First, Happy Canada Day! I remain deeply grateful to live in such a beautiful part of the world. Too often I forget the tremendous blessing of calling a democratic country my home.
This national celebration is the perfect segue to introduce today’s guest who was born in Nova Scotia, Canada! I love learning details about all my bloggy friends, and Diane scratches a proverbial itch that is extra satisfying and special.
Behind-the-scenes information is my “thing.” Whether it’s how someone produces a movie or bakes a cake or writes a book, I adore learning all the intricacies of their habits and daily rhythms. Diane is here with answers.
A talented stage manager (primarily in the opera industry), Diane lives outside Washington, DC with her husband and three children. A lover of the outdoors, travel, museums, and good food, Diane’s blog covers the gamut and often includes tidbits about life in the theatre that I find endlessly fascinating.
Sit back and enjoy this tour behind the curtain of both her professional career and private life.
Q. What aspect of your current life would most surprise 20-year-old Diane?
Man, this is hard because I don’t think I was ever good at thinking about the future. (I’m still not.) I always figured I’d have a job, husband, kid, and house because that’s what you’re fed when you are growing up, and it seemed a good idea to me but I never visualized what that would look like – it was all rather vague until it actually happened. So in some ways, all of it is unexpected, but in some ways, this is kind of where I thought I’d be.
I guess one thing that surprises me even today is how close I am with my sister-in-law. We talk two or three times a week, more than I talk to anyone else. I’m so glad my brother married her! [Awww. That is so sweet!]
Q. Best decision you’ve ever made in your life (or, what decision are you most proud of?)?
I think I’m really proud that I chose my career path and stuck with it. When I was growing up, everyone in my family was expected to be a doctor or a lawyer – a lot of it is probably being the child of immigrants, particularly an immigrant demographic that is stereotypically expected to excel. (When I was growing up, there was a Time magazine cover story titled “Those Asian American Whiz Kids” and I likely internalized a lot of that kind of messaging as a child, from the media, from my family, from teachers, from everyone in my small town growing up.) For a while I told my parents that I wanted to be a pediatrician because I thought that was what I was supposed to want to be. Then at a certain point in college, I realized that I was never going to be a good math/science student – my brain just couldn’t wrap itself around the concepts – so I should just find something else to do in life. I loved music and theatre so I decided I would figure out how to work in that field. All around me my cousins were doing the amazing things that were expected of them (all of my cousins went to either an Ivy League school, or Stanford. Well, except the one who went to Washington University, but now he’s a doctor, so he’s still the favorite child) and they all now work in incredibly high paying industries- lawyers, tech, consulting, etc. I definitely feel a little like the “black sheep”, but I know that I can’t run that race with them, and I’m glad I was able to see that and do my own thing, particularly since there aren’t a lot of Asian stage managers in opera. [This was fascinating – FASCINATING – to hear this behind-the-scenes of your life and career. What a wonderful example you’re setting for your own kids!]
Q. In 100 words or less, describe your job!
I’m a stage manager, primarily for opera productions. I help facilitate the communication needed to produce, rehearse and perform an opera. For example, if in rehearsal, a director says to a singer, “Let’s have you come onstage with a book,” My mind immediately thinks, “Props – What kind of book? How big? Costumes – Will they need a pocket for this book? Scenic – Should that shelf onstage be big enough to hold the book later?” [Again. Fascinating. One of my favourite things in the world is getting to see “behind-the-scenes”; for example, I have watched hours and hours and hours of footage and features on how they created the costumes and props for The Lord of the Rings triology. I would never have thought of all the steps associated with a character walking on stage with a book, but now that you point it out…I AM ENTHRALLED. I never wanted to be an actress, but if I could sew or paint…I think costume/set design would be my jam!] Then when we get onstage, I always ask the singer before they go onstage, “Do you have your book?” These are the questions I think about and get other people to solve. There is also a lot of tracking of time and rules, particularly when working with union artists and crews. I feel like watching the clock is 75% of my job. The other thing I get paid to do is format and run supertitle translations for an organization that presents vocal recitals. This job is much less stressful than stage managing because I’m just responsible for myself. (That’s more than 100 words…) [You could have written 10,000 and I would have still been fascinated.]
Q. What seemingly “little” moment have you observed or been a part of lately that brought a disproportionate amount of joy?
