Fail alert. Less than a week ago I said I was done with Happy Things Friday posts for the summer but I just couldn’t stick with that decision.
I’ve been in a low-grade funk all week and when I saw Melissa’s post – specifically calling out my weekly gratitude practice – I decided the choice to stop was completely arbitrary and ill-times. So, for this week at least, I’m bringing this series back. Because these posts really do make me happier…
As is often the case, I tend to segue into happy things by acknowledging some less-pleasant happenings.
- We are limping – LIMPING – toward the school finish line. Getting up and ready and out the door in the morning feels like a complete slog. Lunchbox options feel tired and uninspired and consist of me mostly throwing pre-packaged items like yogurt drinks, applesauce cups, granola bars and mini bags of chips in alongside butter (no nuts allowed!) and jam sandwiches. Despite missing an entire week of school lunchboxes, I have nothing left in the tank. It’s fine. But I am so ready for school to be finished at this point it almost feels like a bodily ache. (No doubt, a week after school releases, I will be counting the days until September.)
- I am overwhelmed by the number of volunteer opportunities coming my way. Between school and church I have had about a dozen things I could have signed up to do. So far, I have said No to all of them. I could be saying Yes; technically, many of them would fit into my schedule. But no part of me wants to face-paint at the church picnic or coordinate the snack table at a giant school event or go to the beach for an entire day with L’s class. The only thing I feel guilty about skipping is our school’s annual Fun Fair. It is a lot of fun…for the kids. There are cake walks and dunk tanks and prize tables. And, also, so many people. John’s away so I’d have to do it solo and would be surrounded by hundreds of people and over-sugared children and potentially awkward situations (the neighbourhood challenge spills over into the school setting). So I’m opting not to attend…and considering taking the kids to see Inside Out 2 that night instead? I can’t decide if this level of avoidance is healthy, but I’ve picked my lane and am sticking to it. (There is one volunteer option I will probably say Yes to in early July; mostly to assuage guilt but I’m sure it will end up being great.)
- I have been singing the praises of therapy for nearly a year now and have made a lot of progress. One thing I haven’t discussed, for a variety of reasons, is my decision to start taking medication to help with anxiety and depression. This is a nuanced choice and one that I realize doesn’t work for everyone. Last fall, at what I would consider the peak cluster of anxiety – and in direct response to reading Lagliv’s very honest and raw post about mental health – I started taking fluoxetine (Prozac). There were some pesky side effects (which I’m happy to discuss offline!), but it helped me better handle the intensity of emotions I was going through at the time. Because I was feeling mentally strong (and the side effects were potentially problematic), on the counsel of my doctor, I discontinued the meds in early March. This happened to coincide with another pretty major event happening in my life offline. And I have been working through next steps ever since. Three weeks ago I started a low dose of bupropion (Wellbutrin) and so far have been feeling…pretty awful. As someone with low energy, it sounds like a great option – it’s marketed as an energizing drug – but so far I have been exhausted and feeling unmotivated to do much of anything. I have a follow-up at the six-week mark and I’m hoping to turn some magic corner before that point? I share this in real time because it can feel so isolating to be struggling with brain health. It is not like a broken leg where someone sees us and can immediately identify why we need extra love and compassion. So if you’re struggling today, you’re not alone <3
You may be saying…WHERE ARE THE HAPPY THINGS? Let’s come up with some observations about the above…
- School is almost over. This academic year has been wonderful, especially for A. Grade Six was so hard for our household (So. freaking. hard.) This year she has blossomed and complicated tween dynamics have morphed into truly lovely teen friendships and I don’t want to forget how smoothly this year has gone.
- I get to say No. For a very long time I would have said Yes even when my whole being was screaming No. No is a full sentence and I’m getting better at saying it. (But it’s still really hard.)
- I have an incredible support network, a wonderful doctor, and live in a country that has medical supports in various shapes and forms (therapists, medication). I am taking steps toward mental wellness. It’s a lot of work, but what a blessing to continue moving forward.
BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
For the last six (?) years, my birthday gift to Joy has been an evening out on the town. For us, this means a nice meal and time spent thrifting together.
Every year is delightful, but this year may have topped them all.
We started with food and it was all delicious. We split an appetizer of fried cauliflower, then split a lemon chicken pasta entree (the lightly grilled asparagus was sheer perfection), and finished up by splitting a basque rhubarb cheesecake with homemade granola.
If I could clone one human to be friends with everyone reading here, it would be this woman. She is lovely inside and out. She is brave and wise and spending time with her is like sucking in pure oxygen. You might be able to tolerate me in real life, but you would adore her.
The thrifting was fun (I got two dresses for Portugal), and we wrapped up the evening with .99 cent vanilla Frosty’s and a long chat. Despite all these years of friendship, we never run out of topics for discussion.
HEAT WAVE RELIEF
We are in the middle of a heat wave. I think we’re living through a mild form of what people like Jenny, Sarah, and Stephany endure on the regular, but for me it is brutally unfamiliar. Hot, humid weather for days on end. Yuck. Happy things in these weather woes?
- Air conditioning. What a gift!
- Ice-cold sparkling water after a 6 km walk in said heat. It’s almost worth enduring the discomfort for the pleasure of a cold drink. (Notice how dark this picture is? It’s because we have been keeping the shades and curtains drawn most of the day to help keep the house cool; our air conditioner is still working overtime.)
OTHER HAPPY THINGS
- I’ve been making a list of Ta-Da’s lately, as I tend to overlook what I’ve managed to accomplish in a day. This week’s Ta-Da’s included hosting various hangouts for A (we’ve moved passed playdate lingo). Looking out the window and seeing her chilling (relatively speaking – it was stiflingly hot outside) in the hammock with a friend made me really happy. See the book on the ground? I love the fact she had been reading in the hammock before her friend arrived; books and hammocks are a match made in reading heaven.
- Coffee with a friend. I’ve been mostly drinking tea lately so coffee feels like an extra special delight.
- I had a…nuanced…work e-mail to send. I’d put it on my to-do list for next week, but surprised myself and drafted and sent it yesterday. Relief!
- Salmon rice bowls. This was basically deconstructed sushi and I AM HERE FOR IT. Everyone loved this meal. I quick-pickled some cucumber in rice vinegar and sugar, sautéed frozen beans with sesame oil and sesame seeds, made rice, John grilled salmon, and I topped things with a handful of cashews, a dollop of dill/lemon cottage cheese sauce + a sprinkle of shredded nori + a dash of soy sauce. I think I could happily eat this exact meal daily for the next month.
Your turn. Any happy or hard things to share? Sushi – yes or no? Best meal you ate this week? What’s the weather like in your part of the world right now?
J
YAY FOR AIR CONDITIONING. Yes, I’m yelling. That heat with humidity is no joke. It gets hot here, people do die from it, but it’s a dry heat and much easier to cope with. That said, I am very thankful for our A/C. It’s been lovely lately, mid-80s. Tomorrow it will be mid-90s, but then it will drop down again.
I love your birthday time with your friend. Friends like that are a true gift, and a VERY HAPPY THING indeed.
I also love the book/hammock/friend picture.
AND, yay you for saying NO. I have always been pretty good at this, but have several friends who really struggle with it, and then wonder why they are entirely worn out. Keep it up, only say yes when you want to.
Elisabeth
Dry heat is soooo different from humid heat. Thankfully, it doesn’t often get overly hot where I live but if it does it’s almost always humid (Nova Scotia is almost like an island – you’re never far from water).
I think some of the last 12-18 months have been my body/brain finally saying: you need to just…stop! I said yes in various ways to too many things (internal and external). I think it’s hard for me to balance what I want to be able to do (say, for example, come across as relatively extroverted when I’m socializing, have an exercise routine, maintain a tidy house) and what I actually can do. Instead of “listening” to my limitations, I’ve tried to smash my way through them. It worked for a while, but I think there has been a price to pay for that (in my life).
