It was a hot, busy(ish) week. My Oura ring reported a wonky HRV and elevated stress signals. Nothing particularly difficult happened, though Oura also kindly reminded me I’m in my luteal phase. Harumph. I swear I was just PMSing yesterday. How can a whole month have gone by?
I didn’t feel like doing anything this week. I didn’t exercise (though, to be fair, outside felt hotter than the surface of the sun) and barely kept up with house tasks. There was no routine. Two days off school — one planned, one not (it was so hot I let the kids stay home) — plus two mid-day school assemblies and two school-day dentist appointments. The usual rhythm was completely upended, and I didn’t do a great job getting the kids to pitch in, so the house ended up in disarray.
I think part of it is also the awkward reality of being a stay-at-home parent. There’s a constant hum of responsibility that never shuts off. The mental load doesn’t disappear just because there’s no toddler hanging off my leg. There’s always something I could be doing — errands, food prep, laundry, inboxes, life maintenance — and no clear boundary between “work” and “rest.” It’s like living in a space where you’re never off the clock, but the job description is always changing.
The thing is, I do have enough time. But lately, I just haven’t wanted to do anything with it. Paradoxically, the more open time I have, the harder it feels to use it meaningfully. And that has felt frustrating this week. My university contract dips to two hours a week during the summer, and our business doesn’t need much from me right now. After years of constant motion — raising small children, launching businesses, juggling chaos — I’ve landed in a strange stillness. A well-earned Year of Shmita, yes, but now a kind of limbo. I feel like I’m…spinning my wheels.
It’s not that the kids need me less — they just need me differently. Belle starts high school this fall, and we’re navigating big transitions. I love watching the kids grow. I have no desire to go back to the little years. I love seeing who they’re becoming. But I guess I don’t quite know who I’m becoming. Now that the intensity of early motherhood is behind me, what do I want to fill the space?
While waiting for Belle to finish up at the orthodontist yesterday (the second of those dentist appointments!), I read this in Nicholas Binge’s novel Dissolution:
“When people depict loneliness, they tend to show the isolation, the claustrophobia of it—someone curled up in a dark room, stuck in bed, unable to move. But real loneliness is repetition: doing the same routines day in and day out with nothing new to reflect on or look forward to.”
That last line hit me — not because I feel lonely exactly, but because the note on repetition feels familiar. For me, it’s not isolation. It’s periodic ennui. I’m not necessarily sad. Just feeling a little…dull? Life is perfectly functional, but currently lacking sparkle. Sometimes it’s not about crisis, it’s life fatigue.
Also — and this is real too — having a gratitude practice helps anchor me when I’m feeling this way. So, let’s talk Happy Things.
BELLE’S GRADUATION
I’m sure one of the reasons I was having All the Feels this week was because of Belle’s graduation. She is officially finished with our local K-8 school and is headed to high school. She graduated yesterday and I haven’t had a chance to get her approval of pictures, but it was a lovely, hilarious celebration of a wonderful group of teens.
Also, we get to sleep in today and THERE ARE NO MORE LUNCHBOXES.
RWANDA
John’s trip to Rwanda is nearly over — hard to believe it’s been almost two weeks already. The team has provided so much practical support to local communities, but I think they’ve received just as much in return. The Rwandan kids especially love being close — holding hands, playing games, sharing jokes.
John has a natural gift for languages. He had picked up some Swahili on a previous trip to Africa, and this time he’s added a fair bit of Kinyarwanda to his vocabulary.
He fed monkeys on the street! (Wildlife loves John. He saved his banana from lunch just in case…)
Note the Light House Hotel. Ironic, considering Rwanda is a landlocked country.
BELATED BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
For nearly a decade, my birthday gift to Joy has been taking her out for supper. This year, when the stars finally aligned, it was many weeks after her actual birthday. The evening was lovely. We sat outside, enjoyed the tidal breeze, ate delicious food, and worked our way through the 36 Questions Designed to Bring Closeness. We learned new things about each other, even after all these years of friendship. It prompted some great conversations about highs, lows, dreams, and fears.
Indy had visited the same restaurant a week earlier with a friend and made me promise to get the Blueberry Lemonade. I usually just get water, so sipping a fancy drink made the night feel extra special.
