They’re baaaacccckkk. Time for the first Demerits and Gold Stars post of 2025.
First up, demerits. And this time I’m trying something different. After I list a demerit, I’m going to think through how I might solve said issue.
DEMERITS
SLEEP
- Staying up too late – either to unwind by scrolling, watching entertaining but unnecessary (obviously) TV, or getting too engrossed in a book to put it down. I know better. I. KNOW. BETTER.
- Some of my sleep issues started when we had a house full of company. I need time for my brain to chill out after being socially engaged. Even if I’m bone-tired it’s like my mind refuses to give into sleep signals without at least an hour of quiet time.
- Some of my sleep issues are because I’m stubborn and don’t want to go to bed.
- Some of my sleep issues are because my kids are now older and have activities that run much later in the evening.
Overall my sleep isn’t that bad, but I know it could be better. My bedtime has a 1-2 hour range, my sleep duration can vary quite significantly, and I often end up in bed reading for at least an hour which isn’t great. Bed should be for sleep and a few other recreational activities.
SOLUTIONS | Set a bedtime and stick to it? How? Not sure. Maybe don’t stress about it and just let the chips fall where they may, knowing I have some really good rest habits under my belt? I think one simple solution is to only allow myself to read non-fiction before bed. It’s much easier to put down.
SKIING
I have been too cold and too lazy to go skiing. It’s okay. I think we’ll go enough to break even on our season’s passes, but maybe I shouldn’t get season’s passes next year? Though then I think I’d never go because I would feel like every time I stayed home I was saving money.
One of the big demerits in here is not getting a second set of used skis for Belle. The kids fit into the same size of boots and skis and while I waited to find a second set, they’ve been sharing. Which means I can’t take both kids to the hill simultaneously. Which…makes me less likely to go to the hill since I need to sort out what the other kiddo will be doing.
It’s good exercise, we’ve already invested the money in the passes and used equipment; I need to go more.
SOLUTIONS | I could buy Belle a pair of skis (I already have the boots/poles/helmet we just need one more pair of skis). But, the more I think about it, I could go back to using my old skis for now (they’re fine, just a bit longer than I’d like), give her my new-to-me skis (easy to adjust and she already has boots that fit), and then we’d all have skis. Why didn’t I think of this before?
I also need to think through what days work best to take the kids to the hill and schedule it in. It is always going to require effort to go – I need to just accept that and plan it/do it. It’s hard, though, with kids having various extracurriculars at different times and in different directions.
Finally, I need to involve other people. A friend asked me on Sunday if I’d go skiing with her at some point this week. Once someone else is involved, I’m far more likely to follow through.
NOT SEEING MY PARENTS MORE
I saw my parents a lot in December, but in January – at least after my sister went home – those visits got more sparse. Admittedly, we went to a volleyball game, my dad went with John and Indy to a basketball game, and they came to watch Indy play basketball three times. Belle has gone down for a sleepover and a few afternoons to bake or watch a movie with them. So I’m still seeing them plenty. But I almost never stop in for a coffee.
Part of this is my dad’s outrageously full school schedule. He’s overloading! Since he’s auditing he doesn’t actually write tests or assignments, but he has multiple days where he packs a lunch and stays on campus for the day. Like a nineteen year old…except he’s well into his seventies!
SOLUTION | I’ve started having a standing invite for Monday night supper at our place. Belle has drama and they can leave after supper and drop her off. I’m also making an effort to do other things more spontaneously; last weekend I took Dad with me while I was grocery shopping, and invited them in for supper on Saturday evening.
GOLD STARS
CHRISTMAS
This was a really special, family-filled Christmas. Probably my favourite Christmas as an adult. It took a lot of planning (gold stars!), but also took me sitting down and letting myself relax (also gold stars!) to create a cheerful atmosphere. It took hosting six family members. It took logistics and making food and lots of wrapping. But it also took being willing to sit around the table by candle and talk after supper every night.
THE GYM
John and I have been going to the gym for a little over a month and it has been great. Turns out I really enjoy strength training, it’s a great point of connection in our day (we go over lunch time), and I can feel myself growing in strength and energy. It’s a 10ish minute commute which could feel like a barrier but we’ve just decided to not let it be a barrier. On days we can’t/don’t want to go, I tend to embrace rest but I’ve also done some workout videos at home in the basement which is much more open because…
TREADMILL
Getting rid of the treadmill has been such a great decision. We rarely used it and it took up so much space. Having a wide open area to lay down my yoga mat, set out some hand weights, and exercise in peace has been incredible!
SKIING
I know I listed this as a demerit, but I’m also going to give myself a gold star for making it to the hill once with Indy and Belle (on different days; so I’ve been twice). It takes work and effort and it’s cold. But both times I had a lot of fun.