Nicole MacPherson
I JUST SAW THAT SPARKLING WATER IN SUPERSTORE!! I wondered about it – I think it’s either a new flavour or I just haven’t seen it before, but I wondered how it was. HOW WAS IT???
Sorry, don’t know why I’m all-capsing things here.
Good for you for saying no. Honestly, I volunteered SO much when the kids were in elementary that when they left I just…didn’t. It’s such a huge pressure for women specifically to give of their time, and if it’s something that is meaningful or enjoyable, sure, go for it, but if it’s something to dread, then why are we so pressured to say yes? Shit should be able to run without free labour from women. Am I glad I was The Book Fair Lady for 8 straight years? Am I glad I chaired the SC/ PA for four years? Kind of? But also, wtf, why can’t we just have funding for books in the school, why do we have to get books from Scholastic. That’s a lot of unpaid labour on my behalf. *steps off of angry soapbox*
I’m glad you are taking care of your mental health. xoxoxo
Elisabeth
I have written you directly about the sparkling water but it’s good – lime forward! We have also discussed the unpaid labour of women and the sometimes messed up way to generate money for schools so I won’t repeat it here in the comments, but you know I’m on the soapbox with you 🙂
Diane
I think it is good to opt out of things periodically to get some perspective and see if you really get anything out of them- there is always next year for the Fun Fair, I’m guessing? Remember all the things we opted out of during COVID?
How relaxing does that hammock look? We don’t have trees in our yard, but even if we had trees, it is starting to get much too buggy in our yard for hammocks to be pleasant right now.
We’ve been on vacation in Maine this week, so the weather has not been as sweltering at home, though it’s still rather hot and airless. But we’ve been eating lobster and dipping our toes in salty beach waters, so that’s been nice.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with your medication – I’m always so glad for your honesty here, though, so thanks for sharing. Big hugs – I hope you find something that works for you.
Elisabeth
Amen! The kids have been to various Fun Fairs and missing one year will be okay. Plus, they do tons of other things. Sometimes I feel guilty about things we don’t do, and don’t spend much time looking at all the things we DO do. For example, tomorrow is our church picnic (we will do; though I won’t do face painting!), Monday is a field trip for L (I’m no going, but he will have a blast), Monday night is a paint night at a friend’s house for A. Etc. My kids do a lot of fun things and sometimes I’m the one who needs the NO and it’s okay to prioritize me.
The hammock is the best. THE BEST.
Thanks for the encouragement, Diane and I hope you have a great time in Maine! Lobster and beaches sound delightful.
Michelle G.
I’m so glad that you are saying no to all those “volunteer opportunities” that you don’t want to do! That leaves you available for anything that you DO want to do, if it comes along. I’m so glad you’re willing to write about your mental health journey. I’m not ready to write about mine yet, but it helps so much to read what others are going through.
Yay for air conditioning indeed! We had a lovely cold snap, but now it’s over and it’s going to be way too hot this weekend. I’m like you – I’m acclimated to colder weather, so the heat makes me wilt!
I’ve never tried sushi!
Elisabeth
I love this reframe, Michelle. When I say No to one thing it leaves the door open. Doesn’t mean I have to say Yes to anything but gives me more space to have that be an option!
You’ve never tried sushi? Say it isn’t so. To be fair, I hated – HATED – sushi the first time I tried it. The texture, the spice of the wasabi. I don’t even know what made me try it again after disliking it so much but now it’s one of my absolute favourite things. Though I don’t love raw fish, so tend for vegetarian options or cooked fish.
Jenny
Yes, VERY grateful for AC and cold sparkling water! Do you ever put yours in the freezer for a bit before you drink it? I do that (for about 20 minutes) and then it’s ICY cold, yum.
