m quietly shrivelling up.
Right now I am feeling deeply, profoundly peopled out.
Then comes the guilt for feeling this way.
A huge shout-out to John, who noticed my escalating angst and insisted I head to a coffee shop to relax (where I am also choosing to write an angsty blog post) while he shovelled the driveway. That’s true love. He also is handling ordering and picking up the pizza for Belle’s Christmas party (at our house) tonight.
BLOG WOES
I love writing.
I pretty much hate everything else that comes with running a blog.
Technology can be the actual worst. Every week there seems to be a new issue: autoscheduling isn’t working (hence the late posts), my backup software isn’t cooperating, and my ad script is misbehaving.
So I did what any modern layperson does and asked ChatGPT to help me solve the problem.
It responded with what it claimed was a “simple checklist,” but which read more like a nuclear physics textbook.
In the grand scheme of things, these issues are fairly meaningless. In the present moment, they are all deeply annoying.
I have since written the tech guru (who I can hire by the hour to do blog stuff for me) and I am hoping she’s able to fix it quickly and effectively.
NONE OF THIS IS HELPED BY AUNT FLO
My symptoms are manageable but when PMS lines up with snow days and Christmas prep, my margin for patience disappears quickly.
PARENTING ANGST
I almost wrote in my latest Happy Things Friday post that I was surely jinxing myself by praising the kids’ good moods.
There are definitely cracks showing, especially after a four-day “weekend”.
This morning, one child sat on the couch watching me vacuum the living and dining room because the floors were a bit of a disaster. I put all the chairs up on the table so I could vacuum under it properly. The child remained seated on the couch the entire time absorbed in their own little world. Later, they went to eat breakfast and complained about the chairs being on the table, asking why they were there. I may have rage-whispered: BECAUSE I WAS VACUUMING THE SPACE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE YOU LOUNGED LIKE A COMFORTABLE BUMP ON A LOG. DID YOU NOT SEE AND HEAR ME??????
Another child finished wrapping Christmas gifts in the guest room. We need that space cleared because we have company arriving this weekend. When I went down to tidy my own things, I found scraps of paper, tags, and general debris scattered about festively on the floor.
I called the child in question back down and asked—rhetorically—who was going to clean it up.
Their answer: “I figured you would.”
I clean up a lot of messes, often without being asked. But see above re: snow days and hormones. There may have been more rage whispering.
Then, shortly after that, a child asked about having a friend over for dinner later this week. I said no. We’re hosting a Christmas party tonight, have company arriving on Saturday for over a week, and more guests in early January. And, of course, we will be feeding lots of people over Christmas. I regularly host their friends for meals—but some days I need to not cook for people.
I said, “I have a lot of cooking to do for Christmas and it’s feeling overwhelming.”
Their response?
“But you only have to cook one meal.” (As in, turkey dinner.)
And where, pray tell, do they think the other three meals for the next two weeks AND THEN FOREVER AFTER will come from? Belsnickel? Gordon Ramsay? And what about all the special foods they enjoy throughout the season? Suzanne, tell me you feel my pain??
(It may have been shortly after this John wisely sent me to a coffee shop.)
MORE NEIGHBOURHOOD ICK
Something happened again on Saturday and it took the wind out of me again. I’m more resilient than I used to be, but it still brings tears, angst, and a unique form of bone-deep emotional exhaustion.
It happened right before I took my parents to a concert for my dad’s birthday (very fun! also: another thing), and it tainted the day a little bit.
I know it’s someone else’s internal issue causing them to treat me this way. But the external impact still hurts.
For anyone counting, that’s three of the last four Saturdays affected by neighbourhood nonsense. And it sucks.
CHRISTMAS MAGIC
I love Christmas.
But making the “magic” takes work. A lot of it. And there’s very little recognition for that labour.
When I don’t get feedback from the kids, I sometimes assume I’m not doing enough. Which is unfair—to them and to me. I wasn’t writing my own mother long thank-you letters for her work in pulling together Christmas magic either.
Motherhood is often a deeply thankless job. Sometimes I’m fine with that. I get warm fuzzies from wrapping gifts, baking cookies, sending cards, hosting parties.
And other times, like today, I feel angsty and taken advantage of and generally a hormonal basket case!
EUROPE PLANNING
This is less angsty and more overwhelming.
