Well. The participation levels in our Finding Joy in Gratitude (F.I.G.) Collective are knocking my socks off. I break out in a smile every single time I see another list of FIGs (called “FJIGs” by some – FAIR ENOUGH) circulating on a blog or I receive an e-mail from a reader who is collecting FIGs with us this February. If you’re wondering about the hullabaloo, here’s some context.
FIG COLLECTORS AROUND THE INTERWEBS: WEEK #1
Oops. Last week I hosted the FIG roundup for Week #1 on a Saturday and that ended up being the day many people posted their FIG summaries for the week. I’ve regrouped and am coming your way on Sunday so I miss fewer FIG posts.
Since I don’t want anyone to be left out, let’s rewind:
More FIGS from Week 1:
- Stephany | A salad that made me drool + a blogger meetup
- San | Baby owls [are owls the new koalas on my blog?] + sunbeams
- Lisa | Laugh-out-loud podcasts + a blogger meetup
- Common Household Mom | A crescent moon + birds chirping
- Daria | A snow day + baba ganoush
- Engie | Silly socks + a three-pound puppy named Blanche
- Sophie | Kid jokes + unlimited free coffee
- Noemi | Loving kids + Apple Cash
- Kyria | Dirt + a rainbow
- Sarah | Platonic apples + preschool Valentines
- Joy (O’Toole) | Cat slippers + sourdough starters
- Diane | A cherry-tree blossom (in her house!) + zippered hoodies
If Lindsay won last week’s informal contest for the most unique FIG, this week the honour goes to Ernie who managed to find a FIG in sibling banter about FARTING.
My friend Joy sent me a photo of her list. I heartily approve of #7 – cozy pajamas are one of my favourite FIGs.
Last week Jacquie mentioned her most recent consumption of hot chocolate. While she doesn’t specifically label these drinks as FIGs, I’m going to assume they are; when she kindly sent me photos of both creations, I had to include them in this week’s roundup. Also, I am clearly living in the wrong part of Canada. I’ve never heard of a town hosting a 4-week hot chocolate festival!!!
FIG COLLECTORS AROUND THE INTERWEBS: WEEK #2
- Jenny | A blogger meetup + Muffin (the world’s snuggliest cat)
- Lisa | $250 Superbowl prize + 11 hours of sleep
- Julie | Phone call with a BFF + yummy snacks
- Lindsay | Bella, the Maltese-Yorkie + library holds
- San | Homemade bread + more baby owls
- Noemi | A hungry bearded dragon + assembly dances
- Allison | Lettuce on a stick + Sam the Plow Guy
- Suzanne | Cubist art + mini cheesecakes
- Stephany | A blogger meetup [OKAY PEOPLE. I AM STARTING TO GET JEALOUS!] + Galentine’s
- Daria | Broadway! + crazy hair day
From mbmom11:
- my boys went out and shoveled snow happily and effectively – I didn’t need to nag. It made the job quick.
- I didn’t put off grading my tests so I had a free evening instead of dreading the effort.
- the few hot showers I got this week.*
- a fluffy cat who wants to play during the day and sleep at my feet at night.
*This was my favourite FIG; when we started collecting FIGs, mbmom11 wondered if hot showers might be the only FIGs she could identify in the month. She HAS found other things to be grateful for, but I was glad to see that hot showers did make the list. They’ve made my list on more than one occasion, too.
Engie spotted this “V” of ducks on an afternoon walk with Hannah and wrote the following:
In the third chapter of Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb, there is a passage I think about all the time.
All events, no matter how earthshaking or bizarre, are diluted within moments of their occurrence by the continuance of the necessary routines of day-to-day living. Men walking a battlefield to search for wounded among the dead will still stop to cough, to blow their noses, still lift their eyes to watch a V of geese in flight. I have seen farmers continue their plowing and planting, heedless of armies clashing but a few miles away.
On this frigid walk by the river, I saw this V of ducks and I was reminded of that quote. Things are not great right now for me in a number of ways from the smallest personal details to the most important. I am not here to focus on those flies in the fig jam, but rather to meditate on how, despite all of these things, I still walk my dog every day after work, the ducks still fly above the river, the sun still rises and sets, and the Earth continues to spin. Here’s my gratitude for the mundane and the hope that in five years, ten years, fifteen years, I will still be able to go to the riverwalk on a freezing February afternoon and walk my dog.
