I want to start today’s post by acknowledging that the Christmas season can be the least happy time of the year. I attended a funeral last weekend for a 16-year-old. She was an accomplished dancer. On the honour roll. Years ago, she was A’s “book buddy” in Primary. And she was one of the sweetest, kindest teens I’d ever met, enjoying the proverbial prime of her life. And now she’s gone. It’s unthinkable and utterly tragic. Everyone in our community – and family – are still reeling from another unexpected death earlier this fall; a beloved neighbour whose sons are practically part of our family. How do you face a holiday and festivities when your teenage daughter/sister/friend or your husband/father/friend has so recently passed? More generally, what do we do with hard things over the holidays?
I don’t have the answer to that, but I’m trying to lean into the joys around me recognizing, afresh, life is fleeting. We can’t live every moment like it’s our last. That simply isn’t practical. But I think we can try to live more intentionally.
What brings me joy?
What brings those I love joy?
Can I do more of those Happy Things…realizing not a single day, hour, or minute is promised to any one of us?
THE KNITTER
Does anyone remember The Knitter from blog posts of yore? Well, I ran into her at church a few weeks ago (yes, she had her knitting), and we arranged to get together to catch up.
Our coffee date was, as she would say in her perfect British accent, “absolutely lovely.” She had fresh mince tarts, Yorkshire Gold tea, and we spent our time (at her house) with two of the sweetest dogs on the planet dozing at our feet.
She also invited me to her cookie exchange a few nights later which ended up being so. much. fun. It was attended by a group of about ten ladies (I was the youngest by probably a decade which is my dream scenario).
I rarely go to any sort of party (who is shocked I’m not the “party” type?) and never without kids in tow (which means the only parties I attend are kid-centric), so this was extra special. John had left earlier that morning for his final trip of 2023 but MY PARENTS ARE IN TOWN and offered to host the kids for the evening. Bless their sweet souls.
The food was amazing (in addition to being an incredible knitter, she is also an incredible baker and chef), we sang carols and laughed and their new puppy (8 weeks old?) climbed into my lap. You know how women mention their ovaries clenching when they hold a new baby even though they might be very much finished with that particular piece of equipment? Well, I’m not sure what clenches when an adorable puppy is licking your face and tumbling all over your lap but SOMETHING CLENCHES and MINE WAS CLENCHING.
And then there were the delicious baked treats: candy cane shortbread, Florentines, fudge, mince pies, chocolate pepper cookies, and more! I’ve frozen most of the treats for upcoming holiday smorgasbords.
The Knitter is a perfect host; relaxed and calm so nothing is “perfect” which means everything feels perfect.
SECRET SANTA SWAP
A huge thanks to San for organizing this very fun and very festive event.
Nicole and I were the lone participants from Canada which meant we got to swap prezzies. And this is awesome because Nicole happens to know a lot about me. Like she knows purple is my favourite colour and she sent my presents wrapped in PURPLE Christmas paper. Gold star, Nicole. Gold star.
Y’all. She sent me Twizzlers. AND A GAME FOR MY KIDS. With instructions that they’re to play it while I relax and drink of cup of the Chai tea she sent along.
Shut the front door.
And yes, the Twizzlers are gone. To be fair, it says Family Pack in bold letters on the front of the package, and the kids + my father helped themselves…so it wasn’t just me that polished this off in 48 hours. IT WAS FOR A FAMILY AND MY FAMILY HELPED ME EAT IT. (*Whisper: But it was mostly me.*) The Reese’s snowman is the next thing in my crosshairs…
HALLMARK MOVIES WITH MY PARENTS
One evening I spontaneously invited my parents over for supper, a major perk of having them temporarily just a few minutes away. They came, we lit candles and dimmed the lights and miraculously the kids got along tolerably well (the fighting has been so bad lately. SO BAD. Not to point fingers, but let me point some fingers and just say that the tween phase is HARD). Anyhoo. Then we went downstairs and watched a new Hallmark movie and LOVED it. I typically give a hard pass to time-travel films, but this was just perfect. Old Hollywood glamour set at the grand Biltmore Estate in North Carolina. Highly recommend this one.