I remember Alexi Pappas (runner, actress, writer, coolest person on earth) talking about mental health issues on a podcast once. She actually compared depression to a broken leg, as in- if your leg is injured, you fix it. If your brain is injured, you fix it. Her point was that there’s no reason to hesitate to address a mental health issue and use all the tools available. Of course, I see your point- it’s not quite as straightforward as fixing a broken leg. Hopefully you’ll figure out something that works for you (plus- more sunlight! That always helps.)
I’m Happy for Happy Things Friday!
Elisabeth
I haven’t done that with sparkling water, but you are clearly a genius!!!
So much positive growth has happened in the mental health arena in the last few decades. It is still much harder to address than a physical issue (though not all physical issues; obesity, for example, would be seen as someone lacking willpower when it is in fact a disease and has huge genetic and environmental components) because I think it is seen as something that should or could be “overcome” if the person was more resilient. It looks like weakness. BUT, the more people talk about their experiences, the more and more natural it becomes to share and also I think it highlights the fact that mental illness often has genetic, environmental, and physiological underpinnings. After a generation that was told to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, I am so grateful to live in a generation that takes a more gentle and well-rounded approach!
mbmom11
No sushi for me – you can have it all.
Most of my dinner meals have been grilled ( too hot to cook inside) but nothing special.
One hard thing resolved after a few days, so I’m very happy about it. I realized it wasn’t the actual thing causing me anxiety and sleepless nights, but that I’m stuck in the middle trying to manage others reactions and there’s a limit to what I can do. So that’s sort of good too.
Adult son came for a visit- how did my little monkey boy grow up into a fully functional adult?!? And he enjoyed the no- bake cheesecakes I made. 2 wins.
It’s hot, humid, and miserable here in the American Midwest, but trying to take kids to pool every day. And college daughter took her brother’s to the movie on blazing afternoon – I love to see how they have their own relationships outside of me.
I hope you can find the right med to improve your situation- the waiting game on this type of med is so frustrating. (One of my kids has started meds for anxiety and adhd and each adjustment take another 6 weeks to see if it helps or hurts. Because the rest of life doesn’t stop while you wait to see how it goes.) Good luck!
Elisabeth
Yay for hard things resolving. It’s hard to be stuck in the “murky middle” of a hard situation.
Aww. Love all the kid stories – their engagement with each other and appreciation of being home. I mean…who wouldn’t love no-bake cheesecake! (It’s my absolute fave).
The med thing is tricky and I’m so sorry it has been a challenging waiting game for your child. I’ve not had much experience with medication for mental health, but have 15+ years of experience with hormonal birth control which I’ve written about at length. It was THE WORST. And yes, for those treatments it was often 6+ months I had to wait before switching things up. The unfortunate punchline was that every medication was basically horrible and I ended up with an ablation (which has been amazing), but I do feel like I learned so much about how difficult it is wade through the ups and downs but I also learned a lot about advocating for my own body and health. Finally taking a stand to say No more medication to try to solve this issue was a huge step and one I’m very proud of. I’m on the flip side of that coin now saying: I need some chemical support in this difficult season of life! I think from the outside it can look like a bit of a “cheat” – take a pill and fix a problem. In reality, it’s almost always more nuanced and much more fraught than that! Wishing you and your child all the best as you navigate next steps <3
Melissa
How amazing is it that just the act of writing out all the happy things can lift our mood? I hope you do turn a magic corner with your medication, but barring that, you can get something that works for you. It’s so difficult in the interim though. A good friend is such a precious blessing, I’m glad you were able to celebrate Joy’s birthday together, and the food sounds and looks amazing. And your salmon bowl is my kind of dinner, YUM! Yes to sushi. The weather is here is fairly mild. We had a cold snap a week or so ago but this week we’ve had some days over 20C which is impressive for winter.
Elisabeth
There’s a reason so many people talk about the power of gratitude! Of course, just when it feels the hardest is usually when we need it the most.
Friends are such a gift from God <3
I bought more salmon yesterday. I just can't get enough of those flavours!