ELISABETH’S FIGS
Here’s a selection from the week:
8 Feb (Saturday)
- 71 | A washer and dryer.
9 Feb (Sunday)
- 76 | Small group at church – one of my happy places.
- 77 | Indy’s head on my shoulder as we watched the Superbowl.
- 81 | Cream cheese frosting. Licking it off the beaters.
- 84 | Soft beds, warm blankets.
10 Feb (Monday)
- 85 | Ricola cough drops. [The only kind Belle will use.]
- 86 | Progress on Paris planning.
- 87 | A snowy woods walk.
- 88 | Sick kids = a quiet day at home.
- 89 | Watching how much they enjoy photobooks.
- 90 | My heated foot warmer.
- 93 | The pens I’m recording my FIGs with – they write so nicely.
11 Feb (Tuesday)
- 96 | The kids went to school!!!!
- 97 | A hot shower. A LONG, hot shower.
- 99 | Caroline Girvan’s deep stretch video.
- 100 | Sunshine.
- 105 | How John so willingly did all the evening kid duties while I took my long, hot shower.
- 107 | Two bags out of the house to the consignment store.
12 Feb (Wednesday)
- 108 | Going to the gym with Joy.
- 111 | A juicy strawberry.
13 Feb (Thursday)
- 112 | Dad’s “free” rose for Mom – typical Dad.
- 113 | Indy’s “medieval land”; such an involved storyline and so much fun.
- 114 | My 18-minute nap.
- 115 | Indy pulling me in for a good night hug.
- 116 | An amazing shoulder massage from John.
14 Feb (Friday)
- 117 | Finished Paris planning.
- 118 | Getting to spend Valentine’s Day serving others alongside John. Perfect. Especially at the end of a rough-ish day.
- 119 | Getting to do life with church friends. They mean so much to me.
- 120 | The “Kevin’s Chili” scene from The Office. It never stops being funny.
That wraps up the second week of FIG collection. Now it’s your turn. Let’s fill the comment section full of FIGs.
- Of all the FIGs you’ve collected this week, which has meant the most to you?
- Is there a particular book quote you find yourself reflecting on regularly?
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J
Sick kids can be hard, but it can also be so peaceful, no running around, no activities, etc. I’m glad that they spent time looking through your photo books, what a gift! Also, cream cheese frosting is the best.
This is going to be a long comment, I’m sorry for that. One of my FIGs this week was hard won, and one that I do not want to share on my blog. The reason is that I do not want my daughter to know the anxiety I have for her, because I do not want it to make her feel less capable or strong.
Back story – my daughter had an eating disorder in middle school. We worked hard to get her through it, with weekly appointments with her MD, her nutritionist, and her therapist. Eventually, we came through it, and she is healthy. But I feel like I am always so much on guard since then. So I am overprotective, which I know I need to work on.
Regarding her driving, she’s a pretty good driver, but we live in a very congested urban area, and she had 3 accidents within her first few years of driving. 2 were her fault. Both small fender benders, but we claimed them on our insurance because we could not afford to pay for repairs on our own. After the last one, our insurance increased our premium to an unaffordable rate (I don’t remember what it was, maybe $900 a month from the prior $350?), so we dropped her from our insurance. Her options were, buy your own car and pay your own insurance, or do not drive. She chose do not drive. I’m not sure that not driving is a big deal in urban areas for this generation. After about 5 years, we were able to put her back on our insurance without a huge cost, and she started driving again.