A longish-term stay in Munich is looking more unlikely due to a lack of rentals in our budget, so we’re pivoting to Vienna (many more options). I’d already gathered a lot of Munich advice from people, and now I feel oddly guilty for “wasting their time.”
There’s still so much to plan and sort out, and my brain feels full.
LAUNDRY AND FOOD MORE GENERALLY
I know quotidian jobs must be done, and that I’m supposed to find some sort of organic joy in them (and sometimes I do), but if someone told me I never had to do another load of laundry or cook another meal again, I would be utterly delighted.
THINGS I “SHOULD” DO
I’m also feeling angst about things I “should” be doing…
- Send more Christmas cards. I know people appreciate them. I just…can’t bear to think of writing more cards at this point.
- Christmas baking. I want to have Ginger Sparklers and peanut bars. I do not want to bake them. I know I could outsource this to Belle, but it still requires some oversight since these are things I usually bake and when I’m angsty I’m LESS likely to outsource which I know might make zero sense.
- Prepare more well-rounded meals. We’re defaulting to too much junk/toss-together meals without a ton of nutritional value. Blergh.
- Spend more time outside playing with the kids. The ski hill is open and Indy wanted to go today and the thought of getting all the gear sorted, driving through snow to get there, etc., filled me with utter dread. BUT, I suspect if I had made the effort to go, I’d be less angsty. But I don’t feel like building a fort or going sledding right now or having a snowball fight. [I do things outside with them. For example, I buried Indy and his friends in snow piles for half an hour last week. it’s just a coupling of kids’ having an insatiable tank for love and attention and me being lazy/peopled out and hating the cold.]
I have no tidy or inspirational ending for this, so I guess I’ll turn it over to readers while I try to get some of my mojo back and pray for a day of school tomorrow.
- Tell me your current angst. I need to know I’m not alone today. Feel free to make something angsty up if you must.
- What’s currently taking up more emotional space than it probably deserves in your life?
- Are you someone who needs alone time to function—or do you recharge around people?
- What’s one “should” you’re giving yourself permission to ignore right now?
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Oh friend – I see you and I feel you! I think this is a tricky time of year because we are supposed to be so full of joy and giving off “most wonderful time of the year” vibes – but it’s tough to do that when you are the person creating the most wonderful time of the year vibe and are just so tired and annoyed and moody from the long to do list and everything else that falls on us. Throw in the challenging neighbor situation and it’s a lot. I am an introvert and need a good amount of quiet downtime, yet being in my house with young kids results in the absolute worst behavior with all the messing with each other and bickering and such. So we have to be out and about all the dang time but then that wears me out, but it’s better than the alternative?
I want to tell you that you should not “should all over yourself”. Let go of the shoulds. Seriously. People will not notice if they didn’t receive a holiday card from you. That probably sounds rude to say, but we are getting so much mail and no one in their right mind is keeping a list of who does and doesn’t send cards! If they do, then they have far too much time on their hands and I have some work to send their way.
I’m always here for a rant! You’ve been on the receiving end of a whole lot from me and I am happy to always be your safe space to tell me exactly how you are feeling! Sending you lots of love!
“I think this is a tricky time of year because we are supposed to be so full of joy and giving off “most wonderful time of the year” vibes – but it’s tough to do that when you are the person creating the most wonderful time of the year vibe and are just so tired and annoyed and moody from the long to do list and everything else that falls on us.”
Yes, yes, yes! I feel seen, Lisa <3
I think some of the challenge is the fact we can be home now...but then the kids default to screens. In SOME ways (not in many others) it was a bit easier when I just set the activity and we went. It got us out of the house. Now I feel like the kids should be self-sufficient (and they are), but they're up with me in the morning and go to bed so much later...so I just see kids ALL DAY LONG when they're home.
I am not going to turn around and send more cards, don't worry. It is just this annoying level of guilt. Which I know will be gone after Christmas is behind us! I am always SO thorough with my cards, so it feels like a case of Obliger Rebellion, a la Gretchen Rubin.
Thanks for being a safe space 🙂
I’m so sorry you’re having an angsty time of it today, and so glad John let you flee the scene for a while. I am 100% someone who needs quiet time to recharge; it’s one of the reasons I find it so hard living with my mother, because I’m basically never here alone, and I’m not great at figuring out how to get enough alone time. People who aren’t built this way simply do not understand. I hope your day gets better. No more snow days for a while!