HAPPY BLOG MOMENTS
Some online highlights that brightened my week:
- Catrina’s Comrades 2025 recap was epic. The irony of me reading about an ultramarathon in South Africa from the couch in my air conditioned living room while eating potato chips was not lost on me.
- I’ve had Mystical Magical on repeat for weeks, so I had to smile when I saw Colleen and her family have created a Moonbeam Ice Cream flavour.
- Coco set a PB at a race in Rio!
- I really liked Laura’s (Vanderkam) suggestion to “choose a coffee project” — a task you’d like to have accomplished before you finish your first cup of coffee.
- Melissa took pictures of landmarks, flora, and fauna (A to Z) in her local neighbourhood. What a cool idea and one I might just have to borrow…
- Kae has me daydreaming about Denmark again.
- Birchie and Jenny convinced me I need to read Gone With the Wind this summer. Also, Birchie got Wordle in One with GHOST. (Our family once got it in one with the word OLIVE.)
SOCCER SUCCESS
Indy had a soccer game on Sunday and got roped into playing goalie. In the second half, he returned to his preferred spot at right wing and managed to score one of the few goals against a much stronger team. They lost the game, but he gave it his all.
AMETHYST COVE
We finally tackled the hike to Amethyst Cove, a rockhounding site we’ve been talking about for years. The catch? A relatively sheer cliff descent of about 500 feet (150 m).
It’s not a casual hike — definitely not one to attempt with little kids — but friends who have gone many times assured me ours were now old enough. We headed out early Saturday morning.
The hike down was intense. There are ropes the whole way, but some parts are nearly vertical. You’re essentially rappelling over boulders and tree roots with loose gravel underfoot down an almost-90-degree incline.
And, of course, what goes down must climb back up.
We spent hours beachcombing for interesting stones. Early spring is the best time to visit, and people show up with all kinds of tools (this local blog post shows what’s possible to find). We each found small pieces of amethyst in purple, white, and green. It was a fun, memorable day.
The hike back up was utterly exhausting as it was mostly arm power getting us up the cliff. My muscles ached for days afterward. Totally worth it, but definitely not for the faint of heart. The kids loved it. We stopped for ice cream on the way home, and let me tell you — that treat was earned.
BONUS HAPPY THINGS
- You never know where sibling dynamics will land on a given day, but last Friday, Belle and Indy decided to “twin” at school. Belle loaned Indy her Nike socks; Indy loaned Belle a pair of his Air Forces. (Yes — despite being 3.5 years apart, they now wear the same shoe size. Wild.) They both wore cargo joggers, too.
- I got to chat with Lisa for the first time and hearing her voice was such a treat! We had planned a walk-and-talk, but it was 8,000 degrees outside (approximately), so I stayed inside and tidied instead.
- Air conditioning. Air conditioning. Air conditioning.
- I tried Mountain Dew. It was…meh. Sweet but oddly flavourless, and not carbonated enough for my liking. I think I can confidently say I’ll pass on Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper in the future.
- I loved reading everyone’s thoughts on audiobooks and re-reading. Special thanks to Mary for introducing the terms ear reading and eye reading — such a thoughtful way to explain different reading styles. The day I posted my questions, Jenny mentioned Gretchen Rubin’s Read 25 in ’25 challenge. I clicked through, and guess what “counts”? Audiobooks and re-reading. I guess it’s official: my kids are avid readers.
- I loved Alex’s take on re-reading.
- I made Kendra Adachi’s Change Your Life Chicken. It didn’t exactly change my life, but it was tasty!
- Finished! I’ve read through the entire Bible — cover to cover, in chronological order — along with The Bible Recap. I finished on Wednesday, and plan to start back at Day 1/Genesis 1 today. Shoutout to Suzanne for mentioning the Bible in context of re-reading on Tuesday’s post.
Your turn.
- Anyone else feeling ennui this week?
- Is it hotter than the surface of the sun where you live?
- Tell me three Happy Things!
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I had a case of ennui earlier in the year—lots to do but couldn’t be bothered doing anything. I think mine was hormone-related because it improved when I started MHT. I think if I were getting exciting updates of my husband’s adventures in Africa while tackling the mundane tasks of parenting and housekeeping, I might lose a little bit of motivation.