So, we were protective, both of her and our cars. She would want to go to Berkeley, and I would say passive aggressive things like, “where will you park?” California driving tests do not require parallel parking, which is idiotic. So I would plant doubt in her mind about her own capabilities. I didn’t want to do this, it is more like I couldn’t stop myself. She is a good driver. She has shown us this time and time again when we are in the car with her. So, last Saturday, she went to brunch with a friend, in a drive that took her on some fairly busy freeways with lots of merging and so on. And I wanted to tell her, “be careful”, and I wanted to ask her, “where will you park?”, and I wanted to say, “are you going to drive or take public transportation?” But I did not want to put doubts into her mind about her capabilities. I know that I am part of the reason that she is 28 and living at home (not the only reason, she has her own issues and rent is INSANE here, but some of it is how protective I feel since her eating disorder) I did not say any of it. I thought about what her therapist would have said, which was to give it a try, see how it went. So I did. She went to her brunch, and I catastrophised in my mind about her getting into an accident and wrecking our car, killing herself or lying in the hospital, paralyzed for life. Killing someone else, their family suing us and us losing our house and being homeless. I mean, come on. What the even heck with me and my brain. My last 9 months with Mulder were like this, me stewing in worst case scenarios. My last months with my mom were the same, I was so scared that she was going to die. And she did. I have not always been this way, but I think my mom’s illness and then my daughter’s eating disorder have made me so much more frightened.
So, my FIG is…I did not say anything to her. She went, she had a lovely time, and she came home safely. There were asshole drivers on the road going 40+ mph faster than they should be, weaving in and out of traffic, but she stayed in her lane and no one killed her. Major win.
Marthe
So much beautiful humanness shines through this comment. You rock!
Allison McCaskill
This is one of the most stressful and heartbreaking situations I can imagine, and I think you shouldn’t blame yourself for any remaining anxiety on your part or hers. But what a victory! It’s amazing how sometimes a good result with our kids means saying the right thing, and sometimes it’s refraining from saying anything at all.
Elisabeth
The trickiest part of being a parent is knowing when to stay silent and when to speak. Sometimes a hug accomplishes more than any words could possibly convey.
Nina
Thanks for sharing this, what a great FIG. My sister has an eating disorder and has ongoing mental and physical health issues. Thank you so much for your honesty it has given me a different perspective on my Mum’s behaviour towards my sister. Xx
Elisabeth
I’m sure J will feel honoured to have shared something that provides others with a more nuanced look at the parental experience of helping a child who is battling an eating disorder.
Elisabeth
Oh, J.
First, thank you so much for sharing this – what a powerful and intimate story. And what a tremendously hard decision to not say anything. It can be so difficult to watch children go off into a world that IS dangerous and not want to hover and protect. And I’m sure you do that in so many healthy and necessary ways (we are parents for life!). But also, what an important step for both of you on the healing journey. I’m so glad M was able to go out with friends, have the confidence to drive safely, and arrived home healthy.
It is such a fine line between healthy fear and anxiety – both emotions that we vilify but that do, in the right context – and unhealthy fear and anxiety. Both emotions do play valuable roles in our life. I believe that it is impossible to live through trauma (which watching you child battle an eating disorder, losing a beloved pet, and your mom’s illness) without being impacted and carrying scars that forever change us. We are human, not robots. Those scars become part of our story, and we see them often and remember what they’ve come from. And so while I pray for the fear to go away, I also hope you show yourself tremendous grace for all you’ve experienced in life, and celebrate the difficult situations you have survived while offering loving support to each of those people (M, your mom, Mulder). Hugs, my friend.
Stephany
I love this so much, J! I think my mom and I have a very similar relationship to you and your daughter, and she’s protective of me (and I of her!) for different reasons but it’s all the same. I understand the anxiety SO MUCH, though. I am always so anxious about my mom and something happening to her, especially if she goes on a road trip. Or sometimes even if she goes into Tampa for dinner on a Friday night. I’m just like WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS?! Ugh. Anyway, I feel you!
Katy @Practical Walk
I haven’t been doing my FIGs regularly, we’re traveling and my routine’s out of whack.
But here’s some for today:
-time with friends who get us
– yummy Tortilla soup after a migraine
– comfy bed
– pretty snow. That my kids got to enjoy playing in the snow while we’re up north
Elisabeth
I love your first FIG. There is something so special – magical almost – about spending time with people that are, as I sometimes like to think about it “my people”. People around whom I can feel relaxed and understood. That is such a blessing!
mbmom11
@J
That is a gold star FIG for the ages. Thank you for sharing the backstory.