BELLE COOKING
I’m trying to have her prepare at least one meal each week. So far it has exclusively been pizza (but with her making from-scratch yeasted dough!) and boxed Mac n’ Cheese (she makes incredible boxed KD). It is so, so, so, so nice to have her cooking.
VACUUMING
Our new vacuum has made keeping the floors clean easier than ever. I run Eufy a few times a week in various rooms, but mostly do daily touchups with the upright vacuum. It’s fun, I get credit for housework on my Oura ring, and the floors aren’t quite so atrocious.
Your turn.
- What gold stars or demerits top your list from the last few months?
- How do you stick to a consistent bedtime and prioritize sleep?
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Nicole MacPherson
Your Oura ring gives credit for housework? Why does my Garmin not have that feature! *side eyes Garmin*
It’s really cool your dad is auditing so many classes! It’s inspirational – we can keep learning all our lives!
Elisabeth
It does! I love that. It shows how long I’ve done housework tasks (and prompts me to confirm) and shows me my heartrate and everything. Deep cleaning a bathroom burns calories!
Jenny
Well, I like how you used this is a little brainstorming session for demerit fixes. I’m also trying to make better sleep a priority, and like you, I’ve been examining the reasons I don’t sleep enough. I do read in bed, and it’s always fiction so yes- there are nights where I stay up too late because I didn’t want to put my book down.
I think skiing should just be one huge gold star for you. Just the fact that you’re going at all is amazing. And- the gym! You’re inspiring me to get myself back to the gym this month.
Elisabeth
Jenny, I wrote this post and then guess what I did.
No, really. GUESS WHAT I DID.
I stayed up way too late last night finishing a fiction book. I’m hopeless…
Suzanne
Ha – you and I share the SAME demerits, Elisabeth! I have trouble sleeping as it is, but I have been terrible about going to bed on time and THAT is something I can control. I also have been skiing ONE TIME this year, even though we’ve had decent snow. What is wrong with me?! I love skiing! (I allow the hassle of getting all the gear and clothing together and needing to drive to the ski hill to get in the way, that’s what’s wrong with me.) And I have somehow really lapsed in seeing my parents as regularly as I can and want to! Fortunately, I have two “dates” set with them in the next week.
My other demerit is that I have been AWFUL about making phone calls and appointments. Just awful. I am willfully ignoring them at this point, which seems extra dumb.
Let’s see. Gold stars have to go to writing (and to my three writing partners!) and to exercising. While I haven’t been walking outside as much as I promised myself I would, I have still been exercising most days, which is such a benefit to my physical and mental well being.
Elisabeth
Skiing really is such a hassle. I think people that go on a ski vacation do it right. The hotels and lodges are set up for such a thing, you don’t have to commute and find parking, etc. I don’t think I like skiing enough to invest in that sort of thing, but it IS appealing. Getting all my gear on/off, out of the house, into the car, back into the car, then back into the house. It’s a lot!
I hate making phone calls. Just yesterday I avoided a call that would have likely solved an issue immediately and opted to send an e-mail request instead (which has not received a response). Why do I hate talking to people on the phone so much?
Yay for your writing group – I’m sure you’re all better together. And yay for exercising. It can also feel like a lot of work to get dressed and organized but, like the skiing, it always feels worth it when I’m done.
Central Calif. Artist Jana
I see Gretchen Rubin’s influence here with the topic of demerits and gold stars. Her podcast is one of the first I ever discovered, after reading her first book, the Happiness Project.
Your sleep description read like you copied and pasted from my life. If I knew how to sleep longer, more solidly, more quickly after going to bed, I’d do it! So, I just accept the fact that some nights are going to be lacking, and I’ll cope the best I am able the next day, telling myself that if my body needs more sleep, it will allow me to sleep better the next night.
Didn’t FG Kristen learn to cook as a teen by cooking dinners for her family? This is a great approach. My Mom was queen of her kitchen, so I didn’t learn to cook until I had an apartment in college, leaning heavily on a cookbook called “The Apartment Vegetarian”, which I still consult from time to time. (Gave up on the vegetarian idea decades ago.)
Elisabeth
Yes! Somewhere along the way I stopped mentioning that the Demerits and Gold stars came from Gretchen and Elizabeth but YES, it is 100% their idea. What a helpful practice it has been in my own life. The Happiness Project is one of my all-time favorite non-fiction books.
My daughter is home with a cold today and just now headed upstairs to make her own lunch!
mbmom11
Demerit for me – keeping up on housework and laundry. (Laundry us easy to ignore.) I need to make sure I write a list each day and carry the tasks out.
Silver star for me- I’m usually sleeping better now, as I’m giving up and going to bed by 8:30 most nights. So even if I have some hours up in the night, I have a total of 6-7 hours instead of 5.