I’ve been asked before if my parents will live with us when they can no longer be in their own home and it would be so extremely difficult for everyone involved so that would be my absolute last plan.
It is SO hard to always be on call, in a way. Even if no one is actively asking for your help, knowing they’re in the next room and *might* pipe up with a request is enough to set me a bit on edge.
I am SOOOO hoping there are no more snow days. All my fingers and toes are crossed!
I’m staff at a university. All the faculty have left for the semester, BUT I’M STILL WORKING. What this means is that all grade complaints/basic advising questions/AKA THEIR JOBS are coming TO ME. And I might be bitter that they get essentially six weeks off and I still have to come into the office every day. I don’t really truly want to complain about this because I love my job and they do deserve time off, but I am the teensiest bit bitter today.
But seriously. ANOTHER snow day?
Oof. That is so tough. I always feel bad for secretaries and other non-teachers at our school who often have to go in ON SNOW DAYS. Ugh. It sounds so horrible.
I can see why you’re feeling a bit better. It’s okay to love your job, respect the job of the teachers, AND wish you had more time off/wish you weren’t there working alone.
Like you, I am agog that it was another snow day.
I think you need to continue to plan to LEAVE THE HOUSE at least daily when this happens – Belle is babysitting age so it’s doable! I’m so glad you’re at the coffee shop.
ALSO I give you full permission to never find joy in the laundry. I mean of course make the best of it when you have to do it (good podcast or TV in the background!), but LOVING those tasks? NOT AN OBLIGATION that I am aware of!!
I feel like you need a really fun cozy book series or TV show to help get you through this week!
Sarah, this is genius. I need to make myself a deal that I will get OUT OF THE HOUSE solo on each snow day. If I can’t drive because of the roads and go to a coffee shop, I’ll go for a walk alone or…something.
One of the problems is I start to get very antsy about the kids’ screen time. I know the kids are fine, but on snow days after they’re done outside they just want to veg and somehow I feel guilt about this. I should be playing board games! Setting up an obstacle course. We should bake Christmas cookies. But really, doing any of those things sounds about as much fun as getting a tooth pulled without anesthetic at this point.
Your validation about laundry was also VERY helpful.
I feel like I need some Great British Baking Show Christmas specials tonight…
Oh, Elisabeth, that is ALOT!!! I’m glad John saw your need and sent you off for some alone time. I hope it helps you face all of those “shoulds” that you can’t say no to.
Overwhelm this month is an understatement. On top of my own Christmas prep, I am hosting a regency tea at the library where I work for Jane Austen’s birthday tomorrow (why did she have to be born 10 days before Christmas!?!) This is on top of at a devotional I gave this past Saturday, my son’s car dying on Friday, and snow over the weekend. And not sleeping well due to the anxiety of it all.
I need alone time very badly and too much time at work makes me want to hide. And we will have a household full of family next week. I may have to hide in my bathroom.
I can’t think of a “should” I can ignore, alas. The good news is that I’m on vacation after Wednesday so I can carve out little bits of quiet.
The regency tea sounds delightful…but, also, yet another thing in the run-up to Christmas!
What a lot on your plate and with bad weather and a faulty car. You must be absolutely exhausted.
I hope you get some excellent time alone at home to unwind and prepare for the family to arrive. Christmas really can be a lot. It’s wonderful and worth it…but a lot. Especially for women.
I feel this!! It’s not just you! We have a December birthday as well and I’m exhausted by all the logistics, gifts, arranging grandparents to be at different Christmas performances, year end business stuff, on and on…!!
Oh man- I have my OWN neighbor situation that is taking up way more emotional space than it should! (not to make light of your situation– mine is more just “my kind, well-meaning childhood neighbors are showering my children with gifts and it’s very overwhelming for me to navigate”). I realize it is one of those “good problems to have!” but my kids already received SO much from their family members– having 5 more sets of adults gifting them stuff just adds up.
Being alone helps me recharge. Hard to come by, but definitely helps.
Sending you a hug and wishes for a better rest of the day..
There are so many logistics, right?? We have something every single night this week. Our next free night is Christmas EVE!!!!!!
Problems are problems, even if they come wrapped in different packages, sometimes literally.