That hike looks adventurous. I hate heights so it probably would not be for me! Looks beautiful though. My happy things are catching up with a friend last night who is going to host us at her friend’s place on Sydney Central Coast and hearing all her plans for us. I’m looking forward to having a few holiday days planned by someone other than me. I did see that she has included one of the walks that I really want to do in our itinerary. My son getting his keyboard working so I can practice for my first service on Sunday. Catching up with another Golden Retriever owner in the park this morning who we haven’t crossed paths with for ages.
I think having John away has been tough and while I’m not jealous of his experiences, perhaps it puts into sharper relief how monotonous the hedonic treadmill of home life can be. Also it ALWAYS feels a bit like crawling to the finish line to get through the last few weeks of school. I am over the moon that there are no more lunches to help pack/oversee!
If you don’t like heights, I would DEFINITELY avoid this hike 😉
This was such a rich and relatable post – and thank you for writing so honestly about the in-between seasons. That quote from “Dissolution” gives me food for thought.
Also, thank you so much for the lovely shoutout to my Comrades recap – it made my day! Reading about John’s trip (I really need to visit Rwanda, it’s not far from South Africa!!), Belle’s graduation, and your Amethyst Cove adventure brought so much colour into this week’s round-up. And now I want blueberry lemonade and to twin with someone in cargo joggers.
I bet you’re looking forward to having John back home! Will you pick him up from the airport?
I loved reading your recap. What a race!
You’re right — there was a lot of colour in this week’s post; I hadn’t really noticed that, but I think that’s a sure sign of summer. Blueberry lemonade sipped outside would be a lot less appealing to me in January 😉
We are all very excited to have him come home. Yup, I’ll pick him (and probably 3 other team members) up from the airport in a few days.
Ennui comes and goes. I have stuff I could do, but nothing required so why bother? I hit this now that a lot of my kids are out of the house – I only have 4 at home. I try to attribute it to that fact that I’m experienced and know I can get done what I have to when I need to. And it’s too hot to worry about cleaning windows right now.
I love the twinning picture!
Three happy things? Goodness, that’s a hard one.
Air conditioning ( which we don’t often run, but with lows in the upper 70s F [ about 25C] it’s been on the whole week.)
Cats
Teen boy who can drive their siblings to the pool so I don’t have to go.
Why bother? Good question! I guess I like to have something concrete I’m working on/toward. These in between weeks of transition are tough for the planner in me.
My windows are a disaster. It’s been…3 years since we had them cleaned. That is one job I need to outsource. But when I called the person who did it last time, the phone number didn’t work. Nooooo.
AC has been such a blessing this week.
It is A-OK to have a “I don’t feel like doing anything” week. As I say all the time, if you have a conventional job then you have PTO days that you’re expected to use. It’s the same for everything else in life – even though you don’t have a defined bank of time to use, you still need down time.
I love the steep hike! I’ve done two that were somewhat short but memorable. There was is a gorge at Mohican state park in Ohio where at one point there was a ladder to get up the trail, and then there was the Kaymoor Miner’s trail in WV that has 800 stairs. Both so hard but so rewarding. HEY WAIT A MINUTE YOU TOLD YOU THAT YOU DIDN’T EXERCISE BUT YOU DID A REALLY INTENSE HIKE!!! MISSY, THAT’S WHAT EXERCISE IS!
Yes, what Alex said! I will be reading my Joyce Porter and Nevil Shute until they nail down the coffin lid. For that alone, I’m excited for the rest of my life.
I remember the ladder trail!
I exercised on Saturday…but then not really again after that. Though, to be fair, I was SOOOOOO sore Sunday-Tuesday. It was quite a workout.
Oh friend, I understand that feeling completely. That quote about loneliness being just day-after-day routine…well, doesn’t that resonate. I have had many periods like that in my life. And I am also a person who does better with more things to do. I was worried when we moved here, because I didn’t have yoga classes to juggle every day. But it turned out fine, I just had to take on new and different projects. Still, sometimes I’ll have an open day and I feel like it gets wasted because I didn’t do x y z. I don’t know, sometimes we have these weird periods in our lives, and then things change again. The grade eight graduation is a big big thing, so I don’t blame you for feeling off. I always felt a little unmoored when something big happened with the kids, like “who am I?” kind of things.
You still managed to find all kinds of happy things this week, I’m proud of you! It’s not super hot here right now, but it’s going to be warmer later in the weekend, and then around 30ish degrees for the next week. That’s typical for summer here and because we have virtually no humidity, it’s not bad.