Elisabeth
Silver stars. Ohhh. I never thought of those. Gold star for suggesting a sliding scale for my star rankings 😉
I feel like the kids snow gear is reproducing each night and scattering itself everywhere. It is borderline making me feel like I am going out of my mind. THERE ARE MITTENS EVERYWHERE!!!!
Michelle G.
First of all, your dad is amazing!! Attending classes without the pressure of taking exams must be so much fun! I remember at university an older man was auditing my geology class, and I was so glad he was there because he asked all the questions that I was too afraid to ask – so I’m sure it helped all the students.
You’ve mentioned that vacuum twice, and you say it makes vacuuming fun, so I may need to get one!
Elisabeth
I have really enjoyed being able to vacuum without any cord! Life-changing.
My dad took one career path but always loved history. He’s such a natural for it as he’s a sponge for dates and facts and just loves that sort of information. And yes, he is often the person the professor calls on to answer questions (and he asks lots, too). The professors seem to adore him!
Katie
My gold star would definitely be attending the physical therapy sessions I had through insurance and staying on top of my home exercises. My core was so weak from pregnancy and my 6 month old just hit 21 pounds… so I have a lot of physical demands right now and the exercises and stretches she showed me are helping so much!
So, my husband really wants to get a rowing machine.. I’m equal parts skeptical and excited. Your story about the treadmill makes me nervous, lol- I feel like you so often hear about gym equipment not really getting used at home!
Elisabeth
I think there isn’t enough attention given to how intense and exhausting it is physically to have young kiddos around the house!
I would invest in free weights for home, but no equipment. But that’s just me. I get bored using the same machine and they take up SO MUCH SPACE.
Allison McCaskill
My sleep routine is the very opposite of consistent. I have seriously considered adopting a sleep hygiene routine and then abandoned the idea. Reading in bed is one of the great joys of my life, and I am resigned to being a dirty sleeper. I sleep five hours one night and ten the next. I had undiagnosed sleep apnea probably from when I hit puberty according to my sleep doc, and sleep was always such a fraught thing that I think it’s impossible to reset to normal now. It works okay – there have been a lot of nights when it’s been extremely useful for my daughter to be able to text me in the middle of the night and have me awake already. I can get up early if I have to. But I am very much not the model for sleep stability.
Elisabeth
I know – what a hard balance. It is SUCH A JOY to stay up late and read a good book. But then I have to get up and help the kids off to school and start work. Sometimes it’s worth the sacrifice to just stay up and miss out on sleep, but I’m not someone who functions well on little sleep so I have to be careful not to let myself give in to the satisfaction too often.
I’m so sorry you’ve struggled with sleep for so long. It reminds me of my mom. Until she had my oldest sister she was a great sleeper. And after that, horrible. She has struggled with insomnia for 50 years. I’m pretty fortunate. Aside from periodic issues (seasonal?), I tend to find it fairly easy to fall asleep (and stay asleep). My issue is staying up too late 😐
NGS
Because my wake up time is nonnegotiable during the week, my bedtime is pretty strict. I like to be in bed by 10 and lights out by 10:30 and woe to everyone who comes into contact with me if something disrupts this routine.
Gold star: I was sitting all morning, so I took my yoga mat during my lunch break and did some stretches.
Demerit: I sit so much at work. I should work on being better about getting up every hour.
Elisabeth
You are like…the best…at staying on top of yoga and moving. Okay, I bet Nicole is at your level but I am just amazed at how well you stick to the routine! Gold stars indeed.
Joy
You deserve that gold star for the gym! I’m lucky to get there once a week on the weekend.
Gold star: I took a walk outside while the weather was nice yesterday
Demerit: I read way too late the other night and was grumpy/sleepy the next day. I did choose nonfiction instead last night and found it much easier to turn off the light.
Elisabeth
Walks outside are such a happy thing; gold star!
Well, you know I have the same sleep demerit. And I’ve started a good book today and must (MUST) not let myself give into temptation. Boring non-fiction only for me tonight.
Melissa
I share your sleep demerit, but I really need to get on top of it. So I’m afraid I don’t have any solutions to offer. For me, I think I just need to make it happen.
Elisabeth
Argh. I have a book sitting at my feet I really want to read, but I know if I dive back in I won’t have the self-control to stop. So boring non-fiction needs to be my choice tonight. I can do hard things, right?
coco
sleep…. has been so challenging to me due to jet lag. I’m trying not to be bothered by it although it’s hard when waking up at 1 or 2am. but I know it will be over sooner or later.
it’s great to go to the gym with your husband, bonding time while doing something good for your body.
Elisabeth
Being away for so long will really have compounded the jet lag. It’s such a nuisance that comes with travelling, and especially since you have so many things to occupy your mind with the big move coming up. Thinking of you!
J
My BFF has your problem, tries to go to bed and reads for hours and hours. Not me. I go to bed and read a couple of pages at best before losing the whole thread (which is why my physical book reading is so slow) before I go to sleep. My sleep problem is more waking up at 3am and not being able to go back to sleep. Sigh. I used to sleep so well.