Any chance you feel close enough to some of them you could let them know you and your kids will be choosing some gifts to wrap and pay forward to local charities. There are MANY children out there who would like gifts and you have too many? Might be a chance to have a win/win? I know it can be tremendously challenging to navigate these things, though, especially if someone has put a lot of thought/effort/money into a gift for a specific child in your family. Your own kids might be too attached to items, too?
Another thing I used to do with my kids is put extra toys away. I’d bring them out at random times during the year when we were having a “down” day. Sometimes I even wrapped them up for them AGAIN at a birthday OR THE NEXT CHRISTMAS. I can think of multiple gifts that I stashed away and simply regifted the same gift to my kid at another time. They had more than enough (this was when they were little and couldn’t really conceptualize what they got) and this saved me from buying more gifts for them later 😉
Solidarity on the Overpeopled/Underaloned feels!
I gave up “doing” Christmas years ago, because I became The Witch of Christmas trying, and it just was not worth it (God knew enough to not give me kids). No snow here in South Georgia but it was 32 freaking degrees out this morning and I hate the cold!!! Also, I will be hosting three dogs (in addition to my two) and a helper, for three weeks beginning on Wednesday and I Dread It.
SO looking forward to getting my life back on January 7th!
Your sweet husband gets kudos from this curmudgeon. 🙂
I think I want a T-shirt with this slogan: Overpeopled/Underaloned. It reminds me of my beloved “Busy Introverting” mug.
Wow, that is A LOT of dogs. Eeks!
I enjoy alone time but I do get lonely. I’m a little like our cat–he likes to nap nearby me, sometimes right on my desk, but would much prefer I not pet him and just leave him alone. I love texting with my friends but sometimes the idea of getting together in real life sounds overwhelming.
As regards Christmas magic, I rather lost that a while back. My brother died on December 21st, when my oldest was a baby, and though with my husband’s massive support, we managed to make Christmases fun for them in spite of that, I do not enjoy putting in massive efforts to decorate or cook a giant meal. And I am HORRIBLE at giving presents. I’m the worst. It is decidedly not my charism. Like, I know what I like, and I often assume others will like that as well, or I commit the horrible sin of thinking they need XYZ and get them that. Which is not a present, really, more of a “I thought you needed this” which my mother did and it always ruined things. So I guess my current angst is: Christmas traditions in general. Long ago I handed present-choosing off to my husband, and he does a much better job.
My other angst right now is I am anxiously awaiting for the nurse aide training that one of my sons and I completed to get uploaded to the test scheduling site so we can schedule our state certification tests, so he can take the test and become certified to apply for the job he desperately wants. He has decided to relax about it personally, and go on vacation with us in early January and then job hunt, but I would LIKE to get these tests done before January. Also I am anxious about him (and me) passing! We did very well in class, and in our clinicals, but the actual test is filling me with dread. I hate waiting for other people to do paperwork or file things that I need.
I am so very sorry for your loss, Karen. I too lost someone (a nephew) around Christmas and it forever impacts the feelings associated with a holiday. That is hard and sad. And I can only imagine the added pain of dealing with such a loss with a newborn in the house.
Hooray for delegating. It sounds great to offload the gift decisions.
That is very angsty with the nursing situation. First, I didn’t realize your son was completing the courses at the same time. HOW LOVELY! Almost always the stewing is worse than the doing. Unfortunately, the stewing sucks and can’t be avoided and it’s horrible. I hope those come through ASAP and you can get that sorted very quickly. It would bother me, too, to have that hanging over me.
Hi Elisabeth!!
I loved everything about this post…
Angst… Teaching. We have a day and a half before winter break, and it makes no sense to start the new unit since the students will go on break and possibly forget, so I am scrambling for something meaningful for them to do before they go on break.
Mental space… house cleaning. I still have not found a cleaner. I have been maintaining it, and there is no way around maintenance since the cleaner only may come twice a month?… If that.
I absolutely need alone time to function and not be a ghoul. During my luteal phase it’s oofffff, rough. Although this one (currently) is better than my last one (in November). That one was awful.
I should ignore the beautiful, over the top traditions that I see on other people’s blogs, especially if those people are stay at home parents that do have the time to make one million cookies. Le sigh…
It must be so hard to fill the time before Christmas break. Everyone is over the term and ready for a break.
