The world seems shrouded in heaviness lately. Some of it is the era (COVID was an unprecedented experience; we’re living through periods of major political, economic and climate upheaval), and some of it is just the fact that the older we get, the more we witness tragedy, the more we recognize injustice, and the more our personal baggage accumulates.
This week one of my children’s classmates lost a parent to cancer. This man was a regular at my local coffee shop; I saw him nearly every time I visited and he always sat in the same place and ordered the same drink and read a book. I had no idea he was ill.
We are forever having to balance our own lives – the realities of carpools and making lunchboxes and showing up for work and doing laundry and paying our phone bill on time – with the knowledge that people near and far are struggling in untold ways. How do we manage those competing realities and experiences?
I don’t pretend to have the answer and I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all response. I believe it’s important to not delegitimize our personal struggles. It’s okay and natural to be frustrated when we snag our favourite sweater, a child throws up on the couch, we stub our toe, we burn the rice, or a delivery person leaves a package out in the rain. This is not the same as losing a loved one to cancer, but we still have to function within our individual microcosms.
I suppose it all comes back to perspective and I keep returning to that Brené Brown quote: be grateful for what you have and celebrate it. When you honor what you have, you’re honoring what I’ve lost.
I am so grateful my children have a loving, kind, adventurous father. I am so grateful we are in good physical health. I am so grateful I live in Canada with access to world-class medical facilities. I am so grateful my parents are still living. I am so grateful we can afford shelter, food, clothing, and so many extras in our lives. I am so grateful for the internet and indoor plumbing and electricity and clean water. I am so grateful my daughter has the same level of access to schooling as my son. I am so grateful I have eyes to see and ears to hear and a nose to smell and hands to touch.
I will still show up here and complain about plumbing fiascos and parenting woes and the time I couldn’t get my car to turn off. But hopefully I can be just a bit more cognizant of how it is my duty to honour what I have in light of what so many others have lost.
Let’s talk Happy Things.
THE CAST IS OFF
Tuesday, bright and early, L and I headed off to the children’s hospital in Halifax to see plastic surgery. I need to pause and appreciate some of the Happy Things at play here.
- We live within easy driving distance of a children’s hospital. What a blessing. People come from all over Atlantic Canada to get to this hospital, and it’s an hour from my home.
- We were going for such a tiny issue. It is sobering and heartbreaking to see the profound range of suffering experienced by young children. The doctors and nurses are so wonderful at this facility, and my heart both aches for all the parents and caregivers who have to visit this hospital under such unthinkable duress, while also trying to grasp how tremendously fortunate we were to be visiting for such a routine cast removal.
He is clear to do no-contact sports next week, and can be back to full-contact in three weeks.
The biggest happy thing for me. HE CAN TAKE SHOWERS AGAIN. Glory be.
THE ENCHANTED BOOKSHOP
I’ve written a lot less about A’s drama production this year because I was almost completely hands off! Last year she had sooooo many lines (Miss Minchin in A Little Princess). This year, she had fewer lines and is a year older! I ran through the script a handful of times and that was it. I kinda loved going in to the play without having the whole script memorized.
Drama is her thing and it’s just really great to see your child thrive in an environment.
THE MUSIC MAN
Speaking of the theatre, on Saturday we went to see a local production of The Music Man. The kids both had friends in the cast; next year they’re performing The Wizard of Oz and both kiddos are already asking to participate (though it’s a BIG time commitment, so we shall see…).
The calibre of the show was nothing short of spectacular for being a local production of amateurs.
MEETING A BLOGGER – IN REAL LIFE!
Can you believe it?! Sophie was visiting Canada from Australia and happened to be in my neck of the woods.
Monday was a holiday here in Canada – Victoria Day – but we met up mid-morning and enjoyed a hot drink at my favourite coffee shop, did a quick tour of the university campus, and took a meandering walk along some local trails. We also spent about five minutes trying to manage to both fit into the camera frame for a selfie. We are clearly not on track to become famous influencers! We didn’t stop talking the whole visit and it felt like meeting up with an old friend (starting with a big hug when we spotted each other).
We had such a lovely time. There is some irony in the fact my first bloggy meetup was with someone from the other side of the world! (See Sophie’s recap here.)