Using up the last dregs of tortilla chips to thicken a tortilla soup. Food waste really bothers me, so whenever I can finish something up, even if it’s stale, I do a little happy dance.
Q. Do you have a go-to reset when you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling to stay focused?
For a quick fix, I’ll do a downward dog and have a Coke. (If a downward dog is going to get me strange looks, I’ll just do that stretch where you raise your arms above your head, hook your thumbs and stretch to one side then the other.)
For a more productive/actionable re-set, I’ll do a brain dump and start writing lists.
For when I just can’t muster the energy to do anything- I procrastinate and scroll on my phone until I realize I’m being idiotic with my time and just do one thing. (This is probably the option that I do the most. When I say “option” I really mean, this is just what I do mindlessly when I feel despair and don’t want to deal with something…which is probably more than I care to admit)
Q. If you could add (or subtract) one habitual behaviour in your life, what would it be?
I would subtract my reliance on Ziploc bags. Why are they so freakin’ useful and also so bad for the environment?!?!?!.
Q. What’s one piece of advice you wish you had heard (or understood) at an earlier age?
I wish I had understood in my teens and twenties that my mom is doing her best and to be kinder to her. My mom was a bit of a Tiger Mom and I really chafed at that, despite all that she did for me – signing me up for and driving me to activities, flying with me to new cities when I was freelancing, helping me to figure out how to rent my first apartment, co-signing the lease for my first car, coming to see my shows etc. I think I just fixated on how she didn’t think I had a “real job” and I couldn’t see that she was actually very supportive of my career path. I wish I had realized sooner that she really just wanted me to be happy and was doing the best that she could – it would have saved us a lot of bitter words and feelings.
Q. If you could eat only one meal on repeat for a week, what would you choose?
Our go to meal at our favorite dumpling restaurant is cucumber salad, dan dan noodles, dumplings (we usually get corn and shrimp, pork and sour cabbage and the triple dumplings), and szechuan green beans. I might change up the kind of noodles for variety, but otherwise, I could eat that meal every day. Though, maybe after that week, I would eat massaged kale salad for the whole next week.
Q. What international destination – that you’ve never visited – do you most want to see?
So many! Top of the list is the Galapagos Islands. Ever since I was a child I’ve wanted to see a blue footed booby bird. [How specific!] Also India, South Africa, Australia. But those all are very expensive time intensive trips, so I don’t know when/if they would happen.
Q. If you could snap your fingers and have all the capabilities necessary to excel in any career or hobby (e.g. if your wish was to be a famous rockstar, you’d magically have the necessary vocal/instrumental skills), what would you choose and why?
This question is always hard for me because I am really happy doing what I do and can’t see myself doing anything else, yet there are definitely parts of it I wish I did better, so if I could be an amazing stage manager, I would love that. On the other hand, when I was younger, I wanted to be a philanthropist because I thought it would be so cool to make people’s dreams come true by throwing money at them. More frivolously, I’ve always wanted to learn to juggle because I think it would be fun to have a skill I can do with my hands and the things around me. I had a friend try to teach me, but I never got past two balls.
Q. List five things that would happen as part of your idealized “perfect day”.
I read a version of it in the book Tribe of Mentors, and the first time I came across it, I decided that on my perfect day, I would make croissants, run a marathon, read a book, birth another baby, and cure cancer. [Wow. You go girl.] But then I realized the question was more about what I could actually achieve. So, in real life – Go for a bike ride, spend time reading and journaling preferably while staring at the Potomac River, make a delicious healthy dinner (with a pie), see some theatre with a friend, and hug my children and Husband.
Q. Share a weird/random/true fact – any odd skills or unusual experiences?
I don’t know if this is a skill, but I did go back to work the week after having a baby. Actually I did this twice. I don’t recommend it. At least not if you are a stage manager. I don’t actually talk about this a whole lot because people think I’m bonkers for doing this. [That does sound bonkers, but the fact you list “birth another baby” as part of your PERFECT day, makes me think it was an incredible experience for you!]