House maintenance is exhausting and never-ending. When I was working almost full-time and we had a cleaner I found it a bit stressful to get everything ready every two weeks? I think the only way I wouldn’t have found it overwhelming was to have her come weekly (I know someone who has a cleaner come every week and that sounds IDEAL, but expensive). I will say I have lowered my standards again now that we don’t have anyone helping with cleaning.
Wauw, that sounds like a lot of snow days! I wouldn’t mind a snow day, provided I can go out into the snow. By myself. Singing Christmas songs. Alas, no snow is forthcoming. We do have the school Christmas dinner for the youngest, Christmas lunch for the oldest and a school trip for the youngest where he has to be at school for 6:45AM. I’ve outsourced the last one. I’ll get up early but I’m not cycling him to school and back before 7AM.
We’re not hosting this Christmas, we’re staying at my parents in law and then at my parents respectively. Mental stress in other forms.
My youngest was in tears again this evening about drama at school, so I think a holiday is overdue honestly, to recover and to talk about how we can tell our friends we are angry, and that yes, we can forgive their behaviour. And maybe also finish Harry Potter, so she feels more up to date and less tense about the end of the book. 4 more days (not like I’m counting down our anything…)
Anyway, I feel you. I hope you get some alone time to breathe and to work through all the stressors.
It is SO MANY SNOW DAYS. The first one is okay. The second one I faltered, the third was good…today I was just SO OVER IT. I have some snow I can send your way 😉
Family dynamics over Christmas can be stressful.
School drama can be so overwhelming for kids. Middle school was tremendously rough for Belle. So far, high school has been LIGHT YEARS better, but there were so. many. tears over the years. It’s a lot to help carry as a parent, too.
I’m ignoring Christmas prep- food planning, shopping, Bah!
I have two big angsty things, related to some issues that have weighed me down for years, potentially coming to a head. Trying to plan for these things, not knowing if what I do will be right, why can’t it be easy. Sigh.
I need alone time – I used to read in the bathroom late at night , to get alone time. It’s so easy to get peopled-out.
I’m glad you escaped to the coffee house. You know yourself better than ever- give yourself permission to leave or put yourself in timeout. Your kids are old enough to watch a movie and keep themselves occupied. Don’t let them overwhelm you. And next time, hand them the vacuum!
There is just so much to do!
It is very hard to have big things hanging over you for years and to always feel on edge. I’m so sorry. Some issues in life just don’t have neat and tidy solutions; sometimes, regardless of the resolution, it will bring discomfort/pain/loss to everyone. Those are tremendously hard places to be in life and I sincerely wish I could wave a magic wand and help solve some of those challenging dilemmas.
I have never read in the bathroom at night, but I love the idea!!!
I know I should have them vacuum (and I did have them do some things), but when I get to that stage I just don’t have any parenting mojo left and basically will either be cranky with them OR just prefer I do it myself so I know it gets done properly because I do not have energy to help coach.
The best option was the one John suggested – LEAVE THE HOUSE FOR A FEW HOURS. Thankfully, that was an option. For so many years it wasn’t and I have spent a number of snow days ugly crying in the shower (especially when the kids were younger and John was out of the country even more).
That is a lot of snow days in a short amount of time. I remember the worry of them adding on days to the end of the year to make up for the snow days (we are only allowed 5 in our school district). However, because homework was the MAJOR stress factor for me, I welcomed days off. I still have PTSD from all the homework my kids brought home (much of it needing parental help or having to go buy supplies).
If I’m honest, I don’t love Christmas. It’s just a lot of work for the moms. My husband always says he’ll help, but he’s always at work, and I’m not going to wait until Christmas Eve to wrap gifts and make cookies, etc.! This year, I’m stressed because my son and his family are staying at our house for a week (or more) which will make it harder for me to get things done (they have a 2 YO) plus the added stress of buying extra food and planning bigger meals for when they are here, on top of the holiday meals.
Anyhoo, I understand. Just do what you can do and don’t worry about the extras (cards, cookies, activities).
I am forever thankful that our school district does almost no homework. I am sure it’s not great for them academically, but I cannot imagine my mental health if we had homework battles each night.