One quote I think about is ” Despair is a free man; hope is a slave” from TBC. To me it means you need to act for yourself and not sit around waiting for an external force to help. This fall I was in a pit of despair over something about my daughter (and a bunch of other things) and this quote and a very sad country song inspired me to reach out and start advocating for her again. Very sad country song – I am not okay by Jelly Roll .
I think my cats will always be my favorite figs.
It’s so great that you count the photo books are reading – just the thing for a snowy day!
Elisabeth
I will admit a small part of my soul wilts a bit that my kids do not love reading as much as I did at their ages, but I figured not all reading has to include words and I know photobooks spark memories and there were lots of pictures of my reading to the kids so at least they can remember they have a mother that read them many, many words over the years 😉
When you have someone you love with unusual circumstances, the need for constant, long-term advocation can be truly exhausting. I have family members in similar situations. I’m so glad you were inspired to get back to that position (and I know from what you’ve shared that you have made progress!) but, also, I hope you are able to find pockets of rest and reprieve <3
Lisa’s Yarns
I love how many people are participating in this challenge! We all need joy in our lives these days and sometimes it takes a challenge to look for them. The fig of the week for me was definitely sleep. That’s not an exciting fig, but it was essential for me while I was recovering from a sinus infection.
Elisabeth
I can’t think of a better FIG. Sleep is amazing!
Nicole MacPherson
I love all of the FIGs and I love all of the comments and stories. Elisabeth, it finally snowed here last night! I’m excited to go out in it with Rexie. He is so fun in the snow.
Re: the Office scene with Kevin’s chili. I am going to preface this with “I’m sorry, no one wants to hear about your stupid dreams” but several years ago I had, out of NOWHERE, a super romantic dream that had Kevin in it. We weren’t having sex or anything, but I was his girlfriend. And for some reason in my dream we were both wearing muumuus. Normally I never remember dreams but this was so weird it has stuck with me and whenever I hear “Kevin from the Office” I remember the dream where we are holding hands, on a SUNSET CRUISE somewhere off the coast of California, romantically kissing and such. WHAT EVEN, NICOLE. I haven’t watched the Office in literal years, and this dream came out of nowhere. Anyway. Is this my FIG, that I once had a romantic dream about Kevin? Maybe. It’s Valentines Day!
Elisabeth
I can send some snow your way ANYTIME. We have buckets to spare.
Nicole, I may never be able to watch any Kevin scene again without thinking of the two of you on a romantic sunset cruise.
Michelle G.
This month of FIGS is so awesome, Elisabeth. I thoroughly enjoyed this roundup and loved seeing all the FIGS on everyone’s blogs! I’m filling out my worksheet. You had perfect timing for this project. I think we all needed it.
Here’s my favorite fig: I have an end table by my recliner with a lamp attached. It’s a touch lamp, and the last time I touched it, I had a huge shock from static electricity – and the lamp quit working. This thing is 30 years old – and I loved it so much and couldn’t imagine finding another one. But I did! And it’s so much better!! It has a lamp with a remote, 25 levels of brightness, different tones, and even a timer! It has a charging station attached! It’s such a great fig!
Elisabeth
Wow – that new lamp sounds like a veritable magic carpet bag a la Mary Poppins! Sorry about the shock (definitely a fly), but I’m delighted you found something that even better suits your needs! (Also, the timer function sounds genius!)
Birchie
I love the visit to the fig farm!
My figs were the blogger meetups and our family Valentine’s Dinner, which was inspired by us not wanting to go out since it was so cold. Also all of the dog snuggles and snow zoomies.
Elisabeth
Ha! Fig farm. Somehow the image that pops into my head makes me laugh.
I have to admit when it’s this cold and snowy the only thing I want to do is stay INSIDE. It has been so cold, Birchie! So I 10/10 support an at-home Valentine’s Dinner!
Jenny
Yes, your FIG Collective has really taken off- to the point where I just automatically think of good things as “figs” now. I’ve read some of these fig posts, but not all, and I can’t wait to see everyone’s. I love what Engie wrote about the ducks. One of my daily figs is seeing the sunrise and thinking “the sun will rise again tomorrow.” It always does!