And the next night my Dad called to ask if we planned to watch another Hallmark movie. The kids are very enthusiastic about them this year so I’m leaning into it (and I knew the next stretch of nights had activities so we needed to fill our Hallmark cup when the opportunity presented itself!). When I said Yes, he replied…Maybe Mom and I can come up and join you?
So they did and it was fun. We watched another time-travel movie. This one is from a few years ago, so was a re-watch for the kids and me. The main claim to fame for this film is that it stars both Christopher Lloyd and Lea Thompson from Back to the Future.
BONUS ROUND
- We went to the library and while I was checking out my holds, the kids discovered a table with holiday treats – guess who went ahead and poured himself a cup of coffee? I suspect it wasn’t decaf. Sigh. The heart wants what it wants, I guess. And for this kid, it’s coffee.
- My sister gifted me this bottle of dish soap earlier in the year and I’ve been keeping it for such a time as this. It smells like I’m walking through an evergreen forest whenever I wash dishes which is a very pleasant experience.
- Wrapping gifts while watching a Hallmark movie.
- We’ve not pursued formal music lessons, but my mom brings over a keyboard since it’s not feasible to lug her beloved piano across provincial borders for the winter. And it is a MAGNET for my kids. They both have mastered a few simple Christmas songs.
- A Happy Thing with many layers. A few weeks ago I was going through our change dish when I happened to see a LIGHTHOUSE. What now? How did I not know there had been a quarter featuring Peggy’s Cove? It made me very happy, so I pocketed the coin and determined to add it to my Happy Things List. And then I went outside while L was playing in the snow…
And when I came back inside, I felt for the quarter and it was missing! I had lost it somewhere outside in ALL THAT SNOW.
Fast forward to a week later when I was walking across our patio and saw something glittering on one of the stones. IT WAS MY QUARTER.
I don’t believe in luck and I’m not superstitious, but I still think of this as a treasured “Lucky Coin.”
And then a few days later look at the sweatshirt I saw at a thrift store. I didn’t buy it, but had to take a picture for posterity.
- I made my annual batch of Peanut Butter Balls. It’s the only time of year I make them, but could anything in this world be better than peanut butter, chocolate, and sugar? I mean, unless you’re allergic to peanut butter, the answer is no. YUM.
- Watching my youngest write a story. Message me if you want to know why it made me laugh so hard.
- The kids’ school hosts a bazaar each Christmas season where students get to pick out gifts for parents/siblings from donations of gently used items. It is a favourite activity for our kids each year and I think it’s a wonderful program. But I’ll admit I did a bit of a double take when I realized that John’s gift from A was WRAPPED IN AN OBITUARY. A sheet of gold stars to the school for only wrapping with old sales flyers and newspaper so everything can be recycled. But an obituary page was a first and I think I might suggest they remove this section ahead of next year’s bazaar.
- 3-D snowflakes. An excellent way to fill time inside on a cold day.
And that’s a wrap…which means there is only one more Happy Things Friday before Christmas 2023. Can you believe it? I’m already starting to feel a bit sad the holiday season is winding down. I know the best is still to come but…I think the anticipation (of all the movies and twinkle lights and holiday treats and special church services) IS my favourite part.
Your turn. How do you feel emotionally after Christmas is over? Have you made any paper snowflakes this year? Do you have a lucky quarter? Is there a particular sweet or savoury dish you prepare only at Christmas? Do you have any Happy Things to share from your week?
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Beckett @ Birchwood Pie
There is no answer for why terrible things in life happen but at least there are all of the happy things in this world as well. What a beautiful list!
I know the doggie “clench” so well! I’ve never seen a Reese’s that big, so I’m wondering if we don’t have them on this side of the border. But if so why not??? I mean, you would think the market would be, pun intended, “bigger” for it here. Yay for the lucky quarter that came back to you, and we are twins in that I often take pictures of souvenir shirts on my travels instead of buying them.
I’m really loving the build up to the holiday season this year. It’s a fun time.
Elisabeth
I don’t think I’ve ever taken a picture of a souvenir shirt, but when I spotted it in a thrift bin the DAY I found the quarter on the patio, it felt meant to be.