Tobia | craftaliciousme
Yeah for happy thing. I love the hammock, the reading and the hanging out. I had to laugh about the lingo. But I get it… as a teenage you really don’t have playdates, right…
That deconstructed sushi sounds really really good. I have lots of salmon in the freezer and maybe next week it’s dinner for me. We are heading into a heat wave so maybe I prepare some in the oven and then add it to salads too.
Thank you for sharing your journey in mental health. It really is not easy and so many of us are struggling. Knowing someone else out there is also on that path can help so much.
Elisabeth
The lingo is confusing – a hangout is the best middle ground I could find 😉
Though it’s more “gabfest” or “gossip central” I think. And by gossip it’s mostly who has a crush on who. It’s all rather hilarious and yet also a bit surreal that I am now parenting a TEENAGER!
Karen A.
A/C is a genuine gift. So is Polar Spring Pink Apple and Lemon sparkling water, and iced oolong tea.
Two months after my son had an emergency surgery that led to MORE surgeries and procedures, the open wound he was left with is finally closing up and healing. (They had to leave it open after the third surgery due to a serious bacterial infection, and do a delayed primary closure.)
As you can imagine, this makes me VERY happy.
Our ridiculous cat makes me happy even when he’s poking me awake at 4:30 am with his wet nose.
Elisabeth
Pink Apple sounds amazing!
You have been through so much with the surgeries – I hope the healing goes smoothly and you can all catch a breath after all the intensity and frustrations and fear that have been part of your life.
Awww. We don’t have pets, but reading comments like this is what makes me wish we did!
Lisa’s Yarns
Sushi – enthusiastic yes! I like it way more than Phil so often try to get sushi when I am traveling (and when work is paying for it – ha).
Keep saying no. Don’t should all over yourself! There are seasons for yes and seasons for no and if you are saying yes out of obligation rather than truly being interested in it, that is your body telling you your answer should be no. You’ve said yes for a long season. This is the time to give yourself permission to say no! *steps off soapbox*
I didn’t have any stand out meals this week but I did have some yummy chips and guac at HH with my friend on Thursday. We had so much fun catching up. Then I came home to find out taco had 2 accidents after they got home from school so Phil was in a MOOD…. And I realized I had forgotten my work backpack at the restaurant so had to drive back downtown after putting taco to bed. So that was a crappy end to an otherwise great night but the good still outweighed the bad.
Elisabeth
I love your soapbox and need a video recording of your speech!
“if you are saying yes out of obligation rather than truly being interested in it, that is your body telling you your answer should be no” – I love this. I’ve thought of it in a similar way, but never quite with the wording you capture here. Like to even think about me being truly interested in most of the things I’ve said Yes too is a bit laughable to me. Most of the things have been obligation! My body has said No a lot, and my mouth has said Yes. Love this framing of the situation and really do need your reminders to SAY NO and own the No.
Oof. That does sound like a very hard way to end an evening. Ugh. But glad the chips and guac and catchup were fun!
Birchie
Salmon bowls aka deconstructed sushi are awesome. Anytime that I’ve tried to make sushi it never comes out very well, but the same ingredients in a bowl are always a treat. So lesson learned – if I want sushi my best option is to pay someone to make it, and if I want the same taste quick and cheap my best option is to make a sushi bowl!
I’m going to make the judgement call that you have picked the right lane by saying no. These events are still happening without your help, correct? You’ve pitched in an volunteered in the past and I’m sure you’ll volunteer for things in the future. In other words, YOU HAVE PAID YOUR DUES. I’d vote to give yourself a gold star for every no.
I’ll tell you my experience with medication for depression – very bluntly it’s why I’m here. I had a very bad depressive spell in my 20s and prozac was a lifesaver. I did have side effects like nobody’s business and they were annoying but not nearly as annoying as the depression. I think the important callout is that medication is a powerful tool, but there is a lot more to it than just popping a pill – you have to find the right medication, you have to wait for it to kick in and start working and you have to find the right balance of benefits vs side effects, yada yada yada. And you have to do all of that on top of having depression/anxiety to start with, so it’s a lot harder than it looks. I just wanted to say that I see you!