It is A LOT of work to host. (Though I can imagine the delight of have a 2YO in the house at Christmas!!) And, yes, while it is a generalization, most of the time the shoe fits perfectly—women bear the brunt of all special celebrations. Birthday’s. Christmas. Valentine’s. And it can be a LOT of work and a LOT of pressure (from within and without). I do love Christmas and I try to balance doing things that bring joy to others while respecting the boundaries I need to set for myself. It can be tremendously hard to balance it all! Solidarity!
If it helps, everyone who has children has had exactly the same ‘tude and worse AND it hurts every.single.time. Yes kiddos, of course I’m here to clean up your messes and snap my fingers to make the very meal that your heart desires appear on the table at a moment’s notice and I have NOTHING else going on in my life so please tell me your next wish. Let’s see, my very mature way of handling this is to give mild corrections some of the time, get terribly hurt most of the time, and ignore it and not think that it’s a big deal 1 out of 100 times. Also YES I NEED MY ALONE TIME OKAY????? It’s not optional.
In lieu of a better answer, a morning at Charts is a very good solution.
HOW DO YOU DO IT? You come up with the best comment responses, Birchie.
“Yes kiddos, of course I’m here to clean up your messes and snap my fingers to make the very meal that your heart desires appear on the table at a moment’s notice and I have NOTHING else going on in my life so please tell me your next wish. Let’s see, my very mature way of handling this is to give mild corrections some of the time, get terribly hurt most of the time, and ignore it and not think that it’s a big deal 1 out of 100 times.” And that last bit had me laughing out loud.
Agreed. A morning at Charts was the perfect solution. Heaven help me, though, if we have another snow day tomorrow. I might need to be at Charts before it opens…
Dear Elisabeth, please go easy on yourself. This is a stressful time of year and all the snow and snow days have made it even more stressful. Plus the horrible neighbor situation! No wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed. Thank goodness your husband knew to send you for coffee. I think you need more of those kinds of breaks. I’m curious if your kids and husband are introverts or extroverts? Well, I don’t have any good advice for you, except to remind you that it’s OK to let some things on your list go. The holidays will be over with soon. Hang in there, my friend! Sending you a big virtual hug!
You’re so sweet.
I would say my kids are extroverts. John is an introvert, but we express that slightly differently. He doesn’t need (or really like) to be home alone. He doesn’t discourage me from going out, but he PREFERS when I’m home. The kids always prefer for me to be nearby OR to have a friend.
When I was a kid, I spent hours and hours reading by myself and I didn’t know I was introverted because I just naturally got all the alone time I needed. So it’s really only in adulthood I see what a big impact overstimulation has on my mood. I feel depressed and sad and overwhelmed and lack any and all motivation to do anything. It is literally almost like magic if I am left alone (or go somewhere alone). Even a few hours away and I feel like I can tackle things with fresh eyes.
I’m letting some things go as we speak (not going to pickleball tonight!) and really appreciate your encouragement <3
Absolutely love the honesty of this post. And I get it. Most of my angst right now is centered on work. I work in a busy retail store and after several shifts in a row (people get stressed at Christmas, and when they get stressed, they get so grumpy!) I can’t deal with people anymore. The angst comes because I have no choice except to deal with them. 🙁
Oh Jean, that sounds so positively exhausting. It’s tiring putting on a happy face for hours in a retail capacity and then to have people be snappy and rude and rushed must be downright defeating. Sending hugs your way as you work this season <3
I 100% need time alone to be my best self, and last week 2 of the 3 mornings that M has preschool ended up with a sick child at home (in one case with the stomach flu). By the end of the day Friday, I had really hit a wall, and we were hosting twice this weekend. I genuinely loved hosting and seeing lots of friends AND by the afternoon Sunday, I finally had a moment to sit and read by myself and immediately felt more like myself again. Then I took a 20 minute nap and didn’t hate everyone anymore. I think planning time outside is smart, and I totally get feeling overwhelmed by all. the. people. time.
Oh no!!! The stomach flu is the worst. I am shuddering to remember that season of parenting. It felt like someone was sick literally all winter when they were little. Hope everyone is on the mend and no one else gets sick!
I think it takes me a minimum of 2 hours of TOTAL silence (or 2 hours alone at a cafe where it’s not silent but I know none of my “people” are going to need me/access me) to feel human again. I need to plan to “cook” this into snow days, as it’s doable for me now in ways it wasn’t for many, many years.