Q. What is your most treasured possession?
Hmmmm…. Well, I have a lot of things that I can’t seem to let go of in my house, even though if they were to all to disappear or go up in a fiery inferno, I would be happy to no longer have the burden of owning them. Which is all to say, I think I have a lot of things I’m sentimental enough to keep, but also would not save if the house were on fire. I’m supposed to do a big decluttering effort this summer – so it was probably a really great exercise for me to answer this question!
Q. If you could only wear one colour for the rest of your life, which colour would you choose?
Red. I love red. Not a lot of clothes come in red, so I have a lot of wine/burgundy/maroon in my closet.
Q. If you were on a desert island and could only bring three items, which three items would you bring?
A knife, my family, and a piano.
Q. What is the best gift you’ve ever received?
The best gift that I’ve ever received was a piece of cheese. It came from a director as an opening night present – he usually gives people a bottle of wine, but knowing that I don’t drink, he contacted my husband and asked him what to get me instead. And my husband said, “She likes stinky cheese.” So the director gave me this ginormous hunk of stilton. He even gave it to me in a plastic tupperware container because he knew I was getting on the plane the next day and would have to take it home. I think I love so many things about this – not just the cheese itself, but also that the director cared enough to know I wouldn’t want a bottle of wine and found an alternative. (I did receive an opening night bottle of wine once from a director with a tag that said, “I know you don’t drink but maybe [Husband] can enjoy this.” I couldn’t tell if that was thoughtful or … not.)
Q. What is your favourite time of day?
I think it varies, but during the school year, one of my favorite times of the day is after the school bus leaves and I have 10-15 minutes to chat with my friends at the school bus stop.
Q. Tell us something about your personality you think might surprise readers!
Umm.. despite being a stage manager, I am very indecisive and procrastinate a lot and do things very last minute. I guess that’s probably not a surprise to anyone who reads my blog, but it might be a surprise to people who only know me as a stage manager.
Q. What is the first thing you do in the morning/last thing you do at night?
Real talk – (maybe don’t read this over breakfast…) the first thing I do in the morning is pee. Usually also do a number 2 – my father once told me that it’s best to get pooping out of the way first thing in the morning and I’ve kind of just done that. It boggles me that my kids can poop at random times of the day. Usually at the most inconvenient times of the day. Life would be so much easier if they could poop predictably.
As for the end of the day – I am terrible at going to bed in any kind of regulated, ritualized way – which is terrible for my sleep hygiene. There is no one consistent last thing I do, but lately the last thing I do is say to one of my kids, “Okay, I’ll just lay down and cuddle with you for two minutes.” And then the next thing I know, I wake up and it’s 2am and I’m still in bed with them and I stumble to my own bed. I think I would be better at going to bed at a decent hour if I had a proper pre-bed ritual.
Q. What words would your friends use to describe you/your personality?
I’m not good at self reflection, so I asked my family –
“Caring – because you care. It’s just sometimes annoying.” – the 12 year old
“Responsible, dependable procrastinator.” – the Husband.
Q. If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
“Beware of blindspots.” (also via the Husband)
Q. Favourite book/song/movie of all time?
For a long time my favorite books were Jane Eyre and Howards End. I haven’t re-read Howards End in a while – maybe it’s time for a re-read? And Jane Eyre, well, I still think it’s gripping and romantic, but also… maybe Mr. Rochester isn’t really as amazing as I thought he was when I was 15? I still think Jane is pretty cool, though. [Jane is cool and endures so much hardship. But Mr. Rochester is the worst. I used to say Jane Eyre was my favourite book and then I got older and got married and had kids and I hated it on my latest re-read which broke my heart.]
My favorite recent book is The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai – such a beautiful book about found family and how we all muddle through life.
As for movie, I used to always say Dead Poets Society was my favorite movie because I thought everyone should have an answer to this question and that movie made a huge impression on me when I was in high school. But I kind of have no desire to watch that movie again, now that I think back on it – it just seems so sad and there are no real women in it. I think now my favorite re-watches are comforting rom coms and Jane Austen adaptations where the people are good and true love wins. I could watch While You Were Sleeping on endless repeat. [I’ve only seen that movie once! I should watch it again – such a classic.]