Elisabeth
My husband is like you with a book – read a few pages and it basically instantly puts him to sleep (he’s the same with movies/shows, if he’s tired). I cannot fall asleep during movies or shows even if I’m exhausted because I hate the thought of missing something.
The trick is really to make sure I’m reading non-fiction. I did much better last night. My light was out before 10 pm (probably because it WASN’T out at 10 pm the night before I was exhausted…)
Lisa’s Yarns
My bedtime has creeped later as well because I’ve had a hard time putting books down. I’m considering setting a bedtime alarm on my Apple Watch. The challenge is that I’m often charging my watch while I’m reading so I might not be wearing it when the alarm would go off. So maybe I need to find a different time to charge my watch so I am able to use a bedtime alarm.
I feel like I’ve earned a gold star for getting through the first three weeks of recovering from hand surgery. I still have a good six weeks ahead of me though so I’m in the early innings. But it’s kind of a double edged sword because I’ve also been really impatient and frustrated by the whole healing process, especially how much I’m having to ask for help. So that’s kind of a demerit. Nearly every time I’ve asked for help people have been very willing. So I need to remind myself that people genuinely want to and like to be helpful.
Elisabeth
I’ve had bedtime alarms before but I’m too much of a rebel (maybe? or just plain old stubborn) and I ignore them. I know. The shame…
You definitely deserve a whole sheet of gold stars for enduring everything you’ve had to go through these last few weeks (and years). You have every right to be frustrated and that simply can’t be a demerit. I won’t allow it! Gold stars only for you <3
Ernie
I often say I’m going to be in a minute, and then an hour or more later, I head to bed. It’s so tempting to get more things done. It’s quiet. No one needs me. I can write or finish a few things on my list. I’ve also gotten sucked into watching a movie with Curly a few times. She was watching Sixteen Candles – I had to watch it with her. Then I suggested Pretty in Pink, and bam – two nights of fun movie time with her – honestly, worth it. My sleep cycles aren’t terrible, but I wish I would go to bed earlier to give me more time to wake up and workout.
I’m gonna give myself a gold star for digging in and tackling areas of the house that need attention. I’m trying to tackle small piles/areas of clutter each day. I’m making progress. And, I’ve enlisted Coach’s help with a basement storage room cleanout. He gets very busy, but I shared with him that I really needed to tackle some thing in order to have peace and feel more relaxed and he carved out some time to pitch in.
Elisabeth
I think that’s my own reason for staying up. And I have to stay up later and later because the kids are older and are up later and later. It’s very hard to have the house “to myself” at night, but I crave that for both puttering with house chores AND for relaxing with a book when I know I won’t be interrupted.
I’m sure when you and Curly look back, those movies will be cherished memories and will stay in your mind for far longer than whatever chore was on your to-do list. But it can be hard to balance things needing to get done and wanting to relax and just enjoy the “simple” things in life.
Sarah
I have auditors in my classes, and I love it!
Stephany
Ah, your dad is living my dream! I want to be an auditor when I’m retired. Haha. It sounds like such a fun way to learn!
I don’t really stay up late reading but I do sometimes stay up late doing other things and suddenly it’s 11pm and I’m still up. Argh! I like the idea of a bedtime alarm from Lisa!
Gold star for doing what I can to reduce my sugar intake – no more soda in the house and I’m finding Starbucks drinks that have less sugar. I’m trying my best!
Demerit for only going to the gym once this week! Gah.
Elisabeth
He really is living his best life!
That is amazing that you’re off soda. I know it can be very addictive, so I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision. Gold stars!
San
When I was sick at the beginning of January, I got a lot of sleep. I let myself sleep a lot. But then, when I got better bedtime was pushed back later and later again… I’ve done a lot of scrolling too lately (mostly news updates and I know it’s not helping and I have tried to limit my consumption but I am just so stressed right now).
How long will your parents be staying close by? I can see how it becomes “normal” after a while to have them around and then you visit less, but you should definitely take advantage as long as they’re around!
Elisabeth
My parents rent in my town from the end of November to the first of April. I can’t believe they only have 1.5 months left.
I do want to make more of an effort to just “stop by”. It’s my mom’s birthday next week, so we’ll have a little celebration at our house for that which will be special.
Suz
Look at you, the cute Snow Bunny!!
I wish I could keep up with the gold stars and demerits in my life as I enjoyed reading yours.
I’m usually pretty good about going to bed at a reasonable time, but there are days where I’m engrossed in a show or book that makes me push back and I ALSO KNOW BETTER. 🤣
Elisabeth
It’s such a delicate balance. There is something wonderful about being an adult and having the autonomy to stay up as late as we choose. There is also living with those consequences. Sometimes it’s worth it…and sometimes it’s not.