That’s a lot of snow days! Hopefully there aren’t anymore in 2025! I’m SO glad John made you get some alone time this morning. If you haven’t already thought of this, (and I’m sure you have!)Europe might be like a multi month stretch of snow days so it’s good to get practiced now at taking the alone time you need when need it!
My angsty things:
– The five year old threw up yesterday afternoon right after we got home from church. She’d been draggy there, so did we unknowingly just infect a bunch of other families?!
– She was better today but… was today just the calm between storms of sick kids? Will tonight or tomorrow bring round 2 striking the other kids or us parents?!
– Was planning to have this be a normal week of kindergarten and then take all of the next two weeks off. But if we all end up sick this week should we not take the next two full weeks off?! (Realistically we have taken off two days since we started on September 1, and the public schools here have had eight planned days and one snow day off since then, so even if we do end up being off for three weeks, I am not worried about it. But I am worried that three weeks without the structure it’s given us will be hard.)
– I want to make the kids some simple doll clothes and they have been asking me to do this for them for Christmas and yet every time I think I’ll get to do it in the evening, something comes up and it doesn’t happen.
– My husband has an optional work trip in late January and he wants to know if I think he should go and I feel torn about it because I think he really wants to go and it would be helpful for him. But… I’ll be 33-34 weeks pregnant then and it feels like so much to have him home for a week then, for an OPTIONAL trip. So I don’t know what to say.
I think that is one thing stressing me out: if these handful of snow days is making me feel this way, how will I handle Europe. That said, I think it will be different in the sense that many of our responsibilities will have shifted. Here’s hoping!
There is nothing – NOTHING – like the dread of having a sick child and waiting to see if they’ll stay sick and if everyone else will get sick. I am very much hoping that was an anomaly and everyone stays very healthy!!!
That work trip decision is TOUGH. Oof. I wish I knew the right answer to give you, but I pray it becomes very clear how to balance it all.
Okay, I am doing some very deep breathing to get past the whole “you only have one meal to cook” thing. ONE MEAL. ONLY ONE MEAL. AIYEEEEEEEEEEE I am going to run into the sea.
THIS, Elisabeth, is so very me: “I unravel surprisingly quickly when I don’t have enough mental space.”
FIVE SNOW DAYS AND A PLANNED DAY OFF AND A DELAYED START. ELISABETH. IT IS TOO MUCH.
It really is too much. Thank you for getting this.
AND THE MEAL THING!!! I mean. There is just so much food that needs to be purchased, prepared, and cleaned up. I truly wish we all could survive on one meal a day. Maybe even 3-4 in the entire week. Life would be so much easier!!!
Skip the dang cards.
Say no to the expendable demands. (A friend for dinner? Messes left behind? Reclining on the couch while you vacuum? I think NOT.)
Insist that the kiddos do their own laundry.
Teach the boy that a vacuum is a power tool, and that vacuuming is a manly pursuit.
Open a few cans of whatever (olives, tomatoes, beans, corn), dump it into a skillet with some jarred salsa, tell someone else to grate some cheese, heat some tortillas, and tell the eaters “This is dinner”.
Gawl. I’d have been the world’s meanest mother.
Blessings on John.
Yea for Charts.
Boo for “perfect” Christmases.
I am skipping the cards and feeling mild guilt when cards come in that I have not reciprocated this year. It’s not that I don’t have the time, in many ways, it’s that it simply isn’t a priority for me this year. EVERYTHING CAN’T BE A PRIORITY.
“Teach the boy that a vacuum is a power tool, and that vacuuming is a manly pursuit.” Hahaha!
Blessings on John, indeed.
Thank you for this post Elisabeth! I SEE YOU and thank you!
“I figured you would.” – Oh I know it!
Honestly, all of this is a so much better written version of everything I am feeling at the moment.
Except neighbour trauma, that just sucks and I am sorry you are experiencing that.
Your house looks like Christmas joy.
If Europe is getting tricky you are welcome to just stay in Wales the whole time and Belle can babysit and you and I can drink tea.
The audacity to just leave the bits of mess on the floor. GAH!
I love your plan for our Europe trip; works for me. I have a feeling your kids are going to LOVE her. She is a very fun babysitter and hilarious.
Ranting can be good for the soul, and overpeopled is a great word! I definitely need time alone, or at least quiet time, and I would die from stress if I had kids. That’s what it is for me and all the benefits with having kids wouldn’t help.