Q. Introvert or extrovert?
I always feel like this is a false binary. I like organizing large gatherings and seeing them unfold, but I don’t necessarily want to be the life of the party, you know? I once heard that introvert vs. extrovert is about whether you get energy from being in big groups of people or if you get energy from being alone, and I kind of draw energy from both, depending on where I am in life. I find that when I’m working I spend a lot of time interacting with people constantly and then I need quiet, but when I’m between jobs, life gets kind of lonely and I have to plan time to see people. [I wonder if it would mostly be extroverts – or ambiverts – who would consider the distinction binary? I am 100% an introvert if we use the energy definition. I like people and I think I’m actually fairly good at engaging with groups…but it sucks the life out of me. It’s worth it, but I only recharge alone. That some people recharge being in a group setting boggles my mind.]
Q. Savoury or sweet?
Oooooh do I have to choose? Savory for every day eating. Sweet for occasional indulgence. I feel like I get more enjoyment out of sweet, but don’t crave it as much as something savory. [You’ve articulated my feelings 100%.]
Q. If you could trade places with someone for a week, who would you want to switch with and why?
I would want to trade with my 4 year old because she is the happiest, most optimistic person and finds so much joy in everything. Nothing is ever a problem. One of her catch phrases is, “That’s okay!” said in the most cheerful tone of voice. [I think everyone reading here today might be tempted to trade places with your 4-year-old?! It must be a joy to be around her.]
Your turn! Any questions for Diane? Who would you want to trade places with for a day? What did you want to be when you “grew up” and what – if any – expectations did you feel based on your culture (family or at large)? Was the wine for her “husband” a thoughtful gift or not (I’m thinking not)? How would you feel if someone gifted you a giant chunk of stinky cheese? Who is the happiest, most optimistic person you know?
coco
real enjoy reading this post and get to know Diane. when I read her first thing in the morning, I know she’s real and my kind of people hahahah 🙂 heading over to read her blog now. Thanks Elizabeth for introducing us to new bloggers.
Jan Coates
Love the downward dog comment, and that picture of Dianne’s four-year-old! I can see why you’ve become friends – your blog leads you to such interesting people.
Elisabeth
I don’t think my four-year-olds were ever that optimistic, but what a great personality!
Jenny
Hi Diane!!! I liked the first version of the “perfect day.” Yes, why not go big with that question??? For the piece of advice question- loved that answer. I also wish I had understood my parents more, and been kinder (especially to my dad!)
As always, I liked getting to know more about Diane- whenever I read people’s blogs I feel like I’m coming in in the middle of their life story. There were lots of things here I didn’t know!
Elisabeth
That was a really “big” answer, right?!
Lindsay
I loved this Guest Post and getting to know more about Diane! I especially loved her take on Dead Poets Society which is something I was just talking about a couple of weeks ago. When I was younger, this movie meant everything to me – it had poetry and despair and Puck and big speeches – O Captain! My Captain! – and cute boys and Robin Williams… As I got older, though, it started landing so incredibly sad and unbalanced that I can’t watch it now. Growing up, I wanted to either be an actor or a theatre critic for a newspaper and my family fully expected me to be a high school teacher in a really specific and intense way. Thanks for featuring Diane, Elisabeth, and Diane for her great answers!
Lisa's Yarns
This was so fun to read! Since getting to know Diane through her blog, my live theater experience is different as I think more about what goes into putting on a show. I basically only see Children’s Theater productions these days which I think is my jam because I can go to matinee and the shows are usually pretty short which is perfect for me.
When I was growing up, I think I wanted to be a lawyer. I do not have really strong memories of wanting to be something in particular. My parents were encouraging and let us find our own paths. I knew I had to go to college but beyond that, the world was my oyster (and they would have supported a trade school as well – they just really wanted us to get an education which is what I want for my children, too). I am not sure who I would want to trade places with? Maybe a retired person. Ha. My 6yo is kind of like her 4you – he’s generally very upbeat and happy but he still has BIG FEELINGS ABOUT THINGS so I don’t know that I’d enjoy a day in his body…
I think many of us have come to realize that we should have been kinder and easier on our moms. I’ve apologized multiple times for how I treated her. I was a good kid that followed the rules but was so snobby towards my mom. She tried so hard to forge a friendship with her and I just totally shut her down over and over and over again. She said she doesn’t remember my snobby behavior or me being difficult, but I don’t know if that is actually possible… I hoped to have boys because I didn’t want karma to come knocking on my door…
Elisabeth
It’s so different how perspectives shift over time; I remember saying to my mom something to the effect “I don’t remember you ever being frustrated with us” and her basically being “I was frustrated all the time and felt so bad about how frustrated I would get.”