Elisabeth
I thought Engie’s “duck essay” was so moving.
I love that quote about the sun. I heard it first on your blog. That was Barack Obama, right?
Ernie
I do find myself seeking out the joy in things, even on the bad days. I’m enjoying everyone’s posts. One FIG I haven’t posted about yet was going out Friday night. I wore my new red jacket and got compliments. A real-time FIG? Ed has been managing two big projects at work (the word is escaping me). His roomie just asked him if he was excited to rejoin society after these things were finally done. Anyway, they both wrapped up on Thursday and he decided to drive home from the city today. Off to spend time with him!
Elisabeth
Awww. So glad Ed has a reprieve and hooray for spending time with him.
You’ll have to post a picture of your bright red jacket!
Diane
“Getting to do life with church friends.” How much do I love this phrase – “getting to do life” indeed.
I spent much of the week under the weather, so I think my biggest FIG is that it was okay to be sick, to take the time to rest.
Also – FJIGs also strikes me as appropriate in that the word “Jigs” is in it and, not to be toxic in my positivity, but Fig = jigs= small dances of joy.
Elisabeth
Diane, it feels impossible to describe how honoured I feel to get to share the joys and sorrows of these people that I truly love. We laugh together and cry together. It is such a gift. We play pranks and send silly memes, and we also text each other when something in our world feels like it’s collapsing. As our pastor likes to say: We’re better together. Amen and amen!
Okay, okay – Allison can win. Fjigs sounds very much like a Maritime ceilidh! Or at least a first cousin to hygge 🙂
NGS
A washer and dryer!! YES!!! We replaced ours a year or so ago and it makes me SO HAPPY when we do laundry. Everything dries SO QUICKLY. Cheers for modern appliances!
Elisabeth
I cannot imagine hand-washing clothes. And then drying them. And boiling the water to wash those clothes. And probably making your own soap. And probably having like 10 people’s clothes to wash because you had all sorts of kids AND those kids didn’t have disposable diapers. I also suspect people washed their clothes A LOT less frequently, but still.
Give me running water, a washing machine, and a fridge please and thank you!
Suzanne
Well, I read #86 and immediately emailed you and THEN read #117 so my email is probably moot. Sigh.
I continue to love this project and all the figgy goodness all over blogland. I love feeling compelled by my inner Elisabeth to find my own instances of gratitude. You have so many excellent figs! A juicy strawberry in February is such a treasure!
Also, Engie’s message: wow. That really got to me.
Elisabeth
Ha – someone else having an inner Elisabeth sounds a bit scary! Not sure the world can survive TWO of me, but I’ll take it as a compliment 🙂
Wasn’t Engie’s photo + quote + reflection jawdroppingly incredible?!
Allison McCaskill
“Lettuce on a stick + Sam the Plow Guy” is a pretty good summary of my last week. I’m honestly finding the FIG posts a little overwhelming right now, in mostly a good way. I am buried in snow, so being buried in everybody’s glimmers is preferable.
Also, CREAM. CHEESE. FROSTING.
I’m in the process of putting together new bedding one piece at a time, and it is so comforting.
Elisabeth
Sorry I have been breaking everyone’s weeks down to two FIG components, but I thought lettuce on a stick was unusual enough it deserved top billing and, well, Sam the Plow Guy sounds like a great new friend in your life!
I am not kidding when I say I think I could eat an entire (large) bowl of cream cheese frosting. That and the topping for apple crisp.
Stephany
It has been such a balm to my soul to open up Feedly every weekend and see everyone’s collection of FIGS. What a beautiful collective you started, Elisabeth!
Elisabeth
<3
Melissa
I’m loving these posts. Thanks for taking the time to put it all together. Our small group has started up again after the summer break and my feelings about that are similar to yours. My favourite FIG this week was having our friends over for breakfast after our race on Sunday.
Elisabeth
I’m so glad you have a similarly wonderful experience with small group. For me, they’re starting to feel like family.
Daria
I love this so much- ALL of it, the post and the comments.
Favorite fig? Finishing my book. Feeling so accomplished!