I loooove vanilla Frosties. I don’t eat fast food very often, but on one of my trips this spring I had a craving. Well whomp whomp because all that Wendys had at the time were chocolate and orange (seriously??? who wants an orange Frostie????) so I wasn’t able to satisfy the craving. Sigh.
Elisabeth
My one suggestion for sushi at home would be to go mini. We used to make rolls (and they were great), but now we mostly use mini sheets of nori and just put in a spoonful of rice, and a dollop of whatever toppings we have made, roll it and dunk it in soy sauce (all with our hands). It’s fun and delicious. That said, it is still about 200x easier to just do a bowl!
Gold stars. Wow, you’re bringing out the big guns, Birchie. Yes, these events will happen without my help. And yes, I have volunteered in the past. So gold stars for the past inputs, and gold stars for the no’s? I’m good with that.
“I think the important callout is that medication is a powerful tool, but there is a lot more to it than just popping a pill – you have to find the right medication, you have to wait for it to kick in and start working and you have to find the right balance of benefits vs side effects, yada yada yada. And you have to do all of that on top of having depression/anxiety to start with, so it’s a lot harder than it looks.”
Yes, yes, yes, and yes. And it isn’t just meds for mental health; I went through similar issues with hormonal birth control when I was trying to control my menorrhagia. It sounds soooo easy on paper (and the doctors often made it seem like it was a sure thing to work), but I spend 15+ years struggling with side effects, not seeing good results, etc. It’s EXHAUSTING if meds don’t end up working. And side effects are a complete and utter pain in the butt. Sometimes the side effects are sneaky, too, and you wonder if they’re in your head…or they ebb and flow. Gah. I’m relieving some of those memories about my IUD right now and it was brutal. So, thanks for putting in to words my current reality and the reality for so many other people regardless of why they need pharmaceutical interventions. It is not an “easy way out!”
I’m sorry…ORANGE FROSTIES? Who would eat that? Also, the chocolate ones are gross in my opinion. Vanilla ALL THE WAY.
Kat
All the hugs for the medication woes. I was on SSRIs for a good number of years, due to combined postpartum depression and some endocrine imbalance causing depression as a nice(NOT) side effect every once in a while. Switched between at least 3 meds and still recall there was one that made me unbearable sleepy, i mean cant get out of bed sleepy.
This might have been caused by me taking it in the morning because that’s how meds go , except this one was supposed to be taken nightly. Oops.. was still too afraid of the endless sleepiness to try it again , correctly this time.
Thanks for normalizing mental health discussions and medication talk specifically.
Elisabeth
Thanks, Kat <3 I'm sorry you had to endure the hell that is postpartum depression (I suffered through that in a shamed silence and it was brutal...and has long-term impacts on mental wellness and also views of pregnancy and the infant stage, I think).
I don't have much history with taking meds for depression (I tried Lexapro once a few years ago and took it for less than 6 weeks but had signs of toxicity and had to go off). Prozac worked well for me. It didn't solve all my problems or make me feel like Pollyanna but the best way to describe it was to say I felt like it softened the edges of some hard things going on. The side effects were manageable and, if I'm being honest, I regret going off it in March - I'd say it took 3 months to really kick in, and then I was only on it for 3 months after that). Wellbutrin is an attempt to give me more energy (a chronic problem for me), but if it doesn't work well, I think I'm at the point where I'm willing to accept the side effects of Prozac for the positive impact to my mood - especially as I still have ongoing things that are stressful and I'm not able to handle them with the energy, grace, and levelheadedness I'd like to!
San
It’s pretty hot here right now (hitting 104F today) and I am very thankful for the AC. As Julie said, our heat here on the West Coast is drier and a bit more bearable but anything above 90F is pretty tough no matter how you slice it. I agree though that a sparkling beverage is so refreshing (have you tried sparkling water in apple juice? Such a thirst-quencher.
I love sushi and this deconstructed salmon bowl sounds delicious! My favorite meal this week was probably the Greek kale salad with turkey meatballs. So satisfying.