Kyria @ Travel Spot
I love all of your happy things and I have to admit I am feeling a little emotional over them. Firstly, death is hard, but it really does make you take a step back and think hard about your life when it is someone who goes before their time. I have had several people pass early in the last few years and it definitely has made me wonder if I am making the most out of my life…
On the other hand, your parents asking to come over to watch the Hallmark movie nearly made me cry. I love those special times with loved ones and it really does not matter what you are doing together, it is just about being together and that is so cute that they want to sit and watch a cheesy movie so that they can be near you and the kids. Big hearts. I am going to text my Mom right now.
Elisabeth
Aww. Love that this post inspired you to text your mom <3
And yes, those "little" moments of familiarity and doing "life" together are my favourite part of them living close over the winter.
Nicole MacPherson
So much to say.
First of all, oh my goodness, your community has had so much loss and tragedy this year. And now a 16 year old girl. There are no words for that kind of loss, but somehow your words are perfect. Nothing is guaranteed ever and yes, we need to lean into the little spots of joy in our lives. But oof. Sixteen. Anyway, that first part of the post, I had to take a few deep breaths.
Onward!
I am SO glad you liked your package! I love that it’s just the two of us lone Canadians! I wasn’t sure – and was so excited to get your name. I had a slight bit of worry because there were cherry and strawberry twizzlers available, and I dithered a bit. And like I said – YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY THAT GAME. So just sit back and enjoy! Also the box for the chai couldn’t fit into the mailing box so that’s why it was all scattered.
Everything sounds wonderful, your party and having your parents close by and Hallmark movies. Sigh. Lovely! Today we are decorating gingerbread men, M is here for a couple of days before heading back to dorms, he had an 8 day gap between his fourth and fifth exam. Then he’s back for a few weeks, which will be lovely.
J made a giant paper snowflake exactly like that when he was probably L’s age, and I still have it, although he will NOT have it on the tree like in years past.
I generally feel just fine when the holidays are over, I know some people get really sad (JENNY!) but I’m pretty much ready for regular life by then.
I will say I’m kind of sad because my mom always made certain treats for me at Christmas, and we are not seeing them, and I had a “if I want a treat I have to make it myself dammit” feeling. Ah, well.
Elisabeth
It has been a VERY hard fall for our little community. So much loss and heartache.
ALWAYS STRAWBERRY! Phew. We dodged a friendship bullet on that one 🙂
I’m okay by mid-January, but I’d say it takes me that long to get over the post-holiday blues. Maybe this year will be different?!
I’m so sorry you’re not seeing your parents this Christmas. Sometimes, only “Mom’s” baking will do <3
Jenny
First, yes it seems insensitive not to acknowledge the pain some people are going through this season. I truly can’t even imagine losing a daughter, and holidays are extra hard when you’re grieving. All we can do is try to spread joy where we can.
So many fun things here- I love your thoughtful gift from Nicole! She definitely knows you well. I love all the cookies in this post and you’ve reminded me that I have to make peanut butter balls! Maybe that will be my “other” cookie this weekend.
I’m laughing at the present wrapped in the obituary- yes, they might want to discard that section next year! And… yes, I’m already anticipating the post-Christmas sadness. I really try not to, but in the midst off all the happiness I can’t help thinking “in two weeks this will all be over.” UGH. I think this topic deserves a whole blog post.
Elisabeth
I’m relieved you like peanut butter balls…they are just so delicious my brain almost explodes from happiness when I eat one. I cannot imagine life without peanut butter. In fact, the instant I finish my salad for lunch I’m going to have a banana with peanut butter.
We’re post-Christmas blues buddies 🙁 But once the temporary melancholy is over, I know I’ll be right back to being excited for Christmas 2024.
Ronni
The obituary wrapping reminds me of my dad’s former over-50 softball league … sponsored by the local funeral home!!
This was a lovely post to read. Hope the rest of 2023 – and 2024 too! – is wonderful.
Elisabeth
I chuckled over this one – a funeral home sponsoring an almost-senior baseball team. Haha.