Three happy things! Okay! I’m going to a baby shower this weekend for my dear friend’s new grandbaby! Baby isn’t born yet and I’m a person who prefers showers after the baby is born rather than before, because I’m superstitious, but they don’t live in province so I will take what I can get. It’s Friday, which means Cocktail Hour with my husband, and I think we are going to crack a bottle of Riesling. My son Mark is here for a couple of days, which is lovely! Full house, I love it.
This was such a comforting sentiment, Nicole <3
And yes, I know things will continue to change and what feels nebulous will slowly click into place as we sort through new realities and routines.
Dry heat is the best! We had such humid weather recently and wowzers, it's tough.
Yes. Yes it is hotter than the surface of the sun here. I don’t want to talk about it.
I loved the first part of this post- it IS hard to navigate your changing roll as the kids change. They do need us differently. I know the feeling of ennui you’re describing- I don’t have it right now, because I was in such a rut while I was sick, now I’m eagerly embracing the feeling of getting my life back. But I do know it.
It’s crazy that you’re just finishing school- I feel like we’ve been out of school FOREVER. And- Belle going to high school! And Belle and Levi twinning. So, so precious.
John’s photos are amazing. I assume this means he’ll be home soon? Does he have a break from traveling?
And now… I’ll have to spend the morning reading all the blog posts you linked to!
Haha! It’s all anyone wants to talk about, it seems. I do like weather for small talk and there is LOTS to say lately. So, so hot.
I’m so glad that horrid sick period is behind you.
Yes, we end late in Canada (especially in NS). But we don’t go back until after Labour Day. Admittedly, this year that’s pretty early.
He will be home in a few days! He shouldn’t have to travel for work until August so, yes, some down time for all!
YES re: mental load. I am constantly going going going and thinking about the things and people in my care and never have time for deep thought about other things– I totally get this oner!
With 5 kids, you get a free pass on ALWAYS feeling overwhelmed.
Happy Friday! It sounds like you have a lot of good things to think about, despite being busy much of the time. I am sure that you are filling your days with things, regardless of the fact that the kids are getting older. I think that is just the kind of person that you are (in a good way)! However, I think the floors can wait, if that means you having time to read or just stare into space! If you makes you feel any better, I only have four pairs of socks and sometimes I don’t wash them after every wearing, and sometimes they smell a little funky, and I don’t care. BUT I will make you look (and smell) good, so you are welcome! 🙂
Ha! Maybe I am not motivated to do much of anything because nothing that will last needs doing? I COULD clean the floors, but they’ll be dirty again in a day or two.
I’m about to take Indy and some friends swimming locally and plan to take a book!
Oh Elisabeth. Your whole intro to this post is so relatable. This hit me so hard: “There’s a constant hum of responsibility that never shuts off. […] no clear boundary between “work” and “rest.” It’s like living in a space where you’re never off the clock, but the job description is always changing.” I sometimes feel like this phase of parenting is incompatible with my personality, which then makes me feel guilty. You mentioned feeling like you’re spinning your wheels, and I feel that so viscerally: it is a form of being stuck in the mud, where I’m sometimes expending all my energy to do things that don’t get me anywhere (making dinner every single night, driving my kid back and forth, walking up and down the stairs to clean the litter box, taking a load of laundry to the laundry room and then back to the bedroom and then eventually back to the laundry room), and sometimes still, but the stillness feels unproductive because I’m either exhausted from the wheel spinning or unable to fit something thoughtful into the space between the necessities. Okay, ugh, I am writing too much ONCE AGAIN but just to be clear you struck a chord.
Okay! So many happy things! The Amethyst Cove hike sounds harrowing and well worthwhile. I LOVE the photo of the kids twinning; adorable. And how wonderful that John’s trip is going so well. Best of all, maybe: NO MORE LUNCH BOXES! Woo!
“I sometimes feel like this phase of parenting is incompatible with my personality, which then makes me feel guilty.” Yes, yes, and yes. Can I also admit I often think parenting in general is not suited to my personality?