FULL CIRCLES
On Monday, when I was at the coffee shop with Sophie, I ran in to A’s very first babysitter. She is all grown up and has an adorable little girl (Hazel). It struck me as profoundly strange that someone who babysat for my daughter when she was a toddler, now has a baby of her own that my toddler-turned-teen could technically babysit. CRAZY!
Another one of A’s former babysitters came to see her final drama performance. When the play was over, she handed A a little gift – which she opened to find a personalized jewelry case – and a card ASKING HER TO BE A BRIDESMAID IN HER WEDDING NEXT SUMMER. Again, talk about full circle. My daughter, a bridesmaid!!
How does stuff like this happen?
BONUS THINGS
- Making food in advance. I made a shrimp and veggie stir-fry, lime rice, and a soup in one morning blitz of cooking. It was so nice to open the fridge and see food, not just ingredients to make food!
- Our waterfront just got a lot more comfortable when the town installed a series of hammocks. I tried one out and heartily approve of tax dollars going toward this sort of project. Could anything scream Rest better than hammocks by the water?
- Flora and fauna in springtime. Everything is in bloom! It’s beautiful. We’ve been walking a local trail regularly and it is just bursting with flowers. Eagles – I never think to mention it on the blog, but I see bald eagles 4-5 times a week; with minimal effort I could probably spot a bald eagle every day!
- L ended up lagging behind on one walk; when he caught up, I was the recipient of a tiny lupin.
- This Yoga Flow for Beginners video. Simple but effective.
- Surviving a hard day.
- Naps.
- Spotting a cardinal out our front window, frolicking in the blossoms on our crab apple tree.
- Suggesting an ice cream date with John while the kids were at an activity. (I got a chocolate twist soft-serve if you were curious.)
- The comment section on my latest Shmita post; so much wisdom and encouragement. Thank you everyone!!
- Clean countertops.
- Friday.
And that’s a wrap on Happy Things from my end this week. Your turn. What’s going on in your life – happy or otherwise? What natural beauty have you been able to enjoy lately? In grade school were you more in the athletic or dramatic/artistic/academic camp?
Jan Coates
You have lots of good news to report this week. I was definitely on the athletic side when I was in school – too shy for drama, but my kids did musicals for their entire lives. Shannon was Dorothy in Stage Prophets’ production of The Wizard of Oz when she was in high school. Think I saved her gingham outfit, in fact:) And when Liam was 12, he was young Joseph in a huge community production of Joseph and the Technicolored Dreamcoat at the ATF – seeing him walk out on that big stage by himselfat the opening, singing his little heart out, was something that still makes me tear up:) Theatre is a huge time commitment, for kids and parents, but I know their experience has stood them in good stead in terms of confidence and bravery (something I never had). Mary Hanneman is an old friend, and she’s really working community magic with the Prophets’ productions. Do it!
Elisabeth
That’s so fun that Stage Prophets is coming back around to The Wizard of Oz. L really loves to sing; A not so much – but just to be part of the show would be quite something, I know. We’ll see where life takes us the next 6 months. Thankfully I don’t have to decide now if we’re ready for the weekly commitment all winter. But it would be an experience they would never forget. I’m definitely very tempted by the idea.
And such a great point that it helps with confidence and even important skills like projection, body language etc. How fortunate we are to live in such a wonderful community where opportunities like this exist.
Nicole MacPherson
First, I am so sorry about the man who passed away. What a sad thing.
I have so much to say – the cast coming off is HUGE, plus A’s play and SHE’S GOING TO BE A BRIDESMAID WHAT!!! That’s incredible, how very fun.
Everything is blooming around here and I love it so much. Every day I feel like it’s a miracle of life, so I am probably annoying everyone around me.
I don’t know Sophie, but I went to her blog and she was just in Montreal JUST LIKE ME! So thanks for introducing me!
Elisabeth
It’s always so shocking to realize how quickly life can change!
It is so nice to not be dealing with a cast. He can write again! He can bathe himself! Everything seems so much easier. It’s great to have another successful drama season under our belts, and A BRIDESMAID…RIGHT?!
Jenny
Hooray, Happy Things Friday!!! I love that Brene Brown quote- we can definitely honor the hard things people are going through by being grateful for the good things in our own lives.
You met Sophie!!! Yes, it is funny that your first blogger meetup was with someone from Australia. I’m envious!