I try to take that mentality as encouraging and hopefully my kids will only remember the great stuff from childhood and not all the times I lost my patience or cried over something stupid, etc.
Daria
Diane is nothing short of awesome. I absolutely love, love her blog and always read the recaps of her weeks and what they ate. Diane is also such an incredibly down-to-earth person that I’m just happy to have found her blog.
So many fascinating things in her answers. Growing up with my mother (albeit not Asian, but Russian) with whom till this day I have a very difficult relationship, I can absolutely relate to what she did/said.
Lastly, I have a 4 year old and he can be an absolute ass, so no, I do not want to trade places with him lol I’d go for Taylor Swift, just to se what it’s like for a day.
Elisabeth
I find Diane’s posts so relaxing!
Ha – I think I would have felt the same about trading bodies with my 4-yr-old (though if you’re the 4-year-old with a mood issue, perhaps life isn’t so bad…I think it’s worse for the parent?)
Taylor Swift – interesting answer and I can totally see wanting to “see what it’s like.”
Maria
I love meeting new bloggers via these guests posts and Diane is new to me. Thanks for doing these posts! I just enjoyed looking through her blog for awhile.
Diane – there are reusable ziploc bags! There are several brands (planet wise and thirsties pop to mind). We use ours all the time.
Elisabeth
I wash my plastic Ziploc bags when I use them. This is a bit of a squabble in our house because I would rather throw them out, but my hubby is all about washing them so we wash them. They last forever (sadly; plastic holds up!). But mostly I prefer to use glass containers for everything I can because it’s so much easier when I can put items in the dishwasher!
Diane
Thanks for letting met crash on Canada Day, Elisabeth! These were really fun questions to think about!
Elisabeth
Awww. Thanks for being here, Diane. I really enjoyed and appreciated it <3
Diane
Hi Maria!
I should look into the re-usable ziploc bags. Sometimes I contemplate the silicone ones, but those look hard to clean for me. I had fabric ones that I used for sandwiches and snacks, but they’re not as useful for putting things in the freezer. I’ll check the brands you mention – those brands sound familiar from my cloth diapering days!
Diane
I can’t figure out how to nest comments, so….
@ coco – thanks! I like reading about your adventures too!
@ Jan – I totally agree – Elisabeth has an amazing comment section and I’ve “met” so many fun people there.
@ Jenny – I suppose being a sh*t to your parent is part of growing up and finding independence, but man looking back, I could have been a lot nicer.
@ Lindsay – when I was writing this guest post, I went down a google-hole on Dead Poets Society, and … man I’d forgotten all the cute boys that were in that film! But yeah, so so so sad. I can’t handle sad films anymore. Funny how things change as we live more life.
@Lisa – Yay theatre! Children’s theatre is great – there is such a great energy to it. Being a mom definitely made me realize how hard I was on my own mother. Makes me want to slap my younger self sometimes.
@Daria – Thanks for your comment! Wouldn’t it be SO awesome to live Taylor Swift’s life for a day? I bet there are so many things in her life that would be inconceivable to mere mortal me.
Nicole MacPherson
Diane!!! I adore her. My favourite part about this post was about her career journey. I think being a stage manager is a really incredible job and I loved reading how she came to it, particularly about the immigrant experience and how that was not what was expected of her.
The other thing that really resonated was when she wrote about realizing her mom is just doing her best. I do not have a Tiger Mom but a few years ago I read a book that said “Your mother was trying her best. Forgive her.” Recently a friend who is a grandpa of a three-year-old told us something about the second chance of being a grandparent. We were discussing how our parents were so different as grandparents. This friend said “The way they behave with grandchildren, it’s the way they say “I’m sorry.”” That really affected me deeply.
Loved reading this and I’m totally a savoury person too, with just a touch of sweet!
NGS
I am riveted by posts about how people do work. Like, it’s so interesting. Your career is so different from mine! I can’t imagine how many details you have to keep in your brain all at once.
I wish I could do a #2 first thing, but no, my body wants it almost as soon as I sit down at my desk in the morning. *sigh* I wish we could schedule these things!!