I am really, really proud of you that you’re taking care of your mental health, that you’re working with a therapist and that you were open to try medication. There’s no shame in accepting help, in fact, I think it’s a sign of strength. Unfortuntately, sometimes you have to try different meds and not all will work the same way for everyone (Jon has had so many med changes in the past), but the important thing is to have guidance and find what works for you.
P.S. If you could send a Joy-clone my way that would be awesome (or, you know, send yourself. That would be more than fine too 😉 that girls’ outing sounds absolutely delightful, including ice cream at the end :)).
Elisabeth
Sparkling water in apple juice sounds amazing. I rarely have juice in the house, but the next time I see apple juice on sale am buying a bottle to try this!
The medication thing is so tricky (and frustrating) as I’ve referenced in a few comments above (and as Birchie so brilliantly summarized as well). It takes a lot of trial and error and does take (at least for me) a LOT of gumption to get to the point where I feel brave enough to talk to my family doctor about it. As someone who has always been high-functioning, I’ve felt like “what’s wrong with me.” Flipping that narrative, helpfully named on a recent podcast episode I listened to, would be “what’s happened to me.” Understanding that I have reasons why I’m feeling low – not that we need “reasons”, as body chemistry and physiology play a big role – shifts the burden off my own shortcomings or lack of willpower and mental fortitude on to understanding that life events happen and impact us in unique ways. In short – there’s a reason I’m weary and struggling emotionally and it’s okay to get help! It’s a good thing!
Sophie
Yay for A/C and I love sushi (and sashimi, and all Japanese food really)! Those bowls looked yum!
Sorry you’ve had a tough week, that’s a challenge with the antidepressants. I’m on one (since covid), and it’s made such a difference! Lucky for me it started to work within a few days and no side effects after the first few days. I hope you get it working well for you – when they work they are a hugely helpful tool in the mental health toolbox.
And yay for saying no! My default is no for school volunteer stuff, with an occasional yes if I feel like it. I think that should be yours too 🙂 I’m guessing there are hundreds of other parents at the school who can also help out? Let’s share the volunteer opportunities around (especially to the dads) haha.
Elisabeth
I’m so glad you’ve had a smooth transition with meds. I agree – they’re just part of the tools we have in our mental toolbox. I sometimes liken it to living for years without a door on my brain. Now the door is in place, and it’s time to get to work fixing the interior (if that makes sense)? I’ve been accumulating tools, but they were rather useless when the door was still off it’s hinges. Sometimes with renos things have to get worse (though in reality it’s progress) before they get better!
Daria
First and foremost: thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in regards to mental health. I’m 43 and have been on medication for anxiety for quite a few years, following PPD after R’s birth and the pandemic. I have tried Wellbutrin and it did not work well for me at all. Lexapro, however, 15 milligrams, worked well- my mood improved and I have received my joie de vivre back 🙂 Turned out, I wasn’t depressed but I had major anxiety over – everything.
Hope you find what works, it sure is a process.
Elisabeth
There are a few areas of wellness where I have felt alone in the past; one was with my chronically heavy periods. I wanted to read more than a case study on the internet. I wanted someone I “knew” in some capacity to speak about their experience. All that to say – I share these “vulnerable” things because I want other people to know they’re not alone and also to continue to destigmatize things like menstrual and mental health – probably the two aspects of women’s health that are often taboo.
Wellbutrin is only the third med I’ve tried; I did go on Lexapro a few years ago but had a bad reaction, went off quickly, and didn’t try again until last fall (Prozac). I’m so glad you’ve found something to support your mental health <3
NGS
You may recall that last year I had a bit of a troubling time with a volunteer position at a local community center. Last night I went to the community center as just a regular person with no responsibilities for a concert and it was simply delightful. No stress. I got to wander around talking to all my friends and it was GREAT. I sometimes feel guilty that I’m not actively volunteering right now – I do think it’s important to give back to the community – but it’s nice to sometimes just coast and enjoy other people’s work. Saying no is so powerful.