Glad L got his cast off in time for summer. That is amazing A is so into drama- like Jan (commenting above) I was too shy for that. (Does she still play the trumpet?)
I hope you have a lovely weekend, full of flowers, hammocks, naps, and pre-prepped foods! Ha, the odds of all this actually happening are slim, but I’m dreaming big for you!
Elisabeth
Jenny, your enthusiasm for Happy Things Friday posts makes me happy. Every single time!!!
Alas, she dropped the trumpet quickly and has moved on to drums. Sadly, she really doesn’t like her music teacher and I think that has squashed much hope of her pursuing anything at this point. Maybe musical theatre will be her thing?
Love the big dreams and I hope you have THE BEST RACE EVER!
Colleen Martin
You know I was curious on the ice cream order 🙂 I feel this post so much, because even when things seem hard, I always feel grateful that it’s not BIG hard things, it’s just little hard things. I’m so glad the cast is gone! You met up with a blogger, that’s always so fun and a little nerve-wracking 😉 Maybe one day I can visit beautiful Nova Scotia and you betcha I’ll reach out if that ever happens.
Elisabeth
Family road trip to Canada? Your kids would love all the beaches and we have lots of ice cream in the summer 😉
Lindsay
What great perspective, Elisabeth! I love that Brené Brown quote; it really has given me a light during some challenging times. I am so lucky for so much, even when other things feel like too much.
I’m sure it’s no surprise that I was theatre/drama/book kid. My daughter was incredulous earlier this week because I asked her to lower her expectations at my ability to play volleyball with my Mother’s Day net and she replied “But you’re sporty – we played catch ONCE” hahaha!
On my ride to work, there is this rock wall fronted by tulips – oh so many multicolored tulips. The joy it brings me is ridiculous – I pause whatever I’m listening to and take a deep breath and enjoy them <3
Elisabeth
Ha! Look at you being all sporty and playing catch…once. That is TOO funny.
Tulips really are pure delight this time of year. They’re so vibrant yet have such clean, distinctive lines. Plus, they’re the only flower I can even come close to drawing competently. Okay, competent is an overstatement…
J
Sometimes life is just HEAVY. I have two friends who are in the midst of grief right now, one for her father, one for her BFF/roommate, and what is there to say that can help? I tell them how sorry I am, how much I love them, how I understand their pain. Grief is definitely a weight on your heart. Sigh. I’m so sorry to hear about the person who died. I’m sure you will think of him the next time you are at the coffee shop.
I love blog friend meetups, though I haven’t done one in quite awhile. There are several bloggers relatively close to me, I should do something about that, but I haven’t. Your springtime is beautiful! We’re inching toward summer now, the daffodils and tulips are but a memory, but my fuchsia is doing well.
Tonight is our night out for dinner, and my daughter has already declared (at 7:30 am) that since she works from home today, she doesn’t really want to go out, doesn’t want to do her hair and makeup and all of that. Fine by me, date night!
Your daughter is going to be a bridesmaid! Exciting! I hope that is fun for her and not too expensive. What production was she in this year?
Elisabeth
Grief really does feel like a weight and even when it’s removed from your own situation – I didn’t know this man personally – it just still feels collectively heavy?
I’m rooting for you to do a Cool Bloggers meetup!
Date night, woo-hoo.
She was in The Enchanted Bookshop – famous book characters come to life. She was Robin Hood; there was Pollyanna, Sherlock Holmes, Tom Sawyer, Dorothy (from The Wizard of Oz)…even a live dog playing the role of Toto.
J
Coming back to say that I remember when my husband and I were going through a rough time. My mom had died, my husband had lost his job, his brother had been in an accident, his aunt had died, it was the financial meltdown in 2008/09. It just felt like SO MUCH. We had a friend over and life was going well for him, his company was paying for him to go get his engineering degree, something he had fought for and was very happy about, he was also getting a raise, and I don’t know what else. He was telling us about it all, and stopped himself to say, “Oh no, I feel terrible bragging about all of this when you’re in the middle of so much!” And I remember feeling the opposite. It was SO NICE to hear some good news for a change. It buoyed us.
Elisabeth
This is such lovely observation. Yes! We need breaks from our rumination over hard things and, also, I think it gives us some hope that things will change course eventually. Or, as Nicole/Alison say: There will be a time after this.