And then ALL OF THIS (minus the litter box because we don’t have a kitten): “it is a form of being stuck in the mud, where I’m sometimes expending all my energy to do things that don’t get me anywhere (making dinner every single night, driving my kid back and forth, walking up and down the stairs to clean the litter box, taking a load of laundry to the laundry room and then back to the bedroom and then eventually back to the laundry room), and sometimes still, but the stillness feels unproductive because I’m either exhausted from the wheel spinning or unable to fit something thoughtful into the space between the necessities.” I feel this soo hard and you’ve articulated just how I feel.
I’m so glad you wrote all that you did because it makes me feel very seen.
And I am ecstatic about no more lunchboxes.
Yes, working from home, there’s always more that can be done, either on the home front of or the work front. It can be hard to decide when to work and when to rest, and to actually rest without a nagging feeling that you should be working the whole time.
We used to have a monkey just like that one! She was the most comical pet we’ve ever had, but also the naughtiest!
3 Happy Things:
1. Cucumbers from the garden
2. Antibiotics that have made me feel much better!
3. Grandparents living close by. It’s fun to visit them! We’ve spent almost all of our adult lives living states or countries away from family, so really enjoying this!
“to actually rest without a nagging feeling that you should be working the whole time.” Yes to this!
Antibiotics are truly incredible and I’m so glad you were able to access them as needed and that they did the job!
I don’t feel ennui this week since I am on a trip with Will. He is a handful and 100 times harder to travel with compared to Paul. I had thought about taking both boys to visit my sister next year during spring break and this trip showed me that is not possible yet. I read about family taking similiar aged kids to Europe and wonder HOW!! But it has been a good trip. It’s just been so very very hot.
In day to day life I do feel that same sense of ennui. I love my job but I am gone so much that it’s hard to plan things for myself like seeing friends for example. But I remind myself that Will won’t always be in such a challenging stage so I will feel less guilt and more able to do things with friends even when traveling for work.
This stage won’t last forever but my goodness it can feel that way sometimes. Sending hugs <3 And hopefully some cooler weather...
We never took our young kids anywhere on a plane and I have zero regrets. Going when we did (Indy was about 8/9 and Belle about 12/13 was PERFECT for our family).
It’s absolutely hotter than the sun’s surface in southern Texas. There’s more to come in the next few months and we’ve had really high humidity lately.
Amethyst Cove looks like it was worth the trek! So neat that you found amethyst too. I’ve never heard of it, but it’s something I’ve added to my list of places to visit should I ever find my way that direction.
3 Happy Things this Week:
1. I enjoyed garden fresh vegetables and make salsa using our homegrown tomatoes and peppers. It was so fresh and delicious!
2. I enjoyed a visit from a one of my best girlfriends when her and her family came over for dinner last night.
3. The late sunsets have made my time after work seem so much enjoyable! I love have so much daylight in the evening.
The humidity is what really kills me.
Fresh produce is such a Happy Thing this time of year. I bought some local strawberries the other day and could not stop eating them! So good. I need to get to the U-pick next week. It’s a short season but a very delicious one.
Congrats to Belle! As well as to you and John – and, Indy, too! I love that twin picture!
I can’t imagine the no lunchboxes moment. It seems wild! I was just having a conversation about lunchbox plans for this weekend with my Mr and it made me seethe a little because it’s the weekend and there shouldn’t be lunch boxes!
Three quick Friday joys: Library holds. Cool mornings after hot days. Texting the same response to a friend at the same time and feeling that connection.
Getting to the end of the year, lunchboxes always seem to be the biggest relief. I think it’s because it’s hard to keep food fresh and it’s hard to keep food hot. So the options are limited and of course the kids want some variety. *Screams into the void* I am so excited to just feed my kids leftovers and grilled cheese sandwiches and not be constantly stocking things that are easily packable.
I’m not dealing with ennui. That sounds challenging. It is crazy hot here too. Thank goodness for AC.
Three happy things: My dad’s catscan showed that his cancer hasn’t spread. We have a pretty lowkey weekend ahead. Coach and I signed the adoption papers today.
I need to go back and read the interview questions you used when you had lunch with Joy.
What wonderful news about your dad (I saw that on your blog post) and I can’t believe the papers are signed. What a momentous occasion in your household <3
I am guessing PMSing is playing a big role in how dull it feels. It happens more or less the same every month but some month the feeling is more intense. I hope that’s the case and it shall past, as everything else.
I love the idea of talking with a blogger that I’ve never met, how fun! somehow I think I know your life more than many of my real life friends, and things in common. how cool is that!