If it’s not chocolate, it’s not a Frosty. It’s some sort of malted abomination!!
Elisabeth
I am SO happy for you. I know that feeling of relief of finally being rid of a dreaded commitment. You invested so much time and energy into that position. I’m proud of you for stepping down and I’m happy that you finally get a chance to really enjoy the programming.
I’m a vanilla gal ALL. THE. WAY.
ccr in MA
I very much hope that you can get the help you need, whether it’s the Wellbutrin or something else. I know it’s so tricky to figure these things out, and I admire your working on it. I don’t have personal experience, but just the other day an author I follow on social media wrote:
“Sooner or later I will internalize that NO, I cannot have iced black tea in the afternoon, it combines with Wellbutrin and gives me a nasty sense of Doomful Forboding. I know this. I have proved it repeatedly to my satisfaction. WHY do I keep thinking “Maybe this time will be different?””
And wow, I would never have thought that would be connected! The human brain is even trickier than the body can be, and then you try to get them to work together and good luck. Stay strong.
Elisabeth
Our bodies and brains are…complicated! Thanks for the encouraging words <3
Marcia (OrganisingQueen)
So fun to see your next post about forks and spoons because when I saw this post, I thought, “we would put that in a bowl but still eat it with a fork”
The best meal was tonight’s meal – a chicken and potato curry which I served with pumpkin and rice (YUM). All in bowls and with forks 🙂
It is finally deliciously cold right now. We have winter from June – August and it is finally, finally cold. Even autumn this year was too hot (sandals, skirts and short sleeves!).
Elisabeth
It’s so bizarre to think about it being winter for you! We’re just coming out of an intense heat wave. That said, I enjoy cozy comfort foods all year round!
sarah
We have actually had TOO MUCH SUSHI lately! Ben stopped eating meat (except for fish) so it’s been our most frequent date night meal, and I am.. sick of it? WHICH IS SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY.
I love your transparency, and I hope things trend in a better direction– and soon!
Elisabeth
Wow. I’d like to try eating sushi so often I get sick of it. But it does not sound like a fun thing to be tired of eating.
Thanks, friend <3
Maria
Saying “no” is such a powerful thing and yet it can be so hard to do. Gold stars for saying no and not overcommitting yourself!
A small happy thing in my life… we finally fixed our robot vacuum! This is the vacuum I was adamantly opposed to getting three years ago that I have come to adore and desperately missed while it was broken for a couple months. The other happy part was finding a $30 3D printed replacement part for the one small thing that was actually broken instead of having to get the official $150 replacement part that would face replaced a bunch of non-broken components as well.
Elisabeth
Wow – that’s amazing! And as I type this comment, I am listening to our robot vacuum bounce around a bedroom, cleaning under the bed and all the hidden nooks and crannies. It is a wonderful machine (we actually have two!).
Stephany
I think there has been so much more acceptance of mental health, therapy, and asking for help in recent years, but the discussion of medication and the trial period of waiting for the meds to work is something we don’t really talk about! So thank you for talking about it. I got really lucky and the first anxiety med I tried (Lexapro) worked really well for me without any side effects. But my mom has had to try many different types of medication AND trying to figure out how to pair the different meds she needs together. That’s when it really gets tricky because sometimes one medication isn’t enough! Are you talking with a psychiatrist about your meds? If Welbutrin doesn’t do the trick, it might be helpful to work with a psychiatrist to figure out the right balance. Lexapro saved my life and I know I will never go off it. It’s what my brain needs!
Heat and humidity is KILLER. I don’t know what I would do without AC. It’s my very favorite thing!
Elisabeth
I’m so glad you had such a great response to Lexapro (it seems to work very well for a lot of people – hooray). I don’t think Wellbutrin is working and suspect I will go back to Prozac (better the devil you know, right?), but since medication is a rather new foray for me, I know there is lots of trial and error ahead and I feel committed to finding what I need (and hopefully it doesn’t take forever).