That 2008/09 stretch sound truly horrific, though. I’m so sorry for all your compounded losses. That is so much to handle concurrently.
Lisa's Yarns
That is terribly sad about the friend’s father passing. The dad of one of Paul’s pre-K classmates died from cancer 2 years ago and gosh did that break our hearts. We knew he was sick as they had a benefit months before his passing and we would see him at drop off. But I really can’t imagine what that family went through and continues to go through… I think the kids were 4 and 7.
But good things… My new hire was in town this week and he is just a total delight to be around. We can vent and be real but he loves the job and is very good at it so it’s really fun to work with him. I also had coffee with my retired colleague yesterday which is always therapeutic because I end up venting quite a bit since he completely understands the frustrating crap I deal with at work on an ongoing basis.
How fun to see Sophie!! I bet to see Birchie in a little over a week!!!
Elisabeth
I really do treasure the fact both my kids have solid memories with both of us and their grandparents. Every year together is a gift (even if some days can feel like a real slog in the trenches of parenting). My maternal grandfather died when my uncle was 3 and he doesn’t have a single memory with his father which is so, so sad. My mom was 7 and doesn’t remember a lot (he travelled regularly), but she has some very happy memories of time spent with him before he passed and I’m always so thankful she was old enough to remember.
Wait, you get to see Birchie!? Fun!
NGS
Car stuff!!! On top of everything else (gesticulates wildly) going on, our cars are just giving us all sorts of trouble. Our older car, which we repair things sparingly on, has a troublesome tire. It was flat, my husband took it to be repaired, the next day it was flat again, the tire place fixed it again, it was flat again, now the tire place is giving us a new tire free of charge, but that means my husband has been dealing with this tire for the better part of a week. MEANWHILE, our new car’s fans for the heat/AC have just stopped working and the first appointment I could get was two weeks away. That means that my big plan of having my husband and dog come with me this weekend on a sort of dreaded road trip can’t happen because we don’t want the dog in the car without AC. OH! This is a happy things post.
I’m happy for the way my dog wags her tail when we’re about to leave for a walk.
I’m happy for being able to pay my bills.
I’m happy for the way my husband makes me tea in the morning and puts in just the right amount of honey.
I’m happy for audiobooks and podcasts that make tedious tasks something I look forward to doing.
I’m happy for co-workers who are patient and kind.
I’m happy for goslings and ducklings.
I’m happy for warmer weather and longer days.
Elisabeth
Car stuff. Really? The nerve of both vehicles. Argh. I’m so sorry. I hope this new tire fixes the problem for GOOD. And not having AC is the summer is just not really tolerable, is it. Argh again.
Love all the happy things. Especially smiled at the “tea with just the right amount of honey” comment. And happy anniversary <3
San
I miss the carefree days of being a kid/teenager/young adult when the accumulated baggage of the world wasn’t quite so heavy. I think a lot about all the tragedies and injustices in the world and really try to focus on being thankful for the relatively minor issues I have to deal with in my own life.
Again, I think finding happy things in our everyday life is so important to keep things in perspective and ourselves from “spiraling into despair” sometimes.
I am so thrilled you were able to meet another blogger IRL… isn’t it so easy to go from online friendship to in-real-life friendship? I love it 🙂
I did both sports and arts in grade school (are you surprised? LOL)
Elisabeth
It was so fun to meet up with someone in real life but already know each other quasi-well. It was a unique experience and one I hope to recreate many times!
coco
Life hardship happens around us all the time, it’s only in those moments that we find out, that we realize how lucky we are with what we have. I don’t like getting those “wake up” calls because they are usually bad news for someone but they do give me a hard reminder to not “waste” time in petty things. I just found out from my helper that she separated from his husband a year ago, a month after she had their third son. She’s raising 3 kids by her own and is afraid to lose. her job if I move. It was shocked and moved by the strength of this woman, who spends so much time at our house and I know so little about. It is her birthday this Sunday so I asked the girls to make a birthday card for her with some cash as gift (common in Asia), I hope that gives her few minutes of joy.
Love the ice cream date. I should adopt the idea. I don’t know what flavor I’d get, maybe mint chocolate.