I am having an epic week in buenos aires for million of reasons, one of them is cold, it’s 40-50 degrees and I never got to love it so much as now after living in tropical countries. three happy things: 1) falling in love with buenos aires with the family; 2) sleeping gloriously every night here, our ring 90+; 3) walking around with no destination but to explore, with my girls.
It really was. I feel SO much better today and it’s hilarious because Oura was feeding me things about how mood can be impacted in the days leading up to a period. Can you imagine being a man and NOT having hormonal swings every single month? Crazy.
I totally relate to the blogger friendship comments. When Kyria arrived it felt like we had known each other…forever. And, she actually knew how to navigate my house being so used to seeing pictures 😉
Your trip “home” sounds wonderful and I’m so glad you’re already planning a return trip. That will keep you going during stressful time.
Oh my, so much of what you wrote about being a stay at home parent and the weird space between work and rest and there not being clear distinctions resonated SO much with me. I feel blessed every day to stay home with my kids, but also, sometimes it’s hard, particularly the feeling of the work is never done. Learning to balance the never ending to-do list with a need to rest is difficult. And I can very much sympathize either way the feelings of ennui!
Amethyst Cove looks amazing!! I love the twin day your kids did. How does Indy feel about going to school without Belle next year?
I guess it’s the fact that two truths can exist simultaneously. I love that I’ve been able to spend so much time with my kids (truly see it as a gift) and, also, the truth that’s it’s exhausting and can be very thankless.
I think he’s doing okay. He knows a lot of kids, but it feels weird for me not having someone there to watch out for him. He did sidle up to her at school sometimes. But I guess this is all part of growing up. It’s part sad and part exciting!
It’s funny the way our lives are in tandem in some ways, with me a chunk ahead. Eve just graduated from university, husband is in Germany, and I’ve been sick so I’m feeling that awkwardness of trying to get back in sync with the rest of the world and have finished work for the summer so…what do I do now? So yes, a bit of ennui. AND I just got Dissolution out of the library – no idea why I put it on hold.
Eve and I are both reading at a furious rate and comparing books, and it’s like having a wish that I didn’t even know I had wished granted.
My husband is from Thunder Bay, so we have also been amethyst mining – nothing quite as harrowing as the rappeling down a cliff face though.
Wow! We are twins. Boy/girl husband that travels all the time. And, apparently, we both want to read Dissolution!
That is so fun that you and Eve are reading together. What a perfect mother-daughter activity. #MyDream.
Amethyst cove looks so interesting!!
Ennui – absolutely! And I’m not even in NJ. In Russia, my days fell into this pattern: wake up, relax, have coffee, have breakfast, set my head straight for the day. Drive to my parents’ home. Stay there till late afternoon, help with whatever is needed, run to the store or pharmacy, leave, go back to the apartment. Rest, physically and mentally. Not the most intellectually-stimulating environment. I do feel getting listless, for sure, that is why today, instead of going straight home, I stopped by the park and walked the trails. Yesterday I stopped by the toy store and got the kids some gifts to bring back. On Tuesday I am seeing a ballet after dinner. So, yes, little things to break the monotony. I keep reminding myself that I am here to help but today I was suffocating in their apartment- it’s hot. I felt I needed nature.
Three happy things:
1. having money to be able to buy anything my dad needs: adult diapers, a walker, and a toilet seat/chair.
2. the fact that Russia is NOT generally expensive (my apartment was USD350 for 11 nights) groceries are not expensive either.
3. the city where I grew up changed so much, for the better. Many more cars and apartment buildings but also much cleaner and more modern.
Such a good reminder that making little changes to our schedules and routine can really help.
$350 for 11 nights! Wowzers. And I’m sure you being there is such a blessing to your dad in so many ways. It hasn’t been easy to leave home and it’s such a long way to travel, but what a loving, caring, wonderful thing to do <3
That hike sounds so intense! I would be terrified, lol. I have not had good luck hiking. Both times, I’ve wound up with a broken ankle. I am not cut out for the hiking life!
Good things: upcoming time off work, feeling like I’m in a good spot financially, and my cats being cute (as ALWAYS).
TWO BROKEN ANKLES? That’s horrible. I would definitely advise you to never do this hike. It was so intense and the perfect spot to break an ankle (or two…or a neck!).