Thanks for the well wishes and I hope the same for you.
NGS
I have already made two batches of buckeyes this year and am hoping for a third soon. I am going through butter and peanut butter like a crazy woman!
I have to know if the dish soap makes your dishes smell like a forest because that sound distinctly unpleasant to me! Tell me more about scented dish soap. (In case you can’t tell, we are a scentless household!)
Elisabeth
You are not crazy, NGS. Everyone else who is not going through butter and peanut butter are crazy because those two ingredients are a gift to humanity. I cannot imagine a world without peanut butter.
My dishes do NOT smell like a forest. But I do rinse all the dishes of the soap before dripping them dry (and this doesn’t go in the dishwasher, so it’s just the dishes I hand wash).
Suzanne
I’m so sorry that your community has had to deal with so much tragedy this year. And you’re right that Christmas can be extremely painful to so many.
Love your happy things. So much joy in so many different packages.
Elisabeth
Joy definitely comes in all shapes and sizes – all the year through, but maybe especially at Christmas when our hearts are a bit more attuned to spotting it?
Diane
How thoughtful you are about the panoply of emotions that people must be feeling at this time of year.
Biltmore Christmas is next on my watch list! I just watched Christmas Island, which is set in Nova Scotia and involves a trip to a light house! I thought of you when I watched it. 🙂
My 11 year old wants to have one day over the holiday break where we just snuggle and watch Hallmark movies all day. I can’t wait.
Elisabeth
Yes! I blogged about Christmas Island last weekend. I was SO excited to find one about Nova Scotia, especially with shots of Peggy’s Cove.
A day of snuggling under cozy blankets watching Hallmark films sounds perfect <3
Michelle
Christmas can be a hard time of year. I always feel melancholy around Christmas, especially when it’s time to take down the decorations. It’s nice that you choose to focus on the good things. A cookie party, a gift from Nicole, and family fun are such blessings! I love the big snowflake ornament and am very impressed with the 3 monitor setup!
Elisabeth
Multiple monitors are ESSENTIAL! That’s my husband’s desktop; I’m down to only two monitors on my desk and I have to say I really do miss having three!! I do almost all my blogging on a laptop, but for “work, work” I prefer being on my desktop with two monitors! My desk just isn’t big enough to hold a third one 🙁
Gigi
OOF, only sixteen?! What a terrible tragedy.
The sweets I only make at Christmas are the spritz cookies, almond bark (so addictive) and peanut butter fudge. Oh, and new in the line up is double chocolate chip peppermint cookies.
My mother in law received her package yesterday and delightfully informed me that the first thing she opened was the almond bark. She loves it and looks forward to it each year.
Elisabeth
Double chocolate chip peppermint cookies sound divine.
Isn’t it wonderful to know that someone treasures your holiday baking! A neighbour always makes us saltine toffee and it is SO good. I look forward to receiving that tin from her all year long…and she is always delighted by how happy we are to receive it.
Lisa’s Yarns
Your community has been hit SO hard this fall and I know you’ve been dealing with hard things too. It can be a melancholy time of year and can make people feel extra lonely because they feel the opposite of how they should feel. But it is a reminder to appreciate what we have now.
The obit wrapping paper is really something else! Wow! It reminds me of when we were sending out our wedding invites. I made envelop liners with pages of an old dictionary. I tried to catch anything that was crass or inappropriate but I missed a few things which made others laugh luckily!
I don’t get sad after the holidays. I seem to be immune to that sort of thing, probably because I am not very sentimental? And I am ready to get the house back to normal… sort of. I love the tree but it does make things a bit crowded!
Elisabeth
I can’t imagine not being sad after Christmas (I don’t mind other holidays, though I do always feel a little sad when my birthday is over). But Christmas is ALWAYS sad for me when it’s over. I HATE taking down the tree. So depressing…
It has been a hard year personally and for the broader community 🙁
Melissa
Earlier this year a young man from our old church who was my eldest daughter’s age (24) died suddenly overnight, and then last month a girl my middle went to school with (22) also died suddenly, both were from undiagnosed medical issues. My heart just drops when I hear about things like this. The thought of the poor mother going into her son’s room in the morning and finding he had died still makes me tear up. So, so heartbreaking. Both my son and eldest daughter knew the young man who had died (been in small group together or on the worship team together) and this was the first funeral they had been to, which was hard. This world is such a mixture of heartbreak and joy, ugliness and beauty. It is important to notice the joy-filled moments and even those quieter good things in our lives.