Elisabeth
I cannot imagine raising kids solo. What a difficult position she’s in; I hope that your birthday gift bring joy to her heart and a smile to her face in the middle of so much adversity.
Kyria @ Travel Spot
You know I love the ice cream date idea! That should be put on the calendar regularly, rain or shine. I mean, nothing makes a day better more than ice cream in my opinion. We used to have a little hamburger and shake place in my hometown that served soft serve and my memory of that is that my friend used to always wear white shirts and get chocolate; you know where this is going right!? She never had a clean shirt, I swear. But we had lots of good ice cream!
Ug, the C word sucks. My work husband and his real wife both lost their mothers back to back about two years ago; one to cancer and the other was a really strange and quick break down of her organs; she was healthy and then had a slight bit of dizziness and a couple weeks later was gone. I think we cannot compare stubbing our toe to these kinds of huge events and nobody expects us to. However, we can do exactly what you are doing, and realize the good things and appreciate them, because life is strange and wonderful and horrible all at the same time. This is a big part of why I am doing what I am doing now. My grandfathers both died at 60 and if I only have 15 years left, I want to make the best of them.
BUT! Happy things! I think I found my favorite cheap Canadian ice cream; some of them are pretty bad but the Western Family one is actually not that bad, for a lower class ice cream! Mint chip for the win!
Elisabeth
A white shirt? I have only just NOW (with quasi-grown kids) started wearing white again and only occassionally.
Isn’t it crazy to think of life in that way? If I passed at the age of my maternal grandfather, I’d have 7 years left. It seems unimaginable…
Birchie
Public hammocks!!! I’ve never approved of a project more. And yay to past Elisabeth for making dinner for present and future Elisabeth & family – I also appreciate it when past me does that. And gotta love an IRL blogger meetup!
I’m sorry about the loss of your kid’s friend’s dad. What a bummer.
Elisabeth
Genius, right? They are really comfy hammocks, too.
Past me sometimes drops the ball (and needs to drop the ball), but when past me can help future me, it sure feels great!
Sophie
Hooray, L’s cast is off. What a relief for you all.
SO fun reading about our meetup on your Happy Things Friday post, I love these weekly posts of yours, this definitely one of my happy things!
Elisabeth
It was so fun to meet you in person! A highlight of my May for sure.
Hope the jet lag hasn’t been too bad…
Melissa
Public hammocks? I’m sure some killjoy in the council would nix that idea if it was floated here. Either that or would require the rubber playground surface under it. We had a few quiet afternoons watching the water as the sun set at Noosa which was lovely.
It’s so good that L’s cast is off. Will make life easier for everyone.
Elisabeth
I will say that the hammocks are quite low to the ground, but are just over grass…we’ll see if someone gets hurt and they come down. I hope not, because they’re a lovely addition to the waterfront.
Michelle G.
I like your happy things posts! It helps lighten up a heavy world. And it does feel heavy lately. The hammocks sound wonderful! Yay for the cast being off! Yay for theater! Yay for ice cream!
Elisabeth
Lots of “yay” moments!
Stephany
That is heartbreaking about your child’s classmate’s father. It puts a lot of things into perspective, doesn’t it? Life is so fragile and we never know how much longer we have with the people we love – which is my biggest anxiety trigger and it’s one I can only TRY to control!
The baby-sitter full circle moment reminds me of our family friend Tami. Tami baby-sat for my mom when she was a kid. My mom baby-sat for Tami’s kids. And then *I* baby-sat for Tami’s daughter’s kids! And now those kids are old enough to baby-sit for the next generation in our family, which is CRAZY to think about.
Elisabeth
Awww. Love the Tami story. It is CRAZY though, right?
Anne
That’s so sad and awful about the parent who died. I loved the Brene Brown quote, though – don’t think I’ve ever read that one. Or, I read it and then promptly forgot it. Being aware is half of it, I think. Just thinking about others, vs. being so into ourselves that we forget that everyone else has a life, too. I also tend to think that we never know everything about someone else. I’m a walk-on in their lives – that concept of sonder that I’ve written about a few times. I think about it with blogs, too – even for those who are open and share widely, there are always things in the background.
Wow, that was more than I intended to say about that. Sorry. <3
I'll just end with… it is always, always a good time for ice cream. Always. Take care, my friend.