I totally get you about cooking for people and having people over and all the overwhelm. And then snow on top of that (I genuinely HATE snow and that’s one of the reasons why I moved to Ireland).
My previous angst in the form of a sore and training-disrupting right shoulder and upper arm suddenly and magically disappeared (how that happened I don’t know, I started lifting some heavier weights) but my current angst is a steady stream of mice in the house. And tons of “shoulds” that I can’t ignore for much longer.
But at least we have no snow (for now). It’s the little things!
Mice. EEKS!!!!
But that’s wonderful news about your shoulder! And I am jealous of your lack of snow. It’s beautiful, but such a nuisance and it’s so COLD here right now. -15C with windchill. Um, no thanks 🙁
UH HUH. I totally hear you on all of this. I definitely need my alone time. You guys have a LOT of snow days!!! I’m reading this on Tuesday, so hopefully the kids are in school today! It’s a lot, making the Christmas magic happen. AND COOKING ALL THE OTHER MEALS, arrrrrg! Sometimes it’s all too much, and I’m very glad you were able to get away for a bit (huge gold star to John).
Sorry you had MORE neighborhood drama. It’s so sad that you have to deal with that- you definitely don’t deserve it!
THEY ARE IN SCHOOL, Jenny. Glory be.
We all have hard things and this is one of my consistent hard things. I would be lying if I didn’t say the thing I am probably most excited about while we’re in Europe is knowing I will never have to set eyes on a certain someone.
It’s really such a stressful/ magical time of year. So many things are great but wow, do they take work. And who does all the work? YOU DO. It’s a lot. There’s a lot going on for you! Hugs.
Thanks, friend <3
Christmas can be an emotional rollercoaster in so many ways. But I'm just thankful I get to spend it with my family. What a blessing!
We never had snow days; in fact, in the whole time my kids went to school, the schools were never closed down due to weather or any other reason. I can see how they would be a significant nuisance. My current angst is having to drive home from my parents’ house at Point Lonsdale after Christmas lunch (at least 2.5 hours drive) to host Geoff’s family for Christmas dinner. Geoff tried to get someone else to host because we are always pushed for time to get back after lunch, but his sisters got huffy about it, so he told them we would host this year, but this is the last year we will be doing lunch and dinner (which caused even more huffiness with his sisters). This means we need to get the house ready on Christmas Eve, along with the meat for dinner, before we drive down to Point Lonsdale. G has told everyone not to bother getting there before 6:15 pm. I find it so stressful because I have to keep pushing for things to keep moving at lunch with my family, so we can leave on time.
Wow! I just…cannot imagine never having weather closures. We’ve had them closed for a hurricane (at least once), snow, ice…never heat, I don’t think??
That is SO stressful, Melissa. Ugh.
A few years ago I decided we would do turkey on Boxing Day because Christmas is already busy enough. I love it. I’m glad you put your foot down. Hopefully despite the busyness, it helps to know this is the LAST TIME!
I just want to say that you have a lot on your plate and it’s no wonder you’re at your wit’s end! This is a busy time of year and believe me, as an introvert who LIVES for her alone time, another snow day would drive me over the edge, too. I like SHU’s suggestion to make a plan to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE on these snow days.
My angsty rant is just being so tired of my chronic pain. Nothing is helping and I am trying my best not to go down the path of “OMG, what if I feel this way forever?” but it’s hard. Add to it being the holidays and knowing getting to see a doctor for follow-up treatment may be impossible until January and I’m just… not in a great place. Ugh.
Yes. I think I need to have an if, then clause for snow days. If there is a snow day, then I will get out of the house for solo time at a coffee shop.
Chronic pain is exhausting physically and emotionally and so demoralizing. I hope you get answers and relief soon <3
Uff, Elisabeth, I feel your angst. That was a lot… and I would be totally unraveling myself with so much on my plate. I sometimes get overwhelmed with my own to-do list (and it’s probably only half as long as yours!), but it often helps when I just start tackling things (accomplishing one thing usually makes me feel better about the rest of the list). Needless to say, we don’t have snow days and I don’t have kids, so a lot of what’s on your plate, doesn’t apply to me personally… I am just dealing with a crappy year, frustrating communication with my BIL, and being alone of the holidays, but we’ll make the best of it.