I am the youngest by a long way in our book discussion at church. How good is it to be able to share life with people that have so much experience?
Elisabeth
I LOVE being the youngest person in a room. I feel like I gain so much wisdom and perspective. Also, I just feel at home when I’m with seniors (or even just people slightly older than me). I’m not sure why – perhaps being around seniors in a predominantly “old” congregation growing up as a pastor’s kid? In our small group at church we’re in the middle; there are a number of college-age people, middle-aged folks, and seniors. I love, love, love the mix.
How tragic about both those young people you discuss; losing someone so suddenly is both heartbreaking and also the shock from the rapidity of how everything has to happen (making decisions you never prepared for) boggles my mind.
L has been to one funeral and now A has been to two. Death and closure is such a tricky thing to handle; I left the option open if either kid wanted to come with me to the 16-year-old’s funeral, and A did want to come but it must be so hard to process that as a tween. You expect it to be a grandparent, not someone you played with on the schoolground.
And yes to this: “his world is such a mixture of heartbreak and joy, ugliness and beauty. It is important to notice the joy-filled moments and even those quieter good things in our lives.” Beautifully expressed.
San
Christmas used to be a mostly magical time for me growing up, but getting older has introduced a lot of complications to this time of year. Yes, it can be so painful for so many… and it’s hard to reconcile this with the happy moments and memories we try to create.
I am so incredibly sorry about the losses you experienced in your community ( a 16-year-old girl! So young. How is this fair? But oh wait, the world isn’t fair and all we can do is to try and focus on the little joys and be thankful for every moment.)
I am so happy you did have some moments of joy and I am incredibly ‘jealous’ of the holiday party you attended (sigh, again a nudge for me to find some local friends) and yay for having your parents close by right now (for childcare + because it’s the holidays!).
This sentence made me chuckle “I’m not sure what clenches when an adorable puppy is licking your face and tumbling all over your lap but SOMETHING CLENCHES and MINE WAS CLENCHING.” LOL
I am also so excited to hear that you received a lovely package from Nicole. I am a little sorry you two were the only Canadians participating in the Secret SANta Swap this year, I was hoping to pair you guys with someone else, but I am glad you’re not too mad exchanging packages with each other again 🙂
That last picture made a smile spread across my face, because a few years ago, my niece and nephew send me one of those Snowflake Papercuts in an envelope (because it was easy to ship!) for me to put together upon its arrival. I loved it <3
Elisabeth
Yes, yes yes: it’s hard to reconcile this with the happy moments and memories we try to create. I struggle with why Christmas doesn’t feel as “magical” now and I think a lot of it stems from just being so much more aware of what’s going on in the world. All the pain and suffering. The innocence of childhood lends itself to really soaking up the season without the distraction of guilt or grief or fear that seem to be overwhelming as one grows older.
San
You analyzed that perfectly!
Stephany
Oh goodness, Elisabeth. The funeral for a 16-year-old? That’s so awful to even think about. I feel so much for her family. It’s never easy to lose a loved one, but right at Christmastime is a special kind of trauma. <3
Those peanut butter balls look DELICIOUS. I may need to add those to my list of things to bake this year. Mmm!
How fun that your parents can just pop over for a Christmas movie whenever they want!
Elisabeth
Having my parents close enough for spontaneous visits is a Very Happy Thing <3
Anne
Thank you for reminding me that others are facing a holiday season without some of those they love most, and that feeling sorrow is a natural response. I can sometimes be too hard/unemotional in my response to things, something that I think comes from years of having to guard myself against showing too much emotion when patients died.
That said, I got a bit choked up thinking of your father eagerly asking if you were going to watch another Hallmark movie. I just love that they were anticipating it, as well, and that they (apparently) derived joy from watching with you and your kids. <3